Depression

[foxfanazer]

6 minutes ago, shen said:

If you were to tell your partner about the severity of the issue, how do you think she would react?

Can you count on her support? You would be greatly helped by having support from your loved ones.

If your partner were the gambler and she opened up to you, how would you hope to react?

 

You feel responsible for all of this, even speculating what the origin of the addiction is, but you risk digging yourself in a big hole if you blame yourself for everything.

Again, it's a disease. Your guilt is proof that you're not voluntarily doing this to hurt your family. It's beyond your control as you said, which is why you need assistance.

Few things in life are irreparable.

 

Unfortunately, I don't feel I can offer much more than my moral support, but contacting Gamcare like Carl suggested is a very good idea.

 

 

She’d be really supportive and maybe too nice which makes me feel even worse. It’s going to the stage where I won’t be able to hide it anymore so telling her is inevitable.

 

My daughter doesn’t go without anything, it’s not like I’m gambling my every last penny but we don’t have a lot of money so when I do have a bit I should be using it for her. I had a decent win last month and treated them both and even got all my Christmas shopping done but then had £1600 left that I just dwindled away gambling. I was really close to my grandparents that passed away about 10 years ago and I just think how disappointed they’d be in me

[foxfanazer]

7 minutes ago, Bellend Sebastian said:

Don't be doing that, old son. Regardless of what you've done, you've still got all the time in the world to turn things round and do something good, however unlikely that may seem at the minute.

 

Don't deny yourself that opportunity

 

 

Thank you. I don’t think I’d ever go through with it because even though I don’t think very highly of myself my daughter idolises me and I couldn’t ever cause her that pain

[foxfanazer]

Probably doesn’t help that I work in a bookies 

 

[Bellend Sebastian]

1 hour ago, foxfanazer said:

Thank you. I don’t think I’d ever go through with it because even though I don’t think very highly of myself my daughter idolises me and I couldn’t ever cause her that pain

If you were that bad, she wouldn't. To me, that's a very good place to start from regardless of what else might be amiss. Never lose sight of things like that (in fairness, you obviously haven't)

[Carl the Llama]

2 hours ago, Wymeswold fox said:

Unfortunately, am unable to as have too much in savings (over the £6k limit you can have to be eligible for it) and own the property I currently reside in.

"Unfortunately"   Tbf I don't think I'd be able to leave the house until all of my savings had been drained from months of despondent self-loathing in that scenario so I definitely see how it would be a problem. Too much security can ruin your motivation, sometimes we need a bit of fear to put a hot stick up our arse, I know I did.  I don't know how it works for people not claiming UC but surely the job centre make work coaches available to everyone who requests one?  Definitely look into it because I can't stress enough how helpful it is to have a person that you have to report your progress to on a weekly basis.  It's embarrassing showing up and admitting that you've not made any progress this week because you've been too busy telling yourself you're useless but that's exactly the kind of scenario they're trained to deal with.

 

Also you should check in with a GP about this too, I can't really claim to be any kind of shining example on that front but I can vouch that it's the right thing to do.

 

Jon gives good advice too, really good advice even.

[Guest MattP]

3 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

She’d be really supportive and maybe too nice which makes me feel even worse. It’s going to the stage where I won’t be able to hide it anymore so telling her is inevitable.

 

My daughter doesn’t go without anything, it’s not like I’m gambling my every last penny but we don’t have a lot of money so when I do have a bit I should be using it for her. I had a decent win last month and treated them both and even got all my Christmas shopping done but then had £1600 left that I just dwindled away gambling. I was really close to my grandparents that passed away about 10 years ago and I just think how disappointed they’d be in me

I've sent you a PM, in this situation the best thing you can ever do is tell those who are close to you, one thing all gambling addicts need is a desire to stop (most in my experience don't want to stop that bad until they finally have a moment of clarity, something you must know is near for you to post on here ) and the best thing that can give that drive is the support you get from loved ones and knowing that you aren't alone in trying to fight it. You'll feel like you are doing it for your partner and daughter as well then and eventually you'll feel a buzz spending the money you were losing on things you enjoy.

[ketteringscott]

7 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Probably doesn’t help that I work in a bookies 

 

I would try to get another job if you can. I had a gambling problem for years and working in a bookies normalised it as you are around gambling everyday. I know it's not always easy to start a new career but gambling will always be on your mind whilst you are working there.

[foxfanazer]

36 minutes ago, ketteringscott said:

I would try to get another job if you can. I had a gambling problem for years and working in a bookies normalised it as you are around gambling everyday. I know it's not always easy to start a new career but gambling will always be on your mind whilst you are working there.

