Shame Well

[David Guiza]

Regular listeners of Elis James and John Robins' Radio X show may be familiar with the Shame Well - but to those who aren't, the Shame Well is a place to send those events in your life that wake you up in a cold sweat during the night months/years afterwards, remembering the toe-curling and excruciatingly embarrassing moment.

 

Just to be clear this the Shame Well is a home for events that you should really have let go from your memory and shouldn't hold any further shame for, not burying your crimes from decades previous!

 

My particular moment of shame is from a GCSE Science exam back in around 2008. For the first time since obtaining a phone of my own - I decided to keep my mobile in my pocket during an exam, from memory I think it was through sheer laziness of not having the time to wait to collect it afterwards, I did however ensure that it was turned off. The exam was going reasonably well around half way in until a noise rang around the school hall, it was a familiar tune to football grounds at the time - Papa's Got a Brand New Pigbag (du du du du Matty Fryatt for you uncultured swines). I, like every other student, teacher and invigilator looked around to see what moron had let off the monstrosity only to realise that it was, of course, coming my pocket. An angry teacher came over, pretty much ripped the phone out of my pocket and took it to the front of the hall and told me and every other student to carry on with the exam. Utterly embarrassing, but at least the worst of it was over and I could concentrate on the rest of the exam; that was until literally 5 minutes later when, thanks to the fact that it was an alarm that I had forgotten about and not a telephone call, the delightful tune rang around the hall again. The entire exam hall yet again turned around and laughed at my stupid face. 

 

Thankfully that was the last time that tune was heard on my phone (ever!) and the exam finished in relative quiet. I was escorted to an office and made aware of the result of my stupidity as well as being questioned by pretty much every student in the hall about what happened afterwards. My exam was disqualified and I had to retake a few months later - a lesson well learnt, but an event that haunts me on regular occasions. 

 

A couple of Foxestalkers were in the exam room that day but may not even remember, particularly in the same way I do!

 

So - has anybody else got any entries for the Shame Well?    

[Stadt]

I walked home from town (to Glenfield) in October, tripped up crossing Glenfield road and smashed my face up. At least once a week I think why didn't I just get a taxi?

[Izzy]

There's no well big enough for all my shame 

[David Guiza]

4 minutes ago, Wookie said:

I walked home from town (to Glenfield) in October, tripped up crossing Glenfield road and smashed my face up. At least once a week I think why didn't I just get a taxi?

As somebody who will walk anywhere after, either after a few drinks or just because my car isn't nearby, to avoid a taxi fare I sympathise! It's probably only a matter of time until I do something similar. 

[leicsmac]

Two events stand out:

 

a.) Mentioning my like of V For Vendetta to the son of a leading British MP.

b.) Having a conversation with my parents at full volume on a crowded train, wearing my headphones, not aware they were on speaker so everyone could hear.

[Strokes]

I have no shame, and that in itself is the problem.

[ajthefox]

40 minutes ago, Wookie said:

I walked home from town (to Glenfield) in October, tripped up crossing Glenfield road and smashed my face up. At least once a week I think why didn't I just get a taxi?

 

33 minutes ago, David Guiza said:

As somebody who will walk anywhere after, either after a few drinks or just because my car isn't nearby, to avoid a taxi fare I sympathise! It's probably only a matter of time until I do something similar. 

Likewise I will always avoid a taxi if I can. I fell asleep in a bus stop outside Heathley Park on my walk back from town to Groby last year. The shameful bit is that my dad found me asleep on the stairs at 6 when he came down for breakfast.

Edited 30 April 2018 by ajthefox

[Stadt]

19 minutes ago, ajthefox said:

 

Likewise I will always avoid a taxi if I can. I fell asleep in a bus stop outside Heathley Park on my walk back from town to Groby last year. The shameful bit is that my dad found me asleep on the stairs at 6 when he came down for breakfast.

 

52 minutes ago, David Guiza said:

As somebody who will walk anywhere after, either after a few drinks or just because my car isn't nearby, to avoid a taxi fare I sympathise! It's probably only a matter of time until I do something similar. 

I would have paid for a taxi but I think I was just that ****ed that the thought didn't even cross my mind

[Danno]

In year 5 we always had a spelling test where the teacher would say the word aloud and we’d have to write the spelling down and give it in after. The teacher said ‘urgent’ and silly me thought she said ‘virgin’. The staff room had a good laugh about it apparently.

[z-layrex]

I'm pretty sure I've told this story on here a few years ago.

 

It was the morning after I think my 23rd birthday and I was lying in my then-girlfriend's bed who had gone out for coffee with a friend. This girl's parents were pretty well off so her room looked like something out of a Laura Ashley catalogue, pristine white sheets etc. I felt like hell and let out the most disgusting hangover fart you could imagine, I still remember how good it was. Then I had another brewing so turned on my side to really let rip... wasn't a fart. I ****ing shit myself in this girl's beautiful bed like a new born baby, I was wearing joggers so most of it was contained, but this did leave me with what I can only describe as korma trousers. In my hungover idiocy I had put my hand down my joggers in disbelief at shitting myself, so when I pulled the covers off I got shit on them. Then I felt more coming and realised it was happening again whether I liked it or not. I opened her pristine white bedroom door (now with shit stains) and ran across the landing to the bathroom opposite the stairs, opened the door (leaving shit stains) and emptied whatever the **** I was drinking and eating the night before. 

