Depression

[stripeyfox]

On 03/02/2017 at 16:05, Maboimahrez said:

Thought I was having a pretty positive week. Had an interview on weds which I thought went really well. Found out just now I got rejected. Its frustrating more than anything, especially putting so much effort into something, believing you did well, believing that this may finally be some good news and still not getting it. Really hurts

Interview rejection is always tough, even not accounting for any "depression" issues.

 

As Izzy says, you can only control the controlables and in an interview situation there are a large amount of things out of your control. The skill and prejudices of interviewer, and who you are "up against". I once went to an interview where I was there for three hours, met the managers and the people who would be "my team" and it all went swimmingly. Left the place thinking "I've nailed it" and then had to chase the guy up for a couple of weeks before he informed me that they'd seen a "perfect candidate" the next day (after me pressing him for an answer). It is very likely I think that if that person had not applied for the same job at that time, then it would have been mine. It sucks, but what can you do. I did my best but on the day the dice didn't roll in my favour.

 

 

[CKB]

On 03/02/2017 at 16:05, Maboimahrez said:

Thought I was having a pretty positive week. Had an interview on weds which I thought went really well. Found out just now I got rejected. Its frustrating more than anything, especially putting so much effort into something, believing you did well, believing that this may finally be some good news and still not getting it. Really hurts

Well that's rubbish!

 

I hate not being in control of something and I hate it even more when you know you have done a good job and still don't get the results you deserve 

 

This unfortunately is life though, but it's still shit! Keep at it mate and your time will come soon I'm sure 

[Crinklyfox]

5 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Been very low the last week or so. Could barely get out of bed this morning - I'm not working much at the minute so there didn't seem like much point. Got dragged out for a walk around the Watermead though so felt a bit better. Then my sister tells me that her new fella can possibly get me a job at a factory; I've been trying to get into video editing for absolutely ages with no avail and with the bank account being eviscerated it's looking bleak, but I'm very wary of taking yet another job that I hate and getting trapped there again. Getting too old for this shit. So not sure what to do. The insomnia's back again so half the time I'm wide awake till 6am then utterly knackered the next day but unable to sleep. I had high hopes for 2017 but the first month is already gone and it's still very bleak. Can't seem to break this bad spell at the minute.

 

City's current predicament isn't helping things either!

 

Insomnia can seriously mess up your life, a GP should be able to prescribe you some Zopiclone which should sort it.  Without sleep you won't be able to function properly. When I was first diagnosed with depression it was as a result of me going to a GP because of insomnia problems.

 

Insomnia can be a by-product of depression, curing the insomnia won't cure the depression but should make it easier for you to get by.  

 

When you're depressed it's hard to do anything, every little action seems like it takes a mountain of effort to achieve.  Work can be a grind but at least it gets you into a routine and can be useful in breaking the depressive cycle.  When I wasn't working I found it useful to give myself a routine, even a little thing like taking some exercise every day helped (exercise can make you feel better anyway and it's free).

 

Some jobs can be a pain but you never know, you might find yourself in a new job with some great people who make the day much better than staying at home.  You'll never know unless you give it a chance.  If it doesn't work out you can always walk away or stick it out until you find something better.  I think it's easier to find work if you're already in work than if you aren't.

[Izzy]

6 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Been very low the last week or so. Could barely get out of bed this morning - I'm not working much at the minute so there didn't seem like much point. Got dragged out for a walk around the Watermead though so felt a bit better. Then my sister tells me that her new fella can possibly get me a job at a factory; I've been trying to get into video editing for absolutely ages with no avail and with the bank account being eviscerated it's looking bleak, but I'm very wary of taking yet another job that I hate and getting trapped there again. Getting too old for this shit. So not sure what to do. The insomnia's back again so half the time I'm wide awake till 6am then utterly knackered the next day but unable to sleep. I had high hopes for 2017 but the first month is already gone and it's still very bleak. Can't seem to break this bad spell at the minute.

 

City's current predicament isn't helping things either!

