Depression

[ramboacdc]

i have always suffered but the mrs is really suffering at the moment and i can feel myself getting more frustrated an just wanting to shake her and go "see some ****ing sense will you!?" but i know thats not the best thing to do. Thankfully i know i have her family to talk to if i am getting too worried. 

[MPH]

10 hours ago, tom27111 said:

If I've missed you out, have a go at me....makes me feel normal again 

 

 

 

@tom27111 you big fart nugget you forgot me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Actually you didint really i think i only posted once or twice... I just like using the phrase fart nugget. makes me feel young again!

[Countryfox]

15 hours ago, tom27111 said:

@ozleicester @Swan Lesta @Costock_Fox too. 

 

Sorry if I've missed people out.

 

But as I say, you're all heroes. 

 

EVERYONE that's written on this thread. 

 

You all care, that's what matters.

 

Genuinely restores faith in mankind 

 

And don't forget Tom there are an awful lot of people on here like me that don't post cus, to be honest, we don't really know what to say ..    but we read all the posts and  are 100% behind you and really hope you can get yourself to a better place.     Feel the love mate ...   

[Guest LCFC_World]

Stay stronge people.

 

This thread is great, no one is judgemental, and everyone is freely allowed to express their feelings. 

[Lionator]

I'm also in the midst of a crap time albeit not as bad as Tom who is very inspirational. I'm in my final year of uni and have always had manageable anxiety from my mid-teens, unfortunately this has transcended into depression over the past few months. 12 months ago I had my studies alongside playing in a uni footy team, working in a bar and volunteering in an outpatients department. Now all I have is my studies which I enjoy although it's very stressful. I have a girlfriend who lives in a different city who is fantastic at understanding however I feel that I'm a constant drain on her and wonder if it's really worth dragging her through it with me. My parents are also incredibly understanding. I'm scared as to what happens after university, I have no plan whereas everyone else seems to. It's crap and if you suffer, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

Edited 29 December 2016 by Lionator

[Izzy]

39 minutes ago, Lionator said:

I'm also in the midst of a crap time albeit not as bad as Tom who is very inspirational. I'm in my final year of uni and have always had manageable anxiety from my mid-teens, unfortunately this has transcended into depression over the past few months. 12 months ago I had my studies alongside playing in a uni footy team, working in a bar and volunteering in an outpatients department. Now all I have is my studies which I enjoy although it's very stressful. I have a girlfriend who lives in a different city who is fantastic at understanding however I feel that I'm a constant drain on her and wonder if it's really worth dragging her through it with me. My parents are also incredibly understanding. I'm scared as to what happens after university, I have no plan whereas everyone else seems to. It's crap and if you suffer, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

What are you studying at Uni mate if you don't mind me asking?

 

I know it might seem that everyone else has a 'plan' and you don't, but don't be so sure. Many of us who suffer from stress, anxiety and depression have a problem dealing with uncertainty, and therefore 'catastrophise' our future and 'make it up badly'. And of course we have no idea what the future holds - but we worry about it anyway.

 

I've learnt over the years to embrace the unknown and 'dance' with the uncertainty of life. Things now seem to have a way of working themselves out without me having to over plan or over think it. Sometimes we just need to 'get out of our own way' a bit and let our path unfold. And as John Lennon famously said "life is what's happening when you are busy making other plans"

 

And if it's any consolation, I know plenty of people in their 40's and 50's who still don't know what to do with their lives. You've got time on your side so go easy on yourself, take the pressure off yourself, and enjoy the journey. And remember to 'smell the roses' on your way mate. 

 

 

 

 

 

[urban.spaceman]

18 hours ago, tom27111 said:

And I can't thank you all enough @stripeyfox @Izzy Muzzett @Mark_w @urban.spaceman and the rest of you...sincerely, thank you. 

 

Sorry I can't name you all, but you're all heroes. 

 

I'm eternally grateful x

It's an honour dude. Great to read the support you've got from your friends. Also great to see so much support on here and people sharing their own experiences. I've always believed that if you help people you don't know you're more likely to get that help in return at your time of need. 

 

Remember what I said about the ups and downs - the ups are great but you'll also get very low lows. I had a very difficult day the other day but the next was much better. Just try and get through them the best you can. 

