Depression

[stripeyfox]

Keep plugging away mate. You've already demonstrated considerable bravery to get to this point and to lay yourself bare to a load of random people on here. You've showed you are a thoughtful and articulate young man and I think I detect a wicked sense of humour in some of your posts despite what you are going through.

 

One day at a time mate - as  Rocky Balboa said: "It ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward".

 

 

[stripeyfox]

and another thing Tom...

 

every time you post here, and every time someone responds - it is helping other people. Helping those who are suffering and also helping those who aren't to understand. Also helping those who aren't suffering at the moment, but who may do so in the future to recognise the signs.

 

that has to be worth something surely?

 

 

[stripeyfox]

2 hours ago, tom27111 said:

 

I don't know. The future...what I'm going to do to myself...I'm not sure.

I'm off to bed my friend.

 

I hope you get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow is a new day. All the best. I'll be thinking about you.

 

 

[cambridgefox]

Best of luck Tom .Keep fighting and I'm pleased you have got somewhere to stay.

 

There really are some fantastic people on here,I know I've said if before but I feel I can get away with saying it more than once.

 

[ozleicester]

9 hours ago, tom27111 said:

Back in Luton today. Feeling really, really shit.

 

Empty and hurting, really teary again.

 

I'm so upset and down, don't even know why!

 

Sat in the pub, thinking about everything...nowhere else to go.

 

Things look really bleak and I'm pretty scared about stuff.

 

Don't even know why I'm posting this, just look like I'm attention seeking, but I'm really not.

 

Just helps a bit to get things out.

 

Actually contemplated chucking myself under a train at Wellingborough earlier.

Hey mate, stick with it... just FYI... its 43 degrees in sunny Western Ausrtralia. say hi if you wanna chat

 

Edit, I lied.. apparently its 48 degress... just thought youd like to know

 

 

 

 

Edited 21 December 2016 by ozleicester

[Nick]

Morning Tom!

[broughtonblue]

10 hours ago, tom27111 said:

Back in Luton today. Feeling really, really shit.

 

Empty and hurting, really teary again.

 

I'm so upset and down, don't even know why!

 

Sat in the pub, thinking about everything...nowhere else to go.

 

Things look really bleak and I'm pretty scared about stuff.

 

Don't even know why I'm posting this, just look like I'm attention seeking, but I'm really not.

 

Just helps a bit to get things out.

 

Actually contemplated chucking myself under a train at Wellingborough earlier.

The advice that was mentioned to me time and time again by my counsellor, if your feeling that low.......

Walk straight into your local hospital, or ring the police and tell whoever meets you that you feel suicidal, 

You will not be left alone

[Crinklyfox]

Tom, there are going to be days when you feel really bad, this happens to all of us.  One of the problems with having a recurring problem like depression is that it gradually erodes your ability to deal with it.  It's a bit like shock absorbers on a car.  When they're in perfect condition you hardly feel the bumps in the road but when they're worn down every little bump feels like a pit.  So a little problem can feel enormous when you're depressed.  

 

For me depression removed my ability to put things into perspective.  Life was like staring at a blank sheet of paper with a few dots on it and all I could see were the dots.  If I'd been looking at my situation rationally I would have seen that the good things in my life (the white areas) far outweighed the bad things (the dots) but I wasn't.  Appreciation of that situation helped me to get out of my depression, eventually I was able to put my problems into place.

 

One thing that kept me going in the dark times was a bit of perspective.  I felt awful, I couldn't see anything good for the future; however, if I looked at my past I hadn't felt like that for almost all my life and had experienced some happy times.  Just because I couldn't see any good times coming didn't mean that there weren't any in store.  Years later I can see how unrealistic my thinking was when I was depressed.  If you can start to put your dark thoughts into perspective I think it would help your recovery.

[Nick]

2 hours ago, Crinklyfox said:

Tom, there are going to be days when you feel really bad, this happens to all of us.  One of the problems with having a recurring problem like depression is that it gradually erodes your ability to deal with it.  It's a bit like shock absorbers on a car.  When they're in perfect condition you hardly feel the bumps in the road but when they're worn down every little bump feels like a pit.  So a little problem can feel enormous when you're depressed.  

