Depression

[Izzy]

10 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

In a ruddy low slump again!

 

Life really is like a rollercoaster I reckon. Highs and lows, peaks and troughs, successes and slumps - it’s all part of the ride.

 

I’m sure this low slump won’t last for long. Something positive will happen soon and hopefully you’ll be your old self again. 

 

10 minutes ago, Wymeswold fox said:

Trying hard not to, but the effect of unemployment feels very testing personally, to the point where I'm regularly questioning my worth to others. Not trying to attention-seek for sympathy but it really is horrible ordeal.

Literally feel there's a lot of weight on my shoulders with the situation.

I’ve been ‘unemployed’ loads in my life but never once labled myself as unemployed.

 

I always thought I was ‘between roles’ or ‘looking for my next opportunity’ and that put a more positive spin on it for me.

 

Remember your ‘feeling’ about the situation is a direct result of your ‘thinking’ about the situation. Try and focus on your strengths and the positive feedback you’ve received instead.

 

And our our job or employment status doesn’t define us as a person. We’re all equal and worthwhile human beings.

[urban.spaceman]

On 20/10/2017 at 10:51, Izzy Muzzett said:

Life really is like a rollercoaster I reckon. Highs and lows, peaks and troughs, successes and slumps - it’s all part of the ride.

 

I’m sure this low slump won’t last for long. Something positive will happen soon and hopefully you’ll be your old self again. 

 

Feeling much better now!

[Foxhateram]

Rock bottom. Wife making out that I'm horrible. Maybe a luttle short at times but not horrid at all. For some reason, exaustion I assume, she has turned on me again. We just can't agree on what to do with our son who wont sleep. This has broken our marriage, hard to imagine a way back from here now. Hate life, work is terrible, home is worse and all my friends have forgotten about me. I just make everyone unhappy. What's the point in trying. 

[spacemunky]

42 minutes ago, foxhateram said:

Rock bottom. Wife making out that I'm horrible. Maybe a luttle short at times but not horrid at all. For some reason, exaustion I assume, she has turned on me again. We just can't agree on what to do with our son who wont sleep. This has broken our marriage, hard to imagine a way back from here now. Hate life, work is terrible, home is worse and all my friends have forgotten about me. I just make everyone unhappy. What's the point in trying. 

It's tough when work is bad and then home is too. I know the feeling, and I live alone  

 

I have no advice but, best to you mate.

[ozleicester]

10 hours ago, foxhateram said:

Rock bottom. Wife making out that I'm horrible. Maybe a luttle short at times but not horrid at all. For some reason, exaustion I assume, she has turned on me again. We just can't agree on what to do with our son who wont sleep. This has broken our marriage, hard to imagine a way back from here now. Hate life, work is terrible, home is worse and all my friends have forgotten about me. I just make everyone unhappy. What's the point in trying. 

I really feel for you mate... kids and tough times completely multiply the pain of each other. I can only recomend to find someone to chat to, let them know how you are feeling what you are experiencing... honestly, the point is, that in years to come you will enjoy life, you will offer something to world that it would not have without you and you will get good things from family and the world 

[Foxhateram]

22 minutes ago, ozleicester said:

I really feel for you mate... kids and tough times completely multiply the pain of each other. I can only recomend to find someone to chat to, let them know how you are feeling what you are experiencing... honestly, the point is, that in years to come you will enjoy life, you will offer something to world that it would not have without you and you will get good things from family and the world 

Thanks for the message mate. Really not sure where to go from here or who to turn to... 

[ozleicester]

58 minutes ago, foxhateram said:

Thanks for the message mate. Really not sure where to go from here or who to turn to... 

Dont know if these are any good, but in my experience, talking to anyone is good....

 

http://www.depressionuk.org/national_links.shtml

 

Im here if you want a chat....if you want to send a message and chat through that...im free for the next 5 hours

[Lionator]

So the side effects of Citalopram really kicked in over the weekend. Was completely washed out and felt fluey just without the nasal/throaty symptoms. Headache, aching, nausea, the lot. I woke up feeling awful again this morning however in the past couple of hours I've definitely noticed an upshoot in my mood and I have the urge to go out for a run. Coupled with that I've booked a private counselling appointment for Thursday evening so I'm hoping that I've peaked in terms of side effects and that I'll now start feeling some benefit.  

[Izzy]

15 hours ago, foxhateram said:

Rock bottom. Wife making out that I'm horrible. Maybe a luttle short at times but not horrid at all. For some reason, exaustion I assume, she has turned on me again. We just can't agree on what to do with our son who wont sleep. This has broken our marriage, hard to imagine a way back from here now. Hate life, work is terrible, home is worse and all my friends have forgotten about me. I just make everyone unhappy. What's the point in trying. 

