Depression

[Bordersfox]

23 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

The one I've got my eye on is only for a year, but I really, really like the look of it, and while I absolutely can't afford it I'm going to beg and borrow for the cash to do it. Will have to move but will happily take a brainless job to support myself. Just a shame this has coincided with the cost of living crisis but it genuinely feels like an exciting way forward.

Yeah a year is the normal length for a master's and part time is over two years.  I personally found two years allowed me to earn some money and enjoy studying.  

 

But whatever you decide it's a positive thing to do and you won't regret it.  

[FoxyPV]

On 14/07/2023 at 22:02, urban.spaceman said:

How you feeling today? It can be extremely shakey coming off meds but hopefully you'll level out. I've not taken mine for 10 months or so, should probably seek my doc's advice about that if I could get to see him. 

Mostly grand but the auld intrusive are creeping back in again so a starter dose may be back on the cards.

 

The dance continues 

[kingfox]

On 14/03/2023 at 09:45, kingfox said:

Think this is the first time posting in this thread.

 

Been struggling with depression and anxiety since 2020, extreme social phobia brought on by Covid times.

 

Was put on Mirtazapine back end of last year, not had an effect on me. Told to up the dosage, but I get one mental health practitioner saying it helps with anxiety, then I get told by another that it doesn’t, “Google it” she said. From NHS own website  “Mirtazapine treats depression, ocd and anxiety. The same woman also wants me to take propranolol another anxiety med but used mainly for heart conditions.

 

I’m fvcking sick and tired of getting told different things, really don’t know what to do for the best, stuff like this worsens my anxiety to the point where suicidal thoughts come and go.

 

Of course I can’t see or speak to a doctor which isn’t helpful, just get advised for the above medication and away you go 😕

Really struggling again lately.

 

All started just over a week ago on the Saturday, woke up in the morning and a wave of hyperventilation came over me, all the usual symptoms you get with that. 
 

Since then I’ve felt on edge on a daily basis, as if I’m on the borderline of hyperventilating or a panic attack. Just feel a mixture of anxious, depressed and yet again suicidal thoughts come and go.

 

Since my last message I got assessed for agoraphobia, currently on Mirtazapine & Propranolol, not had anymore issues with insomnia(Thank fvck), but from an anxiety, depressed, hyperventilating standpoint I’ve had a few periods where it escalates, the past week being the latest.
 

Upping my Propranolol or the Therapy route has entered my mind, but when it comes to NHS based services none have been of any help, yet another knock back in a life of knock backs. 

[urban.spaceman]

Here we go.

 

Been quiet on FoxesTalk for the last few days for a couple of reasons.

 

First, I realised on Saturday that I was about to reach 25,000 posts on this forum, and I wanted to save that post for a special one and I need to put all of my focus into something very important.

 

And second, here's the special part: 10 minutes ago I applied to do a Script Writing Masters at Goldsmiths University in London. A year ago - hell, take any time in the last 10 years or so - I would not have been able to even start the application let alone the specific supporting materials needed for this course. I had to do a c10,000-character personal statement that actually challenged me to talk and think positively about myself, to sell myself and convince others I'm worth them spending their time on me. I also had to submit a short script of 10 pages (luckily I have about 10 of those knocking about), 3 short film ideas that I hadn't actually written yet, and 3 full-page synopses and breakdowns of NEW feature or TV script ideas I have that I'd like to develop - while I've already got 3 feature scripts completed it turns out I've got another 6 or so solid script ideas ready to write, so I chose the most fleshed out ones and had to basically make them as good as possible.

 

This would not have been possible before. I am genuinely so ****ing proud of myself for managing to complete it and send it off. I genuinely feel not just hopeful for my future for once but actually capable of changing my life for the better. Even if I don't get this, I WILL be changing things and improving my circumstances. It feels like it's in reach for the first time in absolute years.

 

So I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone on this thread who has helped me along the way, your support when I've been at my lowest has genuinely kept me alive and that is not an exaggeration.

 

And to everyone on this thread who's struggling, whether you've posted in here or haven't posted yet - things do get better, and the amazing people of this thread really do care and really help.

 

TL;DR: Shut up Urban.

[urban.spaceman]

*** On the other hand, 25,000 posts is a bit much innit?

[FoyleFox]

5 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Here we go.

 

Been quiet on FoxesTalk for the last few days for a couple of reasons.

 

First, I realised on Saturday that I was about to reach 25,000 posts on this forum, and I wanted to save that post for a special one and I need to put all of my focus into something very important.

