Depression

[ajthefox]

7 minutes ago, Costock_Fox said:

A fair few people have mentioned it but exercising can really help if that is your thing, Gets you out and about while making you feel good about yourself. 

 

Its not for everyone either but having a dog is a good way to get exercise and have some company in the evenings.

Agreed on both counts.

[stripeyfox]

1 hour ago, tom27111 said:

Nights are the worst. 

 

I'm not saying I'm going to take my life, but those thoughts are going round my head and I can't stop them. I hate it.

 

My thoughts are that it'll stop me feeling like this and nobody will miss me.

 

Saying this makes me sound like I want attention, but I don't.  I'm just saying it how it is.

 

The good news is, I don't think I have the balls to kill myself, even if I wanted to.

No one thinks your are attention seeking so lets get that out of the way for starters.

 

People have said to me before that those who take their own life see it as their only option - a lack of choices if you will.

 

I sincerely hope it doesn't come to that but I do understand the bleakness that one can feel in the small hours. 

 

You've already demonstrated considerable courage to post on here. Just keep going - one tiny step at a time.

 

 

 

[orangecity23]

The other thing about doing exercise, is that if you've exercised in the evening, then you will be tired when you try to go to bed, so might find it a bit easier to fall asleep and overcome some of the thoughts keeping you awake. Might be worth a go.

 

As other people have said, don't feel ashamed about seeking help, none of this is your fault, its just chemicals in your brain. This is exactly what the health services are for, for helping people with medical problems such as these.

[urban.spaceman]

What a great community we have here on FT. Cheers everyone.

[Charl91]

9 minutes ago, orangecity23 said:

The other thing about doing exercise, is that if you've exercised in the evening, then you will be tired when you try to go to bed, so might find it a bit easier to fall asleep and overcome some of the thoughts keeping you awake. Might be worth a go.

 

As other people have said, don't feel ashamed about seeking help, none of this is your fault, its just chemicals in your brain. This is exactly what the health services are for, for helping people with medical problems such as these.

Personally I find it better to exercise in the morning (in terms of getting sleep).

 

If I exercise in the evening, then all the adrenaline keeps me awake for much longer.

[orangecity23]

Just now, Charl91 said:

Personally I find it better to exercise in the morning (in terms of getting sleep).

 

If I exercise in the evening, then all the adrenaline keeps me awake for much longer.

Well, go with this advice then - it's pretty obvious that I've not been doing any proper exercise lately

[Izzy]

2 hours ago, tom27111 said:

Nights are the worst. 

 

I'm not saying I'm going to take my life, but those thoughts are going round my head and I can't stop them. I hate it.

 

My thoughts are that it'll stop me feeling like this and nobody will miss me.

 

Saying this makes me sound like I want attention, but I don't.  I'm just saying it how it is.

 

The good news is, I don't think I have the balls to kill myself, even if I wanted to.

Without me getting all psycobabble here Tom, you've mentioned your 'thinking' a few times now. What I learnt from my therapy and subsequent research into psychology is that "we're living in the feeling of our thinking - 100% of the time".

We can't control our thinking, but we can recognise them for what they are - only thoughts, not our reality. I've learnt that my thoughts are not always to be trusted. I still get many negative thoughts every day but rather than give them concious energy, I just acknowledge them and wait for a more empowering thought to appear (and they always do) and these are the ones I pay attention too. If my thoughts are bad, I feel bad. If my thoughts are good, I feel good. I would suggest that's the same for everyone. If we catastrophise our thoughts and keep thinking "what if?", we can get into a right state. As well as exercise as others have mentioned, I'd also recommend meditation and maybe exploring mindfulness? Anyway, I'll shut up now, but keep posting mate and we all wish you the very best. 

Edited 12 December 2016 by Izzy Muzzett

[daddylonglegs]

23 hours ago, Mee-9 said:

 

Well done for speaking out Tom. As blokes we struggle with speaking out about things such as mental health. 

