Depression

[spacemunky]

4 hours ago, Maboimahrez said:

Actually another poster on here but created a new account to remain anonymous

 

feels weird/embarassed admitting that I am depressed. The stories of others on here and by far worse than mine that I feel mine just are minor in comparison

 

so my story....

 

currently a student doing an Masters , having got a first in Economics. Got exams all next week which I am really scared about failing. Never been in the position of failing before so this is something im just not used to. Still not managed to secure a graduate job yet(one of the reasons I am doing the mba)

 

the stress of failing and wasting all the money on the mba and not having a job is frankly terrifying me. I feel that a failed mba is going to look so bad when applying to jobs in the future that I feel that a job I dont want to do, in a field I dont want to be in is what I am ending up with. Having put so much effort right now and back in my degree, i feel it would have all been for nothing. 

 

Edit- oh btw tom you have been inspirational to me just so you know!

 

I crapped out of college. 

 

Had so many meaningless jobs but finally ended up working for a small family run business where I've been for 17 years now. I don't make great money, but I do okay. 

 

You're in a better position than I ever was.

 

Anyway, wishing you the best.

 

[Crinklyfox]

7 hours ago, Maboimahrez said:

Actually another poster on here but created a new account to remain anonymous

 

feels weird/embarassed admitting that I am depressed. The stories of others on here and by far worse than mine that I feel mine just are minor in comparison

 

so my story....

 

currently a student doing an Masters , having got a first in Economics. Got exams all next week which I am really scared about failing. Never been in the position of failing before so this is something im just not used to. Still not managed to secure a graduate job yet(one of the reasons I am doing the mba)

 

the stress of failing and wasting all the money on the mba and not having a job is frankly terrifying me. I feel that a failed mba is going to look so bad when applying to jobs in the future that I feel that a job I dont want to do, in a field I dont want to be in is what I am ending up with. Having put so much effort right now and back in my degree, i feel it would have all been for nothing. 

 

Edit- oh btw tom you have been inspirational to me just so you know!

 

I can understand the fear of failure, I was a student once myself and had the experience of failing exams.  However this sounds like the fear of failure is eating you up which isn't good.

 

You are in the fortunate position of already having a first in Economics in your pocket so even if you fail the MBA you won't be an academic failure.  And realistically if you worked hard enough to get a first your prospects of failing now are limited.  But if we don't put our thought processes into perspective then we can let these situations gain more credence than they are worth.

 

Let me give you a post uni example of a similar fear-provoking situation:

 

I didn't do well at work today, I had a bad day and made a couple of mistakes

So... my boss will be mad and I'll be sacked

So.. I won't have an income and be able to pay the mortgage

So.. my house will be repossessed and my family will be homeless

So.. my wife will be unhappy and leave me

I could go on.....

 

Sounds crazy, doesn't it - a major disaster from a tiny beginning.  It's possible but highly unlikely.  Ask yourself what the worst case scenario of you failing your MBA is (you'll already have done this), list out the steps that get you to your conclusion then apply a percentage possibility of each happening.  That might help get a bit of perspective - even if you fail your MBA you still have a lot going for you and you can make a success of your career.   And hopefully you'll realise that your current fear of failure is disproportionate.

 

Good luck next week.

 

 

[Izzy]

21 hours ago, Maboimahrez said:

Actually another poster on here but created a new account to remain anonymous

 

feels weird/embarassed admitting that I am depressed. The stories of others on here and by far worse than mine that I feel mine just are minor in comparison

 

so my story....

 

currently a student doing an Masters , having got a first in Economics. Got exams all next week which I am really scared about failing. Never been in the position of failing before so this is something im just not used to. Still not managed to secure a graduate job yet(one of the reasons I am doing the mba)

 

the stress of failing and wasting all the money on the mba and not having a job is frankly terrifying me. I feel that a failed mba is going to look so bad when applying to jobs in the future that I feel that a job I dont want to do, in a field I dont want to be in is what I am ending up with. Having put so much effort right now and back in my degree, i feel it would have all been for nothing. 

 

Edit- oh btw tom you have been inspirational to me just so you know!

 

I understand why you created a new account to tell your story mate, but rest assured no one would judge you or think any less of you if you posted under your normal username.

 

First of all there's nothing to feel embarrassed about. Millions of us suffer or have suffered, and it's not about who is more depressed or any type of comparison. If you're struggling, your struggling, and all that matters is you're now brave enough to talk about it.

