Fear of flying

[Guest Kopfkino]

Anyone have any ideas on how to counter a fear of flying? Hoping to have to get on a few planes this summer but it's really ****ing hard for me. It's not like I don't know the statistics, the safety, how it works and all that jazz cos I'm a bit of a plane geek but it doesn't help one bit. Paradoxically I'd love to have been a pilot. 

 

As soon as I wake up on a day I have to fly I feel nervous and anxious. Once it comes to going to the airport I feel sick and at the gate I panic and think about walking away. The only thing that gets me on the plane is not wanting to inconvenience the people I'm with. Once I'm on I panic and once we're lined up on the runway I get really worked up and lean into whoever I'm with. I've tried using benzos but the doctor won't give me a big enough dose, it made not one ounce of difference last time and my girlfriend at the time had to literally drag me onto the plane (return flight). But then once we've been in the air about half an hour I calm down and somewhat enjoy it. In fact, in turbulence I look around and roles are reversed, others seem anxious but I feel relaxed and enjoy a bit of a change. Landing I'm fine as well.

 

Thought about trying hypnotherapy but it's costly. Some airlines do test flights but it won't make much difference to me I feel because they explain it all to calm people, but I feel I know most of it anyway and it makes no difference.

[The Blur]

I knew someone who hated flying but he went on a course ran by British Airways which is designed to build confidence for people who hate flying.   I have not spoken with him fully about it but he was full of praise for the course on his Facebook.  I think he then flew to South Africa without any issues few months afterwards.  

 

https://www.flyingwithconfidence.com/about

 

If you do go on that course,  do let us all know how it went afterwards!

 

P.,S  Just read that you did not think test flights will not make any difference,  not sure if it is the same thing as flying with confidence course above?  If it is the same thing then apologies.

Edited 7 May 2018 by The Blur

[Innovindil]

I only have 2 fears on this planet that actually bother me from time to time. Flying and elevators. Hate the crap out of both with a passion. Elevators I can avoid but whenever I need to fly anywhere I have to be drugged up to the eyeballs or turn into a mess. 

 

If your doctor isn't giving you a large enough dose, either slap the bitch and tell him to stop being a bell, or get in to see another doctor. 

[lgfualol]

My fear of flying used to be so bad I would be a mess, really really horrible. I didn't fly for a few years and on my first flight I was sick about 5 times in the toilets and literally felt like I was going to pass out in a mess of my own shit and sick. I can just about do flights now without much worry. I don't really know how your anxiety works but here is what I have done to pretty much make it an alright experience. 

 

I have fought the urge to run or not take a flight, but thank god I haven't because all that will do is make it ten times worse next time. You are 100% not the only one going on a plane feeling like shit. The calmest of people on the outside are probably a shitshow on the inside. 

 

You know you are fine once you are flying so just keep that in mind, even if it is hard to do, or just skip thinking about the buildup and try to replace the thoughts with the destination/landing. Breathing properly and focusing on my breathing has helped me out of no end of anxiety or panic scenarios. Breathing keeps your mind clear and calms your nerves, even if it is just for a few minutes, better than nothing. Or at least I try to be in the present moment, not in the future i.e being on the plane and feeling worried. Focusing on the now, where I am, the space around me, etc.

 

Distract yourself if you can, I am getting better at calming myself via watching videos on my phone, reading a book/magazine, walking around, or calling someone that would chat with me. If it feels too much, go to the toilets and just splash your face with lots of cold water or just get some space to re-group. 

 

Hopefully this helps. I am no psychologist or anything, just have lots of experience in this field  

[Durnerz]

Take some sweets on with you, ideally mints or something to clear your airways to aid breathing. It works for me as I used to get a bit of anxiety, not too bad but I found this really helped me.

[Crinklyfox]

1 hour ago, Kopfkino said:

Anyone have any ideas on how to counter a fear of flying? Hoping to have to get on a few planes this summer but it's really ****ing hard for me. It's not like I don't know the statistics, the safety, how it works and all that jazz cos I'm a bit of a plane geek but it doesn't help one bit. Paradoxically I'd love to have been a pilot. 