 

There are some great charities out there, such as CALM, who can offer support and help to anyone. I'm sure you already know about these, but even if it's someone to just speak to when you feel a bit low, give them a call. 

 

From my own experience, I was really low and depressed about a year ago. Yeah I had been struggling before, but for a few months it just hit me really bad. There would be days in which I wouldn't get out of bed and I had zero motivation to do anything. I don't know what it was that brought it on, I just couldn't shake the feeling of being useless and pointless, my mere existence just feeling completely aimless. I piled weight on and everyday would become a huge struggle for me to just do the normal everyday things in which we would all take for granted. For me I felt incredibly lonely even when I was surrounded by those that I love. 

 

A year later I have changed completely. My life has changed completely, I now work full time in a job I love and I have a reason to get up and leave the house every day. 

 

I don't know what helped me necessarily, but by speaking out you have done something incredible. The courage it takes to speak out about how you are feeling is something that is truly remarkable. I didn't speak out about how I felt, and I think maybe I could have been helped sooner. 

 

Everyone on here who has commented, (and those who haven't) think you really are an amazing person. I speak for everyone on this forum when I say, we're all just blokes sitting behind computers who would love to go for a pint with you and put the world (and LCFC) to rights. 

 

Stay strong fella. 

Very well put - especially the last paragraph. 

 

Stick at it, Tom. 

[tom27111]

Thank you all again.

 

I'm out of rep points, but I'll consider everything.

 

 I'm kind of overwhelmed by the response. I'm very teary as it is, but you guys are awesome.

 

Thank you, yet again.

[ScouseFox]

all the best fella. not gonna claim i have any knowledge or much advice on the subject but glad to see you making small steps to get help and get back up and running. 

 

keep it up. 

[cambridgefox]

6 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

Thank you all again.

 

I'm out of rep points, but I'll consider everything.

 

 I'm kind of overwhelmed by the response. I'm very teary as it is, but you guys are awesome.

 

Thank you, yet again.

We are a good bunch really.So pleased for you if any of the FT family have helped you in anyway.

one thing I have noticed over the years on here is,yes there are arguments,yes there is P!ss taking,but when someone is needing help,advice or have problems you can guarantee people will genuinely want to help.

[Nick]

Hi all,

 

Sometimes there's a strange security in the idea of suicide when people are feeling low. I think for some it's the idea of something in one's mind that they have power and choice over when everything else seems over-complicated and not in one's control to do anything about.

 

Sometimes a step in the direction of improved wellness is to attempt to not let your mind get to a state of everything seeming and feeling so over complicated and unsolvable that you are powerless. Easier said than done but......

 

The past is the past - if people want to work on changing it and improving past relationships - they can but getting well first is the priority.

 

For many, starting with the basics and writing down a few core problems that they are facing - say just four things and next to them write a tangible realistic list of actual real-world positive things they can do or begin to do the next day to make small inward roads to address the issues. They may be tiny - maybe making a call, writing or opening a letter, going for a short walk - small steps.

 

Whilst moving forward often seems impossible. The feeling of capital and empowerment can for some serve to diminish the feelings of disillusionment and help bit by bit to begin to regain confidence in ones own ability - and that can mean getting the 'hope' back and starting to look forward to things and not being stuck going round in circles in ones mind!

 

If anybody has been arsed to read all this who is feeling down - I hope it helps.

 

SL

 

 

[Col city fan]

A little tip I learnt recently doing training.

If you know somebody who is feeling depressed, or even suicidal, and you've mentioned the Samaritans to them....you make the phone call for them in the first instance. Ie. Be there with the person to call the Sams. Like anything, once they've called the first time, they will probably be more willing to call them again, when you aren't with them.

Hope that makes sense.

[ozleicester]

10 hours ago, tom27111 said:

Nights are the worst. 

