Depression

[HighPeakFox]

45 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Seriously unwell.

Talk to someone about anything x

[marbles]

1 hour ago, urban.spaceman said:

Seriously unwell.

What’s going on bud?

[urban.spaceman]

33 minutes ago, marbles said:

What’s going on bud?

One of my best friends died really suddenly in December and I am still utterly unequipped to dealing with it. I’m still in absolute shock and devastated. Recent events have not helped. 

[lildave3]

Everybody says talk. Nobody actually means it. Because once you do, you’re just vulnerable. And you just give up everything and end up with nothing. 

[HighPeakFox]

4 minutes ago, lildave3 said:

Everybody says talk. Nobody actually means it. Because once you do, you’re just vulnerable. And you just give up everything and end up with nothing. 

You're so wrong. I absolutely mean it. Please do not be so presumptive of what anyone does or says, other than your good self. Please. 

[foxy boxing]

10 minutes ago, lildave3 said:

Everybody says talk. Nobody actually means it. Because once you do, you’re just vulnerable. And you just give up everything and end up with nothing. 

A lot of people only want to hear the good things about your life and not the bad. Peopele have their own struggles and find it hard to hear about anyone else's because it might affect their own mental health, that's why a lot of people go to therapy to unburden themselves on a professional who can help and not hurt those around them. Everyone is sympathetic but often don't know what to do to help.

[String fellow]

13 minutes ago, lildave3 said:

Everybody says talk. Nobody actually means it. Because once you do, you’re just vulnerable. And you just give up everything and end up with nothing. 

I agree with you. Sometimes talking merely opens up the wounds and, as you say, makes you vulnerable. Following a very recent bereavement of my own, I've found that being alone with my thoughts and reflections is a better way of coming to terms with what happened. Talking may be therapeutic for some, but it's not for everyone, and some folk who appear to be sympathetic are really just being nosy and may even be looking for ways to exploit the situation.  

[marbles]

3 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

One of my best friends died really suddenly in December and I am still utterly unequipped to dealing with it. I’m still in absolute shock and devastated. Recent events have not helped. 

So sorry to hear about your friend.

[Guest Mee-9]

Happy to admit that over the past few months I've had a problem with my mental health that has been getting worse over time.

 

Over the course of the last year I've had a huge amount of change. Became a Dad for the first time, moved house, work from home for myself and got married. It's been a crazy year, and for so many amazing reasons like becoming a first time Father has been incredible but it's been the toughest thing I've ever had to do. 

 

I'm incredibly isolated as I work from home, and went from an environment where I was mixing with hundreds of people a day to the four corners of the house, the kid and my wife. They're amazing but it's strange because I just miss the dynamism I think of everyday life. Parents  have said go and volunteer somewhere to get out and about, but I have this strange guilt in my head about leaving the missus with our daughter all day whilst I'm out and about. I have my dream job too, but something has just been missing. 

 

Recently I've been getting this cloud that comes over my mind sometimes, and it really harms my creativity/ability to focus and it's like part of my brain shuts off and it can take time to reset. I know I'm probably depressed and suffering with anxiety, but as someone who's never suffered before like this I'm finding it hard to speak with likeminded people about it. I have times and days where I feel good, but other times where I feel like absolute shit, feeling pretty worthless. 

 

My wife has been amazing, and is encouraging me to speak to a doctor about how I'm feeling. (She thinks they might suggest group therapies and everything) But i'm really unsure about this. My confidence has took a battering also since leaving the role I previously had and it's through just a lack of socialising. 

 

Despite the horror show this season with Leicester, I've found a lot of solace on here chatting with you lot. I've also found going to the games as my release from everything, and despite the results I've been using it as my escape where the mind just completely doesn't worry or stress. (I've even left the grounds thinking well at least I've had a day out/evening out) 

 

I know my problems are rather minor compared to you guys, but just thought i'd see if anyones had any similar sort of experience, and whether they could offer some advice. (I know I probably need to get a life and get out more too, but just finding it a bit tricky.) 