Think you’re probably right

[Foxhateram]

So things are still pretty hurrendous and the Mrs isn't really getting it. I've tried to talk to her, but her mind is so focussed (and rightly so) on our little boy. She just doesn't have time for me and my drama. 

 

I still feel like im faking it when i smile and laugh with my little boy, he's not sleeping at night still and after over a year of it I'm really feeling like it'll never get better. Exhaustion is leading to self doubt which in turn is making me really suck at performing (as a teacher). Things are just so hard, motivation is all lost and confidence in myself is all gone. 

 

Really hurting right now. Marriage on the rocks, exhausted, I'm awful at my job in this state and i don't feel like I've got anything or anyone to listen.

[Buce]

5 minutes ago, foxhateram said:

So things are still pretty hurrendous and the Mrs isn't really getting it. I've tried to talk to her, but her mind is so focussed (and rightly so) on our little boy. She just doesn't have time for me and my drama. 

 

I still feel like im faking it when i smile and laugh with my little boy, he's not sleeping at night still and after over a year of it I'm really feeling like it'll never get better. Exhaustion is leading to self doubt which in turn is making me really suck at performing (as a teacher). Things are just so hard, motivation is all lost and confidence in myself is all gone. 

 

Really hurting right now. Marriage on the rocks, exhausted, I'm awful at my job in this state and i don't feel like I've got anything or anyone to listen.

 

Have you considered writing it all down for her to read?

 

That way she can wait until she has the time to give it the consideration it deserves.

[Izzy]

5 hours ago, foxhateram said:

So things are still pretty hurrendous and the Mrs isn't really getting it. I've tried to talk to her, but her mind is so focussed (and rightly so) on our little boy. She just doesn't have time for me and my drama. 

 

I still feel like im faking it when i smile and laugh with my little boy, he's not sleeping at night still and after over a year of it I'm really feeling like it'll never get better. Exhaustion is leading to self doubt which in turn is making me really suck at performing (as a teacher). Things are just so hard, motivation is all lost and confidence in myself is all gone. 

 

Really hurting right now. Marriage on the rocks, exhausted, I'm awful at my job in this state and i don't feel like I've got anything or anyone to listen.

You’ve always got us Muppets on here who’ll listen mate. I know me and many others on this thread will happily be up for a chat if you ever want to talk.

 

Your post takes me back to when my kids were little. It was a horrible time and I was racked with guilt that I hated the little b@stards sometimes and I thought it was just me.

 

Turns out it wasn’t just me at all, and other Dads in my peer group felt exactly the same. I know you won’t believe me, but it does get better and your boy WILL start sleeping through soon. 

 

Once you eventually start getting some sleep again, your mood will improve and your confidence will return I’m sure. You’ll look back on this time and think fvck me that was tough,  but we all came through it together as a loving family.

 

And then it all changes for the better when your boy starts properly talking and interacting with you. That’s when the smiles and laughs become genuine and you realise that you’re over the worst.

 

And I’d also tell your boss if you feel your performance at work is suffering. If he/she is a parent too then they’ll definitely understand. 

 

Hang in there and remember that you’re only human and these emotions are perfectly natural - so try not to beat yourself up too bad.

 

Time to get on your own optimistic bus mate. Good luck and keep posting on here.

 

 

 

 

[Spiritwalker]

On 6 October 2017 at 13:19, Carl the Llama said:

Been a while since I posted in here so I figure it's about time I gave you all an update.

 

Firstly thanks to everyone who wished me well and for the many supportive pms I received.  I finally got my arse to a GP a couple of weeks ago and she's put me on amitriptyline to help me sleep and deal with my other symptoms.  Does anybody on here have any experience with the drug? From what I gather I'm on a very low dosage to start off with (20mg) but I'm due another appointment on Monday where I may well have it upped seeing how it's not really had any noticeable effect beyond a slight improvement in my sleeping habits though I'm not sure how much of that is down to the drug and how much of it is down to me simply having had a few appointments/meetings this past week to get up early for.

 

On the jobs front things have been far more positive: I had a trial shift at Cafe Nero today and that went pretty well I thought.  If I get the job I'll be pleased because the company has a good track record of training up their staff and promoting from within and it's about time I had some kind of solid career goal.  If it doesn't work out though I've already got a few more interviews lined up so things are definitely looking less bleak right now than a few weeks ago.

I was prescribed amitriptyline a few years ago for nerve pain. It didn't work for the pain but I

can't remember any side effects other than sedation.