 

The smell was horrible, indescribably horrible, like a strong cheddar. I didn't know wtf to do, at least her family was out as in my panic I hadn't even shut the door... Oh no they're not, I hear her Mother ask if I want breakfast and starts climbing the stairs to talk to me. I shout "PLEASE DON'T COME UP ALLISON!!!!!" so of course she does. At the top of the stairs she's greeted by a 23 year old man with korma trousers, sitting on the toilet shitting for his life, with smears of yellow poo on her doors, light switches, walls and daughter's expensive bedsheets.

 

7 years later it still makes me want to chew my fingers off.

 

 

Edited 1 May 2018 by z-layrex

[Stadt]

"Korma trousers", amazing.

[Vacamion]

 

I was thinking the "well of shame" was a bit tame.  

 

Then I read @z-layrex post.

 

 

[Buce]

6 hours ago, z-layrex said:

I'm pretty sure I've told this story on here a few years ago.

 

It was the morning after I think my 23rd birthday and I was lying in my then-girlfriend's bed who had gone out for coffee with a friend. This girl's parents were pretty well off so her room looked like something out of a Laura Ashley catalogue, pristine white sheets etc. I felt like hell and let out the most disgusting hangover fart you could imagine, I still remember how good it was. Then I had another brewing so turned on my side to really let rip... wasn't a fart. I ****ing shit myself in this girl's beautiful bed like a new born baby, I was wearing joggers so most of it was contained, but this did leave me with what I can only describe as korma trousers. In my hungover idiocy I had put my hand down my joggers in disbelief at shitting myself, so when I pulled the covers off I got shit on them. Then I felt more coming and realised it was happening again whether I liked it or not. I opened her pristine white bedroom door (now with shit stains) and ran across the landing to the bathroom opposite the stairs, opened the door (leaving shit stains) and emptied whatever the **** I was drinking and eating the night before. 

 

The smell was horrible, indescribably horrible, like a strong cheddar. I didn't know wtf to do, at least her family was out as in my panic I hadn't even shut the door... Oh no they're not, I hear her Mother ask if I want breakfast and starts climbing the stairs to talk to me. I shout "PLEASE DON'T COME UP ALLISON!!!!!" so of course shoe does. At the top of the stairs she's greeted by a 23 year old man with korma trousers, sitting on the toilet shitting for his life, with smears of yellow poo on her doors, light switches, walls and daughter's expensive bedsheets.

 

7 years later it still makes me want to chew my fingers off.

 

 

 

 

Edited 1 May 2018 by Buce

[Miquel The Work Geordie]

9 hours ago, z-layrex said:

I shout "PLEASE DON'T COME UP ALLISON!!!!!" so of course she does.

this is sig material

[Benguin]

In P.e in year 9 on a horribly cold day, a mate tried to keg me but my boxers went down too and my willy was exposed to the class. My willy was in the very latter phase of retraction to warm up. Suffice to say, despite not being under endowed, I developed that reputation at school that year.

[Steven]

If you have a "toe-curling" moment then just let it go.  

[TiffToff88]

Good lord, anyone who knows me knows that my school years are full of embarrassing moments. In fact, some of these confessions already posted are like looking into my own past (Many involve not being able to control my bodily functions).

 

Some of the stand out occasions would be (In Chronological order) - 

 

• I once shat on a friends pillow in the middle of a game of cards on a school trip in primary school (I thought i could hold it until the end of the round. I was very wrong). Ended up having to go and ask one of the teachers to wash the pillowcase and my pj's.
• another instance of shitting on a bed happened when i had a bit of diarrhea, again, wearing PJ's, but this time at least it was on my own bed, but this was during a small sleepover, and one of my friends, who hadn't realised what happened, accidentally put his hand in the mess on the bed sheets. (this was in approximately year 8-9)
• Perhaps the most embarrassing occasion (due to my age at the time) came on a school trip in sixth form to Disneyland Paris. I didn't have any friends on this school trip, as it was a GNVQ Business Studies trip, and i was the only one of my group of friends who took the course, so i was sort of introduced to this group of friends that i just tagged along with for the week. We were allowed to spend the morning in the park, riding the rides etc, but had to report to one of the big conference halls at a certain time for a business lecture. having spent slightly longer than we should on the rides, we realised we were going to be late for the lecture. I told the group i would catch up with them as i needed a piss. Now, as i'm sure you have all experienced, when you don't need the toilet, they're everywhere, when you need one, they're nowhere to be seen. And this was the case here. I ended up running around the park, becoming increasingly panicked as i got more and more desperate to relieve myself, i remembered that there was a toilet near the main entrance, so i followed the signs for the exit, i got as far as having the toilet block in sight when I slipped on a sheet of ice (It was the middle of winter), fell flat on mu back, my bladder just couldn't take it any more. i pissed myself, I just laid there in a puddle of my own piss, only to look up and see one of my teachers stood over me, trying not to burst out laughing at me. Needless to say, I didn't make it to the lecture.

