Depression

[TrentFox]

There’s nothing I can add that anyone who has experienced depression probably doesn’t already know, but …….. talking does help. It really does. But we talk to nobody more than we talk to ourselves. You have to take control of that conversation. Talking to others about anything helps. It engages you. Gets you thinking - hopefully about better things. But that internal dialogue rages all day. Distract it. Run through a mundane task like imagining yourself making a cup of coffee. Almost meditative. Each time you run the ‘making coffee movie’ in your head, layer it up more. Add more detail. The noise the cupboard makes as you open it. The feel of the mug in your hand. The sound of the kettle. The order in which you add ingredients. The sound of the spoon as you stir. Repeat. Add more detail. Etc etc. It just breaks the cycle of destructive self-talk. 
Find something positive in the near future to focus on. Doesn’t have to be huge - a nice walk; a drink with a mate …. maybe try listing five reasons why you are looking forward to that event. Focus on each one, like the coffee-making kind of detail. Your subconscious can’t really tell the difference between a properly imagined event and a real event. So give it lots of these ‘ahead of time’ memories to feed on. 
Good luck to anyone wrestling with those challenges.  You’ll survive it. By definition of being able to read this, you’ve already survived everything life has thrown at you. This is just one more challenge you’ll tackle and beat along the way  ❤️

[Guest Mee-9]

Thanks for commenting everyone. This is for me the most important thread in the whole of Foxestalk History. 

 

A quick update on how I've been feeling the last few days. I've made more of an effort within the last few days to be more sociable and to meet family and friends. I've tried to take more time away from my phone, Foxestalk and other distractions. I went out to Nandos yesterday with my brother, and to just speak frankly and openly was great, and it's something I've really missed. (I'd never have done this before, and was apprehensive even doing this. Bizarre really considering he's my best mate)  

 

I'm planning after a week away next week on building a gym in my garage to lose some weight and to get healthy and to sort my physical health out. I used to be in decent shape, but then over the past few years i've just deteriorated.  I'm a big History buff and years ago I'd go out visiting castles and historical sites on my own accord, sketching and doing different things in this area. (Ties into the line of work I'm into!)

I'm off out tomorrow to go somewhere I haven't been in a few years, to explore and to get back to what I used to love doing. Being out in the fresh air for me has always been such a great pick me up, so I can't wait to just get out and about. 

 

I've also been able to life the cloud on my mind shortly and to plan and come up with some exciting new projects that I'm going to be working on over the next few weeks, months and years. It was awful the last few weeks as I couldn't even think clearly. But it's true what they say, talking is the best thing in the world to do. Within just a few days my mind is clearing and I feel so much more positive. (Which is having such a big impact on my marriage, as things were getting strained with me being miserable, but my wife's been brilliant and positive, and we've been laughing and smiling a lot more) 

 

Sometimes we can get lost in the world and inside of our own heads. I feel like with all my changes over the last year this is me. Lost in anxiety, over-thinking and trepidation. Speaking and talking with some of you lot, and also my family has made me realise that I need a bit of guidance in this and I can't thank you all enough for your words and help. You'll never know how appreciated it is. 

 

<3 Thanks again everyone, I really do mean it.   

 

[TJQuik]

19 hours ago, TrentFox said:

There’s nothing I can add that anyone who has experienced depression probably doesn’t already know, but …….. talking does help. It really does. But we talk to nobody more than we talk to ourselves. You have to take control of that conversation. Talking to others about anything helps. It engages you. Gets you thinking - hopefully about better things. But that internal dialogue rages all day. Distract it. Run through a mundane task like imagining yourself making a cup of coffee. Almost meditative. Each time you run the ‘making coffee movie’ in your head, layer it up more. Add more detail. The noise the cupboard makes as you open it. The feel of the mug in your hand. The sound of the kettle. The order in which you add ingredients. The sound of the spoon as you stir. Repeat. Add more detail. Etc etc. It just breaks the cycle of destructive self-talk. 
Find something positive in the near future to focus on. Doesn’t have to be huge - a nice walk; a drink with a mate …. maybe try listing five reasons why you are looking forward to that event. Focus on each one, like the coffee-making kind of detail. Your subconscious can’t really tell the difference between a properly imagined event and a real event. So give it lots of these ‘ahead of time’ memories to feed on. 
Good luck to anyone wrestling with those challenges.  You’ll survive it. By definition of being able to read this, you’ve already survived everything life has thrown at you. This is just one more challenge you’ll tackle and beat along the way  ❤️

