The joke thread

[TiffToff88]

52 minutes ago, TheLittleBigMan said:

I have a Polish friend who's a sound engineer and I have a Czech one too.

 

[separator]

The DVD player on the Red Hot Chili Peppers tour bus stopped working.

 

They had a scart issue.

[Countryfox]

 

So I rang up my local swimming baths.

I said "Is that the local swimming baths?"

He said   "It depends where you're calling from."

[Countryfox]

 

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said

"Who's speaking please?"

And a voice said  "You are."

[Buce]

19 minutes ago, Countryfox said:

 

So I rang up my local swimming baths.

I said "Is that the local swimming baths?"

He said   "It depends where you're calling from."

 

1 minute ago, Countryfox said:

 

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said

"Who's speaking please?"

And a voice said  "You are."

 

 

[Countryfox]

10 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

 

 

Cheeky fooker ! ...    if its good enough for Tommy Cooper its good enough for me ...    

[Tuna]

39 minutes ago, Countryfox said:

 

So I rang up my local swimming baths.

I said "Is that the local swimming baths?"

He said   "It depends where you're calling from."

 

21 minutes ago, Countryfox said:

 

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said

"Who's speaking please?"

And a voice said  "You are."

[Countryfox]

1 minute ago, Tuna said:

 

 

Two cheeky fookers in the space of 5 minutes ! ...    outrageous !! ..

[Strokes]

55 minutes ago, Countryfox said:

 

So I rang up my local swimming baths.

I said "Is that the local swimming baths?"

He said   "It depends where you're calling from."

 

37 minutes ago, Countryfox said:

 

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said

"Who's speaking please?"

And a voice said  "You are."

[Countryfox]

1 hour ago, Strokes said:

 

 

Et tu Strokesy ...   

[Countryfox]

 

I'm off ...   

 

 

[woznotwos]

My Jamaican Nan wants to know why I love chocolate spread so much, but mi Nutella

[woznotwos]

I sent a food parcel to the former wife. Fed Ex.

[Beliall]

7 minutes ago, woznotwos said:

My Jamaican Nan wants to know why I love chocolate spread so much, but mi Nutella

 

3 minutes ago, woznotwos said:

I sent a food parcel to the former wife. Fed Ex.

i can see why your wife left you and your nana lives in jamaica

[Countryfox]

 

I'm back !! ...   

 

A bloke comes home from work to see his girlfriend at the bottom of the stairs with her bags packed.

The bloke asks his girlfriend where she is going and she says  "I'm leaving you for good".   So the man says  "But Why ?!"

His girlfriend says "'I have heard that you are a peadophile".

The man says  "Thats a big word for a 10 year old .. "

 

[Trav Le Bleu]

On 21/03/2018 at 11:35, separator said:

The DVD player on the Red Hot Chili Peppers tour bus stopped working.

 

They had a scart issue.

You know 98% of people on here won't get that.

 

I suppose I could enlighten them, but I don't want to give it away now.

[Webbo]

17 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

You know 98% of people on here won't get that.

 

I suppose I could enlighten them, but I don't want to give it away now.

I guessed it was a pun on Scar Tissue, is that one of their records?

[StanSP]

1 hour ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

You know 98% of people on here won't get that.

 

I suppose I could enlighten them, but I don't want to give it away now.

you could go around the world, maybe upon higher ground on the otherside of the world, stop at a coffee shop, but if you have to ask, they'll never get it. 

[Trav Le Bleu]

1 hour ago, StanSP said:

you could go around the world, maybe upon higher ground on the otherside of the world, stop at a coffee shop, but if you have to ask, they'll never get it. 

It's all just water under the bridge.

[Julian Joachim Jr Shabadoo]

Subway to Venus innit

[Strokes]

34 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

It's all just water under the bridge.

These puns are a bit addictive, it’s like you can’t stop.

[Carl the Llama]

Lyrics from a Chilli Peppers song.

[StanSP]

I wish Oxford and Cambridge would settle their differences - I do hate to see them rowing.

[Webbo]

4 minutes ago, StanSP said:

I wish Oxford and Cambridge would settle their differences - I do hate to see them rowing.

Come back Izzy Muzzett, all is forgiven.

[Milo]

The Barman says “Sorry, we don’t serve time travellers here”

 

 

 

 

A time traveller walks into a bar...