 

And second, here's the special part: 10 minutes ago I applied to do a Script Writing Masters at Goldsmiths University in London. A year ago - hell, take any time in the last 10 years or so - I would not have been able to even start the application let alone the specific supporting materials needed for this course. I had to do a c10,000-character personal statement that actually challenged me to talk and think positively about myself, to sell myself and convince others I'm worth them spending their time on me. I also had to submit a short script of 10 pages (luckily I have about 10 of those knocking about), 3 short film ideas that I hadn't actually written yet, and 3 full-page synopses and breakdowns of NEW feature or TV script ideas I have that I'd like to develop - while I've already got 3 feature scripts completed it turns out I've got another 6 or so solid script ideas ready to write, so I chose the most fleshed out ones and had to basically make them as good as possible.

 

This would not have been possible before. I am genuinely so ****ing proud of myself for managing to complete it and send it off. I genuinely feel not just hopeful for my future for once but actually capable of changing my life for the better. Even if I don't get this, I WILL be changing things and improving my circumstances. It feels like it's in reach for the first time in absolute years.

 

So I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone on this thread who has helped me along the way, your support when I've been at my lowest has genuinely kept me alive and that is not an exaggeration.

 

And to everyone on this thread who's struggling, whether you've posted in here or haven't posted yet - things do get better, and the amazing people of this thread really do care and really help.

 

TL;DR: Shut up Urban.

Brilliant. You should be rightly proud of yourself

And good luck. Regardless of the outcome, it's an excellent achievement already.

 

 

* But, yeah, 25k posts.....

[FoxesDeb]

2 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Here we go.

 

Been quiet on FoxesTalk for the last few days for a couple of reasons.

 

First, I realised on Saturday that I was about to reach 25,000 posts on this forum, and I wanted to save that post for a special one and I need to put all of my focus into something very important.

 

And second, here's the special part: 10 minutes ago I applied to do a Script Writing Masters at Goldsmiths University in London. A year ago - hell, take any time in the last 10 years or so - I would not have been able to even start the application let alone the specific supporting materials needed for this course. I had to do a c10,000-character personal statement that actually challenged me to talk and think positively about myself, to sell myself and convince others I'm worth them spending their time on me. I also had to submit a short script of 10 pages (luckily I have about 10 of those knocking about), 3 short film ideas that I hadn't actually written yet, and 3 full-page synopses and breakdowns of NEW feature or TV script ideas I have that I'd like to develop - while I've already got 3 feature scripts completed it turns out I've got another 6 or so solid script ideas ready to write, so I chose the most fleshed out ones and had to basically make them as good as possible.

 

This would not have been possible before. I am genuinely so ****ing proud of myself for managing to complete it and send it off. I genuinely feel not just hopeful for my future for once but actually capable of changing my life for the better. Even if I don't get this, I WILL be changing things and improving my circumstances. It feels like it's in reach for the first time in absolute years.

 

So I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone on this thread who has helped me along the way, your support when I've been at my lowest has genuinely kept me alive and that is not an exaggeration.

 

And to everyone on this thread who's struggling, whether you've posted in here or haven't posted yet - things do get better, and the amazing people of this thread really do care and really help.

 

TL;DR: Shut up Urban.

Well done! I wish you the best of luck with it x

[Finnegan]

2 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

25,000 posts is a bit much innit?

 

Yes

[SpacedX]

2 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

And second, here's the special part: 10 minutes ago I applied to do a Script Writing Masters at Goldsmiths University in London. A year ago - hell, take any time in the last 10 years or so - I would not have been able to even start the application let alone the specific supporting materials needed for this course.

This is absolutely brilliant. Higher Education should be about your own personal odyssey and journey and furthering something meaningful to you. This has been increasingly marginalised amid the pressure of peer and industry expectations and the commercialisation/market competition of the sector. You have often referred to your scripts and screenplays - having the courage and conviction to pursue your artistic calling at such a prestigious institution renowned for creativity and academic excellence is admirable. Genuinely, one of the best things I've read on this forum this year, if not ever, and I wish you all the very best with your application. Much respect to you. 

[Wymsey]

21 minutes ago, Finnegan said:

 

Yes

Didn't someone (a heavy poster), apparently, asked to delete their account and wanted to start from zero again under a new account?..

[HighPeakFox]

1 hour ago, Wymsey said:

Didn't someone (a heavy poster), apparently, asked to delete their account and wanted to start from zero again under a new account?..

Not entirely sure this question belongs in this thread.

[Daggers]

1 hour ago, Wymsey said:

Didn't someone (a heavy poster), apparently, asked to delete their account and wanted to start from zero again under a new account?..

Fvck off - I'm just big boned.

[Parafox]

1 minute ago, Daggers said:

Fvck off - I'm just big boned.

Water retention, pal. It's a thing.

 

Ask big ladies.

[Daggers]

31 minutes ago, Parafox said:

Water retention, pal. It's a thing.

 

Ask big ladies.

This is the reason I avoid water and stick to beer, wine and spirits.

[Wymsey]

48 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

Not entirely sure this question belongs in this thread.

I know, but my comment (yes, rather random) was something that was on my mind responding to Finnegan's reply.