 

Stay strong!!

[Mark_w]

4 hours ago, Lionator said:

I'm also in the midst of a crap time albeit not as bad as Tom who is very inspirational. I'm in my final year of uni and have always had manageable anxiety from my mid-teens, unfortunately this has transcended into depression over the past few months. 12 months ago I had my studies alongside playing in a uni footy team, working in a bar and volunteering in an outpatients department. Now all I have is my studies which I enjoy although it's very stressful. I have a girlfriend who lives in a different city who is fantastic at understanding however I feel that I'm a constant drain on her and wonder if it's really worth dragging her through it with me. My parents are also incredibly understanding. I'm scared as to what happens after university, I have no plan whereas everyone else seems to. It's crap and if you suffer, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

When my social anxiety was at its worst I did a marvelous job of alienating myself by a) thinking along those lines and b) making assumptions about what/how other people think. Not saying it's applicable to you but as a general point - if people care about you and want to help, I really don't think it's selfish to let them.

It is probably worth going to see your careers people at Uni if you've not already though. I've been struggling since graduating because I didn't properly confront what's happening next early enough and if there's anything that's going to make the anxiety and depression worse it's job applications, interviews (I assume, not got that far yet), having no routine and not really knowing what you're doing with your life *Sighs*. Some preparation for what comes next will at least save some time down the road.

Edited 30 December 2016 by Mark_w

[ozleicester]

12 hours ago, Lionator said:

I'm also in the midst of a crap time albeit not as bad as Tom who is very inspirational. I'm in my final year of uni and have always had manageable anxiety from my mid-teens, unfortunately this has transcended into depression over the past few months. 12 months ago I had my studies alongside playing in a uni footy team, working in a bar and volunteering in an outpatients department. Now all I have is my studies which I enjoy although it's very stressful. I have a girlfriend who lives in a different city who is fantastic at understanding however I feel that I'm a constant drain on her and wonder if it's really worth dragging her through it with me. My parents are also incredibly understanding. I'm scared as to what happens after university, I have no plan whereas everyone else seems to. It's crap and if you suffer, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

Good luck pal, As the parent of a person with mental illness i can assure you that your parents want to help and dont care about the strain or difficulty etc.

 

Please know that they will ALWAYS want you to call them if you need help.

 

Fvck plans, just make your way everyday, the future will come together in time.

 

[Lionator]

18 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

What are you studying at Uni mate if you don't mind me asking?

 

I know it might seem that everyone else has a 'plan' and you don't, but don't be so sure. Many of us who suffer from stress, anxiety and depression have a problem dealing with uncertainty, and therefore 'catastrophise' our future and 'make it up badly'. And of course we have no idea what the future holds - but we worry about it anyway.

 

I've learnt over the years to embrace the unknown and 'dance' with the uncertainty of life. Things now seem to have a way of working themselves out without me having to over plan or over think it. Sometimes we just need to 'get out of our own way' a bit and let our path unfold. And as John Lennon famously said "life is what's happening when you are busy making other plans"

 

And if it's any consolation, I know plenty of people in their 40's and 50's who still don't know what to do with their lives. You've got time on your side so go easy on yourself, take the pressure off yourself, and enjoy the journey. And remember to 'smell the roses' on your way mate. 

 

 

 

 

 

I do Maths & Statistics.

 

Thanks all, you're great! I'll get there I'm sure but it really is like they say living under a dark cloud 24/7. Emotions are contrasting all the time too, wanting people to help but feeling guilty when they do then pushing people away yet wanting them close at the same time. It's all so tiring. 

[Izzy]

4 hours ago, Lionator said:

I do Maths & Statistics.

 

Thanks all, you're great! I'll get there I'm sure but it really is like they say living under a dark cloud 24/7. Emotions are contrasting all the time too, wanting people to help but feeling guilty when they do then pushing people away yet wanting them close at the same time. It's all so tiring. 

The world will always need people who are shit hot at Maths & Statistics - good choice 

And even if you don't have a 'plan' yet, providing you're bright, confident and resilient, you'll get snapped up by an employer in no time I'm sure..

Remember that your contrasting emotions always come from your thinking. It probably all feels tiring because you think it's tiring. 

