Depression

[Izzy]

9 minutes ago, Parafox said:

And that's what so difficult to achieve. I wake up often with feelings of fear and anxiety, mainly brought about by our relationship with our daughter and her psychological and emotional attacks on us which can go on for days via social media. I know these are false thoughts in the context of them being false because they haven't happened at the time of worrying about them. I really struggle to detach myself from the "now" and "what might happen". I'm already dreading Christmas as previous ones have gone horribly and sometimes, violently wrong and that's what affects my anticipation of the event. I think it's human nature to base the future on the events of the past and that's what, for me anyway, results in chronic anxiety.

I hear ya mate.

I'm always mindful when posting on this thread that I can sound like I'm over simplifying things (and chronic anxiety is far from simple). It's easy to say "don't trust your thoughts" but it's the same as saying "don't think of a pink elephant" (and you just thought of a pink elephant)

I do believe however that we are all 'living in the feeling of our thinking' - 100% of the time. I also understand that of course it's human nature to predict the future based on past events. But none of us can really predict the future can we? 

I've spent years trying to learn how to live in the "now" rather than worry what "might" happen. I struggle every day with this but try my hardest to show up the best I can (actively listen, be present, be empathetic, be curious, ask questions to learn etc.) and then respond best I can to whatever shows up. 

Sometimes things show up that I don't expect. Sometimes people surprise me and sometimes they disappoint me. Some events go as expected, others the complete opposite. Will my teenage daughter ruin Xmas for us all with her OCD, mood swings, emotional outbursts and negativity? Maybe she will and maybe she won't, but I can't control it. I've no choice but to watch it all unfold as it's meant to and deal with it best I can in that moment.

Life is like a box of chocolates...

 

[Parafox]

4 hours ago, Izzy said:

I hear ya mate.

I'm always mindful when posting on this thread that I can sound like I'm over simplifying things (and chronic anxiety is far from simple). It's easy to say "don't trust your thoughts" but it's the same as saying "don't think of a pink elephant" (and you just thought of a pink elephant)

I do believe however that we are all 'living in the feeling of our thinking' - 100% of the time. I also understand that of course it's human nature to predict the future based on past events. But none of us can really predict the future can we? 

I've spent years trying to learn how to live in the "now" rather than worry what "might" happen. I struggle every day with this but try my hardest to show up the best I can (actively listen, be present, be empathetic, be curious, ask questions to learn etc.) and then respond best I can to whatever shows up. 

Sometimes things show up that I don't expect. Sometimes people surprise me and sometimes they disappoint me. Some events go as expected, others the complete opposite. Will my teenage daughter ruin Xmas for us all with her OCD, mood swings, emotional outbursts and negativity? Maybe she will and maybe she won't, but I can't control it. I've no choice but to watch it all unfold as it's meant to and deal with it best I can in that moment.

Life is like a box of chocolates...

 

Major post. We seem to have much in common with regards to our daughters mental health and respective personalities. Unless you've had the experience, you'll never know the strain it takes to keep on going. But we do, because we love. Chin up, tomorrow's another day, let's see how it goes. Battle on Izzy, we have to.

[HighPeakFox]

Something I have always had a problem with is feeling self-pity - the moment I deal with it, things improve.

[FoxyPV]

I'm not having a good day so far. Complete anxiety attack in the shop. 

 

Fksake.

 

I hate days like this

[HighPeakFox]

2 hours ago, FoxyPV said:

I'm not having a good day so far. Complete anxiety attack in the shop. 

 

Fksake.

 

I hate days like this

Breathe, and remind yourself that is impermanent - it will pass soon enough if you allow it.

Edited 23 November 2021 by HighPeakFox

[MPH]

On 17/11/2021 at 14:22, Parafox said:

And that's what so difficult to achieve. I wake up often with feelings of fear and anxiety, mainly brought about by our relationship with our daughter and her psychological and emotional attacks on us which can go on for days via social media. I know these are false thoughts in the context of them being false because they haven't happened at the time of worrying about them. I really struggle to detach myself from the "now" and "what might happen". I'm already dreading Christmas as previous ones have gone horribly and sometimes, violently wrong and that's what affects my anticipation of the event. I think it's human nature to base the future on the events of the past and that's what, for me anyway, results in chronic anxiety.

