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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
On 06/07/2018 at 13:40, boots60 said:

My wife said to me "You love football more than me"

"Don't be silly, you know that's not true" I replied.

"OK then, how long have we been married? You don't know do you?" she asked.

Of course I do darling I retorted.

Eleven & a half seasons.

 

 

6 minutes ago, boots60 said:

The Missus said to me you love football more than you love me.

That's not true I replied. 

Yes it is she said, go on then, how long have we been together?

That's easy, twelve & a half seasons.

 

Bloody hell mate, you're repeating your own jokes now lol

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Wortho

Wortho

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A man who lost his ears in a freak accident has had a ground breaking operation of having two replacement ears grafted on that are made from pig skin.

A hospital spokesperson said that the operation was a success and that the man can hear, though he's experiencing a bit of crackling.

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yorkie1999

yorkie1999

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On 17/01/2019 at 19:25, bovril said:

Warning: The following joke must be said in a gruff Northern tone, preferably while holding a pint. 

There's a pakistani chap on twitter who's always doing videos with those types of jokes. I think you're living 10 years out of date with the stereotyping remarks. 

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Izzy

Izzy

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3 hours ago, tom27111 said:

What do you call a Chinese woman with a food processor on her head?

 

Brenda lol

 

@Izzy is gonna tell me that's already been said :mellow:

Nah, that's an original on here matey :thumbup:

 

@Paddy.s dyslexia joke above however :whistle: 

 

On 20/02/2018 at 10:08, Izzy said:

lol

 

My mate Dave suffers from dyslexia and said he was joining a poetry group because it might help.

 

He hasn't written any poems yet, but he has made a fvcking beautiful vase and matching plate.

 

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Wortho

Wortho

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I looked out of my window in horror last night as a crowd gathered around a crashed motorcyclist.

I rushed outside yelling, "Let me through, let me through."

A woman at the front said, "Thank God for that, are you a Doctor?"

I said, "No, that's my bloody pizza."

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