Tattoo Advice

[Oxfordfox83]

A very good friend has just got her first ever tattoo and she’s really pleased with it. It’s a big vine (accurately drawn, as we’re in wine) over her whole shoulder and down her left arm. I was worried it was quite big for her first tattoo, but she’s been really excited. I don’t like tattoos in general, which doesn’t matter at all, it’s entirely her choice and if it makes her happy I’m delighted. But she does know my prejudice.

 

But this morning she sent me a photo of it almost finished, and it’s really ugly. Huge and dense and basically half a sleeve plus collarbone. And I don’t know how to reply. I don’t think I can sustain a lie, but at the same time she’s obviously thrilled about it and I’d like to find a way to be encouraging.
 

Have any of you got advice from similar situations? Either responding to people’s tattoos you haven’t liked, or people having handled not liking your tattoos in a good way.

 

Thanks in advance and apologies for any offence caused.

[Nick]

2 minutes ago, Oxfordfox83 said:

A very good friend has just got her first ever tattoo and she’s really pleased with it. It’s a big vine (accurately drawn, as we’re in wine) over her whole shoulder and down her left arm. I was worried it was quite big for her first tattoo, but she’s been really excited. I don’t like tattoos in general, which doesn’t matter at all, it’s entirely her choice and if it makes her happy I’m delighted. But she does know my prejudice.

 

But this morning she sent me a photo of it almost finished, and it’s really ugly. Huge and dense and basically half a sleeve plus collarbone. And I don’t know how to reply. I don’t think I can sustain a lie, but at the same time she’s obviously thrilled about it and I’d like to find a way to be encouraging.
 

Have any of you got advice from similar situations? Either responding to people’s tattoos you haven’t liked, or people having handled not liking your tattoos in a good way.

 

Thanks in advance and apologies for any offence caused.

 

Lie. 

 

Say you were prejudiced against tats but you think that ones pretty alright.

 

Or just "woah - cool! It'll grow on me I'm sure!"

 

Thing is, she's looking for reassurance. If you say "what the hell have you done to your body forever?", this isn't going to help - it's done now. Just be a supportive friend.

[goose2010]

just say, wow thats awesome i'm glad you like it!. 

[Raj]

just tell the truth. She will thank you for it.

"My god that is really shit!"

[Nick]

3 minutes ago, Raj said:

just tell the truth. She will thank you for it.

"My god that is really shit!"

 

That's up there with, "you were a difficult w**k before the ink but now..."

[Scanchez]

Always lie.

About everything.

[Captain...]

I think we need a picture to really judge.

 

I share your views on tattoos, just seems a monumentally stupid thing to do. Fashion's and tastes change, bodies also physically change, tattoos are permanent. I think someone could make a killing with easily removable tattoos. I get that the permanence and the pain is part of the experience, but it's really not for me and I tend not to comment on other people's tattoos for that very reason.

 

One thing to bear in mind and someone with experience of large tattoos can probably clarify, but tattoos in progress don't always reflect how it will look in the end, the denseness of it will fade and there maybe highlighting as the final part. It normally needs a few days to look it's best (then it'll start to fade and stretch).

 

Does she know your views on tattoos?

 

You can always just say, "Wow, that's impressive!" as in it makes an impression, you're impressed at the size of it and her for going through it all. You're not actually saying you like it.

[Oxfordfox83]

19 minutes ago, Nick said:

 

Lie. 

 

Say you were prejudiced against tats but you think that ones pretty alright.

 

Or just "woah - cool! It'll grow on me I'm sure!"

 

Thing is, she's looking for reassurance. If you say "what the hell have you done to your body forever?", this isn't going to help - it's done now. Just be a supportive friend.

I think it has to be this. She’s already texted “Go on - you hate it” and I’ve not replied.

 

Ok. I think I’m going with “Wow, it’s huge! It’s not an immediate epiphany, but I do like it more each time I look at it. I’m really pleased you’re happy with it.”
 

Which, aside from liking it more, is essentially true, and I think I can get away with.

 

Thanks for all replies. 

[Oxfordfox83]

4 minutes ago, Captain... said:

I think we need a picture to really judge.

 

I share your views on tattoos, just seems a monumentally stupid thing to do. Fashion's and tastes change, bodies also physically change, tattoos are permanent. I think someone could make a killing with easily removable tattoos. I get that the permanence and the pain is part of the experience, but it's really not for me and I tend not to comment on other people's tattoos for that very reason.