Never feel guilty about reaching out for help and receiving it mate. Most people want to help because it also makes them feel good about themselves, so we shouldn't deny others the gift of giving...

[ozleicester]

New years can be a tough time.  Try to ignore what the media and others are saying or selling.  

 

 

Dont give in, you are helping people and doing good even if you dont realise it today.

[Crinklyfox]

New year coming up.  Best wishes to all the sufferers who have posted in this thread and to those who suffer in silence.  I hope 2017 is better for you.

 

I've posted previously about my limited experience of depression and the fact that I spent far too much time looking at my perceived inadequacies rather than taking a more rounded view.  At that time I felt worthless and that affected my outlook on life.  When the physical side of my depression had been medically addressed I tried to take a more realistic view.  There were ups and downs but on my good days I made an effort to put my worth as an individual into perspective by considering the worthwhile things I had done rather than just looking at what I considered were the bad points.  Sometimes it good to speak to friends about this, they like you and should be able to point out your attributes even if you have difficulty seeing them yourself.  This helped my self esteem such that on the bad days I could go back to my reasoning on the good days which helped me get through.  I thought of it as mental training, and like physical training, I didn't get fit in one day.  However, repeated exercise slowly built up my resilience and now I'm able to quash the negativity pretty quickly.

 

This may not work for everyone but it did for me, so I hope that it will work for others.  

[Fez of Mahrez]

I know it's only a game and pales in comparison with some of the real struggles mentioned here but I think most of us are emotionally invested enough in football and Leicester City that we can talk about the effect this year has had on us as well. Perhaps the main thing I liked about winning the league was the unity and togetherness among fans and I haven't enjoyed seeing that largely evaporate over the past few weeks.

 

So to see all different kinds of people come together to help fellow supporters with kind words and advice on this thread has been truly heartwarming and a reminder of what's really important.

 

I like to have grand ambitions at the start of each year and by the end, I've often forgotten what they were anyway. This year I'm scaling down massively and just to be around this time next year in good health will be enough. Grand ambitions are right for some people and wrong for others.

 

The main lesson life has taught me this year is that you're not in competition with anyone else and even if what you're doing seems wrong, you had your reasons and don't beat yourself up about it because it's counterproductive. I haven't actually learned either of those lessons yet but I know they're both correct deep down and I intend to learn them in 2017.

 

Happy New Year to all and don't let this thread disappear if you feel you need it. There are a lot of people here for you. To everyone who has battled it, well done and keep going.

[CKB]

I've been very quiet about my years and I mean years of struggle with them demons in my head. But I've recently thought 'fvck it' why should I be ashamed anymore? And seeing a thread like this has given me even more impetus to go into details about my battles 

 

I'm 37 now and from a young age I've suffered servere depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia. Seen numerous councillors, psychiatrists, professionals, the lot and either i haven't done enough or they just weren't that good! I'm currently going through a hellish time as I've come off Sertraline and gone on Imipramine and it hasn't agreed with me at all, infact so much I had to stop it as having sickness allday everyday wasn't my idea of fun! My Doctor and Psychiatrist agreed that it was for the best but of course now I'm suffering in the fact I feel like I'm floating as I'm not taking anything and won't until they can come up with a plan to suit me. Wouldn't have going back on Sertraline been better than fvck all? I've been on meds now since late teens, I was adamant I didn't wanna go on them but had to in the end

 

But yeah the last couple of weeks have been awful and top that with tonsillitis, Christmas hasn't been that great minus the day itself, the rest total washout!

 

I've struggled all my life, it became even harder when I decided 8 years ago I had to try get myself out there abit. I had hardly been out for over 8 years, the odd time here and there, the odd family thing but nothing really! My depression with agoraphobia was literally owning me and like I said I dunno I just woke up one day and thought I'm gonna try and get out there more. I met someone and 6 and abit years ago I had a beautiful Boy and don't get me wrong it was the best thing I could've done but of course it come with added pressures and pressures that I've mostly failed which in turn made me worse

 

I was always battling, trying to do the best I could. The missus gets very angry at times with me and could I blame her? She's basically caring for our son a lot and having to be let down time and time again because I'm just not mentally fit to do outings, the amount of money that's been wasted is a crime in itself and I'm not sure how much she will take in the end. I'm trying tho and I've never ever not tried!