 

I'm not saying I'm going to take my life, but those thoughts are going round my head and I can't stop them. I hate it.

 

My thoughts are that it'll stop me feeling like this and nobody will miss me.

 

Saying this makes me sound like I want attention, but I don't.  I'm just saying it how it is.

 

The good news is, I don't think I have the balls to kill myself, even if I wanted to.

Just quickly again mate... im here quite often during the UK nights... if you need to chat, just give me a shout.... at the very least youll get me out of work  and just imagine the thrilling stories an old man living on the edge of a desert can share with you  

 

[stripeyfox]

10 minutes ago, ozleicester said:

Just quickly again mate... im here quite often during the UK nights... if you need to chat, just give me a shout.... at the very least youll get me out of work  and just imagine the thrilling stories an old man living on the edge of a desert can share with you  

 

It really gladdens my heart to think that people offer help to others like this.

 

 

[DANGEROUS TIGER]

On ‎12‎/‎12‎/‎2016 at 11:39, tom27111 said:

Thanks everyone for your support.

 

I feel so silly and ashamed by it all.

 

With regards to my living situation, I can't get any help because I'm in employment. I've got a steady job and get paid next week.

 

At the end of the month, I get a lump sum of cash, so I'm hoping to relocate somewhere early in the new year and just stay in a b&b until I find something when I'm out of hospital. 

 

Starting from scratch again is something that upsets me.

 

I can be transferred pretty much anywhere in the country with work.

I have suffered from depression on and off for thirty years or so, and see my GP regularly with regard to it.

 

Depression comes in many forms, and results in all sorts of highly unpleasant ways.

 

If you wish to PM me, then please do so.

[Raj]

Another good thing is to talk to someone. It will help massively.

You don't have to think it will be like going to a shrink,just have s chat with someone close to you.

Exercise as people have said is A MASSIVE help.

Don't keep it in,find sn outlet,but accept that you will have some dark dark days- it's just learning to accept them days and get through them safely

Don't take people for how they are perceived as aload of comedians suffer from depression.... Who makes the comedians laugh??

 

[stripeyfox]

5 hours ago, Raj said:

Another good thing is to talk to someone. It will help massively.

You don't have to think it will be like going to a shrink,just have s chat with someone close to you.

Exercise as people have said is A MASSIVE help.

Don't keep it in,find sn outlet,but accept that you will have some dark dark days- it's just learning to accept them days and get through them safely

Don't take people for how they are perceived as aload of comedians suffer from depression.... Who makes the comedians laugh??

 

To be honest Raj, I think that is why this thread is so important. I don't want to vent my problems here but I'm not ready to go and see a professional, as it were. But I'm growing more confident that if I were to "unload" here that it would be treated with respect and compassion and from what I have seen so far, some pretty decent advice. 

 

It is as you say, an outlet. Not forcing someone into a surgery or hospital, but a place were they can reveal as much as they want (more or less anonymously) and someone will listen.

 

Possibly the most important thread on this whole site (now that the Rachel ones are banned!)

 

[Mark_w]

On 12/12/2016 at 23:41, Swan Lesta said:

For many, starting with the basics and writing down a few core problems that they are facing - say just four things and next to them write a tangible realistic list of actual real-world positive things they can do or begin to do the next day to make small inward roads to address the issues. They may be tiny - maybe making a call, writing or opening a letter, going for a short walk - small steps.

I found writing about it (in my case through creative writing, rather than like this) very therapeutic when I was first dealing with moderate depression and severe social anxiety. Getting it all out in private really helped me process and feel comfortable enough to start opening up to people and both of those things made it easier to articulate when I eventually got some help from the student wellbeing people at my Uni and later my GP. Whether it's actually advisable I don't know, but might be worth considering for those who want to talk about it but aren't ready to share it with others.