I don't want to be too negative but that's not what I've experienced. Most people do not want to hear about your mental illness or your trauma. Even in places where they act cuddly and in support of mental health. Based on this you might think I just trauma dump on strangers, I really don't. People don't want to hear about anything past you having a stressful day.

[marbles]

7 hours ago, TJQuik said:

I don't want to be too negative but that's not what I've experienced. Most people do not want to hear about your mental illness or your trauma. Even in places where they act cuddly and in support of mental health. Based on this you might think I just trauma dump on strangers, I really don't. People don't want to hear about anything past you having a stressful day.

I think it’s true that there are people out there who are not interested in hearing about mental health issues.  It could be they are uncaring, selfish or just lack understanding.  It could also be that they are going through issues that they themselves for yet feel comfortable discussing/addressing.

 

I also think there are people out there who genuinely care, and will be there to listen without judgement, and offer help when applicable.
There may not be that many, but they definitely exist.  They are definitely around you.  Just don’t discount them because of the actions/attitudes of the ones who don’t care.

Edited 2 June 2023 by marbles

[TJQuik]

1 hour ago, marbles said:

I think it’s true that there are people out there who are not interested in hearing about mental health issues.  It could be they are uncaring, selfish or just lack understanding.  It could also be that they are going through issues that they themselves for yet feel comfortable discussing/addressing.

 

I also think there are people out there who genuinely care, and will be there to listen without judgement, and offer help when applicable.
There may not be that many, but they definitely exist.  They are definitely around you.  Just don’t discount them because of the actions/attitudes of the ones who don’t care.

If you're in a position to be supported then I'm happy for you. I don't want to go into it but something happened to me as a child that has led me down a path to internal solitude.

 

Honestly I'm so fed up of looking for solace when it's never going to come or mourning the normal life I could have had. I don't want to die so I'm just trying to accept the fact that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and to find peace in that.

[marbles]

26 minutes ago, TJQuik said:

If you're in a position to be supported then I'm happy for you. I don't want to go into it but something happened to me as a child that has led me down a path to internal solitude.

 

Honestly I'm so fed up of looking for solace when it's never going to come or mourning the normal life I could have had. I don't want to die so I'm just trying to accept the fact that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and to find peace in that.

I’m actually not.  I’ve been lucky (or unlucky) most of my life in that I’ve never really needed or wanted anyone else.  But that’s just me.  Not everyone finds comfort or peace in being alone - It’s not a great trait, but it’s all I’ve ever known.

 

Wish I had answers for you, or even knew what to say that may give you even the tiniest bit of comfort.  Maybe someone else does, but I’m just not very good at this.

I will say that I’m glad you chose to share some of your thoughts on here.  Whether you realize it or not, it says something and is important.

 There are people on here who may never have met you, but who genuinely care and are not going to judge you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Izzy]

On 01/06/2023 at 11:44, leicester4life said:

I've struggled for a long time, Mrs just left me, mostly because the depression makes me shit at being a good partner or dad.

Think I'm the lowest I've ever been but like a few have mentioned, I can't talk to colleagues and haven't made an effort to see any mates for years so that's out of the question and I don't want to burden people i haven't seen for years with my shit. **** this shit

I don't think anyone's responded to you yet so thought I'd offer a few words.