[Spiritwalker]

On 24 September 2017 at 16:08, FoxesDeb said:

This is going to be a ramble so I apologise now. I really need to talk to someone, and I feel like there's no one there. I've been signed off work, and they are supposed to be putting counselling into place, but I missed the first phone call they arranged because it was a weekend and I can't talk when my children are around. I think I'm going to lose my job because of the time off I've had, but work is probably one of the biggest factors in my depression, and I just can't face it. If I lose my job I'll lose my house, but even knowing that isn't a big enough motivator to get me to do anything about it. Most nights I'd just like to go to sleep and never wake up. 

I just don't feel like me anymore, and it's not fair on my children, I don't think I've ever felt this low. I need to find a way out of this, but I don't know how 

Deb without knowing you or your situation it is difficult to know whether you are suffering from depression 

or work related stress. I have never suffered with depression but a few years ago I suffered with work related

stress, at the time I had a young family and was the only earner, I was working long hours in a very stressful 

environment and even when I got home I was taking calls from work and eventually it just got too much. 

Anyway, if I could go back in time and give myself advice it would be to stand back and look at the bigger 

picture, the most important thing in life is your family and your health. If your job is becoming detrimental 

to your health and family then get another job. If you have a mortgage then explain the situation to your

bank, I doubt they will make you homeless especially if you have young children. 

 

 

 

 

[RODNEY FERNIO]

On ‎10‎/‎6‎/‎2017 at 14:03, Wymeswold fox said:

Putting my 'pennies worth' here as well, now fellow sufferers are coming out.

Unemployed for 3 months now, and feel as if I'm not wanted anywhere (got a first-class degree, albeit 4 years ago now, with employment experiencs in different sectors).

Not particularly fussed about pay at this moment; just want to be somewhere that values its staff and able to grow on-the-job etc.

 

What I've noticed this week is that I'm eating less during the day and feel more anxious both mentally and physically. Hard to change things really when you want to be wanted somewhere.

Bizarre how an intelligent young man like you can't get a decent job.

We've got so much work we are having to subcontract it out to India and China.

But it's specialised work and needs experience.

Decent engineers and accountants are very short on the ground at the moment.

Maybe it's time to actually study for a career .. you are certainly young enough to do so.

 

[Crinklyfox]

14 hours ago, foxhateram said:

So things are still pretty hurrendous and the Mrs isn't really getting it. I've tried to talk to her, but her mind is so focussed (and rightly so) on our little boy. She just doesn't have time for me and my drama. 

 

I still feel like im faking it when i smile and laugh with my little boy, he's not sleeping at night still and after over a year of it I'm really feeling like it'll never get better. Exhaustion is leading to self doubt which in turn is making me really suck at performing (as a teacher). Things are just so hard, motivation is all lost and confidence in myself is all gone. 

 

Really hurting right now. Marriage on the rocks, exhausted, I'm awful at my job in this state and i don't feel like I've got anything or anyone to listen.

You come across as totally drained.  When life is 'normal' with everyday ups and downs we have a natural resilience to deal with problems.  However when there is a constant drain on your mental resources the resilience goes and every little issue feels like a nightmare.

 

This is not a one way street though, you can recover and provided you do so there's no reason to believe that your marriage will fail, your job will suffer and the many other nightmare scenarios that have gone through your mind will come to pass.  You do, however, need a way to get through the pain you're experiencing now.

 

Sleep deprivation is horrible, I've suffered from it myself and know how it reduced me as a person.  Is it the only problem though?  If it is then it's probably a temporary issue which just needs to be survived.  It wouldn't hurt to see your GP - I've taken medication temporarily to help me through the bad times, I'm not ashamed of that, it helped me keep my job and my family.  If it isn't the only issue then dealing with any others could help reduce your stress level.

 

I don't know your family situation but your wife could be experiencing similar problems in which case it wouldn't be surprising if she didn't have the resource left to help you deal with your problems.  As a mother she will prioritise her child's' needs.  It doesn't necessarily mean that your marriage is on the rocks - she may just need support as much as you.

 

One last thing - it's easy to feel that your problems are overwhelming but many marriages experience difficulties through the stresses of life.  Children can be the glue that holds them together during the hard times and when those times have passed, couples can rediscover the bonds that drew them together and be stronger for it.

[Strokes]

On 06/10/2017 at 14:12, Wymeswold fox said:

Unfortunately, am unable to as have too much in savings (over the £6k limit you can have to be eligible for it) and own the property I currently reside in.

Wymes, why don’t you invest in yourself? I’m not sure of your capabilities or interests but if I had that amount of capital I think I’d look to start my own enterprise. 

[Izzy]

On 06/10/2017 at 14:12, Wymeswold fox said:

Unfortunately, am unable to as have too much in savings (over the £6k limit you can have to be eligible for it) and own the property I currently reside in.