[urban.spaceman]

2 hours ago, Mark_w said:

I found writing about it (in my case through creative writing, rather than like this) very therapeutic when I was first dealing with moderate depression and severe social anxiety. Getting it all out in private really helped me process and feel comfortable enough to start opening up to people and both of those things made it easier to articulate when I eventually got some help from the student wellbeing people at my Uni and later my GP. Whether it's actually advisable I don't know, but might be worth considering for those who want to talk about it but aren't ready to share it with others.

Like Mark said, writing about it is good. Any sort of writing. Anywhere. There's an app called Elefriends where you can just post whatever you're thinking or feeling, completely anonymous - can sometimes be useful for just getting your feelings out and having support from people feeling the same way. You may also have heard of Big White Wall which may or may not be funded by your local NHS provider - if not it costs £24 a month which isn't worth it IMO.

 

Otherwise - creative writing is a great way to go. I did a screenwriting course at the Phoenix a couple of years ago which coincided with a really tough terminal illness and bereavement. It really helped me to write a script which sparked an enthusiasm for the craft that persists today; all I'm saying is creative writing isn't a bad place to express yourself.

[TAFKA Castroneves]

Hey all, 4am now and once again I can't sleep so I thought i'd use the time to tell you all my story (and honestly log back into Foxestalk for the first time in a while and actually contribute again rather than the lurker i've become) - no doubt it'll take me an hour or so to compose and i'll try not to make it an essay for you all but it's actually helped me reading a lot of these personal life stories surrounding depression, i see a lot of similarities between my story and that of others here - hopefully me telling mine will help not only me continue to come to terms and understand myself - but also add another layer of bubble wrap to fellow sufferers out there - it's been said but you are not alone, infact no doubt there are more of us out there than we'll probably ever know. I heard a horrible fact from my sister (who's a college tutor) that over half of her class suffer from a mental health problem, and that's the 16-18 age range - a major concern to be that we are on the verge of a bit of a epidemic here in the UK. It's time we all get talking about this, especially us that have hidden far too long in the shadows.

 

I've had a long and storied history with depression going back to my childhood and im currently at the "Ground Zero" as someone very well described it as earlier with my latest battle - and this has been and still is my hardest and toughest battle to date. Tomorrow i'm going to lose my job as i've been off work since September (more on this later), luckily for me that won't impact me as much as it would others, my family support (especially the last two weeks) has been unbelievable - and I discovered for the first time that my Mum has like me also suffered from depression for years - and i never knew about it. She's very much become a rock at a difficult time, my dad also tries hard - but it's something he hasn't experienced and I can understand how difficult it is for people who have never had depression to understand it - that's not saying he isn't a support because he is despite that, love people is a hell of an important thing.

 

I have always lived a life of strange contrasts which have no doubt been rather "head****y" for lack of a better word, life and soul of the party - but with crippling insecurities that meant throughout my life i've gone through periods of self-imposed iscolation away from everyone, on average i would say these happen in 3 month spells, but can range from two weeks (min) to 1 and a half years - I've always worn a mask - and used to be good at wearing a mask, only the closest to me would even know I had/have a mental health problem. However over years of papering over cracks you end up springing leaks - and then end up like that bathtub from Breaking Bad that was filled with acid - you crash through everything and it can be remarkably destuctive to others - which for me mentally unhinged me further.

 

In my teens I was discovered to have a chemical imbalance in my brain when I went through my first severe bout of depression - i'm a more creative than logical individual is all i really took from it at the time (left/right side brain) (thinking, "well that makes sense as I love writing but hate science") - i went on the meds, small doses and then after two years came off via the doctors (as i told them I wanted to) and went to Uni.