Edited 1 May 2018 by TiffToff88

[Trav Le Bleu]

13 hours ago, z-layrex said:

I'm pretty sure I've told this story on here a few years ago.

 

It was the morning after I think my 23rd birthday and I was lying in my then-girlfriend's bed who had gone out for coffee with a friend. This girl's parents were pretty well off so her room looked like something out of a Laura Ashley catalogue, pristine white sheets etc. I felt like hell and let out the most disgusting hangover fart you could imagine, I still remember how good it was. Then I had another brewing so turned on my side to really let rip... wasn't a fart. I ****ing shit myself in this girl's beautiful bed like a new born baby, I was wearing joggers so most of it was contained, but this did leave me with what I can only describe as korma trousers. In my hungover idiocy I had put my hand down my joggers in disbelief at shitting myself, so when I pulled the covers off I got shit on them. Then I felt more coming and realised it was happening again whether I liked it or not. I opened her pristine white bedroom door (now with shit stains) and ran across the landing to the bathroom opposite the stairs, opened the door (leaving shit stains) and emptied whatever the **** I was drinking and eating the night before. 

 

The smell was horrible, indescribably horrible, like a strong cheddar. I didn't know wtf to do, at least her family was out as in my panic I hadn't even shut the door... Oh no they're not, I hear her Mother ask if I want breakfast and starts climbing the stairs to talk to me. I shout "PLEASE DON'T COME UP ALLISON!!!!!" so of course shoe does. At the top of the stairs she's greeted by a 23 year old man with korma trousers, sitting on the toilet shitting for his life, with smears of yellow poo on her doors, light switches, walls and daughter's expensive bedsheets.

 

7 years later it still makes me want to chew my fingers off.

 

 

And has your mother-in-law forgiven you yet?

[Guest the fox]

Quote

I felt like hell and let out the most disgusting hangover fart you could imagine, I still remember how good it was

Your sphincter is playing mind games, quit whilst you're ahead and keep your dignity

Quote

Then I had another brewing so turned on my side to really let rip

 

Quote

wasn't a fart. I shit myself in this girl's beautiful bed like a new born baby, 

 

[VLC86]

What is wrong with people. Was convinced Korma trousers was a story from train spotting but you actually did that? Wow.

[ScouseFox]

once leant over a table to lay a smooch on some bird i was roy keane on and went straight through said table, drinks all over the gaff and no smooch. until later ehehehe. 

[lgfualol]

Was going to contribute but reading the Allison diarrhoea massacre story, I feel my shame is pretty alright actually.

[VLC86]

18 hours ago, z-layrex said:

I'm pretty sure I've told this story on here a few years ago.

 

It was the morning after I think my 23rd birthday and I was lying in my then-girlfriend's bed who had gone out for coffee with a friend. This girl's parents were pretty well off so her room looked like something out of a Laura Ashley catalogue, pristine white sheets etc. I felt like hell and let out the most disgusting hangover fart you could imagine, I still remember how good it was. Then I had another brewing so turned on my side to really let rip... wasn't a fart. I ****ing shit myself in this girl's beautiful bed like a new born baby, I was wearing joggers so most of it was contained, but this did leave me with what I can only describe as korma trousers. In my hungover idiocy I had put my hand down my joggers in disbelief at shitting myself, so when I pulled the covers off I got shit on them. Then I felt more coming and realised it was happening again whether I liked it or not. I opened her pristine white bedroom door (now with shit stains) and ran across the landing to the bathroom opposite the stairs, opened the door (leaving shit stains) and emptied whatever the **** I was drinking and eating the night before. 

 

The smell was horrible, indescribably horrible, like a strong cheddar. I didn't know wtf to do, at least her family was out as in my panic I hadn't even shut the door... Oh no they're not, I hear her Mother ask if I want breakfast and starts climbing the stairs to talk to me. I shout "PLEASE DON'T COME UP ALLISON!!!!!" so of course she does. At the top of the stairs she's greeted by a 23 year old man with korma trousers, sitting on the toilet shitting for his life, with smears of yellow poo on her doors, light switches, walls and daughter's expensive bedsheets.

 

7 years later it still makes me want to chew my fingers off.

 

 

After that story I don’t think you want your fingers anywhere near your mouth mate.

[VLC86]

This isn’t me but it’s too funny not to share and has me giggling every time I think of it.

 

My sister was working in an office and one of the big wigs is there, they get chatting and the subject gets on to taking breaks away from your desk and my sister said “Yeah, it’s always good to spread your legs”