 

For me depression removed my ability to put things into perspective.  Life was like staring at a blank sheet of paper with a few dots on it and all I could see were the dots.  If I'd been looking at my situation rationally I would have seen that the good things in my life (the white areas) far outweighed the bad things (the dots) but I wasn't.  Appreciation of that situation helped me to get out of my depression, eventually I was able to put my problems into place.

 

One thing that kept me going in the dark times was a bit of perspective.  I felt awful, I couldn't see anything good for the future; however, if I looked at my past I hadn't felt like that for almost all my life and had experienced some happy times.  Just because I couldn't see any good times coming didn't mean that there weren't any in store.  Years later I can see how unrealistic my thinking was when I was depressed.  If you can start to put your dark thoughts into perspective I think it would help your recovery.

This is arguably the best post in the thread.

[bovril]

29 minutes ago, Swan Lesta said:

This is arguably the best post in the thread.

Yes, very good.

[Countryfox]

On 12/12/2016 at 18:36, tom27111 said:

I'm out of rep points! But thanks again for the care.

 

It really is astonishing that people you've never met seem to care so much. 

 

It is a big help, thank you again. I'm incredibly grateful for the love.

 

I feel very alone, but I guess I'm not.

 

No you're not mate !     ......      and for me personally it does restore your faith in mankind when you read a thread like this after seeing how some people use social media to send others over the edge.   Well done FT !!   

[MPH]

 

 

Rooting for you, Tom!!!!! We're all in your corner!!

[stripeyfox]

6 hours ago, Crinklyfox said:

Tom, there are going to be days when you feel really bad, this happens to all of us.  One of the problems with having a recurring problem like depression is that it gradually erodes your ability to deal with it.  It's a bit like shock absorbers on a car.  When they're in perfect condition you hardly feel the bumps in the road but when they're worn down every little bump feels like a pit.  So a little problem can feel enormous when you're depressed.  

 

For me depression removed my ability to put things into perspective.  Life was like staring at a blank sheet of paper with a few dots on it and all I could see were the dots.  If I'd been looking at my situation rationally I would have seen that the good things in my life (the white areas) far outweighed the bad things (the dots) but I wasn't.  Appreciation of that situation helped me to get out of my depression, eventually I was able to put my problems into place.

 

One thing that kept me going in the dark times was a bit of perspective.  I felt awful, I couldn't see anything good for the future; however, if I looked at my past I hadn't felt like that for almost all my life and had experienced some happy times.  Just because I couldn't see any good times coming didn't mean that there weren't any in store.  Years later I can see how unrealistic my thinking was when I was depressed.  If you can start to put your dark thoughts into perspective I think it would help your recovery.

Superbly well put.

 

[stripeyfox]

1 hour ago, Countryfox said:

 

No you're not mate !     ......      and for me personally it does restore your faith in mankind when you read a thread like this after seeing how some people use social media to send others over the edge.   Well done FT !!   

 

I agree. So much of what you read online is negative, it really is heart warming to see that a random collection of people on FoxesTalk can find the compassion and care to support those who are suffering. 

 

 

 

@tom27111 - I really hope today has been a better day for you. Let us know how are you are getting on

[RobHawk]

On 12/17/2016 at 22:29, tom27111 said:

Hi everyone, thanks again for all your kind words and support, it really is a help.

 

I'm leaving hospital on Monday, taking my meds and given up drinking, not that is was a major issue anyway.

 

Got somewhere to stay for a week or so whilst I'm looking for my own place.

 

Still not ideal and still struggling, but no point feeling sorry for myself, got to fight through.

 

Meds haven't really done much yet, although I don't know what to expect, but need to persist for another week or two.

 

I think the time out and being able to talk to people in hospital has helped.

 

Doc reckons they can do no more and support from my gp should be enough.

 

Here's hoping.

 

Thanks again to each and every one of you, you've been so kind.

