Depression

[urban.spaceman]

On 07/09/2023 at 12:41, urban.spaceman said:

I have a zoom interview tomorrow!!!

They gave me a firm offer, starting in October.

 

Quite overwhelmed.

[Wymsey]

3 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

They gave me a firm offer, starting in October.

 

Quite overwhelmed.

Congratulations.

[Xen]

44 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

They gave me a firm offer, starting in October.

 

Quite overwhelmed.

Congrats!

[urban.spaceman]

So, had the weekend to digest it and sent an email accepting their offer this morning. I am so overwhelmed for many reasons, mainly that this is genuinely the first thing in years that has actually said YES to me. So many hundreds of applications for jobs and other things haven't even replied with a no, that I've just accepted the silence from the outside world and settled for what feels like enforced reclusivity. It's also happening so fast, I have to apply for a loan like right now, and the first meeting with the group I'll be studying with is on the 28th.

 

I'm just a massive bag of conflicting emotions - this is a major change in my life. Kinda feels like it's too much too soon but also really, really need to do it because I know I can thrive. Considering commuting for the first few weeks just to ease myself into it. Also worrying that the student loan company won't give me a new one (plus maintainance) because I haven't exactly paid back the old one. Having to call them tomorrow and really not look forward to it. 

 

Hoping this feeling will ease off so that I can do the essentials and then I can combat it again when the course actually starts.

 

**** my brain

[MPH]

12 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

So, had the weekend to digest it and sent an email accepting their offer this morning. I am so overwhelmed for many reasons, mainly that this is genuinely the first thing in years that has actually said YES to me. So many hundreds of applications for jobs and other things haven't even replied with a no, that I've just accepted the silence from the outside world and settled for what feels like enforced reclusivity. It's also happening so fast, I have to apply for a loan like right now, and the first meeting with the group I'll be studying with is on the 28th.

 

I'm just a massive bag of conflicting emotions - this is a major change in my life. Kinda feels like it's too much too soon but also really, really need to do it because I know I can thrive. Considering commuting for the first few weeks just to ease myself into it. Also worrying that the student loan company won't give me a new one (plus maintainance) because I haven't exactly paid back the old one. Having to call them tomorrow and really not look forward to it. 

 

Hoping this feeling will ease off so that I can do the essentials and then I can combat it again when the course actually starts.

 

**** my brain

 

this is fantastic news and if you pull this off, I hope you are bloody proud of yourself because it’s a big step for anyone.! 
 

i have read every message in here and may not have always responded but I’m so bloody proud of you!!!!!!!!

[filthyfox]

1 hour ago, urban.spaceman said:

So, had the weekend to digest it and sent an email accepting their offer this morning. I am so overwhelmed for many reasons, mainly that this is genuinely the first thing in years that has actually said YES to me. So many hundreds of applications for jobs and other things haven't even replied with a no, that I've just accepted the silence from the outside world and settled for what feels like enforced reclusivity. It's also happening so fast, I have to apply for a loan like right now, and the first meeting with the group I'll be studying with is on the 28th.

 

I'm just a massive bag of conflicting emotions - this is a major change in my life. Kinda feels like it's too much too soon but also really, really need to do it because I know I can thrive. Considering commuting for the first few weeks just to ease myself into it. Also worrying that the student loan company won't give me a new one (plus maintainance) because I haven't exactly paid back the old one. Having to call them tomorrow and really not look forward to it. 

 

Hoping this feeling will ease off so that I can do the essentials and then I can combat it again when the course actually starts.

 

**** my brain

While your smiling...

Keep on smiling 

And the while world smiles with youuuuuuuu

[Langston]

Apologies if this isn't the appropriate thread for it, but has anybody had any experience of Headspace? 

[FoxesDeb]

36 minutes ago, Langston said:

Apologies if this isn't the appropriate thread for it, but has anybody had any experience of Headspace? 

It's completely the right thread, and I've found it beneficial, but I know others who haven't. If I've learned anything through my depression journey it's that what works for some doesn't for others, it's all about finding what helps you. 

[HighPeakFox]

I'm not in a good way. 

[marbles]

28 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

I'm not in a good way. 

Care to share what’s going on?

[HighPeakFox]

1 hour ago, marbles said:

Care to share what’s going on?

Not in great detail, only because it is perhaps hard to convey impact. I've lost anyone close by that I can truly confide in, the woman I love is drifting/has drifted away (not my partner sadly, and never will be either), the school that employs me 2 days a week has really got to my mental health because of a mistake I made and the heavy handed way they dealt with it, something I own has been lost by someone who I trusted professionally. I have the biggest performance of my life on the 23rd, which is going very well at least, but it will be weighing on my mind, even if subconsciously. I wish I could show you the promo for it here, but obviously that is both not what this site is for and also would blow my anonymity. 