 

Good old Uni - i failed that. Yeah, not surprising really when I once turned up one minute late for a lecture and froze up realising that i'd have to walk infront of all the class to get to my seat who were already seated and ready to go. Eventually I moved back home and worked for a supermarket chain that ended up with me hiding under a table doing my best Peter Griffin impression infront of my Area Manager who was ready to tear me a new one over the state of the store (it was the day of an England game in the World Cup, i believe USA with ITV's gaff - so mentally busy) - I felt two things at that time - that if I hid and refused to come out he'd think I was a child and leave me alone - and also a part of me just simply thought he'd appreciate the humour in me hiding away and refusing to come out and that it would be a funny story he'd go home and tell the wife about . The pressures of management and the job eventually threw me into another downward spiral and with my relationship with my manager soured via my antics I eventually resigned one morning just before we opened the store - telling the staff that I had, "lost my smile" in the style of Shawn Michaels WWF promo in 1997 (i must have watched it the night before and I do remember his words struck a chord with me despite being a wrestling promo) - but rather than go back to the doctors this time - I ran away - to Canada.

 

I lived in Canada for a year and a half and overall did okay, the newness of the world I was in - the interest I attracted due to being from England was more than enough to keep me distracted and I managed a pretty normal life for a while - and I met my girlfriend there - but I never got to the root of the problem, so during this time abroad the self medication (that had started just before uni) still only went up - a common theme for most people suffering depression.

 

I had always been a big drinker probably since the age of 17 - but when I started needing around 8 pints a night to "cope" with my own existance I eventually fell sick (the 8 pints a night on average generally ran for ten years - frightening now looking back) - my body and liver rightly rejected all the booze (luckily today i've almost been a year without a drink and my liver has recovered remarkably well from, "poor" to "satifactory" as the doctors ranked it. Then came weed - and I can completly see Carl (sorry if i get the wrong name) where you are because i've just given up, been about a week and I still miss it awfully - but I feel that's only because i'm still in the process of having treatment for my depression and i'm raw at the moment, i owe it to myself to just ignore that and see if I can as my life as a stoner was one filled with a lot of emptyness and iscolation - which only breeds more depression. Part of my recent meltdown did end with me dissapearing to Amsterdam for a week and just smoking non-stop (excluding sleep) - and with Dam weed I got a nasty cough after about two days of it but still subjected myself to insane spliffs and hash mixtures despite the apparent struggle to even breath on occasions. It took me to put myself in that position to realise just how miserable I had become and how I had no doubt become a danger to myself - in ways the culmination of both the drinking and the weed smoking were suicide attempts, I wanted to go out the most drunk and stoned I had ever been.

 

The irony of the broken brain is that I feel best when on stage performing - yep, a guy with severe anxiety is completly at ease going on a stage in front of however many people, pure madness! I still find that incredibly hard to understand.

 

My current run with depression was seemingly triggered by an altercation that happened at my work, we were working too many hours in quite an iscolating envrionment (10 hour days, even saturdays for a few weeks to keep up with demand - physical work as well, knackering when you overdo it) and myself and a co-worker got into a scrap which ended with me having to restrain him to stop him from hitting me. Ironically again I used to work as a security guard but never had any of those more aggressive customers throw me into a spiral - my guard was lowered here as we all used to get on really well. I ended up having a physical manifestation in the form of dodgy guts and passing blood - which in turn led down the path of being checked for real physical conditions with a colonoscopy etc. My appetite dissapeared overnight and I've since lost three stone of weight - even eating today proves very difficult and I normally get sick before I realise I haven't eaten - difficult as my brain seems to have switched off my appetite receptors so i'm having to set reminders to eat.

 

Anyways, its been over an hour and I haven't wrote that much really I'm doing alright overall though guys - i just wanted to share to see if it helps any of you and if any of you can relate to my experiences so far. I must not remain a lurker haha. All the best boys, love to all my fellow City fans on here - you guys are just next level and i'm proud to be one of you since day 1 (this topic proves that in waves) - and to all of you battling I know personally it's so hard to reach out - and some of you might not have the support around you to make things easier, but people really do care even if your brain tells you they don't, I promise.