 

I get your fear of failure, but a wise man once told me what FEAR really stands for: False Expectations Appearing Real. You're making it up bad in your head and creating a false picture of your future. The only advice I can offer is to remember why you're doing the MBA and remind yourself of the skills and talents you possess. 

 

And if it all goes tits up then I'm a big believer that things happen for a reason. It's not the failure but the way we bounce back that defines us. The ability to be more determined next time and show resilience is much more important to prospective employers than any qualification in my experience. 

 

So stay positive, do your best, and go a bit easy on yourself. Adding all this extra pressure won't serve you well, so relax, breathe, and enjoy the process. Fingers crossed for you mate and good luck with the exam 

 

[ozleicester]

Good luck to all who have a challenge this week. Whether up or down...Keep on going its worth it

[Maboimahrez]

Thanks for the messages guys. Sorry havent been responding just been cramming for revision for next week. I feel better than I did a couple of days ago, spoke to a friend from my old university risty who gave me great advice! If anything it made me really appreciate the great people I have around me!

[Manwell Pablo]

12 hours ago, Maboimahrez said:

Thanks for the messages guys. Sorry havent been responding just been cramming for revision for next week. I feel better than I did a couple of days ago, spoke to a friend from my old university risty who gave me great advice! If anything it made me really appreciate the great people I have around me!

 

Ah ok, I can involved in this, I used to have nightmares about failing at Uni  

 

It's really as simple as do your best, worrying about failing is so counter productive it is unreal, just make sure you put the prep work in and give it your exams the best go you can and based on the fact you've got a first already I'm sure you will be fine. If not again as Muzzet says it is how you bounce back, I failed a year once (totally down to Laziness and Alcoholism, story of my life  ), so I re did it and passed.

 

 

Edited 10 January 2017 by Manwell Pablo

[Izzy]

 

 

 

 

   

[foxfanazer]

Had my first counselling session yesterday. I'm sceptical as to whether it will work for me but I'm glad I've taken a positive step towards kicking this

[Izzy]

35 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

Had my first counselling session yesterday. I'm sceptical as to whether it will work for me but I'm glad I've taken a positive step towards kicking this

Good on ya mate 

I remember my first session. I ended up balling my eyes out for most of it and didn't realise how much I'd been bottling up inside.

I ended up having 12 sessions and it was the best thing I ever did. Just having someone to listen who didn't judge me was hugely cathartic for me.

I understand your scepticism and counselling is no silver bullett, but I hope you get some value from it and congrats for taking a brave and really positive step forward.

 

[foxfanazer]

9 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Good on ya mate 

I remember my first session. I ended up balling my eyes out for most of it and didn't realise how much I'd been bottling up inside.

I ended up having 12 sessions and it was the best thing I ever did. Just having someone to listen who didn't judge me was hugely cathartic for me.

I understand your scepticism and counselling is no silver bullett, but I hope you get some value from it and congrats for taking a brave and really positive step forward.

 

Cheers buddy. Yeah even if it doesn't do much for me it just feels good to take a bit of control back if that makes sense. Family life is slowly getting back to a decent place although there are still a few hurdles to get over 

[Izzy]

2 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

Cheers buddy. Yeah even if it doesn't do much for me it just feels good to take a bit of control back if that makes sense. Family life is slowly getting back to a decent place although there are still a few hurdles to get over 

It's all about taking control back and being pro-active mate in my experience mate. I had no expectations with my sessions and just went with an open mind. It's not for everyone, but I enjoyed the process and felt like I was always moving forward not backwards which was the main thing.

Good to hear family life is getting back to a decent place for you. I guess we'll always have our own hurdles to get over in life but 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and all that....

Keep us updated on how you get on. I'm sure there's others reading this thread who are considering counselling, so your updates could prove really helpful for them 

[tom27111]

16 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Had my first counselling session yesterday. I'm sceptical as to whether it will work for me but I'm glad I've taken a positive step towards kicking this

 

We'll done mate, big step.

 

Just give it a go.

 

When I was in hospital,  I had the attitude of 'bullshit, this ain't gonna help'.

 

It did.

 

Nobody is judging you, but talking won't hurt. 

 

I'm by no means cured, but things are looking up. 

 

Don't turn any form of help away, no matter how embarrassed or stupid you feel.