[Izzy]

15 minutes ago, Mee-9 said:

Happy to admit that over the past few months I've had a problem with my mental health that has been getting worse over time.

 

Over the course of the last year I've had a huge amount of change. Became a Dad for the first time, moved house, work from home for myself and got married. It's been a crazy year, and for so many amazing reasons like becoming a first time Father has been incredible but it's been the toughest thing I've ever had to do. 

 

I'm incredibly isolated as I work from home, and went from an environment where I was mixing with hundreds of people a day to the four corners of the house, the kid and my wife. They're amazing but it's strange because I just miss the dynamism I think of everyday life. Parents  have said go and volunteer somewhere to get out and about, but I have this strange guilt in my head about leaving the missus with our daughter all day whilst I'm out and about. I have my dream job too, but something has just been missing. 

There's various psychometric tests to tell us what our personality type is - Extrovert or Introvert. The terms don't refer to our standard definitions (e.g. Extrovert means you're loud and gregarious and Introvert means you're shy and retiring)

but more about where we get our energy from. Extroverts get their energy from those around them, and Introverts get their energy from within. My guess is that you'd be an Extrovert but now find yourself working on your own - which is a challenge for you as you've no one in close proximity to get your energy from day to day.

 

As an Extrovert myself, I left corporate life many years ago and went from a job being part of a team and having my own team, to the isolation of working for myself from home. It probably took me five years to adjust and I still miss the 'dynamism' you mention. The 'solution' for me was to join a golf club and a gym. At the time we also had young kids but when I explained to my wife my 'need' for human interaction and why, she understood. 

 

You maybe need to find your own solution that suits you, your lifestyle, your family, and your work - but unless you find one, you'll keep feeling isolated.

 

15 minutes ago, Mee-9 said:

 

Recently I've been getting this cloud that comes over my mind sometimes, and it really harms my creativity/ability to focus and it's like part of my brain shuts off and it can take time to reset. I know I'm probably depressed and suffering with anxiety, but as someone who's never suffered before like this I'm finding it hard to speak with likeminded people about it. I have times and days where I feel good, but other times where I feel like absolute shit, feeling pretty worthless. 

 

My wife has been amazing, and is encouraging me to speak to a doctor about how I'm feeling. (She thinks they might suggest group therapies and everything) But i'm really unsure about this. My confidence has took a battering also since leaving the role I previously had and it's through just a lack of socialising. 

I've mentioned countless times before on here that these 'feelings' come from an initial thought first. "We are living in the feeling of our thinking, 100% of the time". Once I understood this, it helped me to identify my 'trigger' thoughts that previously sent me into a spiral of anxiety and depression. I stated to 'catch myself' having these thoughts and then noticed them for what they are - just thoughts, not my reality. It's difficult to explain but I've had to train my brain to not go down the rabbit holes of catastrophizing and "What if...?" thinking. For me it was about self awareness and self regulation and also lots of education on the subject (and therapy) - because I didn't want to be depressed any more.

 

15 minutes ago, Mee-9 said:

 

Despite the horror show this season with Leicester, I've found a lot of solace on here chatting with you lot. I've also found going to the games as my release from everything, and despite the results I've been using it as my escape where the mind just completely doesn't worry or stress. (I've even left the grounds thinking well at least I've had a day out/evening out) 

 

I know my problems are rather minor compared to you guys, but just thought i'd see if anyones had any similar sort of experience, and whether they could offer some advice. (I know I probably need to get a life and get out more too, but just finding it a bit tricky.) 

I'm the same with golf and the gym. In those moments, I'm 'present' and focused on playing well or pushing myself. There's no room for distraction or worry and it's my time for me. 

 

I know how tricky it is to get out more when you've got a young family, but what your wife and kid want is the best version of you. If that means a small sacrifice of you going out and socializing a bit so you get the positive energy you need, it's a sacrifice they'll want you to make.