 

One thing to bear in mind and someone with experience of large tattoos can probably clarify, but tattoos in progress don't always reflect how it will look in the end, the denseness of it will fade and there maybe highlighting as the final part. It normally needs a few days to look it's best (then it'll start to fade and stretch).

 

Does she know your views on tattoos?

 

You can always just say, "Wow, that's impressive!" as in it makes an impression, you're impressed at the size of it and her for going through it all. You're not actually saying you like it.

Yeah, I really hope it gets finer when the scars fade. I don’t think it’s right to share her photos without her say so, and getting it would very much defeat the purpose…
 

She does know what I think. I just don’t understand anyone thinking their favourite haircut or favourite item of clothing right now is the one they want to wear every day for the rest of their life, and it’s basically the same thing. But I know people do, and some really love them.
 

My worry is that she’s a middle class white girl with classics degrees from Oxford, just recovering from a fairly serious and sustained bout of anxiety, and it’s part euphoria, part rebellion, and it’s a short term decision she’ll regret. But I failed to dissuade her, so trying to be supportive is the next best thing…

[kingcarr21]

Just tell her you don't like it. Don't see why you feel the need to lie. As long as she is happy with it that's all that matters

[FoyleFox]

It's very distinctive.

 

Doesn't mean you like it or dislike it.

 

If she's asked directly if you hate it, it's also not a yes or no.

[Tommy G]

5 hours ago, Oxfordfox83 said:

A very good friend has just got her first ever tattoo and she’s really pleased with it. It’s a big vine (accurately drawn, as we’re in wine) over her whole shoulder and down her left arm. I was worried it was quite big for her first tattoo, but she’s been really excited. I don’t like tattoos in general, which doesn’t matter at all, it’s entirely her choice and if it makes her happy I’m delighted. But she does know my prejudice.

 

But this morning she sent me a photo of it almost finished, and it’s really ugly. Huge and dense and basically half a sleeve plus collarbone. And I don’t know how to reply. I don’t think I can sustain a lie, but at the same time she’s obviously thrilled about it and I’d like to find a way to be encouraging.
 

Have any of you got advice from similar situations? Either responding to people’s tattoos you haven’t liked, or people having handled not liking your tattoos in a good way.

 

Thanks in advance and apologies for any offence caused.

I'd be honest, you'll ultimately get more respect from people if you stand up for what you believe in and express an opinion and not worry about the consequences. Be authenitic and not a people pleaser. 

[Free Falling Foxes]

24 minutes ago, Tommy G said:

I'd be honest, you'll ultimately get more respect from people if you stand up for what you believe in and express an opinion and not worry about the consequences. Be authenitic and not a people pleaser. 

Except on FT.

[Bellend Sebastian]

How old's your friend? I only ask as I think tattoos are something best left until you settle into tedious middle age.

 

When I was in my 30s I would say that the regret level amongst my peers about the tattoos they'd had in the previous decade was pretty close to 100%

 

 

[Izzy]

5 hours ago, Oxfordfox83 said:

Ok. I think I’m going with “Wow, it’s huge!

I get that a lot. Never gets old...

[Guest Mee-9]

Asking Foxestalk is always your best bet mate with this sort of dilemma.  

 

I always remember a mate from uni had North, South, East and West on her back just above her arsecrack and you'd always see it on a night out.

 

Was referred to as the Cumpass. 

[Miquel The Work Geordie]

An old colleague once showed me his City badge tattoo and the fox looked like a Basil Brush bootleg, just so bad. You simply can't say you think it's shite though, give it a "absolute class mate, where did you get that done!"

[Tommy G]

48 minutes ago, Free Falling Foxes said:

Except on FT.

I wouldn't worry yourself about that.

[Innovindil]

99% of all tattoos look like garbage. Just lie and say glad you like it. Easy. 

[SpacedX]

1 hour ago, Tommy G said:

I'd be honest, you'll ultimately get more respect from people if you stand up for what you believe in and express an opinion and not worry about the consequences. Be authenitic and not a people pleaser. 

Disagree. There is a balance and sometimes silence or declining to comment is preferable - although not an option in this case. Perhaps responding, "tattoos aren't really my thing, so you're asking the wrong person" might be best. It would be the truth.