 

 

so say we all have an anxiety level of 1-10.  

 

‘ normally’ 1 might be making a  difficult phone call and 10 might be , say getting into a Physical altercation with a loved one or a disastrous day at work . The way the body works is if you are often experiencing  situations of say 8-10 on the stress scale soon through lack of ‘use’ stress level reactions 1-7 drop off the scale so your body becomes ‘trained’ to only react on levels 8-10 as that’s all it knows how to do . Even for the simple things. Sometimes it can be linked to just one particular ‘ box’ in your life ( daughter) but we all know boxes can break and spill into other areas.

 

so some of the only advice I can give you when you start feeling it coming on is to tell yourself  that your body is lying to you and that it doesn’t have to be this way. It’s not an overnight fix and you have to train your body again to get those low numbers back.

 

bless you though  mate, I know it’s tough.

[urban.spaceman]

Off for a long weekend visit down to my oldest friend's for the first time in a couple of years. Hopefully I'll feel a bit more like me for a bit!

[Wymsey]

8 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Off for a long weekend visit down to my oldest friend's for the first time in a couple of years. Hopefully I'll feel a bit more like me for a bit!

Enjoy it; you deserve it, based on what you've said recently in this thread.

It's a good feeling of seeing someone you like and got on well with in the past, but rarely see them.

[urban.spaceman]

4 hours ago, Wymsey said:

Enjoy it; you deserve it, based on what you've said recently in this thread.

It's a good feeling of seeing someone you like and got on well with in the past, but rarely see them.

Not sure about that, but he’s my hetero life mate so we’re sort of bonded for life… thanks for the best wishes!

[spacemunky]

Like a lot of people, I find this time of the year difficult.

 

Lost my mom 7 years ago this month and my dad 10 years ago next month(on my birthday).

 

Wrote one day off this week, but today I managed to dust myself off and get myself out and about!

[Nick]

On 15/11/2021 at 19:42, SeCrEt FoX said:

I always go to post on here then don't. But am gonna! 

Sorry if its long but here it goes! 

 

I have been (and still have bouts) of depression. About 20 years ago I lost my best friend then exactly 4 weeks later to the day we lost a young family member to suicide. My life was a complete mess. I would describe my old self as a pretty confident and a laugh and always be there for people, class clown etc but that all died with them. I was so depressed I contemplated doing things and ended up seeing my GP (the good old days when you had a proper old school doctor who knew your family if that makes sense and they knew the people I lost) I was put on meds (can't remember the name) and they was placebos which really pissed me off because I felt cheated. Then I was put on some proper meds and things started to get a little bit better but I turned into a miserable git and was just not interested with any thing or anyone. I started a family a few years later and felt my life was back on track, I basically had something to keep my mind occupied. My son meant everything to me. I'd get home from work and just play with him and be happy, it was great and it was time to come off the meds. 

I saw my GP and he wasn't sure it was time and I basically said I didn't want to be on these tablets anymore, I want to have complete control of my life so I came off them. Things were looking good and I started to feel happy again. Then after a few years passed lost my Mum. That hurt. Really bad and I spiralled out of control again, this time worse than before. It affected everything and everyone in my life. I just could stand the thought that she was gone and never going to see her again and I ended up back on them pills. This time I was put on a higher dose. Weeks went and i wasn't getting any better so they upped the dosage and this kept happening until the doctor said this was the limit. It helped for a little bit but I didn't feel myself. I was drowning out all my troubles and I was like a zombie. My anxiety levels were through the roof and any little thing (even jokes) I took offence. I was afraid I'd never get better. Then my nan died a year later. I was still an absolute mess. I lost 2 jobs through it and one of my bosses "didn't believe in depression" so basically had no sympathy from him. It wasn't what I was after but I thought they would understand and help me. 

