Depression

[Jon the Hat]

Another point I would add is that it was much much harder to actually take the step of asking for help than it was progressing with it.  The fear of admitting you need it is the big blocker.  It took me 3 years and several goes before I referred myself for counselling.  Now I have started it is much easier than I thought it would be.

Edited 15 December 2016 by Jon the Hat

[foxfanazer]

On Monday, December 12, 2016 at 22:41, Izzy Muzzett said:

Without me getting all psycobabble here Tom, you've mentioned your 'thinking' a few times now. What I learnt from my therapy and subsequent research into psychology is that "we're living in the feeling of our thinking - 100% of the time".

We can't control our thinking, but we can recognise them for what they are - only thoughts, not our reality. I've learnt that my thoughts are not always to be trusted. I still get many negative thoughts every day but rather than give them concious energy, I just acknowledge them and wait for a more empowering thought to appear (and they always do) and these are the ones I pay attention too. If my thoughts are bad, I feel bad. If my thoughts are good, I feel good. I would suggest that's the same for everyone. If we catastrophise our thoughts and keep thinking "what if?", we can get into a right state. As well as exercise as others have mentioned, I'd also recommend meditation and maybe exploring mindfulness? Anyway, I'll shut up now, but keep posting mate and we all wish you the very best. 

[foxfanazer]

Wow this thread is incredible. Going through a fair bit of shit myself so it's really reassuring to see so many great people offering compassion and sound advice. 

 

Good old FT!

[tom27111]

Hi everyone, thanks again for all your kind words and support, it really is a help.

 

I'm leaving hospital on Monday, taking my meds and given up drinking, not that is was a major issue anyway.

 

Got somewhere to stay for a week or so whilst I'm looking for my own place.

 

Still not ideal and still struggling, but no point feeling sorry for myself, got to fight through.

 

Meds haven't really done much yet, although I don't know what to expect, but need to persist for another week or two.

 

I think the time out and being able to talk to people in hospital has helped.

 

Doc reckons they can do no more and support from my gp should be enough.

 

Here's hoping.

 

Thanks again to each and every one of you, you've been so kind.

Edited 17 December 2016 by tom27111

[Izzy]

4 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

Hi everyone, thanks again for all your kind words and support, it really is a help.

 

I'm leaving hospital on Monday, taking my meds and given up drinking, not that is was a major issue anyway.

 

Got somewhere to stay for a week or so whilst I'm looking for my own place.

 

Still not ideal and still struggling, but no point feeling sorry for myself, got to fight through.

 

Meds haven't really done much yet, although I don't know what to expect, but need to persist for another week or two.

 

I think the time out and being able to talk to people in hospital has helped.

 

Doc reckons they can do no more and support from my gp should be enough.

 

Here's hoping.

 

Thanks again to each and every one of you, you've been so kind.

Good to hear you're leaving hospital and got somewhere to stay for a while Tom.

Give the meds a bit of time. Sometimes they need to build up in your system before they're released, so be patient.

I'm glad you've found talking to people has helped. Now you're leaving hospital it's important you keep talking. So go see your GP and find out if they can refer you to a councellor so you've got someone to keep talking to. 

But maybe the most important conversation is the one you're having with yourself in your own head. If you tell yourself "still not ideal and still struggling" you'll feel that you're still struggling. Remember, 'we're living in the feeling of our thinking' 100% of the time. So maybe tell yourself "I'm getting better and things are improving" instead. I know positive affirmation may feel a bit corny, but it's sending an important message to your sub conscious. 

Keep posting and remember that when you're feeling low, the quickest way to get out of it is to get grateful. When we're grateful, there's no room for negative thinking to get in. You may not realise it, but you've got things in your life that you're grateful for.

One of which is supporting the best football team on the god damn planet my friend.

[ozleicester]

1 hour ago, tom27111 said:

Hi everyone, thanks again for all your kind words and support, it really is a help.

 

I'm leaving hospital on Monday, taking my meds and given up drinking, not that is was a major issue anyway.

