Depression

[FoxesDeb]

This is going to be a ramble so I apologise now. I really need to talk to someone, and I feel like there's no one there. I've been signed off work, and they are supposed to be putting counselling into place, but I missed the first phone call they arranged because it was a weekend and I can't talk when my children are around. I think I'm going to lose my job because of the time off I've had, but work is probably one of the biggest factors in my depression, and I just can't face it. If I lose my job I'll lose my house, but even knowing that isn't a big enough motivator to get me to do anything about it. Most nights I'd just like to go to sleep and never wake up. 

I just don't feel like me anymore, and it's not fair on my children, I don't think I've ever felt this low. I need to find a way out of this, but I don't know how 

[Lionator]

1 hour ago, FoxesDeb said:

This is going to be a ramble so I apologise now. I really need to talk to someone, and I feel like there's no one there. I've been signed off work, and they are supposed to be putting counselling into place, but I missed the first phone call they arranged because it was a weekend and I can't talk when my children are around. I think I'm going to lose my job because of the time off I've had, but work is probably one of the biggest factors in my depression, and I just can't face it. If I lose my job I'll lose my house, but even knowing that isn't a big enough motivator to get me to do anything about it. Most nights I'd just like to go to sleep and never wake up. 

I just don't feel like me anymore, and it's not fair on my children, I don't think I've ever felt this low. I need to find a way out of this, but I don't know how 

Have you explained to your work that you're ill in this way? In 2017 I'd be stunned if they'd be allowed to remove you because of mental illness.

 

There are ways out which are evident throughout this thread, you're at a low point, maybe your lowest point and a lot of us on this thread have been there, it does get better I promise even if there will be bad days. You're clearly motivated to do something about it as you've taken this step and while you say it's not fair on your children, more importantly it's not fair on you, you have to get yourself right first without worrying about anyone else as selfish as that may sound! Get in touch with your GP too and explain the full situation if you haven't already, you'd be stunned just how much they know due to the volume of people in your very situation, they may recommend antidepressents or some sort of talking therapy but you have to make those first steps yourself which you're doing, good luck!

[FoxesDeb]

I've spoken to my GP and he has prescribed tablets. It's still early days with those though. My work can sack me because of the time I've had off over recent years. I took some time on the advice of my doctor when my dad died, and about 12 months ago I had a seizure in a car on work time, and although they wouldn't let me go back to work until I had a scan the enforced time off still counts against me. My partner doesn't understand how I feel, he takes it all as an affront to him, I just feel like, I can't even describe it. But I really do value you lot on here. 

[Buce]

4 minutes ago, FoxesDeb said:

I've spoken to my GP and he has prescribed tablets. It's still early days with those though. My work can sack me because of the time I've had off over recent years. I took some time on the advice of my doctor when my dad died, and about 12 months ago I had a seizure in a car on work time, and although they wouldn't let me go back to work until I had a scan the enforced time off still counts against me. My partner doesn't understand how I feel, he takes it all as an affront to him, I just feel like, I can't even describe it. But I really do value you lot on here. 

 

It's fairly common for partners and others not to understand, Deb, and I know how difficult it is to articulate it when you're suffering.

 

Would it be an idea to ask him to read through this thread?

[Focks]

I know nothing about depression Deb but stay strong and I hope that someone on here can offer some help.  

 

In my experience talking about it is always the right way to go.

[Wymsey]

It's discrimination for any employer to sack someone because of work-stress.

They should consult with you in what in particular is causing the issue, especially now they know you're having time off, and also to a develop plan of action etc to work a way around this for the best interest of the employee.

 

Getting told to leave for good for your reason will make them be in bad light, and not you, and it wouldn't be both right and fair if it were to ever happen.

[Crinklyfox]

15 hours ago, FoxesDeb said:

This is going to be a ramble so I apologise now. I really need to talk to someone, and I feel like there's no one there. I've been signed off work, and they are supposed to be putting counselling into place, but I missed the first phone call they arranged because it was a weekend and I can't talk when my children are around. I think I'm going to lose my job because of the time off I've had, but work is probably one of the biggest factors in my depression, and I just can't face it. If I lose my job I'll lose my house, but even knowing that isn't a big enough motivator to get me to do anything about it. Most nights I'd just like to go to sleep and never wake up. 