 

You sound pretty convinced that you can't talk to anyone, which seems a shame. Why can't you talk to colleagues? Do you think they'll judge you? Maybe you'd be surprised at their response and maybe you'd feel better as a result. If you don't try, you'll never know.

 

Just because you haven't made the effort to see mates for years doesn't mean it's out of the question to get in touch now. The only thing holding you back will be fear of something (being judged, showing vulnerability etc.) but by writing it off, you're not giving them the chance to listen and help. Again, their response might surprise you and you might be glad and relieved you spoke to them.

 

And why do you think you'd be a burden? In my experience true friends won't see it like that and they'd be happy to listen and share. Everyone is dealing with their own shit and although there's might not be as bad as yours, a problem shared is a problem halved etc.

 

And failing all that, professional therapists are trained to listen to people struggling with depression so counselling is always an option.

 

It sounds like you've lost hope and resigned yourself to being a shit partner and dad but it doesn't have to be like that. There's always a way out and there's always hope. People can change and things can improve but you've got to swallow your pride, open yourself up to being emotionally vulnerable, and be prepared to go through some pain to ultimately break free.

 

But you've got to take the first step if you really want things to improve and the only person who can do that is you.

 

Please don't give up, this thread is littered with examples of posters who've gone out of their comfort zone to speak to people and seek help and it's changed their lives for the better. That could be you too.  

[TJQuik]

11 hours ago, marbles said:

I’m actually not.  I’ve been lucky (or unlucky) most of my life in that I’ve never really needed or wanted anyone else.  But that’s just me.  Not everyone finds comfort or peace in being alone - It’s not a great trait, but it’s all I’ve ever known.

 

Wish I had answers for you, or even knew what to say that may give you even the tiniest bit of comfort.  Maybe someone else does, but I’m just not very good at this.

I will say that I’m glad you chose to share some of your thoughts on here.  Whether you realize it or not, it says something and is important.

 There are people on here who may never have met you, but who genuinely care and are not going to judge you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hear you, I've always been introverted but I've only become completely solitary over the last couple of years. I grew up feeling like I'd show everyone I have some amazing skill and those expectations tempered to just wanting a normal life. It's all so tiresome though. Every day I'm reminded how impossible that is.

[Lionator]

On 01/06/2023 at 16:16, TrentFox said:

There’s nothing I can add that anyone who has experienced depression probably doesn’t already know, but …….. talking does help. It really does. But we talk to nobody more than we talk to ourselves. You have to take control of that conversation. Talking to others about anything helps. It engages you. Gets you thinking - hopefully about better things. But that internal dialogue rages all day. Distract it. Run through a mundane task like imagining yourself making a cup of coffee. Almost meditative. Each time you run the ‘making coffee movie’ in your head, layer it up more. Add more detail. The noise the cupboard makes as you open it. The feel of the mug in your hand. The sound of the kettle. The order in which you add ingredients. The sound of the spoon as you stir. Repeat. Add more detail. Etc etc. It just breaks the cycle of destructive self-talk. 
Find something positive in the near future to focus on. Doesn’t have to be huge - a nice walk; a drink with a mate …. maybe try listing five reasons why you are looking forward to that event. Focus on each one, like the coffee-making kind of detail. Your subconscious can’t really tell the difference between a properly imagined event and a real event. So give it lots of these ‘ahead of time’ memories to feed on. 
Good luck to anyone wrestling with those challenges.  You’ll survive it. By definition of being able to read this, you’ve already survived everything life has thrown at you. This is just one more challenge you’ll tackle and beat along the way  ❤️

Talking helps because it helps you to connect with others. At my lowest times I’ve felt completely disconnected from the world and my family and friends. Establishing those connections really is critical to overcoming difficulty, but the catch 22 if your depression tells you to avoid them. 

Edited 2 June 2023 by Lionator

[Phil Bowman]

10 hours ago, TJQuik said:

If you're in a position to be supported then I'm happy for you. I don't want to go into it but something happened to me as a child that has led me down a path to internal solitude.