 

Got somewhere to stay for a week or so whilst I'm looking for my own place.

 

Still not ideal and still struggling, but no point feeling sorry for myself, got to fight through.

 

Meds haven't really done much yet, although I don't know what to expect, but need to persist for another week or two.

 

I think the time out and being able to talk to people in hospital has helped.

 

Doc reckons they can do no more and support from my gp should be enough.

 

Here's hoping.

 

Thanks again to each and every one of you, you've been so kind.

Good news, stick with the professionals and the meds, they will definitely help in time.

[tom27111]

This is going to sound like such a back handed compliment, but it's meant sincerely.

 

This is just a forum on the internet, essentially about 11 guys who kick around a bit of leather (or whatever incredible synthetic to make it rounder than ever that Nike have invented) filled with air.

 

You've all.helped me through such a horrible time in my life.

 

The people who created the site, the people who mod the site and the people who read and contribute....Thank you.

 

You've helped me more than you could possibly know. 

 

We all celebrated the result of a lifetime last year. You've impacted my life that much in the last week or 2 again.

 

God, I sound cheesy. But it means so much x 

[spacemunky]

Glad to hear you're heading in a better direction.

[urban.spaceman]

3 hours ago, tom27111 said:

Hi everyone, thanks again for all your kind words and support, it really is a help.

 

I'm leaving hospital on Monday, taking my meds and given up drinking, not that is was a major issue anyway.

 

Got somewhere to stay for a week or so whilst I'm looking for my own place.

 

Still not ideal and still struggling, but no point feeling sorry for myself, got to fight through.

 

Meds haven't really done much yet, although I don't know what to expect, but need to persist for another week or two.

 

I think the time out and being able to talk to people in hospital has helped.

 

Doc reckons they can do no more and support from my gp should be enough.

 

Here's hoping.

 

Thanks again to each and every one of you, you've been so kind.

2 hours ago, tom27111 said:

This is going to sound like such a back handed compliment, but it's meant sincerely.

 

This is just a forum on the internet, essentially about 11 guys who kick around a bit of leather (or whatever incredible synthetic to make it rounder than ever that Nike have invented) filled with air.

 

You've all.helped me through such a horrible time in my life.

 

The people who created the site, the people who mod the site and the people who read and contribute....Thank you.

 

You've helped me more than you could possibly know. 

 

We all celebrated the result of a lifetime last year. You've impacted my life that much in the last week or 2 again.

 

God, I sound cheesy. But it means so much x 

Glad to hear you're getting better.

 

Important thing to remember is that it's a bit like Leicester City's current form table - ups and downs. One day you'll be feeling great, the next you'll be at your lowest possible ebb. If you look back over a month it's like a wave going up and down; where you should be is somewhere in the middle able to control it all - the meds should help you control that but it takes a few weeks for them to kick in and really help; just make sure you stay on top of them and definitely don't run out.

 

For me it's about self care. If I know I'm having a bad day I can sometimes realise quite early and try and ride it out till the end of the day - treating it as a write off and try and control myself by using breathing techniques or something you know will help. Do things you enjoy - I love cinema, so I'll go and see a film 3 or 4 times so I get some hours in the dark to relax my brain. Or spend 4 hours playing FIFA on beginner mode. Whatever - anything that induces happiness or any semblance of positive emotions is important, and something to aim for.

 

Best of luck on your journey mate.

[stripeyfox]

9 hours ago, tom27111 said:

Hi everyone, thanks again for all your kind words and support, it really is a help.

 

I'm leaving hospital on Monday, taking my meds and given up drinking, not that is was a major issue anyway.

 

Got somewhere to stay for a week or so whilst I'm looking for my own place.

 

Still not ideal and still struggling, but no point feeling sorry for myself, got to fight through.

 

Meds haven't really done much yet, although I don't know what to expect, but need to persist for another week or two.

 

I think the time out and being able to talk to people in hospital has helped.

 

Doc reckons they can do no more and support from my gp should be enough.

 

Here's hoping.