 

I am trying to get better but things take time and you get in ruts. I'm getting about all the help I can right now and hopefully it can help me achieve a more positive 2017 and less failures happen. My Son who is 6 now, who has Autism by the way, doesn't understand why Daddy isn't well, doesn't understand why things get cancelled or Daddy isn't there, because of his Autism.

 

Of course I want him to understand more things, I want the very best for him but i do think imagine if he was neurologically typical? all them let downs from his Daddy? I'm not sure I could have coped with that. The missus deals with a lot and I'm eternally greatful but the amount of rows we have lately, well for along time make me wonder if we have hit that point where she just can't take it anymore

 

I've probably come across rambling here, not making much sense and I've probably missed stuff but I've tried to say as much as I could and trust me for what I've/am going through I think that's been a huge step! I'd have never thought once about opening up on a forum and let alone a footie one! But it shows just what people go through and how people can relate and be there for others

 

Much love to you all and if we all can help each other at times then that's gotta be better than nowt!

 

 

Edited 31 December 2016 by CKB

[ozleicester]

1 hour ago, CKB said:

I've been very quiet about my years and I mean years of struggle with them demons in my head. But I've recently thought 'fvck it' why should I be ashamed anymore? And seeing a thread like this has given me even more impetus to go into details about my battles 

 

I'm 37 now and from a young age I've suffered servere depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia. Seen numerous councillors, psychiatrists, professionals, the lot and either i haven't done enough or they just weren't that good! I'm currently going through a hellish time as I've come off Sertraline and gone on Imipramine and it hasn't agreed with me at all, infact so much I had to stop it as having sickness allday everyday wasn't my idea of fun! My Doctor and Psychiatrist agreed that it was for the best but of course now I'm suffering in the fact I feel like I'm floating as I'm not taking anything and won't until they can come up with a plan to suit me. Wouldn't have going back on Sertraline been better than fvck all? I've been on meds now since late teens, I was adamant I didn't wanna go on them but had to in the end

 

But yeah the last couple of weeks have been awful and top that with tonsillitis, Christmas hasn't been that great minus the day itself, the rest total washout!

 

I've struggled all my life, it became even harder when I decided 8 years ago I had to try get myself out there abit. I had hardly been out for over 8 years, the odd time here and there, the odd family thing but nothing really! My depression with agoraphobia was literally owning me and like I said I dunno I just woke up one day and thought I'm gonna try and get out there more. I met someone and 6 and abit years ago I had a beautiful Boy and don't get me wrong it was the best thing I could've done but of course it come with added pressures and pressures that I've mostly failed which in turn made me worse

 

I was always battling, trying to do the best I could. The missus gets very angry at times with me and could I blame her? She's basically caring for our son a lot and having to be let down time and time again because I'm just not mentally fit to do outings, the amount of money that's been wasted is a crime in itself and I'm not sure how much she will take in the end. I'm trying tho and I've never ever not tried!

 

I am trying to get better but things take time and you get in ruts. I'm getting about all the help I can right now and hopefully it can help me achieve a more positive 2017 and less failures happen. My Son who is 6 now, who has Autism by the way, doesn't understand why Daddy isn't well, doesn't understand why things get cancelled or Daddy isn't there, because of his Autism.

 

Of course I want him to understand more things, I want the very best for him but i do think imagine if he was neurologically typical? all them let downs from his Daddy? I'm not sure I could have coped with that. The missus deals with a lot and I'm eternally greatful but the amount of rows we have lately, well for along time make me wonder if we have hit that point where she just can't take it anymore

 

I've probably come across rambling here, not making much sense and I've probably missed stuff but I've tried to say as much as I could and trust me for what I've/am going through I think that's been a huge step! I'd have never thought once about opening up on a forum and let alone a footie one! But it shows just what people go through and how people can relate and be there for others

 

Much love to you all and if we all can help each other at times then that's gotta be better than nowt!

 

 

Thanks for sharing, good luck, keep on trying and heres hoping 2017 will be a better year for you.

[CKB]

12 minutes ago, ozleicester said:

Thanks for sharing, good luck, keep on trying and heres hoping 2017 will be a better year for you.