So I was in a bad place, hated my job and all the people I once loved and cherished I pushed away. I just was not the same person. It went on for a few years then I realised how much my wife had helped me and stood by me through every single thing I had been through, my kids who I love so much sort of lost their dad and a stranger had took his place. I took so much out of the people that did care about me. Was I selfish? Yes I was and it don't matter how many times I went to the doctors to get pills just to drown everything out you will never be yourself, it was a vicious circle I needed to get out of. So I wanted my life back, and their is only one person who can do that.... Me! So I asked my GP to come off of them and he refused so like a tw@ (please do not do this as it is very dangerous) i cold turkied from my meds which was a stupid idea. I was ill for about 4/5 months but I was so determined to turn my life around. 4 years on I'm drug free and in a better place. I still have my days and suffer with anxiety but I'm glad I did it.

My problem was I didn't speak to anyone at all and bottled it up. I never sat with someone (apart from a GP) and let it all out. Like I said, the only person who can change your life and mindset is yourself. You control you. Noone else! You will have bad days but you have to just get on with it. I'm weak minded but I soldiered on. If I can you can trust me. Do things to keep you occupied. Listen to podcasts or watch comedies or documentaries, pick a book up or a playstation controller, go for a walk, see friends or family you haven't seen for a while get into a club of some sort whether it's  five a side footy or a fuching knitting club! Just do something. And SMILE! As much as my world crumbled the world around me never stopped. Get back on it! Life waits for noone so don't wait for it to get better, only you can change it. Chins up people! 

Brave and honest.

[doverfox]

On 26/11/2021 at 23:01, spacemunky said:

Like a lot of people, I find this time of the year difficult.

 

Lost my mom 7 years ago this month and my dad 10 years ago next month(on my birthday).

 

Wrote one day off this week, but today I managed to dust myself off and get myself out and about!

I would love to say it get easier but 35 years from the death on my brother and 40 from my dad who he filled in for still upsets me when i think of them and more recently my mum, has any one try grief/bereavement counxiling and did it help, 

[foxfanazer]

 

[HybridFox]

Sometimes do you just get that feeling that you're about to f*** something up in the coming days?

 

Don't even know what but sometimes things are too good to be smooth. Something has to go wrong 

[doverfox]

5 hours ago, TK95 said:

Sometimes do you just get that feeling that you're about to f*** something up in the coming days?

 

Don't even know what but sometimes things are too good to be smooth. Something has to go wrong 

Life is like being a city fan. Its like a roller coaster and we know the is a dip just a little way along the track.

[foxile5]

Without being rude - what is depression? It seems to vary so widely? What do people define it as? 

 

I'm aware this is a) sensitive and b) subjective. Just wanted to understand. 

[Izzy]

11 minutes ago, foxile5 said:

Without being rude - what is depression? It seems to vary so widely? What do people define it as? 

 

I'm aware this is a) sensitive and b) subjective. Just wanted to understand. 

Here's a one page overview from the 'mind' website which explains it quite well.

 

 https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/about-depression/

 

 

[Buce]

17 minutes ago, foxile5 said:

Without being rude - what is depression? It seems to vary so widely? What do people define it as? 

 

I'm aware this is a) sensitive and b) subjective. Just wanted to understand. 

 

 

 

Edited 29 November 2021 by Buce

[jgtuk]

I've never posted in this thread but I'm making an exeption today as I feel a bit jaded. I'm one of these who is a massive advocate of talking and getting help when needed but don't do it myself.

I have suffered many times with a combination of SAD and other things I don't want to face and I can feel a bout of it coming over me recently.

I'm naturally a loner and don't enjoy being around people all of the time but when I feel like this I have come to learn that I actually need to be around people - it helps somewhat with recovery.

I think a combination of the season and everything that is going on has started to push me to places I don't want to be.

I also feel a type of guilt as I am ultra aware of my privilege - I'm financially stable, have a great wife and family around me, nice house and very comfortable life and no reason to feel this way.

As a result of this guilt I never talk to anyone about it, my family are unaware and I just go through the motions until I start to feel better.

The amazing thing is, afterwards, it's like it was never there. Until it appears again.

I realise my feelings pale in comparison to the trials some of you are going through so hats off to you all and keep the faith that things will be better.