 

Sorry.

[Parafox]

43 minutes ago, Daggers said:

This is the reason I avoid water and stick to beer, wine and spirits.

Yep. Pickle your liver and your guaranteed to be thin. 

[HighPeakFox]

I received a pm from someone who I won't name, which was a mark of respect to me, as they felt I might understand - which I do all too well. This person said they were going to leave the forum, and it looks like they have done. I won't quote the entire email, but these words seem salient.

 

"I know I must leave because every single time I've encountered a situation like this online or in real life, trying to stay has just chipped away at my self esteem. Respect is treating something that matters like it matters. Disrespect is treating something that matters like it doesn't matter. I feel like in order to maintain my self-respect I must leave.  If I was the problem here, if this was somehow all related to things going on in my own life then I'd be having similar issues elsewhere, and I'm not."

 

Some of you will work out who this was, most of those in this thread will respect their privacy, and I'd appreciate (although I cannot insist) that a guessing game doesn't ensue, and I'd really rather you didn't pm me to ask - you might get a pretty blunt response. I am posting this not to preach to the converted, but in the hope that it gets through the the skulls of some to show that online stuff is and can be harmful, and that the lack of clear boundaries set out here are the very opposite of mentally healthy.

[Daggers]

I’m coming out of a 2 week black dog slump, and entering a manic phase. I love the manic phase.

 

The slumps aren’t as deep and as dark these days. The mania more directionable. But it’s still there.

 

Honestly, I try to avoid the internet when bleak - I don’t though. I’ll end up going through Twitter deleting all of the sweary abusive tweets. I do try to ramp it down on here and I think it works - Mark’s only banned me once for going on a swearfest.

 

But turning off the news and the internet is a good coping strat I recommend to everyone (if you can do it better than I manage). Sometimes I feel compelled to revel in the filth of the world as if to justify (and prolong) the depressive episodes.

[Foxdiamond]

I'll soon be 67. I don't regard this as old but obviously way over middle age. What I've not been  prepared for is hearing recently that quite a few colleagues, friends or old school mates have passed on. I'm not silly but it does make one feel rather vulnerable and wanting to hold loved ones close. What I find is that I particularly cherish the young innocent vibrancy of my grandchildren. I suppose this is a way of not living in the past too much but living in the moment 

 

 

[TJQuik]

Had enough of this shithole full of troglodytes

[weller54]

7 hours ago, Foxdiamond said:

I'll soon be 67. I don't regard this as old but obviously way over middle age. What I've not been  prepared for is hearing recently that quite a few colleagues, friends or old school mates have passed on. I'm not silly but it does make one feel rather vulnerable and wanting to hold loved ones close. What I find is that I particularly cherish the young innocent vibrancy of my grandchildren. I suppose this is a way of not living in the past too much but living in the moment 

 

 

This is exactly how I feel too!... 

So many people I know have passed in their 60's😢... 

I find sharing even the simpliest moments with my grandchildren very special and get quite emotional about it when it's over!!.. 

It's a strange thing. 

[urban.spaceman]

On 20/07/2023 at 16:57, TJQuik said:

Had enough of this shithole full of troglodytes

Britain for FoxesTalk?

[Wymsey]

Not long ago, I started to (after obvious training) volunteer for a national mental health charity; the calls I've took part in have been varied, from people who have felt lonely to those in a distressed state.

 

If you're a male and want to talk about any issues with others in a non-judgemental environment, I'd encourage you to look at this website - Andy's Man Club - and consider perhaps joining a meeting which is quite local to you.

 

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/

 

Thanks.

Edited 23 July 2023 by Wymsey

[TJQuik]

On 23/07/2023 at 00:59, urban.spaceman said:

Britain for FoxesTalk?

I had a very difficult day on Thursday and I was banned from the site until today because I told someone I'd report them for calling me a moron. Absolutely outrageous. All I did was say I'm glad to see Barnes leave and I get a pile on of people insulting my character. It's really not pleasant and makes me want to stop using the site.

Edited 24 July 2023 by TJQuik

[Leeds Fox]

I often come onto this thread but never post as I don’t feel qualified to respond to the users who genuinely use it to open up or look for advice.

 

One thing I’ve realised, it opens up a human side of a very faceless internet forum.

 

Sometimes I’ll want to staunchly disagree with someone over something trivial in the LCFC  or Gen Chat forums and think back to some of the posts in here and decide against it.

 

It’s by far the most valuable thread on the site and even though I don’t think I’ve ever suffered depressions (maybe through the complete inability to admit how down I’ve been before), the advice, coping mechanisms and seeing people open up really helps when things aren’t great.

 

*I’m in now way trying to say being down is suffering depression. But as someone who is too proud to open up or seek help no matter how bad it gets, it will always be ‘feeling down’ in regards to my own feelings.