 

Good luck mate, pm me if you need to.

 

Maybe talking with someone in a bad situation will help.

 

This forum has bloody dragged me through,  so stick with it 

[tom27111]

On 08/01/2017 at 23:35, Maboimahrez said:

Actually another poster on here but created a new account to remain anonymous

 

feels weird/embarassed admitting that I am depressed. The stories of others on here and by far worse than mine that I feel mine just are minor in comparison

 

so my story....

 

currently a student doing an Masters , having got a first in Economics. Got exams all next week which I am really scared about failing. Never been in the position of failing before so this is something im just not used to. Still not managed to secure a graduate job yet(one of the reasons I am doing the mba)

 

the stress of failing and wasting all the money on the mba and not having a job is frankly terrifying me. I feel that a failed mba is going to look so bad when applying to jobs in the future that I feel that a job I dont want to do, in a field I dont want to be in is what I am ending up with. Having put so much effort right now and back in my degree, i feel it would have all been for nothing. 

 

Edit- oh btw tom you have been inspirational to me just so you know!

 

 

Keep going, mate.

 

And good to know I'm helping others. 

 

I've hit rock bottom, hopefully on the way back.

 

Don't give up x

[tom27111]

And at the risk of sounding like Alan Partridge, when I've bounced back, there's about 20 people on here I owe at least a pint to.

 

I've done my metaphorical bare foot drive to Dundee eating Toblerone. 

 

It's up from here 

[urban.spaceman]

4 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

And at the risk of sounding like Alan Partridge, when I've bounced back, there's about 20 people on here I owe at least a pint to.

 

I've done my metaphorical bare foot drive to Dundee eating Toblerone. 

 

It's up from here 

Just stay away from car washes for the foreseeable future 

[foxfanazer]

6 hours ago, tom27111 said:

 

We'll done mate, big step.

 

Just give it a go.

 

When I was in hospital,  I had the attitude of 'bullshit, this ain't gonna help'.

 

It did.

 

Nobody is judging you, but talking won't hurt. 

 

I'm by no means cured, but things are looking up. 

 

Don't turn any form of help away, no matter how embarrassed or stupid you feel.

 

Good luck mate, pm me if you need to.

 

Maybe talking with someone in a bad situation will help.

 

This forum has bloody dragged me through,  so stick with it 

Cheers fella.

 

Yeah I'll definitely stick with it. Might do me some good to do something outside of my comfort zone.

 

You've done so well to get to where you are now from what you were feeling a couple of months ago. Just shows no matter how bleak things look there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Cheers for the PM offer, I might take you up on that 

[Izzy]

3 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Cheers fella.

 

Yeah I'll definitely stick with it. Might do me some good to do something outside of my comfort zone.

 

You've done so well to get to where you are now from what you were feeling a couple of months ago. Just shows no matter how bleak things look there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Cheers for the PM offer, I might take you up on that 

 

[Raj]

Just out of curiosity,did guys who took the step go to your Doctor's first for help and advice and how did that progress?

[Izzy]

23 minutes ago, Raj said:

Just out of curiosity,did guys who took the step go to your Doctor's first for help and advice and how did that progress?

I went to my GP first and explained my situation. He diagnosed depression and put me on meds straight away. I then had a review with him a few months later but I was still in a dark place. He suggested councelling and referred me to MIND. There was a bit of a waiting list so I decided to go private instead. Cost me about £40 for each hour session but it was the best money I ever spent.

[CKB]

How's everyone doing lately? I've for the best part been as usual up and down. I've completely come of anti-depressants right now due to the horrible reaction I had with my last change. But I know I'm probably gonna have to go back on them and hope I don't have any bad side effects as I can feel myself getting quite edgy and my anger is day by day starting to reach boiling levels. Maybe I also have some anger issues that my previous tablets eased somewhat as I can definitely feel I'm more angry lately than I have been

[urban.spaceman]

15 hours ago, CKB said:

How's everyone doing lately? I've for the best part been as usual up and down. I've completely come of anti-depressants right now due to the horrible reaction I had with my last change. But I know I'm probably gonna have to go back on them and hope I don't have any bad side effects as I can feel myself getting quite edgy and my anger is day by day starting to reach boiling levels. Maybe I also have some anger issues that my previous tablets eased somewhat as I can definitely feel I'm more angry lately than I have been

Ups and downs for me too. Last week I was totally bereft and was in a massive slump; I couldn't even be bothered to work on my CV as I felt like there was no chance I'd get a job anyway. Today a bit better, feel like everything is pointless though and have had a tiny bit of energy to glimpse my CV but still feel very hopeless about it. Then I remembered that I've not been taking my meds consistently, which the doctor doubled the dose of and I should have been taking every day but have so far missed over half of them. They only work if you stay on them so I really need to stick with that otherwise I'm just wasting my time yet again.