I'm sure you don't make everyone unhappy mate - you just think you do. 

 

Because you're exhausted, you're probably not thinking straight and everything in life appears horrible right now.

 

It sounds like your boy not sleeping is the route cause of all this. All is not lost and once you get the little fella into a sleep routine I'm sure your marriage will improve and you'll have the energy to socialize with friends again.

 

I'm guessing you've trawled the interweb for ideas already, but here's a great book that might be worth a read...

 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp/0091948096/ref=pd_sim_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=QBXVV01WQ2C85CSEZ6PV

 

Finally, the point in trying is that your son wants his Mum and Dad to be together - not apart. Think of his future, he wants a loving and stable family around him. I know it's fookin hard work right now and you can't see the wood for the trees, but there is a way back and you'll fight for it if you really want it. 

[stripeyfox]

15 hours ago, foxhateram said:

Rock bottom. Wife making out that I'm horrible. Maybe a luttle short at times but not horrid at all. For some reason, exaustion I assume, she has turned on me again. We just can't agree on what to do with our son who wont sleep. This has broken our marriage, hard to imagine a way back from here now. Hate life, work is terrible, home is worse and all my friends have forgotten about me. I just make everyone unhappy. What's the point in trying. 

How old is your son? What is the nature of the non sleeping? We had years with our youngest getting up in the night and ending up in bed with us with both of us too tired or too scared to try and break the cycle.

 

Does he go to bed ok and get up in the night or will he not go to sleep in the evening?

 

Edited 23 October 2017 by stripeyfox

[Lionator]

I'm also going to say that I decided to start the Citalopram because a week or so ago when very drunk, I had an anxiety attack and shoved my girlfriend over onto her bed and it's been killing me ever since. I have no idea why it happened, it's never ever happened before and will never happen again and I'm absolutely distraught. Things are mostly ok but she's lost a bit of trust in me. I took the decision to start the Citalopram and to also seek counselling and I need to prove to myself and to her that this isn't me. I'm a mess.

Edited 23 October 2017 by Lionator

[Foxhateram]

1 hour ago, stripeyfox said:

How old is your son? What is the nature of the non sleeping? We had years with our youngest getting up in the night and ending up in bed with us with both of us too tired or too scared to try and break the cycle.

 

Does he go to bed ok and get up in the night or will he not go to sleep in the evening?

 

He is 1. He goes to bed fine. And sleeps reasonably well until 1 ish. Then hes up every 45 to and hour. Drives us crazy. I want to do some other form sleep training, but wife refuses to allow hom to cry. Endless arguments and fights as a result. Hate it. 

[Izzy]

38 minutes ago, Lionator said:

I'm also going to say that I decided to start the Citalopram because a week or so ago when very drunk, I had an anxiety attack and shoved my girlfriend over onto her bed and it's been killing me ever since. I have no idea why it happened, it's never ever happened before and will never happen again and I'm absolutely distraught. Things are mostly ok but she's lost a bit of trust in me. I took the decision to start the Citalopram and to also seek counselling and I need to prove to myself and to her that this isn't me. I'm a mess.

I obviously don't know you, but I totally believe you when you say this won't happen again. Fair play to you coming on here and being so honest.

 

I'd put money on the fact that most of us on here have done things we've regretted over the years. When I was in my early 20's and going out with my now wife, I went out and got pissed one night and for whatever reason ending up pinning her up against the wall by the throat. The next morning I was wracked with guilt and then later that day her two older brothers (both massive prop forwards) paid me a visit. Fair to say I shit myself and expected a kicking but I managed to talk my way out of it and swore to god I'd never do anything like it again.

 

25 years on and I've never so much as lifted a finger to her since. And I know what you mean about losing a bit of trust. It took me weeks/months to re-establish it and I'm still annoyed to this day that I did what I did. But it's in the past, I learnt from it, and I can't change it.

 

These moments often help to shape us and ultimately make us a better person. Good on ya for arranging the counselling and for wanting to prove to yourself and her that it really isn't you.

 

I admire you mate. 

 

[Lionator]

7 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I obviously don't know you, but I totally believe you when you say this won't happen again. Fair play to you coming on here and being so honest.

 

I'd put money on the fact that most of us on here have done things we've regretted over the years. When I was in my early 20's and going out with my now wife, I went out and got pissed one night and for whatever reason ending up pinning her up against the wall by the throat. The next morning I was wracked with guilt and then later that day her two older brothers (both massive prop forwards) paid me a visit. Fair to say I shit myself and expected a kicking but I managed to talk my way out of it and swore to god I'd never do anything like it again.