I'm probably going to take a few days off from the internet completely, I'm going away on friday anyway.

Up the foxes.

 

[Buce]

1 hour ago, jgtuk said:

I've never posted in this thread but I'm making an exeption today as I feel a bit jaded. I'm one of these who is a massive advocate of talking and getting help when needed but don't do it myself.

I have suffered many times with a combination of SAD and other things I don't want to face and I can feel a bout of it coming over me recently.

I'm naturally a loner and don't enjoy being around people all of the time but when I feel like this I have come to learn that I actually need to be around people - it helps somewhat with recovery.

I think a combination of the season and everything that is going on has started to push me to places I don't want to be.

I also feel a type of guilt as I am ultra aware of my privilege - I'm financially stable, have a great wife and family around me, nice house and very comfortable life and no reason to feel this way.

As a result of this guilt I never talk to anyone about it, my family are unaware and I just go through the motions until I start to feel better.

The amazing thing is, afterwards, it's like it was never there. Until it appears again.

I realise my feelings pale in comparison to the trials some of you are going through so hats off to you all and keep the faith that things will be better.

I'm probably going to take a few days off from the internet completely, I'm going away on friday anyway.

Up the foxes.

 

 

Having a 'privileged' life doesn't make anyone immune from depression, mate; like a virus, it's something that pays no heed to such things, so please don't allow yourself to feel guilty about being unwell.

 

If you feel the need to talk but don't want to burden your family, there are many of us who use this thread that would be glad to chat, myself included. You don't have to suffer in silence.

Edited 30 November 2021 by Buce

[Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot]

One of the biggest myths and perpetrators of self loathing in depression is in people who 'have it all', you only have to look at how many celebrities and well to do people, who many think and say wow bet they must have the best life, succumb to this horrific disease to know that this faux idea of worth based on things like career or life circumstances just needs to be cut through and put to bed. If you are depressed, you're depressed. It doesn't matter if you're homeless, living paycheck to paycheck or very affluent and 'have it all', everyone's experience is different, there are always people better or worse off than you but it's a total irrelevance and absolutely not something to use as a stick to beat yourself with. 

[doverfox]

Being affluent and depressed just mean you have nice surroundings.

[Phil Bowman]

On 30/11/2021 at 12:30, jgtuk said:

I also feel a type of guilt as I am ultra aware of my privilege - I'm financially stable, have a great wife and family around me, nice house and very comfortable life and no reason to feel this way.

Absolutely no need to feel guilty. Avoid that ‘what have I got to be depressed about?’ trap - depression isn’t ‘about’ anything.

 

On 30/11/2021 at 12:30, jgtuk said:

As a result of this guilt I never talk to anyone about it, my family are unaware

Talking can be hard. It goes against all my natural instincts, but when it comes to depression I highly recommend it!

I’d be amazed if your family aren’t aware that something’s wrong sometimes. It would probably help them to know what it is, if you feel up to that.

 

On 30/11/2021 at 12:30, jgtuk said:

The amazing thing is, afterwards, it's like it was never there. Until it appears again.

Yep. That’s the black dog for you. When he isn’t there you forget he ever existed. Then suddenly one day he’s back, sitting on you and squashing the life out of you.

 

On 30/11/2021 at 12:30, jgtuk said:

I realise my feelings pale in comparison to the trials some of you are going through

No, they clearly don’t. They really don’t. If they make you feel like this they’re the same thing, just as valid, just as real, just as important.

 

On 30/11/2021 at 12:30, jgtuk said:

I'm probably going to take a few days off from the internet completely,

Always a good idea tbh! For everyone!

[Parafox]

I have become increasingly infuriated by the lack of support for those suffering MH issues and maybe this should go in the Depression topic but, (it is now, cut and pasted from Absolute ... of or time, topic) our 29yr old daughter has been sectioned 3 times in 8 years. She has BPD level 3, (quite severe), she suffers quite acute, but manageable, episodes of depression. About 6 months ago she stood on a rail track waiting for a train. We called the police, they were excellent and she had already got away from the line when they arrived. She was taken by them to the EPAU (emergency psychiatric assessment unit) at Glenfield. Subsequently discharged because she assured them, during her assessment, that it wasn't going to be an "actual" attempt on her own life. The psych team referred her to the Crisis team. It took 5 days for them to contact her. Since then she's only had telephone consultations as a result of which her meds were changed. That's all. 