I'd probably recommend you stay on your antidepressants or switch to different ones if possible - have you told your GP? It's totally up to you though obvs. 

[CKB]

6 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Ups and downs for me too. Last week I was totally bereft and was in a massive slump; I couldn't even be bothered to work on my CV as I felt like there was no chance I'd get a job anyway. Today a bit better, feel like everything is pointless though and have had a tiny bit of energy to glimpse my CV but still feel very hopeless about it. Then I remembered that I've not been taking my meds consistently, which the doctor doubled the dose of and I should have been taking every day but have so far missed over half of them. They only work if you stay on them so I really need to stick with that otherwise I'm just wasting my time yet again.

I'd probably recommend you stay on your antidepressants or switch to different ones if possible - have you told your GP? It's totally up to you though obvs. 

Tell me about it! when them total slumps hit you, you really wonder what's the point in doing anything and most times you actually end up doing just that. I've spent countless days more or less in bed, it's just a horrible, horrible place to be

 

Yeah keep taking the right dosage mate! it won't have it's benefits if you keep messing with it. Oh and trust me I know how hard it is to just keep taking that right dosage or even some days even taking a tablet full stop! When the brain is fully consumed by them demons you end up just not functioning at all, but try ya hardest to keep taking them!

 

Yeah I'll definitely be going back on some other antidepressant, I've got a appointment with my councillor and her head doctor soon so that's when I assume I'll be offered some new ones and just hope they don't give me any bad side effects because the last ones made me feel like utter shit 

[Man Of Faith]

Normally dont post much on here at all but found alot of inspiration from this thread, so here goes..

 

Finally found the courage to ring my GP and try and confront my problems, genuinely terrified to go.

 

I lost my best friend 5 years ago and have generally been on a downward spiral ever since. Im constantly worrying, always anxious, can not handle any kind of guilt at all and my self loathing has become really bad. General self care has gone down too, never hungry, very little sleep and losing interest in alot of stuff. Almost completely threw away my entire family recently during a bad patch. Thankfully got talked into seeking help. Sorry for the long post. Was nice to actually write it down. Hopefully things can now improve. I dont have much expectations though. 

 

Phew x

[tom27111]

19 minutes ago, Man Of Faith said:

Normally dont post much on here at all but found alot of inspiration from this thread, so here goes..

 

Finally found the courage to ring my GP and try and confront my problems, genuinely terrified to go.

 

I lost my best friend 5 years ago and have generally been on a downward spiral ever since. Im constantly worrying, always anxious, can not handle any kind of guilt at all and my self loathing has become really bad. General self care has gone down too, never hungry, very little sleep and losing interest in alot of stuff. Almost completely threw away my entire family recently during a bad patch. Thankfully got talked into seeking help. Sorry for the long post. Was nice to actually write it down. Hopefully things can now improve. I dont have much expectations though. 

 

Phew x

 

Keep going, the first step is the hardest.

 

You're on your way 

[Costock_Fox]

19 minutes ago, Man Of Faith said:

Normally dont post much on here at all but found alot of inspiration from this thread, so here goes..

 

Finally found the courage to ring my GP and try and confront my problems, genuinely terrified to go.

 

I lost my best friend 5 years ago and have generally been on a downward spiral ever since. Im constantly worrying, always anxious, can not handle any kind of guilt at all and my self loathing has become really bad. General self care has gone down too, never hungry, very little sleep and losing interest in alot of stuff. Almost completely threw away my entire family recently during a bad patch. Thankfully got talked into seeking help. Sorry for the long post. Was nice to actually write it down. Hopefully things can now improve. I dont have much expectations though. 

 

Phew x

Good that you have posted on here.

 

I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a best friend, must be horrible but sad to hear how much it's affected you.

 

One recurring theme on here is how sceptical people are for the help but then seam to be surprised so fingers crossed it helps you out mate. Happy to talk if you ever need to.