 

25 years on and I've never so much as lifted a finger to her since. And I know what you mean about losing a bit of trust. It took me weeks/months to re-establish it and I'm still annoyed to this day that I did what I did. But it's in the past, I learnt from it, and I can't change it.

 

These moments often help to shape us and ultimately make us a better person. Good on ya for arranging the counselling and for wanting to prove to yourself and her that it really isn't you.

 

I admire you mate. 

 

Thank you Izzy, you're a great person and a real help to so many on here. There's obviously nothing I can do now but she is willing to give me a chance to sort myself out and as I've previously mentioned, we go so well together. It really was a ridiculous thing for me to do, I'm not a violent person, I think I slapped a kid around the chops on the last day of year 6 and that's the only time I've ever lost it. It snapped me into taking those actions to fully sort myself out so hopefully it'll be a blessing in disguise.

 

 

[stripeyfox]

1 hour ago, foxhateram said:

He is 1. He goes to bed fine. And sleeps reasonably well until 1 ish. Then hes up every 45 to and hour. Drives us crazy. I want to do some other form sleep training, but wife refuses to allow hom to cry. Endless arguments and fights as a result. Hate it. 

He's still young mate. I know all the rule books say don't let them come in bed with you etc, but if that means you can all get to sleep then that's what I'd do and not worry about it too much. My first son used to cry himself back to sleep quickly but the second one was a nightmare. We tried controlled crying and he cried non stop for 3 hours whilst we listened from the next room. He must have got into bed with us every night until he was a about 4 but he sleeps in his own bed now fine. He used to get in bed with us and I used to move to the spare room! It's always gonna be tough but no point arguing about it at 2 in the morning. Just do whatever is easier to get him back to sleep! You can straighten out his sleep pattern later. 

 

[Buzzell]

2 hours ago, foxhateram said:

He is 1. He goes to bed fine. And sleeps reasonably well until 1 ish. Then hes up every 45 to and hour. Drives us crazy. I want to do some other form sleep training, but wife refuses to allow hom to cry. Endless arguments and fights as a result. Hate it. 

I feel your pain. Me and my partner went through a hard period with out little girl when she struggled to sleep. We literally rotated in shifts and it was a real struggle but luckly enough we managed to break the cycle. You just need alot of patience. I've been so frustrated before that I had to leave the room and have a breather. It will take time my friend. You and your partner shouldn't argue about it. Remember your a team together. 

 

My daughter is now 3 years old and we've gone from sleeping trouble to eating trouble. She struggles to eat one decent meal a day and eats nothing at Nursery. Absolute nightmare and it's as if we've tried everything to break the spell. Hopefully it's a phase and she gets through it. 

[Foxhateram]

Thanks guys. We're doing shifts too but I refuse to pick him up in the night and eventually he settles and then sleeps longer, but despite the results I am getting, my wife will insist on picking him up and she's then up with him every 45 minutes in her shift and now recently she storms in when hes crying in my shift and picks him up, this undoes all my hard work and for days after he returns to 45 to an hour wake ups in my shift.

 

It's all a bit manic!!! And leads to her resenting my shift when its good.

 

And despite us saying we'll talk another time.... she just insists her way is better.  

 

I guess I'll have to compromise and like you guys say. Just stop stressing, I just know sleep training will be so much harder when he's a toddler. 

[Buzzell]

4 hours ago, foxhateram said:

Thanks guys. We're doing shifts too but I refuse to pick him up in the night and eventually he settles and then sleeps longer, but despite the results I am getting, my wife will insist on picking him up and she's then up with him every 45 minutes in her shift and now recently she storms in when hes crying in my shift and picks him up, this undoes all my hard work and for days after he returns to 45 to an hour wake ups in my shift.

 

It's all a bit manic!!! And leads to her resenting my shift when its good.

 

And despite us saying we'll talk another time.... she just insists her way is better.  

 

I guess I'll have to compromise and like you guys say. Just stop stressing, I just know sleep training will be so much harder when he's a toddler. 

Me and my partner are exactly the same. The only thing is that you both obviously have a different reaction to the situation. You both need to agree and work together as a team. I'm guessing this is your first child? If so then remember your both new to the parenting game. You will find a solution that will work. But you need to stick together on decisions. 

 

You see I'm in a bit of a pickle because me and my partner are abit like Good cop, Bad cop. My partner can be really hard and stern on my daughter and I can be very relaxed with her. Now this creates arguments between the both of us but I find that I can handle my daughter alot better in some situations with this sort of approach and it does work. But it sometimes isn't healthy because me and my partner will argue over the smallest things.