Thanks mate and all the best to you aswell!

[Sharpe's Fox]

4 hours ago, CKB said:

I've probably come across rambling here, not making much sense and I've probably missed stuff but I've tried to say as much as I could and trust me for what I've/am going through I think that's been a huge step! I'd have never thought once about opening up on a forum and let alone a footie one! But it shows just what people go through and how people can relate and be there for others

 

Much love to you all and if we all can help each other at times then that's gotta be better than nowt!

 

 

That's tough for you, bud. What amazes me is how human beings can triumph in the face of adversity when things get hard. By the looks of it you've faced enough bad luck for one lifetime and the bad times will probably come again but I'm sure the love that you and your family surely have for eachother will get you through it. Not a lot of couples could get through six years with your circumstances so you deserve massive kudos for getting where you are today. In my opinion you're an inspiration for any family.

Edited 31 December 2016 by Sharpe's Fox

[reynard]

3 hours ago, CKB said:

I've been very quiet about my years and I mean years of struggle with them demons in my head. But I've recently thought 'fvck it' why should I be ashamed anymore? And seeing a thread like this has given me even more impetus to go into details about my battles 

 

I'm 37 now and from a young age I've suffered servere depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia. Seen numerous councillors, psychiatrists, professionals, the lot and either i haven't done enough or they just weren't that good! I'm currently going through a hellish time as I've come off Sertraline and gone on Imipramine and it hasn't agreed with me at all, infact so much I had to stop it as having sickness allday everyday wasn't my idea of fun! My Doctor and Psychiatrist agreed that it was for the best but of course now I'm suffering in the fact I feel like I'm floating as I'm not taking anything and won't until they can come up with a plan to suit me. Wouldn't have going back on Sertraline been better than fvck all? I've been on meds now since late teens, I was adamant I didn't wanna go on them but had to in the end

 

But yeah the last couple of weeks have been awful and top that with tonsillitis, Christmas hasn't been that great minus the day itself, the rest total washout!

 

I've struggled all my life, it became even harder when I decided 8 years ago I had to try get myself out there abit. I had hardly been out for over 8 years, the odd time here and there, the odd family thing but nothing really! My depression with agoraphobia was literally owning me and like I said I dunno I just woke up one day and thought I'm gonna try and get out there more. I met someone and 6 and abit years ago I had a beautiful Boy and don't get me wrong it was the best thing I could've done but of course it come with added pressures and pressures that I've mostly failed which in turn made me worse

 

I was always battling, trying to do the best I could. The missus gets very angry at times with me and could I blame her? She's basically caring for our son a lot and having to be let down time and time again because I'm just not mentally fit to do outings, the amount of money that's been wasted is a crime in itself and I'm not sure how much she will take in the end. I'm trying tho and I've never ever not tried!

 

I am trying to get better but things take time and you get in ruts. I'm getting about all the help I can right now and hopefully it can help me achieve a more positive 2017 and less failures happen. My Son who is 6 now, who has Autism by the way, doesn't understand why Daddy isn't well, doesn't understand why things get cancelled or Daddy isn't there, because of his Autism.

 

Of course I want him to understand more things, I want the very best for him but i do think imagine if he was neurologically typical? all them let downs from his Daddy? I'm not sure I could have coped with that. The missus deals with a lot and I'm eternally greatful but the amount of rows we have lately, well for along time make me wonder if we have hit that point where she just can't take it anymore

 

I've probably come across rambling here, not making much sense and I've probably missed stuff but I've tried to say as much as I could and trust me for what I've/am going through I think that's been a huge step! I'd have never thought once about opening up on a forum and let alone a footie one! But it shows just what people go through and how people can relate and be there for others

 

Much love to you all and if we all can help each other at times then that's gotta be better than nowt!

 

 

This is a great post and you should pat yourself on the back for finding the courage to write it. Whilst I don't suffer myself our son, who is 22,  has been on medication for several years and I know just how hard life can seem to be for him at times. When things get tough we try to help him focus on the positive things in his life and to break things down into small easily focus-able items. After the years of his struggling and bottling things up I firmly believe that being able to open up to people is one of the best ways of dealing with this. We have had to come to terms with the fact that he is unlikely ever to be "cured". Rather we all learn how to deal with life as a family unit and how to cope with his condition. You should never feel guilty or that you are failing anyone.  Only by people such as you being courageous enough to talk about their condition will we eventually reach a position where no-one has to feel embarrassed by suffering from depression and that wider society comes to accept that it is a part of life and always has been so.