 

Don't go into it on here. Unless you want to. And even then probably not. But I strongly suspect there could be a lot to be gained from going into it with someone who is trained/qualified/experienced in this stuff. Seriously, I highly recommend it.

[Daggers]

11 hours ago, TJQuik said:

If you're in a position to be supported then I'm happy for you. I don't want to go into it but something happened to me as a child that has led me down a path to internal solitude.

 

Honestly I'm so fed up of looking for solace when it's never going to come or mourning the normal life I could have had. I don't want to die so I'm just trying to accept the fact that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and to find peace in that.

I found rape counsellors were able to provide a very good platform for me to begin the process of coming to terms with my childhood trauma. Them, Mind, and the NHS talking therapists. Took a long while but I’ve made peace with my past and thoroughly recommend the journey to others.

[urban.spaceman]

Finally - ****ING FINALLY - crossed the 2 stone barrier!!!!!! Onwards and downwards!!!

[HighPeakFox]

Anyone reading the forum today, and the kerfuffle caused because I used the word 'cancer', might not be surprised to hear it has really affected me quite badly. I think it's the othering of what I said, the blatant refusal to read or try to understand with any care, but actually I think what really stings is the comment down the lines of 'well, you were asking for it', which is true blame-shifting, victim-shaming mental health 101. 

[Finnegan]

21 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

Anyone reading the forum today, and the kerfuffle caused because I used the word 'cancer', might not be surprised to hear it has really affected me quite badly. I think it's the othering of what I said, the blatant refusal to read or try to understand with any care, but actually I think what really stings is the comment down the lines of 'well, you were asking for it', which is true blame-shifting, victim-shaming mental health 101. 

 

I didn't read what started it all so I've got no idea the context was. I did think you picked an odd choice of user to get in to an argument about it with, though. 

 

Foxestalk is never, ever, ever worth strain to anyone's mental health though. No social media is. Take it from a grandmaster at getting wound up by people on here, at some point you've got to learn to just shut the screen off and walk away. 

[urban.spaceman]

26 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

Anyone reading the forum today, and the kerfuffle caused because I used the word 'cancer', might not be surprised to hear it has really affected me quite badly. I think it's the othering of what I said, the blatant refusal to read or try to understand with any care, but actually I think what really stings is the comment down the lines of 'well, you were asking for it', which is true blame-shifting, victim-shaming mental health 101. 

Haven't been keeping up with what's going on in that part of the forum but like @Finnegan said, it's not worth letting affect your mental health (that's why I kept mostly away from the LCFC section for most of the run in last season). Rise above the noise fella and look after yourself

[HighPeakFox]

Thank you both for taking the time to respond @urban.spacemanand @Finnegan

 

Of course you both offer sound advice, which I know to be true. In this instance I was seeking understanding for the issues I was facing, which can just as easily crop up in the 'real' world. 

 

Finners, I'm not sure which person you meant when questioning who I chose to take on, but I really didn't choose the person that decided to report me, and seems very proud of it too. 

Edited 9 June 2023 by HighPeakFox

[UniFox21]

Been a while since I've checked this thread, hope everyone is doing alright and keeping well

 

 

Had a reoccurrence of a big anxiety for me at the weekend. Was invited to this gathering and for some reason became hyper focused on being a +1 and being in the way, to the point I'd stressed myself out to not going. 

 

Quite embarrassed and annoyed with myself over the whole thing.

[Daggers]

3 hours ago, UniFox21 said:

Was invited to this gathering and for some reason became hyper focused on being a +1 and being in the way, to the point I'd stressed myself out to not going. 

 

Quite embarrassed and annoyed with myself over the whole thing.

Perfectly normal. Don’t sweat it. I’m giving a speech to a televised conference this week, same vibes. 
 

Throughout my recovery I’ve been pushing myself to do little steps outside my comfort zone. When it came to parties and the like, I began with going and slipping away relatively quickly. Also made sure I did them sober so I wasn’t relying on an artificial crutch. Gradually builds up the confidence and resilience. After a while I could start acting like any other normal attendee - ‘acting’ being the word. 
 