You've had some good advice on here Wymesy, and one thing you could also consider is buying a franchise.

 

It's not for everybody, but if you've got a few quid then it might be worth looking at.

 

Owning a franchise can be seen as a bit of a 'halfway house' between employment and self employment and something that would certainly focus your mind and keep you busy.

 

Have a look at these. There maybe something that fits your skill set and expertise.

 

 https://www.franchise-uk.co.uk/

 

Just a thought...

 

Edited 9 October 2017 by Izzy Muzzett

[Wymsey]

3 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

You've had some good advice on here Wymesy, and one thing you could also consider is buying a franchise.

 

It's not for everybody, but if you've got a few quid then it might be worth looking at.

 

Owning a franchise can be seen as a bit of a 'halfway house' between employment and self employment and something that would certainly focus your mind and keep you busy.

 

Have a look at these. There maybe something that fits your skill set and expertise.

 

 https://www.franchise-uk.co.uk/

 

Just a thought...

 

The main problem that I see with owning a franchise is that you'll probably be in 'shark-Invested water's' the moment you agree to own one.

Even if there was an opportunity for one via a well-known brand, there could be 'hidden' reasons why the franchiser wants to sell part of it that you don't know about.

Hence, it's a too risky opportunity to take.

 

@RODNEY FERNIO, I thought about studying for something that is specialised like the industries you've mentioned, but feel I don't need the stress of studying etc at this present time. I'm 25, I just want to be settled in a decent job in a decent environment etc; I just want to have my feet down somewhere for a bit and eventually decide what I really want and take it from there.

 

I'm not particularly "fussed" about money (look, my Stepfather set-up his own business and after 30+ years sold it for big money and now has a massive house, Aston Martin and Lexus and a plane (to me, they're just objects, 4 wheels on a car etc from A to B, smaller houses are fine in comparison as well); he's done well and he's obviously very happy - however, I rather prefer, in terms of working life: stability, loyalty and something that I can enjoy doing.

Money, can come later when I'm 40 etc - just want enough, now, to pay the bills etc and something to look forward to every day to do as being unemployed makes the day slower and I'm very much analysing myself most of the day.

-

In some ways, I wish I was slightly younger, but overall I'm happy with what I have got in life at present and should (and I do) appreciate it.

As mentioned, the factor of wanting 'great money' etc doesn't appeal to me in terms of work; just personally want to be appreciated and valued and that's enough for me to enjoy work as a whole to be honest.

When I'm 30, I'll probably access the situation as a whole again and may decide to study then for something else (although I quite understand that in being trained up for a new career at 30, as opposed to 21 could hamper any good chance of this happening).

 

 

Edited 9 October 2017 by Wymeswold fox

[Izzy]

36 minutes ago, Wymeswold fox said:

The main problem that I see with owning a franchise is that you'll probably be in 'shark-Invested water's' the moment you agree to own one.

Even if there was an opportunity for one via a well-known brand, there could be 'hidden' reasons why the franchiser wants to sell part of it that you don't know about.

Hence, it's a too risky opportunity to take.

 

@RODNEY FERNIO, I thought about studying for something that is specialised like the industries you've mentioned, but feel I don't need the stress of studying etc at this present time. I'm 25, I just want to be settled in a decent job in a decent environment etc; I just want to have my feet down somewhere for a bit and eventually decide what I really want and take it from there.

 

I'm not particularly "fussed" about money (look, my Stepfather set-up his own business and after 30+ years sold it for big money and now has a massive house, Aston Martin and Lexus and a plane (to me, they're just objects, 4 wheels on a car etc from A to B, smaller houses are fine in comparison as well); he's done well and he's obviously very happy - however, I rather prefer, in terms of working life: stability, loyalty and something that I can enjoy doing.

Money, can come later when I'm 40 etc - just want enough, now, to pay the bills etc and something to look forward to every day to do as being unemployed makes the day slower and I'm very much analysing myself most of the day.

-

In some ways, I wish I was slightly younger, but overall I'm happy with what I have got in life at present and should (and I do) appreciate it.

As mentioned, the factor of wanting 'great money' etc doesn't appeal to me in terms of work; just personally want to be appreciated and valued and that's enough for me to enjoy work as a whole to be honest.

When I'm 30, I'll probably access the situation as a whole again and may decide to study then for something else (although I quite understand that in being trained up for a new career at 30, as opposed to 21 could hamper any good chance of this happening).

 

I think it's admirable that your values drive you more than money or materialistic things.