I just don't feel like me anymore, and it's not fair on my children, I don't think I've ever felt this low. I need to find a way out of this, but I don't know how 

You've said that work is one of the biggest factors in your depression so that issue will have to be addressed even if you're taking medication and receiving counselling.

 

Is it your particular job, the company or the stress having work commitments puts on your family commitments the main cause?  Or perhaps something else?  Some jobs are inherently more stressful than others so if that's a factor it may be sensible to seek a position that's less demanding.  If it's the company then it's worth looking around for another place of work.  The good placements don't come up so often as the bad ones (which generally have a higher staff turnover) but they are out there.

 

Being a parent myself I understand the stresses that this brings.  I was made redundant with a family and mortgage many years ago and spent almost a year hopping from part time or short term job to job just to bring in enough money to keep going.  What I do feel is that your children will need you, job or no job, house or no house.  The thoughts that you'd like to just go to sleep and never wake up are not really a desire to be dead, they are a desire to be free of your troubles.

 

When I was depressed I couldn't see the good in life, that's what the illness does to you, but that's what it is, an illness and it can be beaten.  You haven't felt like you do now for most of your life and after you get through this you may never feel like it again.  I didn't.

 

Just one more thought, this may seem trite considering what you're going through but my view is that we are all incredibly lucky.  If you look at the odds of you as a person being alive they are incredibly small.  Your mother and father chose each other from potentially millions of partners and the result is you.  You have won life's lottery against odds that make Euromillions look like a piece of cake.  We all have.  Your children are similarly lucky.  Ask yourself, if I won the lottery would I throw it away?  The answer's nearly always no, the hardships that we face are worth battling through to get the prize.

[TAFKA Castroneves]

15 hours ago, Wymeswold fox said:

It's discrimination for any employer to sack someone because of work-stress.

They should consult with you in what in particular is causing the issue, especially now they know you're having time off, and also to a develop plan of action etc to work a way around this for the best interest of the employee.

 

Getting told to leave for good for your reason will make them be in bad light, and not you, and it wouldn't be both right and fair if it were to ever happen.

 

Wymeswold is right Deb, so don't overstress yourself - i find depression for me (and possibly others) has this ability to make one exceptionally sensitive during the darkest moments, my mind makes mountains out of molehills. Even though it's not the funnest excercise my brief advice around the work issue (having had a similar experience with my last job) is to just slightly prep yourself - https://www.gov.uk/browse/employing-people

 

I found a few documents on here helpful when i was signed off work for 9 months, while i don't know exactly your situation hopefully there might be some interesting reading there for you that can be applicable and help you.

 

My situation personally was that i missed disciplinary meetings (4 in all out of 8) which could have resulted in my dismissal after missing the first one - but when i rocked up with a few of these printed (and honestly and perhaps embarissing with my mum in tow as a 30 year old man  - my girlfriend of the time didn't want to know as she didn't get it) and explained how i felt and what it had done to me - aka i couldn't even drag myself out the house - they realised that firing me would be frought with dangers - so instead they offered me a decent financial settlement to leave which bought me the time to get back on my feet - also probably realising that if i sued them i had the knowledge and position to do them some harm.

 

And i was actually just coming in here to say - i got a call this morning to say i've got a new job so my personal depression battle has been through a really tough year - but now i'm getting back on track, more challenges ahead and that - but the company seem like a top company, got a really good impression from the management so really looking forward to taking that step back into proper life. Hope that can give some hope to a few of you top people who are in the same spot

[FoxesDeb]

Just wanted to quickly say thank you to all that have replied, it humbles me to know there are people willing to take time out to respond to a stranger. I will update properly when I have more time, I just didn't want anyone to think I don't appreciate the support 

[HybridFox]

Anyone used SilverCloud yet?

It's an online support programme that I've been enrolled on by my counsellor.

 

Early impressions are it's a bit of a handful and might take some time to get the hang of logging your thoughts etc.