 

I wish you well mate.

[whoareyaaa]

35 minutes ago, Mee-9 said:

Happy to admit that over the past few months I've had a problem with my mental health that has been getting worse over time.

 

Over the course of the last year I've had a huge amount of change. Became a Dad for the first time, moved house, work from home for myself and got married. It's been a crazy year, and for so many amazing reasons like becoming a first time Father has been incredible but it's been the toughest thing I've ever had to do. 

 

I'm incredibly isolated as I work from home, and went from an environment where I was mixing with hundreds of people a day to the four corners of the house, the kid and my wife. They're amazing but it's strange because I just miss the dynamism I think of everyday life. Parents  have said go and volunteer somewhere to get out and about, but I have this strange guilt in my head about leaving the missus with our daughter all day whilst I'm out and about. I have my dream job too, but something has just been missing. 

 

Recently I've been getting this cloud that comes over my mind sometimes, and it really harms my creativity/ability to focus and it's like part of my brain shuts off and it can take time to reset. I know I'm probably depressed and suffering with anxiety, but as someone who's never suffered before like this I'm finding it hard to speak with likeminded people about it. I have times and days where I feel good, but other times where I feel like absolute shit, feeling pretty worthless. 

 

My wife has been amazing, and is encouraging me to speak to a doctor about how I'm feeling. (She thinks they might suggest group therapies and everything) But i'm really unsure about this. My confidence has took a battering also since leaving the role I previously had and it's through just a lack of socialising. 

 

Despite the horror show this season with Leicester, I've found a lot of solace on here chatting with you lot. I've also found going to the games as my release from everything, and despite the results I've been using it as my escape where the mind just completely doesn't worry or stress. (I've even left the grounds thinking well at least I've had a day out/evening out) 

 

I know my problems are rather minor compared to you guys, but just thought i'd see if anyones had any similar sort of experience, and whether they could offer some advice. (I know I probably need to get a life and get out more too, but just finding it a bit tricky.) 

Try joining a club or something if you are into sports there are a lot things that you could do that will help with the lack of socializing and keep you active.

 

At least you are not alone and you have a wife and new born daughter, a job is a job so I wouldn't worry about that.. or look for work not at home if you are bored being in the same place all the time.

 

 

[Guest Mee-9]

2 minutes ago, Izzy said:

There's various psychometric tests to tell us what our personality type is - Extrovert or Introvert. The terms don't refer to our standard definitions (e.g. Extrovert means you're loud and gregarious and Introvert means you're shy and retiring)

but more about where we get our energy from. Extroverts get their energy from those around them, and Introverts get their energy from within. My guess is that you'd be an Extrovert but now find yourself working on your own - which is a challenge for you as you've no one in close proximity to get your energy from day to day.

 

As an Extrovert myself, I left corporate life many years ago and went from a job being part of a team and having my own team, to the isolation of working for myself from home. It probably took me five years to adjust and I still miss the 'dynamism' you mention. The 'solution' for me was to join a golf club and a gym. At the time we also had young kids but when I explained to my wife my 'need' for human interaction and why, she understood. 

 

You maybe need to find your own solution that suits you, your lifestyle, your family, and your work - but unless you find one, you'll keep feeling isolated.

 

I've mentioned countless times before on here that these 'feelings' come from an initial thought first. "We are living in the feeling of our thinking, 100% of the time". Once I understood this, it helped me to identify my 'trigger' thoughts that previously sent me into a spiral of anxiety and depression. I stated to 'catch myself' having these thoughts and then noticed them for what they are - just thoughts, not my reality. It's difficult to explain but I've had to train my brain to not go down the rabbit holes of catastrophizing and "What if...?" thinking. For me it was about self awareness and self regulation and also lots of education on the subject (and therapy) - because I didn't want to be depressed any more.