 

As soon as I wake up on a day I have to fly I feel nervous and anxious. Once it comes to going to the airport I feel sick and at the gate I panic and think about walking away. The only thing that gets me on the plane is not wanting to inconvenience the people I'm with. Once I'm on I panic and once we're lined up on the runway I get really worked up and lean into whoever I'm with. I've tried using benzos but the doctor won't give me a big enough dose, it made not one ounce of difference last time and my girlfriend at the time had to literally drag me onto the plane (return flight). But then once we've been in the air about half an hour I calm down and somewhat enjoy it. In fact, in turbulence I look around and roles are reversed, others seem anxious but I feel relaxed and enjoy a bit of a change. Landing I'm fine as well.

 

Thought about trying hypnotherapy but it's costly. Some airlines do test flights but it won't make much difference to me I feel because they explain it all to calm people, but I feel I know most of it anyway and it makes no difference.

Have you analysed why you feel nervous?  It may seem like a stupid question but it's better to know the root cause of your anxiety in order to be able to tackle it.

 

I found your comments about in-flight turbulence and landing interesting.  If your anxiety is based on the fear of the plane experiencing difficulties or crashing then the fact that it's shaking and lurching could give you the subconscious impression that it's what's happening, so as it has occurred there's no point worrying that it will occur any more.  The landing one is easier, you can see the end of your ordeal so you relax.

 

Familiarity does overcome fears.  I had a road accident overseas where I was in a vehicle that went off a bridge, thankfully a low one, and the last thing I remember before I blanked out was the feeling of the vehicle turning over with me in it.  After that time I couldn't stand it when I was in an aircraft that banked sharply, it took me right back to the moment when I thought I was going to die.  However my job took me overseas a lot so getting on a plane became like getting on a train, and I lost the fear that I had through repetition of good flying experiences, which became routine.

 

 

[SpacedX]

Kopfkino, the solution is simply. Place this year's season video on loop on your tablet and you'll be out for the duration of the flight just like Mr T. 

 

[Kinowe Soorie]

I can't stand being on a plane, which was very difficult for me when we qualified for Europe. I tend to wake up in the night, weeks before the flight, in a panic. So last time I flew, had extra leg room, hoodie on to pull over my eyes, headphones on, and loads of sweets. Oh and loads of them Kalm tablets. Hope you find a solution that helps.

[Raw Dykes]

Have you tried self-help books? I expect there are audiobooks or even YouTube videos that might help.

 

As Crinklyfox said, you might want to work out what the root cause of the fear is. It doesn't make sense to be any more afraid of flying than other forms of transport, so where does the anxiety come from?

[m4DD0gg]

Check Captain Joe out on youtube.

 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC88tlMjiS7kf8uhPWyBTn_A

[fuchsntf]

I have flew,all around the world,for business,pleasure,or just to go from A to B,but

never got used to it..The first 2 minutes of take off,the last 60 seconds of landing,

The middle part wast to cosy either.

Hit heavy turbulence,heavy snowstorms,dropped 1000s of Meters when hitting an air-pocket,had 3 planes

come Into our air-space,and when landing  2-3 times,the Pilots had to re-accelerate to

jump over the crossing plane...

 

But knowing my beloved Club has had More ups and downs

and catastrophies,in 134+ yrs history,and watching Mr Bean on the inflight videos,put things

in Perspective Every time. Plus grabbing one of the great inflight Magazins,strapping in

then concentrate and read word for word,from Start to finish of the Flight.

Plus when you get your inflight meals,remember the Duck and chicken, loved flying or 

taking small hops of Flight,they fking didnt make it either. But your fear of flying,

means you just look for boats,ferries,ships, longer on the duty free and there you can only drown...

 

Then the great alternative,is a bus or car,that invites you to being wiped out by a 40ton articulated lorry,

maybe  plunging off one of those scenic view curves on a Mountains,or coastal clifftop.

Or stay at home,trip over the dog on the terraces,that sends you flying ,Knocks you out in landing,

and you drown,in that newly proudly built ornamental pond...See same scary experiences and same

outcome. In flying at least you can have companion screamers,and feast your eyes on a beautifull

Hostess,and dream of those passionate moments that might of been,while pretending to read

that fking  inflight magazine.

 

See Theres nothing to worry about..except the 1st and last minute of flying,

oh !! and that awkward bit in the middle....