I hope the new year will bring you and your family a degree of stability and happiness.

[CKB]

55 minutes ago, Sharpe's Fox said:

That's tough for you, bud. What amazes me is how human beings can triumph in the face of adversity when things get hard. By the looks of it you've faced enough bad luck for one lifetime and the bad times will probably come again but I'm sure the love that you and you're family surely have for eachother will get you through it. Not a lot of couples could get through six years with your circumstances so you deserve massive kudos for getting where you are today. In my opinion you're an inspiration for any family.

Bloody hell mate don't make me cry! haha. Think that's one of the most nicest things I've ever read 

 

Thank you pal

[CKB]

39 minutes ago, reynard said:

This is a great post and you should pat yourself on the back for finding the courage to write it. Whilst I don't suffer myself our son, who is 22,  has been on medication for several years and I know just how hard life can seem to be for him at times. When things get tough we try to help him focus on the positive things in his life and to break things down into small easily focus-able items. After the years of his struggling and bottling things up I firmly believe that being able to open up to people is one of the best ways of dealing with this. We have had to come to terms with the fact that he is unlikely ever to be "cured". Rather we all learn how to deal with life as a family unit and how to cope with his condition. You should never feel guilty or that you are failing anyone.  Only by people such as you being courageous enough to talk about their condition will we eventually reach a position where no-one has to feel embarrassed by suffering from depression and that wider society comes to accept that it is a part of life and always has been so.

I hope the new year will bring you and your family a degree of stability and happiness.

Thank you and I hope your son can keep slowly getting better. He's got plenty of years to achieve so much and even if he struggles at times, I'm sure he will achieve, especially when he's got good people behind him like yourself!

 

Opening up certainly helps and this thread really is an amazing part of the forum! It's showed that we are all human and it's certainly very good to talk! It my seem daunting and you may feel you are just going on about yaself but people understand and know that's not the case

Edited 31 December 2016 by CKB

[Izzy]

6 hours ago, CKB said:

I've been very quiet about my years and I mean years of struggle with them demons in my head. But I've recently thought 'fvck it' why should I be ashamed anymore? And seeing a thread like this has given me even more impetus to go into details about my battles 

 

I'm 37 now and from a young age I've suffered servere depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia. Seen numerous councillors, psychiatrists, professionals, the lot and either i haven't done enough or they just weren't that good! I'm currently going through a hellish time as I've come off Sertraline and gone on Imipramine and it hasn't agreed with me at all, infact so much I had to stop it as having sickness allday everyday wasn't my idea of fun! My Doctor and Psychiatrist agreed that it was for the best but of course now I'm suffering in the fact I feel like I'm floating as I'm not taking anything and won't until they can come up with a plan to suit me. Wouldn't have going back on Sertraline been better than fvck all? I've been on meds now since late teens, I was adamant I didn't wanna go on them but had to in the end

 

But yeah the last couple of weeks have been awful and top that with tonsillitis, Christmas hasn't been that great minus the day itself, the rest total washout!

 

I've struggled all my life, it became even harder when I decided 8 years ago I had to try get myself out there abit. I had hardly been out for over 8 years, the odd time here and there, the odd family thing but nothing really! My depression with agoraphobia was literally owning me and like I said I dunno I just woke up one day and thought I'm gonna try and get out there more. I met someone and 6 and abit years ago I had a beautiful Boy and don't get me wrong it was the best thing I could've done but of course it come with added pressures and pressures that I've mostly failed which in turn made me worse

 

I was always battling, trying to do the best I could. The missus gets very angry at times with me and could I blame her? She's basically caring for our son a lot and having to be let down time and time again because I'm just not mentally fit to do outings, the amount of money that's been wasted is a crime in itself and I'm not sure how much she will take in the end. I'm trying tho and I've never ever not tried!