Was just wondering if there's anyone else with experience of it.

[Carl the Llama]

Been a while since I posted in here so I figure it's about time I gave you all an update.

 

Firstly thanks to everyone who wished me well and for the many supportive pms I received.  I finally got my arse to a GP a couple of weeks ago and she's put me on amitriptyline to help me sleep and deal with my other symptoms.  Does anybody on here have any experience with the drug? From what I gather I'm on a very low dosage to start off with (20mg) but I'm due another appointment on Monday where I may well have it upped seeing how it's not really had any noticeable effect beyond a slight improvement in my sleeping habits though I'm not sure how much of that is down to the drug and how much of it is down to me simply having had a few appointments/meetings this past week to get up early for.

 

On the jobs front things have been far more positive: I had a trial shift at Cafe Nero today and that went pretty well I thought.  If I get the job I'll be pleased because the company has a good track record of training up their staff and promoting from within and it's about time I had some kind of solid career goal.  If it doesn't work out though I've already got a few more interviews lined up so things are definitely looking less bleak right now than a few weeks ago.

[shen]

17 minutes ago, Carl the Llama said:

Been a while since I posted in here so I figure it's about time I gave you all an update.

 

Firstly thanks to everyone who wished me well and for the many supportive pms I received.  I finally got my arse to a GP a couple of weeks ago and she's put me on amitriptyline to help me sleep and deal with my other symptoms.  Does anybody on here have any experience with the drug? From what I gather I'm on a very low dosage to start off with (20mg) but I'm due another appointment on Monday where I may well have it upped seeing how it's not really had any noticeable effect beyond a slight improvement in my sleeping habits though I'm not sure how much of that is down to the drug and how much of it is down to me simply having had a few appointments/meetings this past week to get up early for.

 

On the jobs front things have been far more positive: I had a trial shift at Cafe Nero today and that went pretty well I thought.  If I get the job I'll be pleased because the company has a good track record of training up their staff and promoting from within and it's about time I had some kind of solid career goal.  If it doesn't work out though I've already got a few more interviews lined up so things are definitely looking less bleak right now than a few weeks ago.

Thanks for the encouraging update! Best of luck landing the job at Cafe Nero I'm impressed by your positive attitude and do what you can to hold on to that. Just reading your post lifts up my own mood, so cheers for that!

[foxfanazer]

Feeling really really low atm. Unlike many of you on here I feel mine is self inflicted due to my gambling problem. Got myself into a fair bit of debt over the years and even when i win I waste the money. Feel like a useless partner and an even worse dad. I’ve tried to address it in the past but I just have such an addictive personality.

 

Have has those dangerous feelings of ‘they’d be better off without me’

Failing to find an argument against that right now

[Wymsey]

Putting my 'pennies worth' here as well, now fellow sufferers are coming out.

Unemployed for 3 months now, and feel as if I'm not wanted anywhere (got a first-class degree, albeit 4 years ago now, with employment experiencs in different sectors).

Not particularly fussed about pay at this moment; just want to be somewhere that values its staff and able to grow on-the-job etc.

 

What I've noticed this week is that I'm eating less during the day and feel more anxious both mentally and physically. Hard to change things really when you want to be wanted somewhere.

Edited 6 October 2017 by Wymeswold fox

[shen]

15 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

Feeling really really low atm. Unlike many of you on here I feel mine is self inflicted due to my gambling problem. Got myself into a fair bit of debt over the years and even when i win I waste the money. Feel like a useless partner and an even worse dad. I’ve tried to address it in the past but I just have such an addictive personality.

 

Have has those dangerous feelings of ‘they’d be better off without me’

Failing to find an argument against that right now

Admitting it is step one and the simple fact you're reaching out here is another important step.

Your partner and kids will not be better off without you. Your addiction is not what you are, it's a disease. Like any other disease it needs treatment and it's a tough one to deal with alone.

 

Is it something you're talking about with your partner and entourage?