 

 

4 hours ago, CKB said:

Mate you gotta do the best for yaself in terms of the job predicament you are in! Money issues or not you can't get trapped into something you feel will make you worse, i understand tho about money problems so it is a double edged sword and a crap predicament to be in

 

I'm currently going through a crap time aswell, more or less slept the past few days away which makes you feel even worse and now I'm wide awake! So all I've been doing is sleeping, eating at stupid times (when I've got an appetite as depression can completely kill my appetite) and watching tv/playing PS4 (if depression hasn't killed interest, if it has I don't do much at all)

 

It's not good especially when you have a missus, a son and life stuff to do, but you grind to a halt. Ahhhhh the joys of a fvcked up brain

 

I was generally having a decent'ish month but I guess it was time for them "mind demons" to fvck shit up again

 

55 minutes ago, Crinklyfox said:

Insomnia can seriously mess up your life, a GP should be able to prescribe you some Zopiclone which should sort it.  Without sleep you won't be able to function properly. When I was first diagnosed with depression it was as a result of me going to a GP because of insomnia problems.

 

Insomnia can be a by-product of depression, curing the insomnia won't cure the depression but should make it easier for you to get by.  

 

When you're depressed it's hard to do anything, every little action seems like it takes a mountain of effort to achieve.  Work can be a grind but at least it gets you into a routine and can be useful in breaking the depressive cycle.  When I wasn't working I found it useful to give myself a routine, even a little thing like taking some exercise every day helped (exercise can make you feel better anyway and it's free).

 

Some jobs can be a pain but you never know, you might find yourself in a new job with some great people who make the day much better than staying at home.  You'll never know unless you give it a chance.  If it doesn't work out you can always walk away or stick it out until you find something better.  I think it's easier to find work if you're already in work than if you aren't.

I haven't slept through the night properly (i.e. more than 5 hours solid) since 2003. After having had my colon removed, I'm up between 2-5 times a night on average needing the loo. My sleep pattern is permanently broken, and I miss the times where I could get a good 8 hours kip with no problems.

 

One of the reasons I work for myself and from home is that I need regular 'cat naps' in the day to catch up, otherwise I'm grumpy, irritable and can't function properly. I've learnt over the years how important sleep is and how much it can drastically alter my mood if I don't get enough of it. 

 

And I also find myself with a number of 'reasons' to slip back into depression right now. I lost my two main clients at the start of the year so the money 'worry' is at the back of my mind again. Also, I've recently been diagnosed with Crohn's disease and put on strong steroids. From next week I'll also have to inject myself every week and my immune system will be fvcked as a result. I also hate this time of year with a passion and my vitamin D levels are low due to the lack of sunlight. 

 

I find myself almost observing my life in the 'third person' sometimes, and passing comment on my current predicament. When my mood is low and I'm tired, I know this is absolutely not the time to trust my thinking or make key decisions. What I learnt many years ago is to surrender to a higher power than me, and just to trust the process of life and have faith that things will work themselves out. I know this is a rough patch for me right now, but I also know I've been here before and come out of the other end. Maybe it's a bit like the football analogy 'form is temporary but class is permanent'. My form is poor at the moment and my confidence low, but deep down I know how awesome I can be and I know these times will return soon.

 

Spring will soon be here and the phone will start ringing again, and then all will be well again. In the mean time, I'll keep taking each day at a time and 'show up' the best I can. Life is a series of up's and down's and this just happens to be one of the down times - and I recognise that. 

 

And on that note, I'm off for a kip 

 

 

 

[Finnegan]

24 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

 

I haven't slept through the night properly (i.e. more than 5 hours solid) since 2003. After having had my colon removed, I'm up between 2-5 times a night on average needing the loo. My sleep pattern is permanently broken, and I miss the times where I could get a good 8 hours kip with no problems.

 

Also, I've recently been diagnosed with Crohn's disease and put on strong steroids. From next week I'll also have to inject myself every week and my immune system will be fvcked as a result. I also hate this time of year with a passion and my vitamin D levels are low due to the lack of sunlight. 

 

 

**** me, I need to stop moaning about losing the odd night's sleep to GERD.

[Crinklyfox]

34 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

 

I haven't slept through the night properly (i.e. more than 5 hours solid) since 2003. After having had my colon removed, I'm up between 2-5 times a night on average needing the loo. My sleep pattern is permanently broken, and I miss the times where I could get a good 8 hours kip with no problems.

 

One of the reasons I work for myself and from home is that I need regular 'cat naps' in the day to catch up, otherwise I'm grumpy, irritable and can't function properly. I've learnt over the years how important sleep is and how much it can drastically alter my mood if I don't get enough of it. 

 

And I also find myself with a number of 'reasons' to slip back into depression right now. I lost my two main clients at the start of the year so the money 'worry' is at the back of my mind again. Also, I've recently been diagnosed with Crohn's disease and put on strong steroids. From next week I'll also have to inject myself every week and my immune system will be fvcked as a result. I also hate this time of year with a passion and my vitamin D levels are low due to the lack of sunlight. 