 

I am trying to get better but things take time and you get in ruts. I'm getting about all the help I can right now and hopefully it can help me achieve a more positive 2017 and less failures happen. My Son who is 6 now, who has Autism by the way, doesn't understand why Daddy isn't well, doesn't understand why things get cancelled or Daddy isn't there, because of his Autism.

 

Of course I want him to understand more things, I want the very best for him but i do think imagine if he was neurologically typical? all them let downs from his Daddy? I'm not sure I could have coped with that. The missus deals with a lot and I'm eternally greatful but the amount of rows we have lately, well for along time make me wonder if we have hit that point where she just can't take it anymore

 

I've probably come across rambling here, not making much sense and I've probably missed stuff but I've tried to say as much as I could and trust me for what I've/am going through I think that's been a huge step! I'd have never thought once about opening up on a forum and let alone a footie one! But it shows just what people go through and how people can relate and be there for others

 

Much love to you all and if we all can help each other at times then that's gotta be better than nowt!

 

 

Good on ya for posting this mate.

Sounds like you've had a rough ride over the years, and also sounds like you're very hard on yourself.

Hopefully it's been a bit cathartic telling your story, and it once again demonstrates how many of us on here are suffering.

I hope you take some solace knowing that you're not alone, and please keep us all updated on how you're doing.

But most of all, remember you're perfect in every way.

All the very best for a happy and healthy 2017...

 

[Crinklyfox]

16 hours ago, CKB said:

I've been very quiet about my years and I mean years of struggle with them demons in my head. But I've recently thought 'fvck it' why should I be ashamed anymore? And seeing a thread like this has given me even more impetus to go into details about my battles 

 

I'm 37 now and from a young age I've suffered servere depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia. Seen numerous councillors, psychiatrists, professionals, the lot and either i haven't done enough or they just weren't that good! I'm currently going through a hellish time as I've come off Sertraline and gone on Imipramine and it hasn't agreed with me at all, infact so much I had to stop it as having sickness allday everyday wasn't my idea of fun! My Doctor and Psychiatrist agreed that it was for the best but of course now I'm suffering in the fact I feel like I'm floating as I'm not taking anything and won't until they can come up with a plan to suit me. Wouldn't have going back on Sertraline been better than fvck all? I've been on meds now since late teens, I was adamant I didn't wanna go on them but had to in the end

 

But yeah the last couple of weeks have been awful and top that with tonsillitis, Christmas hasn't been that great minus the day itself, the rest total washout!

 

I've struggled all my life, it became even harder when I decided 8 years ago I had to try get myself out there abit. I had hardly been out for over 8 years, the odd time here and there, the odd family thing but nothing really! My depression with agoraphobia was literally owning me and like I said I dunno I just woke up one day and thought I'm gonna try and get out there more. I met someone and 6 and abit years ago I had a beautiful Boy and don't get me wrong it was the best thing I could've done but of course it come with added pressures and pressures that I've mostly failed which in turn made me worse

 

I was always battling, trying to do the best I could. The missus gets very angry at times with me and could I blame her? She's basically caring for our son a lot and having to be let down time and time again because I'm just not mentally fit to do outings, the amount of money that's been wasted is a crime in itself and I'm not sure how much she will take in the end. I'm trying tho and I've never ever not tried!

 

I am trying to get better but things take time and you get in ruts. I'm getting about all the help I can right now and hopefully it can help me achieve a more positive 2017 and less failures happen. My Son who is 6 now, who has Autism by the way, doesn't understand why Daddy isn't well, doesn't understand why things get cancelled or Daddy isn't there, because of his Autism.

 

Of course I want him to understand more things, I want the very best for him but i do think imagine if he was neurologically typical? all them let downs from his Daddy? I'm not sure I could have coped with that. The missus deals with a lot and I'm eternally greatful but the amount of rows we have lately, well for along time make me wonder if we have hit that point where she just can't take it anymore

 

I've probably come across rambling here, not making much sense and I've probably missed stuff but I've tried to say as much as I could and trust me for what I've/am going through I think that's been a huge step! I'd have never thought once about opening up on a forum and let alone a footie one! But it shows just what people go through and how people can relate and be there for others

 

Much love to you all and if we all can help each other at times then that's gotta be better than nowt!