 

But also notice how important 'external' validation is to you. We all like to be liked, but we've got no control over how others view or appreciate us. I remember in my 20's that I craved positive feedback and was desperate for my boss and peers to tell me what a great job I was doing. Then as I progressed through my career I realised that my own value of me was more important and that if I appreciated myself more, I didn't need external validation.

 

As long as I did my best I could hold my head high and feel proud. I couldn't control the culture or the environment I worked in, but I could control how I showed up every day. Eventually the recognition came but I stopped looking for it and my own internal moral compass told me if I was doing a good job or not. Most of us know if we're adding value and making a difference at work without needing to be told.

 

I hope you find a job that gives you all you want and there are some good companies out there that genuinely do value their people. The bit about doing something that you enjoy doing is probably the most important thing. If we do something we love then it doesn't feel like work and it becomes an effortless joy. Then we don't need to be appreciated or valued by others because we feel great anyway.

 

Best of luck...

[tom27111]

Thought I'd stick my nose in and give an update on myself. A couple of you have messaged me and asked how I'm doing...

 

It's been nearly a year since I spent a few weeks in hospital and hit rock bottom.

 

I'm still at my mates house who helped me out at the time, him and his Mrs have been amazing, their daughter has just turned one, so they take full advantage of the live in babysitter!

 

Got myself a new job, nothing special, but it's providing me with plenty of hours and the cash I need for now until I get something more permanent. 

 

Moving in the next few weeks to my own little place.

 

Off the tablets and feeling so much better, the most depressing thing at the minute is my football team, and a special mention for @Izzy Muzzett in the joke thread!

 

It's awesome that people speak so openly in here and help each other out.

 

Basically, things WILL get better, I'm living proof.

 

And I couldn't have done it without some of you.

 

Keep going, it's worth it.

[ajthefox]

6 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

Thought I'd stick my nose in and give an update on myself. A couple of you have messaged me and asked how I'm doing...

 

It's been nearly a year since I spent a few weeks in hospital and hit rock bottom.

 

I'm still at my mates house who helped me out at the time, him and his Mrs have been amazing, their daughter has just turned one, so they take full advantage of the live in babysitter!

 

Got myself a new job, nothing special, but it's providing me with plenty of hours and the cash I need for now until I get something more permanent. 

 

Moving in the next few weeks to my own little place.

 

Off the tablets and feeling so much better, the most depressing thing at the minute is my football team, and a special mention for @Izzy Muzzett in the joke thread!

 

It's awesome that people speak so openly in here and help each other out.

 

Basically, things WILL get better, I'm living proof.

 

And I couldn't have done it without some of you.

 

Keep going, it's worth it.

I can't believe it's been a year since you started posting in here Tom, time really does fvcking fly. Glad to hear things are on the up mate 

[tom27111]

49 minutes ago, ajthefox said:

I can't believe it's been a year since you started posting in here Tom, time really does fvcking fly. Glad to hear things are on the up mate 

 

It'll be a year at the start of December, but it really has flown by. 

 

I'm pretty much a completely different person. Still have little spells where things seem bleak, but it's manageable now.

 

I've cut back on gambling and drinking and I'm perfectly happy to be single.

 

Thanks for the support 

[Costock_Fox]

8 hours ago, tom27111 said:

Thought I'd stick my nose in and give an update on myself. A couple of you have messaged me and asked how I'm doing...

 

It's been nearly a year since I spent a few weeks in hospital and hit rock bottom.

 

I'm still at my mates house who helped me out at the time, him and his Mrs have been amazing, their daughter has just turned one, so they take full advantage of the live in babysitter!

 

Got myself a new job, nothing special, but it's providing me with plenty of hours and the cash I need for now until I get something more permanent. 

 

Moving in the next few weeks to my own little place.

 

Off the tablets and feeling so much better, the most depressing thing at the minute is my football team, and a special mention for @Izzy Muzzett in the joke thread!

 

It's awesome that people speak so openly in here and help each other out.

 

Basically, things WILL get better, I'm living proof.

 

And I couldn't have done it without some of you.

 

Keep going, it's worth it.

I've been lurking in this thread just reading it for a while but it's great to see you doing well mate.

[Nick]

Happy World Mental Health Day 2017 Team.

 

This thread is testament to a changing world and changing attitudes and perceptions to mental health and supporting each other.

 

This thread epitomises what WMHD is about - fair play to all contributing FT'ers.

[Jon the Hat]

26 minutes ago, Swan Lesta said:

Happy World Mental Health Day 2017 Team.

 

This thread is testament to a changing world and changing attitudes and perceptions to mental health and supporting each other.

 

This thread epitomises what WMHD is about - fair play to all contributing FT'ers.

Isn't it just.  Well played boys!