 

I find myself almost observing my life in the 'third person' sometimes, and passing comment on my current predicament. When my mood is low and I'm tired, I know this is absolutely not the time to trust my thinking or make key decisions. What I learnt many years ago is to surrender to a higher power than me, and just to trust the process of life and have faith that things will work themselves out. I know this is a rough patch for me right now, but I also know I've been here before and come out of the other end. Maybe it's a bit like the football analogy 'form is temporary but class is permanent'. My form is poor at the moment and my confidence low, but deep down I know how awesome I can be and I know these times will return soon.

 

Spring will soon be here and the phone will start ringing again, and then all will be well again. In the mean time, I'll keep taking each day at a time and 'show up' the best I can. Life is a series of up's and down's and this just happens to be one of the down times - and I recognise that. 

 

And on that note, I'm off for a kip 

 

 

 

I can relate to the broken sleep situation, I wake up three or four times in the night as well but have learned to fall asleep pretty quickly after returning to bed, sometimes it doesn't work though and I'm awake for a couple of hours in the middle of the night.   Not ideal but I have to accept is as part of the ageing process and the odd health issue.

 

Feeling bad because things aren't going well is natural and you have more reason than most to feel that way but you've read the signs and have steeled yourself against depression by the looks of things.  

 

Your health may have declined and you may be experiencing work problems but Izzy, you're the star of this thread.  You've been there when others suffering depression have needed support and reached out to them.  Please stay strong.  It may be winter now but spring is coming.

[stripeyfox]

57 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

 

I haven't slept through the night properly (i.e. more than 5 hours solid) since 2003. After having had my colon removed, I'm up between 2-5 times a night on average needing the loo. My sleep pattern is permanently broken, and I miss the times where I could get a good 8 hours kip with no problems.

 

One of the reasons I work for myself and from home is that I need regular 'cat naps' in the day to catch up, otherwise I'm grumpy, irritable and can't function properly. I've learnt over the years how important sleep is and how much it can drastically alter my mood if I don't get enough of it. 

 

And I also find myself with a number of 'reasons' to slip back into depression right now. I lost my two main clients at the start of the year so the money 'worry' is at the back of my mind again. Also, I've recently been diagnosed with Crohn's disease and put on strong steroids. From next week I'll also have to inject myself every week and my immune system will be fvcked as a result. I also hate this time of year with a passion and my vitamin D levels are low due to the lack of sunlight. 

 

I find myself almost observing my life in the 'third person' sometimes, and passing comment on my current predicament. When my mood is low and I'm tired, I know this is absolutely not the time to trust my thinking or make key decisions. What I learnt many years ago is to surrender to a higher power than me, and just to trust the process of life and have faith that things will work themselves out. I know this is a rough patch for me right now, but I also know I've been here before and come out of the other end. Maybe it's a bit like the football analogy 'form is temporary but class is permanent'. My form is poor at the moment and my confidence low, but deep down I know how awesome I can be and I know these times will return soon.

 

Spring will soon be here and the phone will start ringing again, and then all will be well again. In the mean time, I'll keep taking each day at a time and 'show up' the best I can. Life is a series of up's and down's and this just happens to be one of the down times - and I recognise that. 

 

And on that note, I'm off for a kip 

 

 

 

Enjoy your snooze mate. You are an absolute diamond. You write with clarity and in a way that we can relate to.

 

I think you've already helped many people on this thread (including some who have probably not yet posted anything) and I hope that brings you a little bit of pleasure because it certainly should do.

 

 

 

 

[BenTheFox]

Glad to see there's a thread for this. I've mental issues for as long as I can remember. I used to have a tick that would look like an epileptic fit when in full flow. I've had instances where have to leave jobs because of my lack of mental wellbeing. You have times where life has no point but just ensure to cherish the times when life is a bit smoother. Some times I can come across quite happy and cheerful, but a lot of the times it's a disguise of a person that feels a lot of pain. Stay strong folks! 

[Wymsey]

6 minutes ago, BenTheFox said:

Glad to see there's a thread for this. I've mental issues for as long as I can remember. I used to have a tick that would look like an epileptic fit when in full flow. I've had instances where have to leave jobs because of my lack of mental wellbeing. You have times where life has no point but just ensure to cherish the times when life is a bit smoother. Some times I can come across quite happy and cheerful, but a lot of the times it's a disguise of a person that feels a lot of pain. Stay strong folks! 

