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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Posted
Posted
I went into a shop today to buy a Dracula costume.

 

The girl tried to sell me a Manchester United shirt.

 

I said, "I think you misheard me", I said "I wanted to look like a Count!"

  • 2 weeks later...
MPH

MPH

Posted
Posted (edited)

Sophie Ellis-Baxter has been found dead in a property on the french riviera. A former french international footballer is apparently helping police with their enquieries......

Police reckon it was murder on Zidane's floor...

Edited by MPH
  • Like 1
  • Popular Post
Parafox

Parafox

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted (edited)

Sophie Ellis-Baxter has been found dead in a property on the french riviera. A former french international footballer is apparently helping police with their enquieries......

Police reckon it was murder on Zidane's floor...

 

 

Heyyyyyyyyy, I put this on here ages ago, I never got plus 1  :P

Edited by Parafox
  • Like 7
Tielemans63

Tielemans63

Posted
Posted

My Chinese neighbour told me he'd just opened a "Crows shop".

I said, "Don't you mean a clothes shop?"

He said, "A Crows shop!"

I said, "OK, I might pop in for a Rook."

  • Like 4
MPH

MPH

Posted
Posted

My Chinese neighbour told me he'd just opened a "Crows shop".

I said, "Don't you mean a clothes shop?"

He said, "A Crows shop!"

I said, "OK, I might pop in for a Rook."

Just make sure you call them first to tell them you are coming in to get some supplies. ...

ozleicester

ozleicester

Posted
Posted

My Chinese neighbour told me he'd just opened a "Crows shop".

I said, "Don't you mean a clothes shop?"

He said, "A Crows shop!"

I said, "OK, I might pop in for a Rook."

 

 

Just make sure you call them first to tell them you are coming in to get some supplies. ...

 

 

Ive heard  its a great shop, everyone is Raven about it

kingcarr21

kingcarr21

Posted
Posted

A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat. They sit down at a table and the bloke gets the 1st round of drinks. Then the ostrich goes up for the next round of drinks. The bloke and ostrich alternate buying the rounds for the next few hours.

 

The barman begins to wonder why the cat hasnt brought a round yet. as the bloke goes to the bar the barman asks 'Excuse me, Can i ask why the cat hasnt brought a round yet?'

 

The bloke replies ' I was digging in my garden when i found a treasure chest. I opened the chest to find a magic lamp which i rubbed to find a genie in the lamp. The Genie said i had 1 wish so to think carefully.

 

After some careful thinking i responded,

 

 

 

 

' I wish for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy '

  • Like 3
glenny_fox

glenny_fox

Posted
Posted

Bar staff required for a bar in Glasgow..... must be able to work on a rota

 

Police have confirmed they have arrested a man who climbed on the roof of a pub to paint 'HAPPY ST. ANDREWS DAY' in giant white letters..... Fortunately they managed to stop him after he only had time to paint the 'H'

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