Hello mate,

 

Thanks for the update, i just wanted to comment on the meds not doing anything for you yet. I recently went back on antidepressants myself, about the start of November i think. I wasn't as down as you sound but i'd been having issues in work that had been getting me down for a long time. It got to the point where i didn't have the stregnth to keep fighting. So what i wanted to say is the meds take time, only over the last week or so have i started to feel more like myself again, and its a gradual so its not like you wake up one morning and everythings ok again. I still have down days too, but they are becoming less frequent and not as bad as before - i know i still have at least a few more months of healing before i will be close to being back to me best. 

My biggest bit of advice, is not to put pressure on yourself, take things day by day and try and see as much positivity in the world as you can. You don't need me to say this, but sitting in a pub won't help - go see if you can volenteer somewhere, try and give something back - I know this sounds very condesending but it worked wonders for me. Its all about finding a path and just sticking to it, other things will work themselves out. For me, the next thing i need to do, is get the motivation to exercise again, as i know it helps but i'm not feeling up to it yet! 

[tom27111]

Thanks again for all your advice and help.

 

Still feeling shit.

[stripeyfox]

9 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

Thanks again for all your advice and help.

 

Still feeling shit.

 

I'm sure I speak for all contributors to this thread, and no doubt those who are reading too when I say "you're welcome"

You know you can unload on here any time. No one thinks you are attention seeking as I know this is a concern you have expressed.

 

How are you plans for the next few days coming along? Christmas can be a nightmare at the best of times so it'll be good to have at least some sort of plan.

[tom27111]

Not sure. Think I can stay somewhere for a little while from tomorrow.

 

No idea about Xmas and new year. Me and the ex were meant to be away for a few days at our friends wedding a few days after Xmas. Needless to say, that's off, they were her mates.

 

I've also been reported missing, so had the police calling. No idea why I'm missing with nowhere to go!

 

Going to see the police tomorrow, as they have concerns over my welfare. Not got a clue what's going to happen with that.

 

Doubt they'll help with housing, it might be back to the mental health ward, but I doubt it.

 

Just a bloody mess.

[stripeyfox]

4 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

Not sure. Think I can stay somewhere for a little while from tomorrow.

 

No idea about Xmas and new year. Me and the ex were meant to be away for a few days at our friends wedding a few days after Xmas. Needless to say, that's off, they were her mates.

 

I've also been reported missing, so had the police calling. No idea why I'm missing with nowhere to go!

 

Going to see the police tomorrow, as they have concerns over my welfare. Not got a clue what's going to happen with that.

 

Doubt they'll help with housing, it might be back to the mental health ward, but I doubt it.

 

Just a bloody mess.

So where are you staying at the moment? 

I think you mentioned you have a couple of children? Is there any possibility of seeing the ex and the kids at some point over Christmas?

[tom27111]

1 minute ago, stripeyfox said:

So where are you staying at the moment? 

I think you mentioned you have a couple of children? Is there any possibility of seeing the ex and the kids at some point over Christmas?

No, not at all. They've got plans.

 

Just a friend said I could stay a while. Strange circumstances and not ideal, so see what comes of that.

[stripeyfox]

4 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

No, not at all. They've got plans.

 

Just a friend said I could stay a while. Strange circumstances and not ideal, so see what comes of that.

That must be tough. For the kids too. If you don't mind my asking, how old are the children?

 

I'm worried about you mate, it does seem a mess, but I think we can break it into smaller chunks and find a way through the practicalities. The emotional side is more difficult to fix but I'm sure we can focus on sorting out some details to get through the next few days/weeks.

 

 

[tom27111]

My main priority is somewhere to stay. 

 

If that gets sorted, I think I can work through the emotional stuff.

 

I just don't know.