Can see where you're coming from, ''Always look on the bright side'' was a thought that came through my mind reading this and perhaps the right mindset to pursue when things go pear-shaped.

 

There's no need for anyone to fear about hiding your wellbeing concerns at work, mental health concerns and communication to discuss these and try to solve them with employers are becoming more and more recognised/thought of by employers. 

[fleshdaddy]

Just this morning I’ve booked an introductory counselling session for this Friday. I must admit, I'm pretty scared. I've always had lows, but over the last few months I don't think I've ever felt as consistently low as I have done. Normally I'm down for a day or two, before 'snapping out of it'.
 

I’m guessing most, if not everyone here, has gone through an initial phase of denial? I’m struggling to accept that I might actually be depressed. Maybe I’ve just been naive, or perhaps (sub)consciously I’ve avoided thinking about it, but I’ve never really analysed how I’ve been feeling that much, which is probably why it’s never dawned on me that the feelings I’ve been experiencing for so long might not actually be ‘normal’. It's tough to describe, but I'm sure some of you understand.
 

Good luck everyone, and it's great to see a thread dedicated to this.

Edited 7 February 2017 by fleshdaddy

[Finnegan]

45 minutes ago, fleshdaddy said:

Just this morning I’ve booked an introductory counselling session for this Friday. I must admit, I'm pretty scared. I've always had lows, but over the last few months I don't think I've ever felt as consistently low as I have done. Normally I'm down for a day or two, before 'snapping out of it'.
 

I’m guessing most, if not everyone here, has gone through an initial phase of denial? I’m struggling to accept that I might actually be depressed. Maybe I’ve just been naive, or perhaps (sub)consciously I’ve avoided thinking about it, but I’ve never really analysed how I’ve been feeling that much, which is probably why it’s never dawned on me that the feelings I’ve been experiencing for so long might not actually be ‘normal’. It's tough to describe, but I'm sure some of you understand.
 

Good luck everyone, and it's great to see a thread dedicated to this.

 

I found myself doubting that I was PROPERLY depressed for a long time, not helped by a Man's Man GP once telling me (at 22, at probably the lowest point in my life, when I was genuinely suicidal - not that he knew the last part, I concede) that I wasn't depressed, I had teenage angst. I shit you not.

 

Things have changed, fortunately.

 

But I did always play it down to myself, I was worried that The Experts would conclude I was just a wimp or an attention seeker. I wasn't ashamed of being mentally ill, I was ashamed that I actually might not be.

 

Finally having a doctor and subsequent counsellors acknowledge my depression was a big moment for me. It was someone saying "don't worry, people aren't SUPPOSED" to feel like that and subsequently "this CAN be fixed." It might sound topsy turvy but it's how I came to peace with it.

 

Starting therapy was ****ing terrifying and one of the hardest things I've ever done, not going to lie. But it was also rewarding. Actually announcing out loud some of the shit that was in my head to someone for whom it was common and normal was refreshing.

 

There were times I froze up and was silent but a good therapist will use the awkward in that silence to spur you on, to talk to fill it. Even if you don't think you'll be able to express yourself now, I promise if you find the right counsellor you will.

 

Good luck for your first sessions and keep this thread posted if it helps.

 

 

Edited 7 February 2017 by Finnegan

[Izzy]

12 hours ago, Crinklyfox said:

I can relate to the broken sleep situation, I wake up three or four times in the night as well but have learned to fall asleep pretty quickly after returning to bed, sometimes it doesn't work though and I'm awake for a couple of hours in the middle of the night.   Not ideal but I have to accept is as part of the ageing process and the odd health issue.

 

Feeling bad because things aren't going well is natural and you have more reason than most to feel that way but you've read the signs and have steeled yourself against depression by the looks of things.  

 

Your health may have declined and you may be experiencing work problems but Izzy, you're the star of this thread.  You've been there when others suffering depression have needed support and reached out to them.  Please stay strong.  It may be winter now but spring is coming.

 

11 hours ago, stripeyfox said:

Enjoy your snooze mate. You are an absolute diamond. You write with clarity and in a way that we can relate to.

 

I think you've already helped many people on this thread (including some who have probably not yet posted anything) and I hope that brings you a little bit of pleasure because it certainly should do.