 

Edited 6 October 2017 by shen

[Carl the Llama]

12 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

Feeling really really low atm. Unlike many of you on here I feel mine is self inflicted due to my gambling problem. Got myself into a fair bit of debt over the years and even when i win I waste the money. Feel like a useless partner and an even worse dad. I’ve tried to address it in the past but I just have such an addictive personality.

 

Have has those dangerous feelings of ‘they’d be better off without me’

Failing to find an argument against that right now

Have you tried contacting Gamcare?  I have it on very good authority from a fellow gambler that they can really help people with predicaments like yours.

 

1 minute ago, Wymeswold fox said:

Putting my 'pennies worth' here as well, now fellow sufferers are coming out.

Unemployed for 3 months now, and feel as if I'm not wanted anywhere (got a first-class degree, albeit 4 years ago now, with employment experiencs in different sectors).

Not particularly fussed about pay at this moment; just want to be somewhere that values its staff and able to grow on-the-job etc.

 

What I've noticed this week if that I'm eating less during the day and feel more anxious both mentally and physically.

That's perfectly normal mate, being without work only amplifies existing negative feelings because at least when you're in work it gives you something to focus on as an excuse to avoid dealing with your problems.  Have you signed on for universal credit?  I found the people at the job centre extremely helpful in forcing me to look beyond my despondency,

[foxfanazer]

1 minute ago, shen said:

Admitting it is step one and the simple fact you're reaching out here is another important step.

Your partner and kids will not be better off without you. Your addiction is not what you are, it's a disease. Like any other disease it needs treatment and it's a tough one to deal with alone.

 

Is it something you're talking about with your partner and entourage?

 

She knows I have a problem but I’m good at keeping the severity of it a secret. Don’t like the fact it makes me a lie to my loved ones. Both of my parents have been alcoholics at some point or another so I’m not sure if the addictive personality is genetic or just learned.

 

Everytime I lose a decent amount of money I feel wracked with guilt and think about what I could’ve done for my family with that money. 

 

I know I have to stop but I just can’t control it

[Wymsey]

5 minutes ago, Carl the Llama said:

That's perfectly normal mate, being without work only amplifies existing negative feelings because at least when you're in work it gives you something to focus on as an excuse to avoid dealing with your problems.  Have you signed on for universal credit?  I found the people at the job centre extremely helpful in forcing me to look beyond my despondency,

Unfortunately, am unable to as have too much in savings (over the £6k limit you can have to be eligible for it) and own the property I currently reside in.

Edited 6 October 2017 by Wymeswold fox

[foxfanazer]

8 minutes ago, Carl the Llama said:

Have you tried contacting Gamcare?  I have it on very good authority from a fellow gambler that they can really help people with predicaments like yours.

 

Thanks for the advice, I’ll take a look

[Jon the Hat]

8 minutes ago, Wymeswold fox said:

Unfortunately, am unable to as have too much in savings (over the £6k limit you can have to be eligible for it) and own the property I currently reside in.

Wymes, you are young man with a lot going for you.  You have a few pounds saved to tide you over in circumstances like these.  You have a foot on the housing ladder which many people spend years working to achieve.  I would encourage you think hard about what it is you want to spend you time doing.  I know you have had a few roles, but this could be time to decide on a career and pursue it with everything you have to give.  Maybe this means signing up for a training course in a specialism, or volunteering in a specific sector.

 

While you are working this out, I very very strongly recommend you find a local charity - a foodbank, or hospice or something that interests you, and tell them you are willing to help with anything they need doing.  This will give you some focus, and remind you that you have a lot to offer, and that you can get up in the morning and put in a days work.

Edited 6 October 2017 by Jon the Hat

[shen]

1 minute ago, foxfanazer said:

She knows I have a problem but I’m good at keeping the severity of it a secret. Don’t like the fact it makes me a lie to my loved ones. Both of my parents have been alcoholics at some point or another so I’m not sure if the addictive personality is genetic or just learned.

 

Everytime I lose a decent amount of money I feel wracked with guilt and think about what I could’ve done for my family with that money. 

 

I know I have to stop but I just can’t control it

If you were to tell your partner about the severity of the issue, how do you think she would react?