 

Thanks again to each and every one of you, you've been so kind.

Good to hear mate. 

 

I guess Christmas is always a tricky time anyway - it can seem like everybody else in the world is having a great time which can make it seem worse for those who may be suffering from depression.

 

Just take one step at a time buddy. I'll be thinking of you.

 

This forum really is at it's best in situations like this. There are so many thoughtful and wise people who can help (not including myself in that by the way!)
 

 

[tom27111]

Back in Luton today. Feeling really, really shit.

 

Empty and hurting, really teary again.

 

I'm so upset and down, don't even know why!

 

Sat in the pub, thinking about everything...nowhere else to go.

 

Things look really bleak and I'm pretty scared about stuff.

 

Don't even know why I'm posting this, just look like I'm attention seeking, but I'm really not.

 

Just helps a bit to get things out.

 

Actually contemplated chucking myself under a train at Wellingborough earlier.

[AKCJ]

20 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

Back in Luton today. Feeling really, really shit.

 

Empty and hurting, really teary again.

 

I'm so upset and down, don't even know why!

 

Sat in the pub, thinking about everything...nowhere else to go.

 

Things look really bleak and I'm pretty scared about stuff.

 

Don't even know why I'm posting this, just look like I'm attention seeking, but I'm really not.

 

Just helps a bit to get things out.

 

Actually contemplated chucking myself under a train at Wellingborough earlier.

This is the last thing it comes across as.

 

It sounds to me like you want help. Which is a great thing. Many people with depression want to be alone all of the time. Even if we're really just pixels on a screen it's good to talk.

 

Which pub are you in? I went to university down there for a while (biggest mistake of my life ) 

[Izzy]

27 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

Back in Luton today. Feeling really, really shit.

 

Empty and hurting, really teary again.

 

I'm so upset and down, don't even know why!

 

Sat in the pub, thinking about everything...nowhere else to go.

 

Things look really bleak and I'm pretty scared about stuff.

 

Don't even know why I'm posting this, just look like I'm attention seeking, but I'm really not.

 

Just helps a bit to get things out.

 

Actually contemplated chucking myself under a train at Wellingborough earlier.

What exactly is it that you're scared about Tom?

[tom27111]

8 minutes ago, AKCJ said:

This is the last thing it comes across as.

 

It sounds to me like you want help. Which is a great thing. Many people with depression want to be alone all of the time. Even if we're really just pixels on a screen it's good to talk.

 

Which pub are you in? I went to university down there for a while (biggest mistake of my life ) 

I'm in the crown.

 

Luton really is the arse hole of the country.

[tom27111]

5 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

What exactly is it that you're scared about Tom?

 

I don't know. The future...what I'm going to do to myself...I'm not sure.

[TAFKA Castroneves]

39 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

Back in Luton today. Feeling really, really shit.

 

Empty and hurting, really teary again.

 

I'm so upset and down, don't even know why!

 

Sat in the pub, thinking about everything...nowhere else to go.

 

Things look really bleak and I'm pretty scared about stuff.

 

Don't even know why I'm posting this, just look like I'm attention seeking, but I'm really not.

 

Just helps a bit to get things out.

 

Actually contemplated chucking myself under a train at Wellingborough earlier.

Take it steady buddy, it's completly normal to not understand why you feel down - i get that and I get how distressing it can be, I know how it takes your identidy - but mate the most important thing is to try and remind yourself that while you are feeling like this now in the moment it WILL pass. I hope you don't mind me asking mate - and i'd you'd prefer to PM me or something feel free! what looks bleak? its been mentioned a bit - and consequently I feel reading this you need to talk about it, i'm here, we're here.

 

edit - are you concerned with your career right now and don't want to be doing it for years, love life? Or generally because you can't make out why your down and you're concerned that its getting worse

Edited 20 December 2016 by TAFKA Castroneves
edit

[AKCJ]

9 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

I'm in the crown.

 

Luton really is the arse hole of the country.

On a tuesday I used to go to The Castle and then go over to Edge.

 

Mucky night but a lot of fun. 