 

I just don't do the modern world very well and feel isolated.

Edited 14 September 2023 by HighPeakFox

[rachhere]

On 12/09/2023 at 00:33, urban.spaceman said:

So, had the weekend to digest it and sent an email accepting their offer this morning. I am so overwhelmed for many reasons, mainly that this is genuinely the first thing in years that has actually said YES to me. So many hundreds of applications for jobs and other things haven't even replied with a no, that I've just accepted the silence from the outside world and settled for what feels like enforced reclusivity. It's also happening so fast, I have to apply for a loan like right now, and the first meeting with the group I'll be studying with is on the 28th.

 

I'm just a massive bag of conflicting emotions - this is a major change in my life. Kinda feels like it's too much too soon but also really, really need to do it because I know I can thrive. Considering commuting for the first few weeks just to ease myself into it. Also worrying that the student loan company won't give me a new one (plus maintainance) because I haven't exactly paid back the old one. Having to call them tomorrow and really not look forward to it. 

 

Hoping this feeling will ease off so that I can do the essentials and then I can combat it again when the course actually starts.

 

**** my brain

I hope this comes across positively and not just telling you what to do. I would really recommend you contacting the student support service to let them know you have had some difficulties in the past. They will be able to help guide you to resources and talk about adjustments which could be put in place to help you should you need them. Unis are so much better with this  than they used to be 

[marbles]

25 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

Not in great detail, only because it is perhaps hard to convey impact. I've lost anyone close by that I can truly confide in, the woman I love is drifting/has drifted away (not my partner sadly, and never will be either), the school that employs me 2 days a week has really got to my mental health because of a mistake I made and the heavy handed way they dealt with it, something I own has been lost by someone who I trusted professionally. I have the biggest performance of my life on the 23rd, which is going very well at least, but it will be weighing on my mind, even if subconsciously. I wish I could show you the promofor it here, but obviously that is both not what this site is for and also would blow my anonymity. 

 

I just don't do the modern world very well and feel isolated.

Sorry about everything.

I know it’s rough when everything that can go wrong, seemingly goes wrong at the same time - it can make you feel as if this is how it will be going forward.  We’ve all been there.

Only thing I can think to say, is concentrate on that performance. I’m sure as the 23rd gets closer, you’ll forget more and more about things that are currently troubling you.

 

and please don’t forget to let us know how that night goes.  

Edited 14 September 2023 by marbles

[HighPeakFox]

4 minutes ago, marbles said:

Sorry about everything.

I know it’s rough when everything that can go wrong, seemingly goes wrong at the same time - it can make you feel as if this is how it will be going forward.  We’ve all been there.

Only thing I can think to say, is concentrate on that performance. I’m sure as the 23rd gets closer, you’ll forget more and more about things that are currently troubling you.

 

and please don’t forget to let us know how that night goes.  

Thank you, I will. It is basically the realisation of a 30 year ambition - I have to say I am a little concerned by how I deal with it once it is done and gone.

[marbles]

5 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

Thank you, I will. It is basically the realisation of a 30 year ambition - I have to say I am a little concerned by how I deal with it once it is done and gone.

I can understand that.

I don’t know the specifics, so forgive me if this is a dumb question - but after it’s over, why not put together another performance?

[HighPeakFox]

3 minutes ago, marbles said:

I can understand that.

I don’t know the specifics, so forgive me if this is a dumb question - but after it’s over, why not put together another performance?

Well I could, but right now I don't have the energy or the desire to perform other works. I have been booked and am being well paid for this, for which I am grateful - organising one's own concert is a massive undertaking alongside a 5 day teaching schedule, as well as a financial risk. I tend to perform when I have the real drive to play certain pieces, rather than for the sake of it.

[marbles]

22 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

Well I could, but right now I don't have the energy or the desire to perform other works. I have been booked and am being well paid for this, for which I am grateful - organising one's own concert is a massive undertaking alongside a 5 day teaching schedule, as well as a financial risk. I tend to perform when I have the real drive to play certain pieces, rather than for the sake of it.

Gotcha

Still, once the euphoria from your upcoming performance wears off, it may be something to think about - maybe on a small (not so expensive) scale

[HighPeakFox]

5 minutes ago, marbles said:

Gotcha

Still, once the euphoria from your upcoming performance wears off, it may be something to think about - maybe on a small (not so expensive) scale

It's difficult to do cheaply - you know the old adage, if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

[urban.spaceman]

\

On 14/09/2023 at 20:15, HighPeakFox said:

Not in great detail, only because it is perhaps hard to convey impact. I've lost anyone close by that I can truly confide in, the woman I love is drifting/has drifted away (not my partner sadly, and never will be either), the school that employs me 2 days a week has really got to my mental health because of a mistake I made and the heavy handed way they dealt with it, something I own has been lost by someone who I trusted professionally. I have the biggest performance of my life on the 23rd, which is going very well at least, but it will be weighing on my mind, even if subconsciously. I wish I could show you the promo for it here, but obviously that is both not what this site is for and also would blow my anonymity. 