I still feel a rank imposter in any social gathering - that it’s coming naturally to everyone else whereas I’m having to replicate their behaviours and speech patterns. That underwater programme with David Tennant and robot cameras? I am social function spy shark. 

[adejo92]

Just Interested in people's experiences with anti depressants? Good or bad?

[UniFox21]

On 19/06/2023 at 13:06, Daggers said:

Perfectly normal. Don’t sweat it. I’m giving a speech to a televised conference this week, same vibes. 
 

Throughout my recovery I’ve been pushing myself to do little steps outside my comfort zone. When it came to parties and the like, I began with going and slipping away relatively quickly. Also made sure I did them sober so I wasn’t relying on an artificial crutch. Gradually builds up the confidence and resilience. After a while I could start acting like any other normal attendee - ‘acting’ being the word. 
 

I still feel a rank imposter in any social gathering - that it’s coming naturally to everyone else whereas I’m having to replicate their behaviours and speech patterns. That underwater programme with David Tennant and robot cameras? I am social function spy shark. 

Best of luck with your speech! Be sure to let us know how it goes! 

 

Thanks, honestly I get the occasional wave of this but manage to mostly keep it under control. 

Know exactly what you mean with rank imposter 

[Daggers]

7 hours ago, adejo92 said:

Just Interested in people's experiences with anti depressants? Good or bad?

Mine is absolutely shit.

 

A series of locums chopped and changed the prescription every time. I spent a good six months catatonic, and another six months super suicidal - making three attempts requiring hospitalisation.

 

But this isn’t general. 

 

My experience was exacerbated by my GP leaving the practice. She was an angel, the replacement didn’t give a toss.

 

I made the decision to try to cope without meds in the end as years rolled by with no improvement. I had to teach myself coping skills and strategies for day to day living that involves some pretty shit forms of self care…but it works for me.

 

TLDR: I think experience depends on many variables and it could work for you. I don’t recommend anybody quits their prescription without the support of their doctor.

[weller54]

8 hours ago, adejo92 said:

Just Interested in people's experiences with anti depressants? Good or bad?

Citalopram.. 

Been on them about 4 years, recently reduced dose from 20 to 10mg. 

Next step is to reduce again to 10mg every other day. 

Not easy coming off the buggers!!! 

[when_you're_smiling]

8 hours ago, adejo92 said:

Just Interested in people's experiences with anti depressants? Good or bad?

 

14 minutes ago, weller54 said:

Citalopram.. 

Been on them about 4 years, recently reduced dose from 20 to 10mg. 

Next step is to reduce again to 10mg every other day. 

Not easy coming off the buggers!!! 

Been on Citalopram too for a couple of months. Actually surprised how much of a difference they’ve made.

 

Only problem is one of the side effects is weight gain. I’ve put on two stone since taking them, which in turn brings the mental health down a bit. Not enough to not come off them yet though. 

[weller54]

On 20/06/2023 at 19:59, when_you&#x27;re_smiling said:

 

Been on Citalopram too for a couple of months. Actually surprised how much of a difference they’ve made.

 

Only problem is one of the side effects is weight gain. I’ve put on two stone since taking them, which in turn brings the mental health down a bit. Not enough to not come off them yet though. 

Glad Citalopram are helping you. 

I'm now trying to reduce from 10 to 5mg.. Getting withdrawal symptoms, awful dreams, tiredness and had bad migraine yesterday. 

... Have to persevere though!! 

[when_you're_smiling]

14 minutes ago, weller54 said:

Glad Citalopram are helping you. 

I'm now trying to reduce from 10 to 5mg.. Getting withdrawal symptoms, awful dreams, tiredness and had bad migraine yesterday. 

... Have to persevere though!! 

That’s crap. I’ve noticed I’ve dreamt more recently. Not bad ones though.

 

Hopefully it all comes good.