[TAFKA Castroneves]

That's it tom, little bits mate, you've got a tougher challenge than a lot of us with your circumstances as well right now, you've done well so far so don't beat yourself up dude -

moving around and struggling to settle is tough as well man, if you don't mind me asking (and sorry if its been mentioned somewhere) are you in touch with your folks mate? Of course i apologise if they aren't around for whatever reason. I saw a psychiatrist today and he was a top bloke, its amazing how his auroa, his responses to me and everything put me at ease a bit more - for me they are going to put me on Miazapan (spelling is probably wrong as i havent googled it yet) - im guessing its a version of Diazapan (once again spelling) its apparently a more stronger anti-depressant but the "side effects" it has they feel will help me with my anxiety and my appetitite - makes you really hungry apparently!

 

 

[Izzy]

47 minutes ago, TAFKA Castroneves said:

That's it tom, little bits mate, you've got a tougher challenge than a lot of us with your circumstances as well right now, you've done well so far so don't beat yourself up dude -

moving around and struggling to settle is tough as well man, if you don't mind me asking (and sorry if its been mentioned somewhere) are you in touch with your folks mate? Of course i apologise if they aren't around for whatever reason. I saw a psychiatrist today and he was a top bloke, its amazing how his auroa, his responses to me and everything put me at ease a bit more - for me they are going to put me on Miazapan (spelling is probably wrong as i havent googled it yet) - im guessing its a version of Diazapan (once again spelling) its apparently a more stronger anti-depressant but the "side effects" it has they feel will help me with my anxiety and my appetitite - makes you really hungry apparently!

 

 

Crikey, didn't realise you were suffering that badly too mate. I'm glad the psychiatrist put you at ease a bit, they're wonderfully gifted people in my experience. Can't say I've heard of 'Miazapan' but I was on Diazepam for quite a while back in the day. It certainly helped with my anxiety back then, but made me feel really 'groggy' and apparently I was just walking around in a daze for months. They helped me sleep like a log though, but I became addicted in a very short time. It took me ages to wean myself off them in the end, but they served their purpose are that stage of my life. My best wishes that they do the job for you too, and that you come out of the other end feeling much better 

Edited 21 December 2016 by Izzy Muzzett

[TAFKA Castroneves]

5 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Crikey, didn't realise you were suffering that badly too mate. I'm glad the psychiatrist put you at ease a bit, they're wonderfully gifted people in my experience. Can't say I've heard of 'Miazapan' but I was on Diazepam for quite a while back in the day. It certainly helped with my anxiety back then, but made me feel really 'groggy' and apparently I was just walking around in a daze for months. They helped me sleep like a log though, but I became addicted in a very short time. It took me ages to wean myself off them in the end, but they served their purpose are that stage of my life. My best wishes that they do the job for you too, and that you come out of the other end feeling much better 

Ah man it's cool i'm despite some tricky moments now and again kinda at this weird peace with it a bit - even though that might sound a bit strange to people - but that's really because i'm very lucky to have a great support network around me as well - the advice ive given of "health first" has really helped me. I'm not even thinking about work and etc until I'm on the meds and they're in and we see where we are, signed off till second week of Jan at earliest so no pressure there. For me though it's a problem i've had for years now - got a history of it and been on meds before so it's just the next stage really (this drug is like the 3rd option after 2 milder ones apparently - but that could depend on where you live even i guess), my depression has always been there and i just spiralled with my self-medicating - started off functioning with everything but time decays and things get more extreme to the point where your efforts to self solve end up becoming a greater problem, i'll be honest now i'd really love a joint and i feel more stressed not having it (like i used to with booze) BUT saying that - how can i ever try and fix the core problem if i'm not sober, short term pain - long term gain hopefully - and if it doesnt work i'll try something else. My appetite is by far the worst thing - used to be 16 stone, now 13 in the space of a few months - and im not even concious about that, that was the scary moment for me where I realised it could even take my life even excluding that horrible foe suicide - it was that bad i was convinced i had to have cancer you know, then got the all clear for that after months of appointments and etc - but it was that moment of it becoming physical when I knew deep down it was time to dig in and go after it.

 

If anyone ever needed any proof depression can become a physical thing i'm kinda a walking embodiment of that as of course some would only assume its a mental thing, it can be both and even more alas.

 

But indeed this thread helps as well you know! Hearing others talk and feeling open enough to talk does help me - and if i can help anyone that makes me feel better too of course