 

 

[Raj]

8 hours ago, stripeyfox said:

To be honest Raj, I think that is why this thread is so important. I don't want to vent my problems here but I'm not ready to go and see a professional, as it were. But I'm growing more confident that if I were to "unload" here that it would be treated with respect and compassion and from what I have seen so far, some pretty decent advice. 

 

It is as you say, an outlet. Not forcing someone into a surgery or hospital, but a place were they can reveal as much as they want (more or less anonymously) and someone will listen.

 

Possibly the most important thread on this whole site (now that the Rachel ones are banned!)

 

No one will judge you mate.

Depression has no sign. If you break a leg you have a plaster and people ask if your alright.

Depression and other mental issues don't have that sign. People would be shocked at names of people who suffer from depression.

It's not easy,do what helps but defo take the exercise,outlet, music,hobby and talking route. Good on ya. X

[broughtonblue]

Tom

A couple of years ago  I was made redundant, my grandad who was my soulmate died and the woman who id been married to for 30 years walked out. I found myself standing on the edge of a cliff, contemplating jumping. A member of the public called the police and coastguard and I found myself in the back of a police car. For all the bad press the police get these days, those two officers were amazing and provided the initial 'spark' that led me to where I am today.

I did the tablets for depression and anxiety, but I took myself off them after two months. What really helped me was talking, talking and more talking. Whether it be to friends or on an Internet forum like this one. But most importantly it was speaking to a counsellor.  I can't praise or thank this lady enough, she literally saved my life. 

You've made the step of seeking help so you will be in good hands.

Yes I still have low times, and I'm not going to lie, they are awful. BUT they are becoming a lot less frequent and only last for days now not weeks.

Never be ashamed of being ill, I cried rivers in front of my counsellor and sometimes in public. 

If you need to chat pm me. 

I'm going to post a link, this was sent to me by my son when I was suffering badly. It bought home to me none of what was happening was isolated to me, there's millions of sufferers of this illness.

 

The black dog still lives with me, but now I take him for a walk instead of him pulling me to where he wants to go.

 

Stay strong mate 

Edited 15 December 2016 by broughtonblue

[Finnaldo]

Tom, TAFKA and everyone who's contributed their personal bouts: you're all extremely inspiring people.

 

I've been lucky enough to never suffer from anything more than a little down and I still struggle to get it off my chest most the time, to have such a dark and difficult period of your life, especially multiple events, it's not just brave, but you're helping a lot of people come to terms and realise they can voice it and come forward to get help, whether it to take the preliminary steps of just talking about it or seek professional help, you should be proud of yourselves. I understand from your posts that it's difficult to see the positives but everything you write here is a positive contribution and we're all here to talk to you if you need it! 

[Carl the Llama]

On 12/12/2016 at 20:30, tom27111 said:

Nights are the worst. 

 

I'm not saying I'm going to take my life, but those thoughts are going round my head and I can't stop them. I hate it.

 

My thoughts are that it'll stop me feeling like this and nobody will miss me.

 

Saying this makes me sound like I want attention, but I don't.  I'm just saying it how it is.

 

The good news is, I don't think I have the balls to kill myself, even if I wanted to.

Sorry for taking the conversation backwards a little bit but I think this is an important point that needs a little expansion on:  There is a world of difference between wanting to die and being suicidal, the fact that you seem to class yourself in the former group is a very positive thing because it shows that for better or worse there's a part of you that still holds out hope for things to improve or cares too much about at least one person in your life to cause them that kind of pain.  Being a bit of a cynical, pessimistic cvnt I'm a big fan of the adage that "it's the hope that kills" or of the idea that people you care for only let you down, but if we're being honest here those ideas only apply to superficial expectations/disappointments which don't hold too much gravity in the grand scheme of things, regarding this matter - the most important of all matters that relate to your life - the existence of hope and others that you care for on some level is exactly what you need, it shows there is a good, well-adjusted person hiding underneath the mess that clutters your thoughts.  Keep it up.