MH and social care, of all aspects, is a seriously underfunded Cinderella part of the NHS. Shameful.

[Finnegan]

I haven't really felt the need to unload in here for a very long time. I've been in a period of what I guess I would call "comfortable" depression. Either very low anxiety or very suppressed anxiety depression. Very low impact symptom depression. Easy depression. 

 

It's eaten at my appetite, my motivation and my mood to such a subtle level it's gone unnoticed and easily managed through most of the last two years. The fact that the whole world is experiencing some form of it because of covid has helped me plod along with it in check. 

 

But throughout November I guess anxiety has been subconsciously building up behind the scenes and it's started taking centre stage over the last week in the form of insomnia. 

 

It first started this time last week. It took me an unusually long time (an hour maybe?) to get to sleep. It played on my mind and the first bit of worry crept in and last Monday night I didn't sleep at all. Not for a second. I couldn't stop TRYING to get to sleep. I know from experience the futility when you get to this point but I couldn't stop myself. 

 

I managed to rally and Tuesday I got to sleep, albeit having had a beer. Wednesday without, Thursday without. Friday I got absolutely ruined with work and passed out. Saturday was so hungover sleep came fine. And bam. Like a shot, I'm back here again tonight. 

 

I'm aware the obvious answer here is work but I don't think I'm particularly anxious about work. It's just knowing that I "have to!" get to sleep BECAUSE of work that I think is instigating the pressure. 

 

But fvck, I can't stop myself thinking about going to sleep. My whole life I've accidentally practiced a form of mindfulness without knowing it's what I'm doing. It started when I was a little kid, like maybe six or seven, I'd roll my pyjama bottoms up so they were like shorts and I'd fantasise playing football under the covers until I fell asleep. As I grew and matured sometimes it would be fantasising about being an army man or a Knight or whatever. You know, just kids fantasies. But that's what I'd do to drift asleep. I came to call it "playing the game."

 

Ive carried it with me through my teens and in to adult life. It's something so private and I guess embarrassing (although not really, I guess just silly sounding?) that I've never told anyone about it but even now at 35 I go to sleep with one of a few recurring fantasies I still call "the game." One involves being a boxer (of all the sports I enjoy, a weird choice) another involves a sort of Rainbow Six style International special forces and the complex political situations required of it, others are linked to literal fantasy media like the Witcher or whatever I happen to be watching on TV in the evenings. It's always I guess some sort of feel good, fantasy wish fulfillment. 

 

I have no idea how normal this is or how "everyone else" gets to sleep but this has been the main crutch of my sleep process for 30 years. I told my therapist about this a couple years ago a few sessions after going on some rant about how mindfulness wouldn't work for me because I'm too cynical about "all that meditation crap" and she, as delicately and compassionately as possible, laughed in my face and somewhat exasperated explained "that IS mindfulness!" 

 

But it's completely failing me right now. The problem is, I KNOW it's a tool. I KNOW it's a coping mechanism. So when I'm lying in bed with insomnia and my problem is being too aware that I'm TRYING to sleep then it absolutely fails. My crutch is gone. The one trick I know to use to fall asleep is now a reminder that I can't fall asleep and the anxiety turns to stress turns to anger and now I'm fvcked. 

 

I don't get insomnia often because "the game" is my mental health super power. I'm so well practiced in it I've had great sleep hygiene through nearly all my struggles. 

 

But when I do get insomnia it snowballs in to a massive issue quite quickly because I don't know another way of sleeping. 

 

Typing this out has helped me slow my heart rate and heavy my eyelids but I don't think it'll actually work. I'm just concerned that tackling the underlying anxiety might be the only way to fix it and I may need to medicate for the first time in four or five years for that which feels like such a defeat. 

 

I really hate December.