Hope you like Mr Bean,or your really are  in the shit!!.....

Now if that doesnt help, I am really  lost for any other suggestions,or flights of fantasy.

 

 

Edited 7 May 2018 by fuchsntf

[Vacamion]

 

I hate flying, but I still do it quite often.

 

I like to take my mind off it, by watching some films:

 

Flight

Castaway

Alive

Sully

United 93

 

 

 

[HoustonFox]

26 minutes ago, Vacamion said:

 

I hate flying, but I still do it quite often.

 

I like to take my mind off it, by watching some films:

 

Flight

Castaway

Alive

Sully

United 93

 

 

 

You forgot Airplane, and Die Hard 2 

[SpacedX]

I flew to Hong Kong for a stop over on the way the New Zealand and I swear the guy in front of me was asleep seconds after take off. He then remained asleep throughout the entire flight missing one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen from an aircraft. Having crossed the border of Kazakhstan and China - dawn over the Tian Shan mountains.

 

For the leg to NZ I spotted him again several seats away this time and he was asleep by the Philippines - only waking up for the descent into Auckland. 

[The Guvnor]

I hate flying as I always seem to get the fattest bloke at the airport try and squeeze into the seat next to me, on the last flight I had half his arse and his bingo wings draped over me, not pleasant, actually come to think of it my fear is fat people, not flying.

[deejdeej]

The only thing I get anxious about is flying after a pretty horrible flight across the Atlantic when I was 12, before that I loved it. A few drinks before and during the flight help me alot, probably being petrified of the price of a 250ml can overtakes the flying fear.

[Countryfox]

6 hours ago, Kopfkino said:

Anyone have any ideas on how to counter a fear of flying? Hoping to have to get on a few planes this summer but it's really ****ing hard for me. It's not like I don't know the statistics, the safety, how it works and all that jazz cos I'm a bit of a plane geek but it doesn't help one bit. Paradoxically I'd love to have been a pilot. 

 

As soon as I wake up on a day I have to fly I feel nervous and anxious. Once it comes to going to the airport I feel sick and at the gate I panic and think about walking away. The only thing that gets me on the plane is not wanting to inconvenience the people I'm with. Once I'm on I panic and once we're lined up on the runway I get really worked up and lean into whoever I'm with. I've tried using benzos but the doctor won't give me a big enough dose, it made not one ounce of difference last time and my girlfriend at the time had to literally drag me onto the plane (return flight). But then once we've been in the air about half an hour I calm down and somewhat enjoy it. In fact, in turbulence I look around and roles are reversed, others seem anxious but I feel relaxed and enjoy a bit of a change. Landing I'm fine as well.

 

Thought about trying hypnotherapy but it's costly. Some airlines do test flights but it won't make much difference to me I feel because they explain it all to calm people, but I feel I know most of it anyway and it makes no difference.

 

Go by bus ..

[Countryfox]

6 hours ago, Kopfkino said:

Anyone have any ideas on how to counter a fear of flying? Hoping to have to get on a few planes this summer but it's really ****ing hard for me. It's not like I don't know the statistics, the safety, how it works and all that jazz cos I'm a bit of a plane geek but it doesn't help one bit. Paradoxically I'd love to have been a pilot. 

 

As soon as I wake up on a day I have to fly I feel nervous and anxious. Once it comes to going to the airport I feel sick and at the gate I panic and think about walking away. The only thing that gets me on the plane is not wanting to inconvenience the people I'm with. Once I'm on I panic and once we're lined up on the runway I get really worked up and lean into whoever I'm with. I've tried using benzos but the doctor won't give me a big enough dose, it made not one ounce of difference last time and my girlfriend at the time had to literally drag me onto the plane (return flight). But then once we've been in the air about half an hour I calm down and somewhat enjoy it. In fact, in turbulence I look around and roles are reversed, others seem anxious but I feel relaxed and enjoy a bit of a change. Landing I'm fine as well.

 

Thought about trying hypnotherapy but it's costly. Some airlines do test flights but it won't make much difference to me I feel because they explain it all to calm people, but I feel I know most of it anyway and it makes no difference.

 

Get pissed ... 