 

Bless you chaps. I'm tired and emotional but not too proud to say I shed a little tear reading those comments 

Edited 7 February 2017 by Izzy Muzzett

[Izzy]

8 hours ago, fleshdaddy said:

Just this morning I’ve booked an introductory counselling session for this Friday. I must admit, I'm pretty scared. I've always had lows, but over the last few months I don't think I've ever felt as consistently low as I have done. Normally I'm down for a day or two, before 'snapping out of it'.
 

I’m guessing most, if not everyone here, has gone through an initial phase of denial? I’m struggling to accept that I might actually be depressed. Maybe I’ve just been naive, or perhaps (sub)consciously I’ve avoided thinking about it, but I’ve never really analysed how I’ve been feeling that much, which is probably why it’s never dawned on me that the feelings I’ve been experiencing for so long might not actually be ‘normal’. It's tough to describe, but I'm sure some of you understand.
 

Good luck everyone, and it's great to see a thread dedicated to this.

Totally understand what you mean mate.

 

You've taken a brave step in booking onto counselling and Finnegan has described my experience almost word for word. 

 

Denial is the first stage of the grieving process and depression can feel a lot like that to many. But the next stage is 'acceptance' and that is when we can start looking forward and taking positive action.

 

I remember my first session and my counselor asked me a series of questions from a questionnaire. Before she'd got to the end I was in floods of tears and she summarised by saying "Yep, you're depressed alright!"

 

It was almost a relief to hear it played back to me and a huge weight off my shoulders. The following sessions I had were fantastic and I benefited massively from taking through my feelings with a complete stranger. I'd bottled so much up over a long period of time and it was wonderful just to 'let it all out' at last.

 

I wish you well and please let us know how it goes 

 

[tom27111]

Had a bit of a relapse this week, things getting on top of me...finding a place to live, feeling guilty for being at my mates, transferring my job.

 

Feel really down, but going to see the GP on Thursday. 

 

I know I'll be ok, but it's tough.

 

Everyone else struggling, listen to the advice and get help.

 

We'll get through it.

[CKB]

13 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

 

I haven't slept through the night properly (i.e. more than 5 hours solid) since 2003. After having had my colon removed, I'm up between 2-5 times a night on average needing the loo. My sleep pattern is permanently broken, and I miss the times where I could get a good 8 hours kip with no problems.

 

One of the reasons I work for myself and from home is that I need regular 'cat naps' in the day to catch up, otherwise I'm grumpy, irritable and can't function properly. I've learnt over the years how important sleep is and how much it can drastically alter my mood if I don't get enough of it. 

 

And I also find myself with a number of 'reasons' to slip back into depression right now. I lost my two main clients at the start of the year so the money 'worry' is at the back of my mind again. Also, I've recently been diagnosed with Crohn's disease and put on strong steroids. From next week I'll also have to inject myself every week and my immune system will be fvcked as a result. I also hate this time of year with a passion and my vitamin D levels are low due to the lack of sunlight. 

 

I find myself almost observing my life in the 'third person' sometimes, and passing comment on my current predicament. When my mood is low and I'm tired, I know this is absolutely not the time to trust my thinking or make key decisions. What I learnt many years ago is to surrender to a higher power than me, and just to trust the process of life and have faith that things will work themselves out. I know this is a rough patch for me right now, but I also know I've been here before and come out of the other end. Maybe it's a bit like the football analogy 'form is temporary but class is permanent'. My form is poor at the moment and my confidence low, but deep down I know how awesome I can be and I know these times will return soon.

 

Spring will soon be here and the phone will start ringing again, and then all will be well again. In the mean time, I'll keep taking each day at a time and 'show up' the best I can. Life is a series of up's and down's and this just happens to be one of the down times - and I recognise that. 

 

And on that note, I'm off for a kip 

 

 

 

I'm sorry to hear the issues you are going through mate. I know someone with Crohns Disease and I know how they struggle so my heart goes out to you pal

 

You are the star of the thread, we have all been given great advice from you and we can tell what a top bloke you are. We are there for you aswell so if you ever need a chat then you know where we are

[CKB]

9 hours ago, fleshdaddy said:

Just this morning I’ve booked an introductory counselling session for this Friday. I must admit, I'm pretty scared. I've always had lows, but over the last few months I don't think I've ever felt as consistently low as I have done. Normally I'm down for a day or two, before 'snapping out of it'.
 