Can you count on her support? You would be greatly helped by having support from your loved ones.

If your partner were the gambler and she opened up to you, how would you hope to react?

 

You feel responsible for all of this, even speculating what the origin of the addiction is, but you risk digging yourself in a big hole if you blame yourself for everything.

Again, it's a disease. Your guilt is proof that you're not voluntarily doing this to hurt your family. It's beyond your control as you said, which is why you need assistance.

Few things in life are irreparable.

 

Unfortunately, I don't feel I can offer much more than my moral support, but contacting Gamcare like Carl suggested is a very good idea.

 

 

[shen]

6 minutes ago, Jon the Hat said:

Wymes, you are young man with a lot going for you.  You have a few pounds saved to tide you over in circumstances like these.  You have a foot on the housing ladder which many people spend years working to achieve.  I would encourage you think hard about what it is you want to spend you time doing.  I know you have had a few roles, but this could be time to decide on a career and pursue it with everything you have to give.  Maybe this means signing up for a training course in a specialism, or volunteering in a specific sector.

 

While you are working this out, I very very strongly recommend you find a local charity - a foodbank, or hospice or something that interests you, and tell them you are willing to help with anything they need doing.  This will give you some focus, and remind you that you have a lot to offer, and that you can get up in the morning and put in a days work.

Great advice! When I was unemployed a few years ago, the wife convinced me to do some volunteering work and it gave my self esteem a huge boost.

[Bellend Sebastian]

9 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

Feeling really really low atm. Unlike many of you on here I feel mine is self inflicted due to my gambling problem. Got myself into a fair bit of debt over the years and even when i win I waste the money. Feel like a useless partner and an even worse dad. I’ve tried to address it in the past but I just have such an addictive personality.

 

Have has those dangerous feelings of ‘they’d be better off without me’

Failing to find an argument against that right now

Don't be doing that, old son. Regardless of what you've done, you've still got all the time in the world to turn things round and do something good, however unlikely that may seem at the minute.

 

Don't deny yourself that opportunity

 

 

[Guesty]

1 hour ago, Carl the Llama said:

Been a while since I posted in here so I figure it's about time I gave you all an update.

 

Firstly thanks to everyone who wished me well and for the many supportive pms I received.  I finally got my arse to a GP a couple of weeks ago and she's put me on amitriptyline to help me sleep and deal with my other symptoms.  Does anybody on here have any experience with the drug? From what I gather I'm on a very low dosage to start off with (20mg) but I'm due another appointment on Monday where I may well have it upped seeing how it's not really had any noticeable effect beyond a slight improvement in my sleeping habits though I'm not sure how much of that is down to the drug and how much of it is down to me simply having had a few appointments/meetings this past week to get up early for.

 

On the jobs front things have been far more positive: I had a trial shift at Cafe Nero today and that went pretty well I thought.  If I get the job I'll be pleased because the company has a good track record of training up their staff and promoting from within and it's about time I had some kind of solid career goal.  If it doesn't work out though I've already got a few more interviews lined up so things are definitely looking less bleak right now than a few weeks ago.

Hi,

 

Once I was having a stressful time at work; couldn't sleep and had a 2 week headache. 

 

I was prescribed amytriptyline. It sort of made me feel like a zombie - even on a low dosage I really felt it. I didn't really like it how it made me feel, it's hard to describe really. I stopped taking it after about a week, even though I was prescribed it for a few weeks. It did help, as i got some sleep and the headache went away, then things at work improved. The doctor told me everyone reacts differently to different medications - especially that type.

 

Good luck for your job - hope it all works out.

[ozleicester]

41 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

Feeling really really low atm. Unlike many of you on here I feel mine is self inflicted due to my gambling problem. Got myself into a fair bit of debt over the years and even when i win I waste the money. Feel like a useless partner and an even worse dad. I’ve tried to address it in the past but I just have such an addictive personality.

 

Have has those dangerous feelings of ‘they’d be better off without me’

Failing to find an argument against that right now

Dont give up, and if you can, try to speak with a Doc... i am confident that your kids and partner really need and want you in their lives.