 

Elsewhere though, and in other circumstances, how many outright rude, brusque and blunt people do you know that take pride and delight in being 'authentic', convincing themselves that it's ok to behave in that way, irrespective of the damage or hurt they may inflict? - because, "y'know, I'm just being honest". Some people I know wear this like a badge of honour and can't see the upset that they cause. Trust me, they are not respected.

 

I can't stand insincerity, or as you say, "people pleasers", but that doesn't mean that you can't gauge a social situation and employ a level of tact and diplomacy. I have an Aspergic relation who consistently makes inappropriate and offensive comments. She can't help it due to her disability, but seems to delight in repeatedly asking my niece if she's pregnant. When she replies that she's just wearing a loose fitting dress the response is invariably that she looks like she's piled on at least two stone. Obviously, that's Asperger's Syndrome, and so an extreme example with really unpleasant consequences. However I have encountered people in the workplace that have zero in the way of a 'diplomacy dyke' - or aren't afraid to let it breach - and behave in exactly the way you are recommending. They are without exception intensely disliked and avoided. 

 

1 hour ago, Tommy G said:

express an opinion and not worry about the consequences.

If you could better sum up the ills of the world today in one sentence. One of the reasons that social media is not only so vile and toxic, but a haven for fake news, rumour, assumption baseless speculation and junk conspiracy theory. 

Edited 9 May 2023 by Line-X

[Tommy G]

6 minutes ago, Line-X said:

Disagree. There is a balance and sometimes silence or declining to comment is preferable - although not an option in this case. Perhaps responding, "tattoos aren't really my thing, so you're asking the wrong person" might be best. It would be the truth.

 

Elsewhere though, and in other circumstances, how many outright rude, brusque and blunt people do you know that take pride and delight in being 'authentic', convincing themselves that it's ok to behave in that way, irrespective of the damage or hurt they may inflict? - because, "y'know, I'm just being honest". Some people I know wear this like a badge of honour and can't see the upset that they cause. Trust me, they are not respected.

 

I can't stand insincerity, or as you say, "people pleasers", but that doesn't mean that you can't gauge a social situation and employ a level of tact and diplomacy. I have an Aspergic relation who consistently makes inappropriate and offensive comments. She can't help it due to her disability, but seems to delight in repeatedly asking my niece if she's pregnant. When she replies that she's just wearing a loose fitting dress the response is invariably that she looks like she's piled on at least two stone. Obviously, that's Asperger's Syndrome, and so an extreme example with really unpleasant consequences. However I have encountered people in the workplace that have zero in the way of a 'diplomacy dyke' - or aren't afraid to let it breach - and behave in exactly the way you are recommending. They are without exception intensely disliked and avoided. 

 

If you could better sum up the ills of the world today in one sentence. One of the reasons that social media is not only so vile and toxic, but a haven for fake news, rumour, assumption baseless speculation and junk conspiracy theory. 

I didn't say you had to be rude, I said you shouldn't be afraid to say what you think and carry it off with confidence, there's a difference. 

[SpacedX]

2 minutes ago, Tommy G said:

I didn't say you had to be rude, I said you shouldn't be afraid to say what you think and carry it off with confidence, there's a difference. 

You completely missed the point of my reply that in so doing as a rule, you can often inflict hurt and resentment. You said this:

 

2 hours ago, Tommy G said:

I'd be honest, you'll ultimately get more respect from people if you stand up for what you believe in and express an opinion and not worry about the consequences. 

This is blatantly false. 

Edited 9 May 2023 by Line-X

[Parafox]

I can't advise you on what to say.

 

I see women with these over inked bodies and I think, "yeah ok, when you're 20 something. How will it look when you're saggy 70 year old"?

[Tommy G]

1 hour ago, Line-X said:

You completely missed the point of my reply that in so doing as a rule, you can often inflict hurt and resentment. You said this:

 

This is blatantly false. 

That’s your opinion and I respect that. You should learn to respect others peoples too. 

[SpacedX]

3 minutes ago, Tommy G said:

That’s your opinion and I respect that. You should learn to respect others peoples too. 

The irony...

 

4 hours ago, Tommy G said:

express an opinion and not worry about the consequences. 

 

I'm simply suggesting that sometimes and in certain social situations or circumstances it's better not to express your opinion at all. Particularly when under the deluded belief that in so doing it unfailingly makes you somehow 'authentic'.