 

I just don't do the modern world very well and feel isolated.

 

On 14/09/2023 at 20:58, HighPeakFox said:

Well I could, but right now I don't have the energy or the desire to perform other works. I have been booked and am being well paid for this, for which I am grateful - organising one's own concert is a massive undertaking alongside a 5 day teaching schedule, as well as a financial risk. I tend to perform when I have the real drive to play certain pieces, rather than for the sake of it.

Look how far you've come mate:

 

 

On 24/04/2019 at 19:53, HighPeakFox said:

I'd like to let you all know of a big step forward for me.

 

You may know I'm a concert-trained classical musician. For years I left it alone, only returning to it 10 years ago in order to teach, having exhausted other avenues of employment. In that time I've had a break-up, which forced me to really deal with self-esteem and self-care issues, and had to learn to stand on my own 2 feet, financially and in life.

 

I have been telling students for years that I would put a concert recital on one day, as they always asked to hear me perform, and time passed and nothing happened. However, a series of positive events led to me committing to it, the concert is in early May, and it has sold out. 

 

I'm blown away, and really looking forward to it - 25 years after my last public recital (and 12 years since I last performed 'solo'), I've found the strength and belief to get up there and perform again in my own right. 

 

There have been many contributory factors in getting myself to this point, but this thread is without doubt one of them - thank you to every one of you for being here.

You'll smash it tomorrow, I'm confident of it. Best of luck.

[SeCrEt FoX]

On 14/09/2023 at 20:15, HighPeakFox said:

Not in great detail, only because it is perhaps hard to convey impact. I've lost anyone close by that I can truly confide in, the woman I love is drifting/has drifted away (not my partner sadly, and never will be either), the school that employs me 2 days a week has really got to my mental health because of a mistake I made and the heavy handed way they dealt with it, something I own has been lost by someone who I trusted professionally. I have the biggest performance of my life on the 23rd, which is going very well at least, but it will be weighing on my mind, even if subconsciously. I wish I could show you the promo for it here, but obviously that is both not what this site is for and also would blow my anonymity. 

 

I just don't do the modern world very well and feel isolated.

Good luck tomorrow @HighPeakFoxyou will smash it. Just go and enjoy yourself!

 

[kyleolly]

On 14/09/2023 at 16:57, Langston said:

Apologies if this isn't the appropriate thread for it, but has anybody had any experience of Headspace? 

I’ve used it for years and recommend it to clients who suffer with anxiety and panic attacks

[ajthefox]

Good luck @HighPeakFox

 

I would love to be there, genuinely.

[HighPeakFox]

Thank you @urban.spaceman, @Wymsey, @SeCrEt FoX @ajthefox.... very thoughtful of you all. I'm as mentally well prepared for a big play as I ever have been. I've learnt a lot about managing nerves, adrenaline and not cramming at the last minute since 2019. Lots of lovely friends and family will be there tomorrow - it's a 30 year ambition finally to be realised.

 

For those that are interested, I'm the soloist in the 1st Cello Concerto by Shostakovich, and I have an interesting link to the composer. You'll find many great renditions on YouTube - worth checking out Rostropovitch playing it, for whom it was written.

 

Anyone wanting to come can pm me for details.

Edited 22 September 2023 by HighPeakFox

[Bordersfox]

On 14/09/2023 at 16:57, Langston said:

Apologies if this isn't the appropriate thread for it, but has anybody had any experience of Headspace? 

Sorry for a very delayed response.  Yes, I've used headspace in the past and found it very helpful.  I'm sure I'll use it again in the future, and really should use it all the time but it's easy to fall out of good habits. 

 

I don't have any personal experience of serious (by serious I suppose I mean requiring medical intervention but realise 'serious' can mean different things to different people) mental illness but I have found during period of heightened stress or anxiety meditation via the app is great.  

 

If you want any more info on the app feel free to DM me. 

[TeamRocket]

How does one know if they are depressed or just sad & feeling low?  Asking cos my wife says am depressed I say am not just feel really low. Like I still do stuff but it hard to do stuff like go to work etc I do most things cos I feel I should/need to be doing it not cos I want. Like I have moved to a new job but in honest I hate every minute of it hate going in, hate being there and it make me feel really low but I wouldn't say am depressed but like i said my wife thinks I am and say am not really there sometimes and my mood has Changed and not as fun anymore  and have lost interest  in everything like watching snooker, football playing video games etc. But I say I just don't have time for it anymore. I dunno but  that's why I ask how does someone know that they are depressed and not just sad or down