I’m guessing most, if not everyone here, has gone through an initial phase of denial? I’m struggling to accept that I might actually be depressed. Maybe I’ve just been naive, or perhaps (sub)consciously I’ve avoided thinking about it, but I’ve never really analysed how I’ve been feeling that much, which is probably why it’s never dawned on me that the feelings I’ve been experiencing for so long might not actually be ‘normal’. It's tough to describe, but I'm sure some of you understand.
 

Good luck everyone, and it's great to see a thread dedicated to this.

It's always good to get the courage to take that first step, I wish you all the best!

 

Oh I've had issues for years and I'm still in denial with myself at times. Sometimes I think I'm doing ok but really I'm not. I'm at odds with myself a hell of a lot but I'm also at times at peace with myself, I'm just a very complex person at times which doesn't always go down well with others

 

Anyway good luck! 

[urban.spaceman]

22 hours ago, CKB said:

Mate you gotta do the best for yaself in terms of the job predicament you are in! Money issues or not you can't get trapped into something you feel will make you worse, i understand tho about money problems so it is a double edged sword and a crap predicament to be in

 

I'm currently going through a crap time aswell, more or less slept the past few days away which makes you feel even worse and now I'm wide awake! So all I've been doing is sleeping, eating at stupid times (when I've got an appetite as depression can completely kill my appetite) and watching tv/playing PS4 (if depression hasn't killed interest, if it has I don't do much at all)

 

It's not good especially when you have a missus, a son and life stuff to do, but you grind to a halt. Ahhhhh the joys of a fvcked up brain

 

I was generally having a decent'ish month but I guess it was time for them "mind demons" to fvck shit up again

 

 

 

21 hours ago, ozleicester said:

Sounds pretty sht, sorry to hear it. Dont measure yourself by the months and time, just work your way through things, let people help you and speak to professionals.

 

Its a journey and your reference about City is pretty important. 8 years ago we were in the 3rd division... 1 year ago, top of the premier league.... now flirting with relegation. Like LCFC life continues with highs and lows, but like supporting city... you just gotta stick with em, enjoy the highs and try to move forward from the lows.

 

 

 

19 hours ago, Crinklyfox said:

Insomnia can seriously mess up your life, a GP should be able to prescribe you some Zopiclone which should sort it.  Without sleep you won't be able to function properly. When I was first diagnosed with depression it was as a result of me going to a GP because of insomnia problems.

 

Insomnia can be a by-product of depression, curing the insomnia won't cure the depression but should make it easier for you to get by.  

 

When you're depressed it's hard to do anything, every little action seems like it takes a mountain of effort to achieve.  Work can be a grind but at least it gets you into a routine and can be useful in breaking the depressive cycle.  When I wasn't working I found it useful to give myself a routine, even a little thing like taking some exercise every day helped (exercise can make you feel better anyway and it's free).

 

Some jobs can be a pain but you never know, you might find yourself in a new job with some great people who make the day much better than staying at home.  You'll never know unless you give it a chance.  If it doesn't work out you can always walk away or stick it out until you find something better.  I think it's easier to find work if you're already in work than if you aren't.

 

17 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I haven't slept through the night properly (i.e. more than 5 hours solid) since 2003. After having had my colon removed, I'm up between 2-5 times a night on average needing the loo. My sleep pattern is permanently broken, and I miss the times where I could get a good 8 hours kip with no problems.

 

One of the reasons I work for myself and from home is that I need regular 'cat naps' in the day to catch up, otherwise I'm grumpy, irritable and can't function properly. I've learnt over the years how important sleep is and how much it can drastically alter my mood if I don't get enough of it. 

 

And I also find myself with a number of 'reasons' to slip back into depression right now. I lost my two main clients at the start of the year so the money 'worry' is at the back of my mind again. Also, I've recently been diagnosed with Crohn's disease and put on strong steroids. From next week I'll also have to inject myself every week and my immune system will be fvcked as a result. I also hate this time of year with a passion and my vitamin D levels are low due to the lack of sunlight. 

 

I find myself almost observing my life in the 'third person' sometimes, and passing comment on my current predicament. When my mood is low and I'm tired, I know this is absolutely not the time to trust my thinking or make key decisions. What I learnt many years ago is to surrender to a higher power than me, and just to trust the process of life and have faith that things will work themselves out. I know this is a rough patch for me right now, but I also know I've been here before and come out of the other end. Maybe it's a bit like the football analogy 'form is temporary but class is permanent'. My form is poor at the moment and my confidence low, but deep down I know how awesome I can be and I know these times will return soon.