[sk3since03]

Or grow a pair 

[Guest Kopfkino]

6 hours ago, Crinklyfox said:

Have you analysed why you feel nervous?  It may seem like a stupid question but it's better to know the root cause of your anxiety in order to be able to tackle it.

 

I found your comments about in-flight turbulence and landing interesting.  If your anxiety is based on the fear of the plane experiencing difficulties or crashing then the fact that it's shaking and lurching could give you the subconscious impression that it's what's happening, so as it has occurred there's no point worrying that it will occur any more.  The landing one is easier, you can see the end of your ordeal so you relax.

 

Familiarity does overcome fears.  I had a road accident overseas where I was in a vehicle that went off a bridge, thankfully a low one, and the last thing I remember before I blanked out was the feeling of the vehicle turning over with me in it.  After that time I couldn't stand it when I was in an aircraft that banked sharply, it took me right back to the moment when I thought I was going to die.  However my job took me overseas a lot so getting on a plane became like getting on a train, and I lost the fear that I had through repetition of good flying experiences, which became routine.

 

 

 

When I think about it now actually, I think part of it is the loss of control, coupled with a bit of unfamiliarity. The reason I get so worked up once I'm on the plane is cos I'm completely giving up control and that process is what gets me. Which could explain why I'm fine for the rest because once I've given up control its a **** it scenario. This is fully backed up by the fact I did one of those flight experiences in a two seat Cessna and was largely fine. That's because I felt a degree of control because it was a)personable and b)I could see everything happening. In fact, I'd love to do my PPL. Familiarity explains why trains etc don't fuss because a)I'm on them all the time and b)it kind helps that its on the ground and not completely out of the realm of where humans should be, still familiarity but slightly different. Explaining why I'm so bad leading upto the flight, can be for a couple of days, is more tricky. Maybe it's just the expectation of being anxious making me anxious. It's daft really given that pilots are arguably the most trained professionals of them all, probably the best people to relinquish control to.

 

Some will argue that we lack control anyway, but it's not something I can help being like. I suppose the best way to deal with that kind of issue long-term is with some professional help.  Short-term just badger the Dr to give me higher dose of stuff. 

 

 

7 hours ago, The Blur said:

I knew someone who hated flying but he went on a course ran by British Airways which is designed to build confidence for people who hate flying.   I have not spoken with him fully about it but he was full of praise for the course on his Facebook.  I think he then flew to South Africa without any issues few months afterwards.  

 

https://www.flyingwithconfidence.com/about

 

If you do go on that course,  do let us all know how it went afterwards!

 

P.,S  Just read that you did not think test flights will not make any difference,  not sure if it is the same thing as flying with confidence course above?  If it is the same thing then apologies.

 

 

That looks loads better than the one I looked at before actually. Probably won't help what I explained above but I will definitely think about that one.

Edited 7 May 2018 by Kopfkino

[Izzy]

6 hours ago, Kopfkino said:

Anyone have any ideas on how to counter a fear of flying? Hoping to have to get on a few planes this summer but it's really ****ing hard for me. It's not like I don't know the statistics, the safety, how it works and all that jazz cos I'm a bit of a plane geek but it doesn't help one bit. Paradoxically I'd love to have been a pilot. 

 

As soon as I wake up on a day I have to fly I feel nervous and anxious. Once it comes to going to the airport I feel sick and at the gate I panic and think about walking away. The only thing that gets me on the plane is not wanting to inconvenience the people I'm with. Once I'm on I panic and once we're lined up on the runway I get really worked up and lean into whoever I'm with. I've tried using benzos but the doctor won't give me a big enough dose, it made not one ounce of difference last time and my girlfriend at the time had to literally drag me onto the plane (return flight). But then once we've been in the air about half an hour I calm down and somewhat enjoy it. In fact, in turbulence I look around and roles are reversed, others seem anxious but I feel relaxed and enjoy a bit of a change. Landing I'm fine as well.

 

Thought about trying hypnotherapy but it's costly. Some airlines do test flights but it won't make much difference to me I feel because they explain it all to calm people, but I feel I know most of it anyway and it makes no difference.

Mate, I don't want to sound unsympathetic by saying "It's just your thinking"......but it's just your thinking 

 

Waking up and feeling nervous/anxious will be triggered by some sort of negative thinking. Felling sick and panicking will also be triggered by some sort of thought about what might happen (yet rationally you know the statistics are on your side).