[Buzzell]

So in a way I've contradicted myself there

[Strokes]

6 hours ago, foxhateram said:

Thanks guys. We're doing shifts too but I refuse to pick him up in the night and eventually he settles and then sleeps longer, but despite the results I am getting, my wife will insist on picking him up and she's then up with him every 45 minutes in her shift and now recently she storms in when hes crying in my shift and picks him up, this undoes all my hard work and for days after he returns to 45 to an hour wake ups in my shift.

 

It's all a bit manic!!! And leads to her resenting my shift when its good.

 

And despite us saying we'll talk another time.... she just insists her way is better.  

 

I guess I'll have to compromise and like you guys say. Just stop stressing, I just know sleep training will be so much harder when he's a toddler. 

Try something different from both your approaches as a middle ground. My daughter didn’t sleep well and it was a bit of a shock because my son had been no trouble.

I’d look perhaps attempting distraction, If she cries and you know she is fed, get up check on her (which will ease your wife’s anxiety) check the nappy and then put on a mobile or some lights and music and leave her for a bit.

https://m.rosegal.com/led-lights/new-rotating-music-night-lights-star-sky-projector-485694.html?currency=GBP&lkid=105641&gclid=Cj0KCQjwybvPBRDBARIsAA7T2khDDtUxclLpPM4UWYV9vIVCwe-u7m-eYFIKUDa9iRUs7TtzCIItRq0aAofDEALw_wcB

I do understand you may have tried all this and it might seem patronising but it’s not meant in that way. I hope things improve for you.

[Carl the Llama]

8 hours ago, foxhateram said:

Thanks guys. We're doing shifts too but I refuse to pick him up in the night and eventually he settles and then sleeps longer, but despite the results I am getting, my wife will insist on picking him up and she's then up with him every 45 minutes in her shift and now recently she storms in when hes crying in my shift and picks him up, this undoes all my hard work and for days after he returns to 45 to an hour wake ups in my shift.

 

It's all a bit manic!!! And leads to her resenting my shift when its good.

 

And despite us saying we'll talk another time.... she just insists her way is better.  

 

I guess I'll have to compromise and like you guys say. Just stop stressing, I just know sleep training will be so much harder when he's a toddler. 

At least we know there's not much wrong with her then 

 

 

But seriously, you sound like a genuine dude who cares about finding a solution and doing right by your family, I'm sure you'll figure things out in the long run just try not to let exhaustion get the better of you in the meantime.  There's not much I can really add being inexperienced with such matters but it's worth bearing in mind that if this is the first baby for both of you then not only is all of this as new and scary to her as it is to you but she's also likely to be dealing with hormonal imbalances on a scale she's not experienced since she hit puberty, a lack of sleep will only be exacerbating that.  I don't envy you right now but I'm sure all the pain and heartache will be worth it when you come out the other side.

 

[Foxhateram]

Cheers for everything guys. Lots of sound advice in here. I'm sure sunny days will come again, when we're all less exhausted  Really appreciate the messages.  

[stripeyfox]

On 10/24/2017 at 07:50, foxhateram said:

Thanks guys. We're doing shifts too but I refuse to pick him up in the night and eventually he settles and then sleeps longer, but despite the results I am getting, my wife will insist on picking him up and she's then up with him every 45 minutes in her shift and now recently she storms in when hes crying in my shift and picks him up, this undoes all my hard work and for days after he returns to 45 to an hour wake ups in my shift.

 

It's all a bit manic!!! And leads to her resenting my shift when its good.

 

And despite us saying we'll talk another time.... she just insists her way is better.  

 

I guess I'll have to compromise and like you guys say. Just stop stressing, I just know sleep training will be so much harder when he's a toddler. 

This is entirely normal.

[Arkie Bennett]

I have depression and anxiety. My mother lives with me and my wife, but their relationship is only getting worse. My mother denies it, but her behaviour is becoming more erratic. She looks for reasons to react to little things my wife says or does, then causes a huge argument. The arguments have become increasingly nasty over the last year or so. They haven't talked to each other for months. She was brewing up to another argument last night, and I'm expecting it to blow up today while I'm at work. I dread coming home. 

Edited 26 October 2017 by Arkie Bennett

[stripeyfox]

3 hours ago, Arkie Bennett said:

I have depression and anxiety. My mother lives with me mad my wife, but their relationship is only getting worse. My mother denies it, but her behaviour is becoming more erratic. She looks for reasons to react to little things my wife says or does, then causes a huge argument. The arguments have become increasingly nasty over the last year or so.They haven't talked to each other for months. She was brewing up to another argument last night, and I'm expecting it to blow up today while I'm at work. I dread coming home. 

I would imagine have the wife and her mother in law in the same house is an absolute recipe for disaster. 

 

Is there any prospect of your mother moving out?