The joke thread

[NewquayFox]

Just seen a bloke walking 4 Labradors, i thought 'Feck me, he must be really really blind'... ;0/

[Webbo]

Fred Flintstone took his car into a garage.

 

"What seems to be the problem?" asked the mechanic.

 

"I think there's something wrong with my feet".

[Beliall]

4x

[Rocket-Ron]

Waldemar Fornalik, The only Polish person to come to England and lose their job

[The Doctor]

Lucy, In the Sky, with Diamonds.

 

Further evidence John Lennon was shit at cluedo.

[Vacamion]

What did Jay Z call his wife before they got married?







Feyonce.          

[Tielemans63]

What did Jay Z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce.

That's actually brilliant.

[Tielemans63]

Apparently there's a new drug that has been clinically proven to help reduce the number of instances of armed robbery....

...Thalidomide.  

(Feel a bit bad now)

[Webbo]

Just found out that "Aaarrrrggghhh" is not an actual real word.

 

 

 

 

I can't even begin to tell you how angry i am.

 

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Recently bought a suicide bed.

 

 

 

Every morning i have to talk myself out of it.

Edited 22 October 2013 by Webbo

[separator]

I bought Alex Ferguson's autobiography.

 

I thought I'd got to the end but 6 more pages appeared.

[FoxesAreBlue]

I bought Alex Ferguson's autobiography.

I thought I'd got to the end but 6 more pages appeared.

[foxfanazer]

My Chinese friend died earlier this week.....

So Yung

[MPH]

Apparently there's a new drug that has been clinically proven to help reduce the number of instances of armed robbery....

...Thalidomide.

(Feel a bit bad now)

I had a friend who was a thalidomide... he got taken to hospital once with severe burns after a 5th of November party with his family...

Told me it said on the fireworks box " light at arms length"

[Tielemans63]

I had a friend who was a thalidomide... he got taken to hospital once with severe burns after a 5th of November party with his family...

Told me it said on the fireworks box " light at arms length"

 

[Captain...]

I had a friend who was a thalidomide... he got taken to hospital once with severe burns after a 5th of November party with his family...

Told me it said on the fireworks box " light at arms length"

 

I appreciate you probably didn't write that joke, but you do know Thalidomide isn't a disease it was a pill to be taken during pregnancy to ease morning sickness? 

 

The correct, but not politically, term for someone who suffers from physical disability brought on by their mother taking thalidomide during pregnancy is "flid".

 

Incidentally this looks like a great film:

 

[Webbo]

 

Dear Sir,

 

On behalf of Channel Four, may I firstly thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show. Also the charming photograph you enclosed.

 

 

 

Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution to the programme if selected, I should point out that the correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt".

 

Kind regards,

 

Channel Four.

 

[Beliall]

[MPH]

I appreciate you probably didn't write that joke, but you do know Thalidomide isn't a disease it was a pill to be taken during pregnancy to ease morning sickness?

The correct, but not politically, term for someone who suffers from physical disability brought on by their mother taking thalidomide during pregnancy is "flid".

Incidentally this looks like a great film:

Yes I did know that it was originally the name of the drug.

open to debate, about if that is the correct term or not!

I grew up on vicky park playing football on a sunday morning with someone who had really short arms.. great player. Always drove himself there and back which impressed me... after about two years I finally plucked up the courage to ask him about his disability. He simply told me that he was a thalidomide. It is a term I had heard several times since... as well as flid but I always considered that less kind..

[RonnieTodger]

Last night, me and the mrs watched three DVDs back-to-back.

 

Luckily, I was the one facing the TV.

[separator]

I said to my mate, "If I ever win the lottery I'm gonna be the biggest show off ever."

 

He said, "What you going to do, buy a big house and a flash sports car?"

 

I said, "No, switch on my gas central heating."

[Jaspa]

Whats got three teeth and seven legs?

 

The Methadone cue out on the High Street < Whitetext

Edited 31 October 2013 by SpazticChicken

[foxfanazer]

Joe Hart was planning on dressing as a ghost for tonights game for Halloween but he hasn't got enough clean sheets

[Stadt]

Joe Hart was planning on dressing as a ghost for tonights game for Halloween but he hasn't got enough clean sheets

Surely you can make a better Kasper/Caspar one out of that carcass of a joke?!

[foxfanazer]

Surely you can make a better Kasper/Caspar one out of that carcass of a joke?!

I'm at work. Give me a break!

[separator]

I was promised supper if I sang "Why Does it Always Rain On Me" 

 

So I did but all I got was scones with jam and cream

 

It was a Travis tea