 

I'm the same with golf and the gym. In those moments, I'm 'present' and focused on playing well or pushing myself. There's no room for distraction or worry and it's my time for me. 

 

I know how tricky it is to get out more when you've got a young family, but what your wife and kid want is the best version of you. If that means a small sacrifice of you going out and socializing a bit so you get the positive energy you need, it's a sacrifice they'll want you to make.

 

I wish you well mate.

Thanks mate it means a hell of a lot. Thanks for taking the time to reply in such detail. Everything you've said has resonated with me a lot. 

 

Honestly it means a lot mate. Thanks for this. 

[Guest Mee-9]

4 minutes ago, whoareyaaa said:

Try joining a club or something if you are into sports there are a lot things that you could do that will help with the lack of socializing and keep you active.

 

At least you are not alone and you have a wife and new born daughter, a job is a job so I wouldn't worry about that.. or look for work not at home if you are bored being in the same place all the time.

 

 

Thanks mate means a lot. 

 

 

[HighPeakFox]

9 minutes ago, Mee-9 said:

Thanks mate means a lot. 

I know you're quite active on the main forum sometimes - I am sure I'd not be alone in suggesting having a think about how much that contributes to your state of mind, especially given recent events. I am not the only member that steers largely clear, especially when things are going badly wrong - reinforcement can be a bad thing at times.

[urban.spaceman]

Feeling slightly better today; making positive changes and commitments and also just ****ing smashed it in the gym. Going dry for a few months and refocusing things. Lets ****ing do this.

[Tommy G]

20 hours ago, Mee-9 said:

Happy to admit that over the past few months I've had a problem with my mental health that has been getting worse over time.

 

Over the course of the last year I've had a huge amount of change. Became a Dad for the first time, moved house, work from home for myself and got married. It's been a crazy year, and for so many amazing reasons like becoming a first time Father has been incredible but it's been the toughest thing I've ever had to do. 

 

I'm incredibly isolated as I work from home, and went from an environment where I was mixing with hundreds of people a day to the four corners of the house, the kid and my wife. They're amazing but it's strange because I just miss the dynamism I think of everyday life. Parents  have said go and volunteer somewhere to get out and about, but I have this strange guilt in my head about leaving the missus with our daughter all day whilst I'm out and about. I have my dream job too, but something has just been missing. 

 

Recently I've been getting this cloud that comes over my mind sometimes, and it really harms my creativity/ability to focus and it's like part of my brain shuts off and it can take time to reset. I know I'm probably depressed and suffering with anxiety, but as someone who's never suffered before like this I'm finding it hard to speak with likeminded people about it. I have times and days where I feel good, but other times where I feel like absolute shit, feeling pretty worthless. 

 

My wife has been amazing, and is encouraging me to speak to a doctor about how I'm feeling. (She thinks they might suggest group therapies and everything) But i'm really unsure about this. My confidence has took a battering also since leaving the role I previously had and it's through just a lack of socialising. 

 

Despite the horror show this season with Leicester, I've found a lot of solace on here chatting with you lot. I've also found going to the games as my release from everything, and despite the results I've been using it as my escape where the mind just completely doesn't worry or stress. (I've even left the grounds thinking well at least I've had a day out/evening out) 

 

I know my problems are rather minor compared to you guys, but just thought i'd see if anyones had any similar sort of experience, and whether they could offer some advice. (I know I probably need to get a life and get out more too, but just finding it a bit tricky.) 

I could relate to this - if I was cooped up WFH all the time I’d go stir crazy - I love the interaction at work and simply couldn’t do my role from home anyway. Have you thought about a new role that’s office based? Sorry don’t know what sector you are on, this may not be possible 

[foxfanazer]

Been fine for a long time but feel like I've been hit by a train today emotionally. The key for me is to not spiral but it's easier said than done

[casablancas]

On 29/05/2023 at 17:41, lildave3 said:

Everybody says talk. Nobody actually means it. Because once you do, you’re just vulnerable. And you just give up everything and end up with nothing. 