 

Spring will soon be here and the phone will start ringing again, and then all will be well again. In the mean time, I'll keep taking each day at a time and 'show up' the best I can. Life is a series of up's and down's and this just happens to be one of the down times - and I recognise that. 

 

And on that note, I'm off for a kip 

Thanks for the kind words and advice from of each of you. Don't really have the energy to to respond to you individually as I'm hoping yuou understand. But you're all right. The doc recently upped my dose of Sertraline so hopefully they'll start working soon. Im due a catch up so will talk to him about sleep etc. 

 

Felt a bit better today - went to my sanctuarary (the cinema) to see Hacksaw Ridge and been less tired overall. Downside of that is now I can't bloody sleep. Not sure what to do over the job situation - it's long shifts at volatile times (4 days 6am-6pm, 4 days off, 4 days 6pm-6am) but good pay. On the plus side my hobby is screenwriting so hopefully it would give me some good material and time to think and write. If I do take it and I'm still there after 6 months I hereby command you all to come down there and bust me out! I'm gonna go and try and get some semlbence of sleep. Cheers.

[stripeyfox]

19 hours ago, tom27111 said:

Had a bit of a relapse this week, things getting on top of me...finding a place to live, feeling guilty for being at my mates, transferring my job.

 

Feel really down, but going to see the GP on Thursday. 

 

I know I'll be ok, but it's tough.

 

Everyone else struggling, listen to the advice and get help.

 

We'll get through it.

Sorry to hear mate.  I guess one of the things I'm learning is that you never really are totally free of depression. Good days, bad days. I suppose you've got to not overreact to either to try and keep things in balance. 

 

Others can give better advice than me of course but you know we are always here if you want to vent. 

 

I was only thinking about your posts pre Christmas when you weren't sure if you'd have anywhere to go and was rehearsing a conversation with my wife along the lines of "there's this guy off the Leicester forum, who I've never met, he's having a tough time, can he come round for Christmas Day?". Can just have imagined her reaction! 

 

Anyway mate, take care buddy and remember just one step at a time. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Nick]

15 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for the kind words and advice from of each of you. Don't really have the energy to to respond to you individually as I'm hoping yuou understand. But you're all right. The doc recently upped my dose of Sertraline so hopefully they'll start working soon. Im due a catch up so will talk to him about sleep etc. 

 

Felt a bit better today - went to my sanctuarary (the cinema) to see Hacksaw Ridge and been less tired overall. Downside of that is now I can't bloody sleep. Not sure what to do over the job situation - it's long shifts at volatile times (4 days 6am-6pm, 4 days off, 4 days 6pm-6am) but good pay. On the plus side my hobby is screenwriting so hopefully it would give me some good material and time to think and write. If I do take it and I'm still there after 6 months I hereby command you all to come down there and bust me out! I'm gonna go and try and get some semlbence of sleep. Cheers.

Hacksaw Ridge any good? Is that the Mel Gibson directed release?

[urban.spaceman]

14 minutes ago, Swan Lesta said:

Hacksaw Ridge any good? Is that the Mel Gibson directed release?

Yup. It was quite good. Action sequences were very well done though while it's a compelling true story he didn't do a great job of setting up the crux of it - spent about 20 mins too long on Doss's upbringing, reasons for joining the army etc, then didn't do a great job of presenting his reasons for being a conciencious objector etc - still comes across as a bit daft even though it's a true story. But the battle's very well done. Garfield is very good and the other best performance is Vince Vaughn, probably his best performance in anything for at least a decade.

[Maboimahrez]

This week has been weird. I dont feel upset, i dont feel happy, I sort of dont feel anything which is probably the worst out the three. I am so unmotivated to work, to basically do anything. I sleep as much as I can so I dont have to wake up

 

This is something I have never (albeit I am only 24) had so far in Life, this lack of ambition and drive. I dont want to feel like this, like my life has no purpose, but I dont really know how to break this cycle

Edited 12 February 2017 by Maboimahrez

[Izzy]

14 minutes ago, Maboimahrez said:

This week has been weird. I dont feel upset, i dont feel happy, I sort of dont feel anything which is probably the worst out the three. I am so unmotivated to work, to basically do anything. I sleep as much as I can so I dont have to wake up

 

This is something I have never (albeit I am only 24) had so far in Life, this lack of ambition and drive. I dont want to feel like this, like my life has no purpose, but I dont really know how to break this cycle

If it's any consolation mate, I'm nearly twice your age and still don't really know my purpose in life (apart from bringing up two kids)

 

I have many weeks like the one you've just had. Like a 'numb' feeling of nothingness and no drive to get my arse in gear.

