Stupid things you've done

[Analysethis]

I live in Hertfordshire and play in a Snooker league and the other month I got my team mates having laughing fits at my expense.

 

Its only two frames so you will end up drawing 1-1 or winning/losing 2-0. I won the first game and said Im off for a P, my opponent went to refill at the bar. I came back first, picked up the cue and broke off. Half way into the frame I couldnt understand how my game had gone off the boil until my opponent looked down at his cue to say I was playing with his and we did a swapsies back. I then get lectured for "not knowing my cue" and one of the lads playing his own game on the table next to me had to pause after getting the giggles, upsetting a couple of our boring opponents!

 

Also in the same league, I was playing another lad a while back who grabbed the rest, played his shot and went to put the rest back. Somehow, he wasny concentrating and managed to only put half the rest back and managed to trip up over the rest and do his best impression of hurdler Colin Jackson before falling ass over tit. 

 

You had to be there to appreciate the whole scene LOL 

[CollinsLCFC]

I get Married in 13 months time.. I expect I'll contribute to this thread again in 14 months. 

[Parafox]

9 hours ago, CollinsLCFC said:

I get Married in 13 months time.. I expect I'll contribute to this thread again in 14 months. 

Is that a stupid you've done (about to do)?

 

No you won't. 

[Umbungo78]

My old firm moved to a state of the art new office which was cycling distance. I'd arrive to work a bit sweaty so use the shower and then get changed into my office gear. One extra hot summers day I went ott with the anti perspiriant as I was still blowing out my arse. Sat back at my desk and fire alarms gone off. Everyone goes outside thinking it was a drill, then 3 fire engines turn up and the crews start unloading all the hoses and go racing inside. Turns out my over exuberance with the sure can had set the alarm sensor off and called them out...... Kept my gob shut as we got a massive bill and I'm still good mates with the facilities manager to this day so hope he don't read this 😂

[String fellow]

1 hour ago, Umbungo78 said:

My old firm moved to a state of the art new office which was cycling distance. I'd arrive to work a bit sweaty so use the shower and then get changed into my office gear. One extra hot summers day I went ott with the anti perspiriant as I was still blowing out my arse. Sat back at my desk and fire alarms gone off. Everyone goes outside thinking it was a drill, then 3 fire engines turn up and the crews start unloading all the hoses and go racing inside. Turns out my over exuberance with the sure can had set the alarm sensor off and called them out...... Kept my gob shut as we got a massive bill and I'm still good mates with the facilities manager to this day so hope he don't read this 😂

Yes, that sort of thing has also happened elsewhere, so it wasn't really your fault. It's a weakness in the design of the smoke alarms.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-44042918

[Umbungo78]

I also had a bad experience with a kebab once, I won't mention the name of the establishment as its changed hand since but it was on ryder Road. Ordered said kebab on a Friday night, working in retail on the weekend I started feeling most peculiar on the Saturday. Kept going hot and cold, arse turned into what can only be described as an alchemy device capable of producing every state of matter with no advance warning. 

 

3 days later after losing a stone I go doctors, raging temperature, so high she gave me a thermometer and said if it goes up another half degree phone an ambulance. She also gave me a sample jar and asked me to fill it. 19 year old me thought that's a bit small but I'll give it my best. Went to the loo with this small recepticle clenched to my arse cheeks and managed to fill it without getting covered in my own shit. 

 

Marched back in proud as punch and handed the doctor(who was stunning btw) a clean sample jar filled with liquid shit like I'd just passed the krypton factors hardest test. She looked at me and said...... Thanks for that but I meant urine sample. 😱.

[cambridgefox]

On 04/03/2022 at 18:54, The Year Of The Fox said:

We took some blue smoke grenades to Watford (h) about 10 years ago on a Friday night. We went 2-0 down and only managed to make it 2-1 

 

Absolutely hammered we went down to a bar/‘club’ in Coalville afterwards, and decided we’d set them off on the dance floor there. The DJ already had his dry ice, so what’s the difference? 
 

Despite the best efforts of my girlfriend persuading us not to do it- we did. 
 

My mate did a runner out the front door of the bar

 

I went out the smoking area and climbed over a fence to the main road to walk home. 
 

The place had been evacuated before I’d even walked home (it was a 5min walk)  
 

They managed to track my friend down on CCTV but he’d already decided to own up in any case. 
 

He was let off with a warning and a £200 fine. Which I went halves with obviously. 
 

The Sgt actually was chuckling as he read the ‘charge’ but told my mate to count himself lucky that nobody in there had CF or any other breathing difficulties. We hadn’t really thought about how much smoke comes out of those things- but to have two go off, indoors- it’s quite a big bar, and blue smoke was absolutely everywhere

 

It was hilarious for all of 5 mins, then obviously realised how incredibly stupid we’d been. It’s funny now too though, 10 years on. 
 

Thankfully no emergency services were called out or anything such like. I don’t think I’d have lived with myself if that had happened 

My lad had me soiling myself last night.

He went to Tenerife last week and has just admitted he got absolutely smashed one night.Walked by a bar that had Karaoke,burst in.Grabbed the mic off the bloke on the stage,started singing “ Wonderwall” and was escorted out with the audience in stitches.It wasn’t a karaoke,but a paid performer on stage.

[cambridgefox]

Just now, cambridgefox said:

My lad had me soiling myself last night.