Disagree. Heavily. 

[filthyfox]

On 26/05/2023 at 16:01, Jattdogg said:

All men are tossers! Lol

 

Wife does the washing

Some men are liars...

[TJQuik]

2 hours ago, casablancas said:

Disagree. Heavily. 

I can see where he's coming from. There's a million posters and campaigns telling you to talk to a mate or a colleague about your mental health but people rarely actually want to hear it and will talk about mentally ill people behind their back in disparaging terms.

 

Obviously some people have the privilege of a good support network but this is very difficult to find for many people.

[HighPeakFox]

I advocate just talking. Not about mental health, just get into a conversation. Start a thought process, break up the internal vicious circle. 

[casablancas]

19 minutes ago, TJQuik said:

I can see where he's coming from. There's a million posters and campaigns telling you to talk to a mate or a colleague about your mental health but people rarely actually want to hear it and will talk about mentally ill people behind their back in disparaging terms.

 

Obviously some people have the privilege of a good support network but this is very difficult to find for many people.

I have the difficulty of coming at it from a professional background, this is my bread and butter day in day out. Why I generally stay away from here tbh. But in ny experience the more we bottle it up, the more damage. Yes everyone has their own problems Ofc. But if you are reaching the point of crisis. Reach out. To anyone. We’ve all read about the passers by talking people off bridges etc. I don’t care if it’s the Fcuking postman. Some; time, empathy, understanding and compassion can go a long way particularly those who feel they have no one and no where to turn. The Football club my way are doing a blokes on football n therapy thing, amount of blokes of signposted and the support they give one another has been breathtaking. But like I said , I guess my perspective is different. But I’ve also been through my own shit to get where I am, it’s why I give back with such compassion ( well I like to think ) 

Edited 31 May 2023 by casablancas

[urban.spaceman]

2 hours ago, HighPeakFox said:

I advocate just talking. Not about mental health, just get into a conversation. Start a thought process, break up the internal vicious circle. 

ANy kind of distraction helps. Had my niece here for the afternoon and the dark cloud feels lifted even just for the time she is here, which felt impossible the other day. 4 hours of singing, dancing running, jumping, sitting with this crazy toddler (even getting her to help make a cup of ****ing tea is ****ing fun). Still had wobbles but I have her tomorrow afternoon and all day friday too, and I can't ****ing wait.

[TJQuik]

2 hours ago, casablancas said:

I have the difficulty of coming at it from a professional background, this is my bread and butter day in day out. Why I generally stay away from here tbh. But in ny experience the more we bottle it up, the more damage. Yes everyone has their own problems Ofc. But if you are reaching the point of crisis. Reach out. To anyone. We’ve all read about the passers by talking people off bridges etc. I don’t care if it’s the Fcuking postman. Some; time, empathy, understanding and compassion can go a long way particularly those who feel they have no one and no where to turn. The Football club my way are doing a blokes on football n therapy thing, amount of blokes of signposted and the support they give one another has been breathtaking. But like I said , I guess my perspective is different. But I’ve also been through my own shit to get where I am, it’s why I give back with such compassion ( well I like to think ) 

I've been in or heard too many conversations where people have zero respect for mentally ill people to feel comfortable sharing anything with others. They'll be nice to you to your face and then call you tapped or ****ed up behind your back, like you're a two dimensional stereotype.

 

It's the people with really serious issues like schizophrenia I feel sorry for, they're basically treated as lower than the shit on your boot heel and not even worth empathising with.

[leicester4life]

I've struggled for a long time, Mrs just left me, mostly because the depression makes me shit at being a good partner or dad.

Think I'm the lowest I've ever been but like a few have mentioned, I can't talk to colleagues and haven't made an effort to see any mates for years so that's out of the question and I don't want to burden people i haven't seen for years with my shit. **** this shit