 

 

Firstly well done for posting.  It isn't easy to go public with what you believe are inadequacies.  I use that term because I read into your post the pain that you feel from your condition, but that's what it is - a condition.  You didn't choose to have it and it's not your fault that you have it.  You've said your son is autistic to which I can relate, I had a child with special needs who needed support throughout his childhood and still requires some today.  I tortured myself with the thought that his problems were somehow my fault and I suspect that in your darker moments you may do the same.  Looking at it realistically, it's not yours or anyone elses fault that he has autism, it's just something that happens to some children.  I've been a Trustee for a charity for children with special needs for some years and I can promise you that the parents of autistic children come from all sorts of backgrounds and circumstances.

 

No-one would blame your child for having autism.  In the same way no-one should blame you for having depression.  It's a condition that you've had from childhood, not one that you've chosen to acquire.  It's not pleasant and at times you'll rage against the world for having it, but it's not your fault.  I can see from your posts that you wish you could do more for your wife and son and that puts you ahead of some parents who are less caring than yourself.  You can only do what you can within the limits imposed on you by your condition.  Acceptance of that may give you some peace of mind.  Given effective treatment  your condition may improve, in which case the limits may change.  Talking to others, including posting, may help as a number of posters have personal experiences that they will share, some of which may strike a chord with you.

[CKB]

1 hour ago, Crinklyfox said:

Firstly well done for posting.  It isn't easy to go public with what you believe are inadequacies.  I use that term because I read into your post the pain that you feel from your condition, but that's what it is - a condition.  You didn't choose to have it and it's not your fault that you have it.  You've said your son is autistic to which I can relate, I had a child with special needs who needed support throughout his childhood and still requires some today.  I tortured myself with the thought that his problems were somehow my fault and I suspect that in your darker moments you may do the same.  Looking at it realistically, it's not yours or anyone elses fault that he has autism, it's just something that happens to some children.  I've been a Trustee for a charity for children with special needs for some years and I can promise you that the parents of autistic children come from all sorts of backgrounds and circumstances.

 

No-one would blame your child for having autism.  In the same way no-one should blame you for having depression.  It's a condition that you've had from childhood, not one that you've chosen to acquire.  It's not pleasant and at times you'll rage against the world for having it, but it's not your fault.  I can see from your posts that you wish you could do more for your wife and son and that puts you ahead of some parents who are less caring than yourself.  You can only do what you can within the limits imposed on you by your condition.  Acceptance of that may give you some peace of mind.  Given effective treatment  your condition may improve, in which case the limits may change.  Talking to others, including posting, may help as a number of posters have personal experiences that they will share, some of which may strike a chord with you.

Firstly thank you for this post, it has highlighted once again another issue I secretly tear myself up about and that is my Son. But it gives me hope once again with the things you said that I'm not alone and people actually have encountered and felt the same things! It's crazy how the brain makes you think you are the only person in this world with these issues/circumstances but you aren't though! 

 

I feel at times my Sons issues are my fault yes, I try and not think like that to much and usually I only do when I'm in the midst of a serious bout of depression, the type that you feel you have been consumed by some evil demon and you are now it fully (like some horror film). Oh and them times are the worse because I can be a total cvnt aswell as being all over the place mentally and physically, but yeah I'm sidetracking here

 

It is so soothing to hear that you can relate in that way with special needs and I am so happy you have a child that is doing as well as can be and is achieving goals everyday, that makes me positive when I hear them things

 

It's really been the best thing I could've done opening up like this, so many people have releted/said the most awesome things, but not just awesome, insightful, meaningful and very inspirational and I can't help but thank everyone once again from the bottom of my heart

Edited 1 January 2017 by CKB

[CKB]

11 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Good on ya for posting this mate.

Sounds like you've had a rough ride over the years, and also sounds like you're very hard on yourself.

Hopefully it's been a bit cathartic telling your story, and it once again demonstrates how many of us on here are suffering.

I hope you take some solace knowing that you're not alone, and please keep us all updated on how you're doing.

But most of all, remember you're perfect in every way.

All the very best for a happy and healthy 2017...

 

Thank you my friend, it's been amazing tbh and just shows sometimes it's good to open up in the unlikeliest of places because that's where you can sometimes get the best results! 

 

You have a great 2017 aswell mate

Edited 1 January 2017 by CKB