The Horse's Mouth Posted 11 June 2013 Posted 11 June 2013 I have never hit a woman that didn't deserve it
RobHawk Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 Right, instead of ribbing MattP, after much thought, I have decided that it is a sad truth that I have never been to Wembley. I have never been to Wembley and seen the team i was supporting lose!
ozleicester Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 .dry: **** you Webster. Anyway - I've never been on a plane or ship. Come to think of it, school trips aside I've never been abroad. Im confused, have you been abroad on a school trip?.... if so and you didnt use a ship or a plane, what did you use... tardis?
SOCCERROO FOX Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 Always had a private dentist. GP yep, you have got me there! Couple of occasions! STD test no doubt!
Captain... Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 I've never been to nandos Went once when it first opened in Sheffield, realised I could make much nicer, much cheaper at home. I still don't get the appeal.
sphericalfox Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 Always had a private dentist. GP yep, you have got me there! Couple of occasions!
Carl the Llama Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 I wish! So you only found out about it once it was no longer treatable? Test yourselves early and regularly.
MPH Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 I Have NEVER failed to get a job I was interviewed for.. EDIT: I have had several jobs before people comment!
Captain... Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 I Have NEVER failed to get a job I was interviewed for.. EDIT: I have had several jobs before people comment! I did have such a record until I got interviewed by some HR twerps, who just asked me standard questions, such as 'How do you make a decision?' and couldn't answer any of my questions about the job and it's prospects, it was like being interviewed by robots, bored, ugly robots.HR sucks.
Zingari Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 Just like Charlene , I've Never Been To Me ( whatever the fook that means) humblebragger !!
MPH Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 I did have such a record until I got interviewed by some HR twerps, who just asked me standard questions, such as 'How do you make a decision?' and couldn't answer any of my questions about the job and it's prospects, it was like being interviewed by robots, bored, ugly robots. HR sucks. Oh that would be nasty... I'd feel like killing them if that happened. Congratulations for not being in prison right now!
Guest MattP Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 I Have NEVER failed to get a job I was interviewed for.. I was the same, 5 from 5 until the last one I did a couple of years ago.
Trav Le Bleu Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 Riiiiiing Riiiiiiiiing Riiiiiiiing MummyP: (SHRILL ALARM SIGNAL!) MattP: Mummy, it's me! MummyP: Oh, I'm so sorry my little prince, I thought it was one of those nasty, horrid, foreign call-centres. MattP: No, it's only me mother. <silent pause for 5 seconds> MummyP: Is something bothering you. You don't normally call me so frequently? You don't want to borrow the Monteverdi again do you? <silent pause for 5 second> MattP: Mama... MummyP: Yeeeers..? MattP: Was I really born in a poor hospital? MummyP: Oh, is THAT what was bothering you? Well, yes, I think so, at least, that's what your mother told me. MattP: My moth... MummyP: Well, your real mother at any rate, heaven knows the millions we spent raising you in proper opulence like a normal child, it should be our names on the birth certificate, isn't that right Frederick. (Chuntering in the background.) MummyP: What do you mean, "he doesn't know," we told him on his 16th birth... oh Lord... he was away in St Moritz for his 16th birthday and we... Prince, precious, my little bundle of hope, are you still there? MattP: <sniff> Yes. So I guess you are not my real mother? MummyP: <sniff> In all except that your father has never touched my inner temple, I am. MattP: Then who was my real mother... mother? MummyP: FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDEEEEEEEEEEERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!! (Muttering) Really? (Muttering) Oh. (Muttering) Ahem, well yes, your father... well, you know, the man who earned all the millions to raise you in decent affluence... he says your mother was a Turkmenistan immigrant from... MattP: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (Posh version of Eastenders drums plays accompanied by a string quartet.)
Guest MattP Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 I e-mailed my old man the last one and he found it funny but he's not getting that!
Finnegan Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 I Have NEVER failed to get a job I was interviewed for.. EDIT: I have had several jobs before people comment! I haven't either, actually. Though I've applied for plenty and not gotten interviews.
Trav Le Bleu Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 I did have such a record until I got interviewed by some HR twerps, who just asked me standard questions, such as 'How do you make a decision?' and couldn't answer any of my questions about the job and it's prospects, it was like being interviewed by robots, bored, ugly robots. HR sucks. I have actually had the same experience. I've applied for jobs in sending forms and CVs with covering letters and not got a reply, but if I get the interview, I have on all but one occasion got the job. I suspect on the occasion it was because when asked by a sales company, which famous people I admired I answered truthfully that it was Jesus and Robin Hood, both who stood for the common man. I knew they wanted me to say Branson or Gates or some such, but I couldn't truthfully say that. I suspect I would suck at a sales job anyway, I'm far too empathetic. On at least two occasions I have been told that I got the job because I was the only interviewee that turned up in a suit - which is good advice for anyone going to an interview, even if it's to be a binman (I've never been a binman, but it's a good honest profession!)
Webbo Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 Just like Charlene , I've Never Been To Me ( whatever the fook that means) humblebragger !! Have you been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see?
21st Century Fox Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 I have never worked as a cameraman on a porn film..... I was offered the gig and a trip to Prague once but I turned it down. I'll always wonder.
Finnaldo Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 I have never worked as a cameraman on a porn film..... I was offered the gig and a trip to Prague once but I turned it down. I'll always wonder. http://i.imgur.com/n1crh.gif
MPH Posted 12 June 2013 Posted 12 June 2013 I have actually had the same experience. I've applied for jobs in sending forms and CVs with covering letters and not got a reply, but if I get the interview, I have on all but one occasion got the job. I suspect on the occasion it was because when asked by a sales company, which famous people I admired I answered truthfully that it was Jesus and Robin Hood, both who stood for the common man. I knew they wanted me to say Branson or Gates or some such, but I couldn't truthfully say that. I suspect I would suck at a sales job anyway, I'm far too empathetic. On at least two occasions I have been told that I got the job because I was the only interviewee that turned up in a suit - which is good advice for anyone going to an interview, even if it's to be a binman (I've never been a binman, but it's a good honest profession!) Yes yes yes! always turn up in a suit. I have mentioned this before on here but the job I am doing right now.... One of the questions I was asked ( there were three interviewing me) was " What are your listening skills like?" Which I thought was a pretty stupid question so i just replied " i'm sorry, could you repeat the question?" It paid off. They all burst out laughing.
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