 

The interesting bit is also your thinking about not wanting to inconvenience the people you're with. This thought is so strong and powerful that it gets you on the plane despite all your other anxieties. 

 

Then reading how you're O.K. when airborne and O.K. with landing, suggests it's the initial take off that's the issue for you. My guess is that you've got some sort of "What if?..." or catastrophic thinking going on about this in particular. 

 

My daughter has a similar issue with taking off and I sit next to her and do my best to distract her so she doesn't think about it. I'll ask her questions to get her thinking about different things so it takes her conscious attention away from her environment. Before she realises it we're then in the air and cruising and shes fine again.

 

When you're panicking or feeling anxious, just notice the thoughts that triggered it. You'll then realise that they're just thoughts and not reality - our thoughts are not always to be trusted! It's just fear and the old saying is that fear stands for False Expectations Appearing Real.

 

I had a fear of heights but I'm fine with flying because I'm inside something. My fear was when I'm outside at a height (top of the Eiffel tower, Ferris wheel, ski lift etc) My crooked thinking told me I might fall off/out and this is what frightened me. Then I kept telling myself that's a stupid thought and highly unlikely to happen. I've had to train myself to catch my thinking and almost laugh it off as plain stupid.

 

Instead I now try to think about the wonderful view and how lucky I am and these positive thoughts don't allow the negative shit to get in. It's been hard but I've read a lot of books and been on a few workshops and I've finally managed to crack it.

[VLC86]

Used to absolutely hate flying but I know someone who is a pilot and when I’m on a plane with him and hit a bit of turbulence I check to see he isn’t shitting himself and that calms me down.

 

Good job he doesn’t know this because it if was me I would act like we are all about to die which would proper mess me up .

[Izzy]

6 minutes ago, Kopfkino said:

 

When I think about it now actually, I think part of it is the loss of control, coupled with a bit of unfamiliarity. The reason I get so worked up once I'm on the plane is cos I'm completely giving up control and that process is what gets me. Which could explain why I'm fine for the rest because once I've given up control its a **** it scenario. This is fully backed up by the fact I did one of those flight experiences in a two seat Cessna and was largely fine. That's because I felt a degree of control because it was a)personable and b)I could see everything happening. In fact, I'd love to do my PPL. Familiarity explains why trains etc don't fuss because a)I'm on them all the time and b)it kind helps that its on the ground and not completely out of the realm of where humans should be, still familiarity but slightly different. Explaining why I'm so bad leading upto the flight, can be for a couple of days, is more tricky. Maybe it's just the expectation of being anxious making me anxious. It's daft really given that pilots are arguably the most trained professionals of them all, probably the best people to relinquish control to.

 

Some will argue that we lack control anyway, but it's not something I can help being like. I suppose the best way to deal with that kind of issue long-term is with some professional help.  Short-term just badger the Dr to give me higher dose of stuff. 

 

 

 

That looks loads better than the one I looked at before actually. Probably won't help what I explained above but I will definitely think about that one.

 

Needing to be in control is closely linked to our basic human need around certainty.

 

From an evolutionary standpoint, if we are in control of our environment then we have a far better chance of survival. If we perceive a threat or danger, it triggers our fight or flight response (no pun intended!)

 

This explains it in pretty simple terms..

 

 http://changingminds.org/explanations/needs/control.htm

 

[Milo]

I feel your pain - hate flying. Never had any problem as a kid and used to fly all over the world for work...but last 10 or 15 years has been a bit hellish. (so much so that we went on cruise holidays for a decade so didn't have to fly!).

 

Have to fly occasionally now, and will be doing it a couple of times this year - nowadays I give myself a slap and tell myself off for being stupid, discretely look to cabin crew for reassurance and take a few deep breaths. Actually enjoyed the last couple of flights to Budapest.

 

Good luck in finding something that works for you, bud 

[Bellend Sebastian]

When waiting for your flight, distract yourself by taking some time to drink in the tiresome officialdom of airports, the efforts that corporations go to rip you off at every turn and the sheer selfish c*ntiness of your fellow passengers.

 

Trust me, you'll be willing the plane to crash before long