 

Roughly how old are you Tom?

[tom27111]

15 minutes ago, AKCJ said:

On a tuesday I used to go to The Castle and then go over to Edge.

 

Mucky night but a lot of fun. 

 

Roughly how old are you Tom?

 

Old enough to know better...mid 30's

[Izzy]

17 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

 

I don't know. The future...what I'm going to do to myself...I'm not sure.

Tom, I think we're all pretty concerned about your welfare and you know we're all here if you want to talk. We can try to offer you advice based on our own experiences, but my sense is you actually need to be with someone right now.

 

You mentioned previously that you don't have family or many friends, but is there anyone you know who could offer you somewhere to stay and provide you with some company? Just being in someone else's presence who you trust can make you feel safe and help remove the fear you're feeling.

 

If I lived near Luton I'd offer to put you up myself, and I feel frustrated that I can't do anything practical to help you. I thought you'd also said you'd enrolled for some counselling - have you started this yet and can you contact them out of hours? Or as others have mentioned, the Samaritans are there for exactly the reasons you've mentioned.

 

I feel for you mate, I really do. 

 

[tom27111]

I'm going to stay with someone in a couple of days.

[stripeyfox]

4 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

I'm going to stay with someone in a couple of days.

I'm not an expert at all, but it seems to me that this should be the focus. You say things look bleak and your are scared of the future and I understand that totally. But for me I think I need to break it down into smaller chunks. Get through one day at a time. 

 

Are your spending Christmas with this person? 

[Izzy]

8 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

I'm going to stay with someone in a couple of days.

 

1 minute ago, stripeyfox said:

I'm not an expert at all, but it seems to me that this should be the focus. You say things look bleak and your are scared of the future and I understand that totally. But for me I think I need to break it down into smaller chunks. Get through one day at a time. 

 

Are your spending Christmas with this person? 

I think stripeyfox is right. It's good to hear you're going to stay with someone Tom. No one deserves to be alone at this time of year. I hope they can help you out, one day at a time. Keep us posted on how you get on. Good luck fella. 

[TAFKA Castroneves]

7 minutes ago, stripeyfox said:

I'm not an expert at all, but it seems to me that this should be the focus. You say things look bleak and your are scared of the future and I understand that totally. But for me I think I need to break it down into smaller chunks. Get through one day at a time. 

 

Are your spending Christmas with this person? 

Seconded mate, good advice, i've talked about myself previously and one thing that's been stressed to me is to slow down a bit and build up again, long-term I want to move back to Canada as i felt spiritually a bit more "at home" there somehow - less grey as well in the sky which i know affects me quite a bit - but there are times when I go into overdrive because im down and just want to run away there thinking it will fix everything, but it won't as i still suffered there it's just a romanticised image in my brain - the way for me to get there actually is to slow down a bit, get my health right first and rebuild - if you can and if it's possible (and i know the world nowadays isn't as simple as that with bills and whatnot) i'd get signed off work mate and just focus on the base stuff first, if your foundations are constantly rocking at the moment (and work can be unpredictable with so many external factors) then you potentially could end up in a dangerous cycle. If you can health first mate - then everything else.

[foxfanazer]

Stay strong Tom. Tomorrows another day kid and you'll get through this. Anything we can do to help we will

Edited 20 December 2016 by foxfanazer

[TAFKA Castroneves]

Just read mate you saw your doctor, i'm not too satisfied by what he said there with just the GP support - sadly the NHS varies depending on where you are as to it's effectivness at handling depression - we've got an averagely good one in Devon for example (according to my HR at work who has branches in Devon/Cornwall and Somerset) - while Cornwall apparently is excellent. There is no harm to going back to the doctor and explaining again, I found my doctors insanely busy to the point where I really felt such a bother (something no one wants to feel) - but I stuck with it and kept going despite that, just remember YOU ARE important mate, we all are. Hope you can get a decent bit of sleep tonight mate, all the best, and if you need to vent, keep going on here, i'll respond if i'm around and everyone wants to help where we can