 

I could easily spend all day in bed (occasionally do) but then realise life's too short to sleep it away. Sometimes I'll just do anything for the sake of doing something and a reason to get out of the house. 

 

Last week I went to the cinema on my own, went around the shops for no reason, played on the PS3, watched Sky Sports, played golf and lurked on FT. None of these pay the bills but they distracted me from the boredom.

 

I also have faith that work will pick up again soon and then I'll have little time to do any of the above. So in the meantime I'll just do stuff to fill the hours and trust that things will work themselves out as they're intended to.

 

Thats the only way I know to break the cycle...

[Crinklyfox]

1 hour ago, Maboimahrez said:

This week has been weird. I dont feel upset, i dont feel happy, I sort of dont feel anything which is probably the worst out the three. I am so unmotivated to work, to basically do anything. I sleep as much as I can so I dont have to wake up

 

This is something I have never (albeit I am only 24) had so far in Life, this lack of ambition and drive. I dont want to feel like this, like my life has no purpose, but I dont really know how to break this cycle

If we're going to get into multiples of your age I'm the one who is going to get depressed.  Suffice it to say I have two sons and they are both older than you.

 

You said that it's unusual for you to have no ambition and drive.  It could just be that you're low at present and when you pick up the old spark will come back.

 

Doing nothing is OK for short periods but can be damaging longer term.  Variety is not just the spice of life, it's the very stuff of it.  If you can force yourself to go out at least once a day, even if it's only for a walk, that's a positive move.  Being a crinkly person I have no problem saying good morning to others I meet, especially fellow crinklies, and having a chat.  One thing I have learned is that I can learn something from every person I meet, they all have life knowledge and experiences than enrich my knowledge.  And you never know, you may meet a future friend.

 

There have been times in my life when I have had to embrace inaction, mainly when my family was growing up and stability was what they needed.  Before and after that, I've found that doing things is the best way to keep myself cheerful and motivated.  By doing that even in retirement I don't feel that life has no purpose and I'll try to get what I can out of it, enjoying the company of friends, doing a bit of charity work and doing my bit as a husband and father.  It can be harder when you're young but there's a lot to look forward to.  The future may look bland but the more effort you can put in the more the likelihood that you can change it.

[DANGEROUS TIGER]

6 hours ago, Maboimahrez said:

This week has been weird. I dont feel upset, i dont feel happy, I sort of dont feel anything which is probably the worst out the three. I am so unmotivated to work, to basically do anything. I sleep as much as I can so I dont have to wake up

 

This is something I have never (albeit I am only 24) had so far in Life, this lack of ambition and drive. I dont want to feel like this, like my life has no purpose, but I dont really know how to break this cycle

I have had depression for some fifteen years now. I have good days and bad. I have posted on this subject before, so wont go over old ground.

 

Currently, your post reflects the way I am at the moment. On average I am sleeping some fourteen hours a day (I am medically pensioned off by Thames Valley Police, following an accident).

 

There is no simple solution to the problem, as we are all different. What I can say is, that if you feel suicidal, or are self harming, then you need help. I suffer on and off from the latter. Please don't let your depression this go this far, as it will be almost impossible to stop.

 

Good luck to you.

 

[fleshdaddy]

Checking in again. Thanks for everyone's comments after I posted last week.

 

I had my counselling session on Friday, and to be honest immediately after I didn't feel like I got anything from it. Not that I expected to get something from it, that is. I just felt it was way too vague. The trouble is, I'm a very analytical person, so I want to know specifics, numbers, data - which is a problem with this sort of stuff, as there isn't a right or wrong answer and we're complex beasts!

 

However, since Friday - and actually since I posted here having scheduled that first session, I've felt happier. Maybe I've just naturally stumbled out of feeling low, as I normally do. Or maybe actually facing up to the fact that I might have issues and arranging to speak to someone has helped - or maybe it's because I just rambled at said someone for half an hour, or maybe all three! I do think it's been cathartic and just basically ranting at someone has helped me, though I'm not sure aside from giving me a release, it'll help me actually figure things out.

I know exactly what everyone means when they say they feel numb - not happy, not sad - just numb or ambivalent towards everything. I, too, have been guilty of sleeping lots and just staying in bed. I'm going to try to remember this quote by Ingmar Bergman though - "Demons don't like fresh air - they prefer it if you stay in bed with cold feet".