He went to Tenerife last week and has just admitted he got absolutely smashed one night.Walked by a bar that had Karaoke,burst in.Grabbed the mic off the bloke on the stage,started singing “ Wonderwall” and was escorted out with the audience in stitches.It wasn’t a karaoke,but a paid performer on stage.

Re above.This is the 2nd most embarrassing karaoke story ,as my mate when we were young was so smashed he hit a high note and pissed himself on stage without realising .He had camel coloured trousers on.

[SpacedX]

26 minutes ago, cambridgefox said:

He had camel coloured trousers on.

As if that wasn't embarrassing enough. 

[DoveValleyFox]

In the 1980's, a young me, out with my mates and quite drunk ran over the top of a parked car as a 'laugh'.

 

Stupid thing was that the car was parked on Charles Street. Even more stupid was that it was outside Charles Street cop shop. To cap it, the car belonged to a copper whose mate just happened to be looking out of a window at the time. 

 

I was nicked within about 30 seconds and later fined for my hilarious prank. Hilarious to my mates at least, who scattered in every direction found it the most hilarious thing they'd ever seen in their young lives.

 

Obviously I never quite made it as a criminal mastermind.

[Vlad the Fox]

When I was at school it used to be cool to jump off the school bus as it was still moving, slowing down, approaching our stop.   One day my mate jumped off and smacked straight into the concrete stop sign. We just fell about laughing at him as he rolled around in agony, even some old lady joined in. I retired from exiting the bus early that day though as it did look bloody painful.  

[RoboFox]

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Edited 24 March 2022 by RoboFox

[HybridFox]

Hopped on the train to London this morning forgetting to collect my tickets at the station 

[Mike Oxlong]

Pants mistakenly put on back to front with the winky hole at the back, whilst aiding rear ventilation, always presents a challenge when going for a wee 

[Parafox]

Many years ago a mate of mine received a credit card through the post by mistake. He decided to use it to pay for me and him and one other to get a trip to France for cheap beer. Somehow he got found out and was arrested. Stupidly, I went to the police station (Charles Street) to enquire how he was and promptly got arrested as an accessory and put in a cell for a few hours. I was well scared.

[Tommy G]

When I was 17, I was drinking on the local park with mates, as you do - not causing trouble just drinking and having fun. One mate thought it would be a great idea to strip off and leg it over the hedge into the local primary school at midnight - so we did. Got caught on a grainy cctv camera didnt we, teachers and secretary remembered who we were and where we lived as we attended that small local primary school between 4-11!

 

We ended up with police at our door the next day, explaining to our parents they are giving us a shadow caution - whatever that was, and if it was during the day there would be a chance we could of been put on the sex offenders register!! Complete nightmare at the time, think my mum cried for a week in dissapointment. 

[MPH]

3 am and walking back from Town up London road and we stole some shopping  trolleys. We decided it would be a Great idea to have some races ( one person in each trolly pushed down the slopes/paths  by 2 others )in Vicky park.  I remember thinking that I didn’t think we go this fast. Challenged some randoms  doing the same walk home to a few races. The amount of times we were thrown through the air by tree roots, it really is a miracle no one got seriously hurt. Covered in mud, but not hurt.

[weller54]

Once, in my youth.. I knocked on someones door and then ran off.

[SkidsFox]

On 04/03/2022 at 20:53, Vacamion said:

 

I worked on building sites in the Highfields as a young man between school and college.

 

We were gutting houses to be refurbished.

 

My job was mostly hacking off plaster and ripping out skirting and architraves, filling up skips. No goggles, no masks, a tenner a day.

 

All the copper wiring and pipework from several houses that we were gutting in the same street was put to one side in one of the houses, so it could be weighed in for a bonus for the more senior guys.  

 

I didn't really know about this, I just knew that the copper was to be put to one side.

 

I was left working on my own at the house with the copper piled under the stairs, and a scruffy looking bloke comes around and says "I'm here for the copper".

 

I reply "Err, ok" and he starts taking copper out.

 

Then he asks me to help him load it up outside, so I stop what I'm doing and grab an armful.

 

When I get outside, he has got the metal piled up on an old pram, pulled along on a rope.  

 

I thought it was weird, but I didn't question it.

 

Innocent, green stupid 16 year old me helped this Tinker load up and walk away with what I was told was over £130 of copper on his pull-along pram.

 

I did not win employee of the month.  

 

 

£10 a day??? Sounds like those "more senior guys" were exploiting you. Good to hear they lost out!

[bovril]

13 minutes ago, weller54 said:

Once, in my youth.. I knocked on someones door and then ran off.

illegal in the UK, not anywhere else in Europe

[lcfc278]

8 minutes ago, bovril said:

illegal in the UK, not anywhere else in Europe

Illegal? Surely not.

 

Every kid played Knock Door Run didn't they?

[bovril]

3 minutes ago, lcfc278 said:

Illegal? Surely not.

 

Every kid played Knock Door Run didn't they?

I read only 2 days ago it's illegal in the UK but that was on social media so who knows

[SemperEadem]

Set fire to a load of wheelie bins.

[weller54]

49 minutes ago, lcfc278 said:

Illegal? Surely not.

 

Every kid played Knock Door Run didn't they?

Jonny Evans gets it all the time!!

The kids love to knock knock knocking on Evans door!

[Vacamion]

3 hours ago, SkidsFox said:

£10 a day??? Sounds like those "more senior guys" were exploiting you. Good to hear they lost out!

 

It wasn't a lot, even in 1986.