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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Vince Vega said:

Do you really think Notts County would impress a racehorse? lol

They impressed Juventus enough that they used their shirts.

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Izzy

Izzy

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My wife says I’m addicted to football stadiums and is going to divorce me. 

 

"On what grounds?" I said.

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Facecloth

Facecloth

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

My wife says I’m addicted to football stadiums and is going to divorce me. 

 

"On what grounds?" I said.

I'm surprised. If she hadn't left you after all your terrible jokes, I thought she never would. :P

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cambridgefox

cambridgefox

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10 hours ago, Vince Vega said:

Pinched from Chris Evans breakfast show on Radio 2 this morning:

 

A champion winning racehorse walks into a bar in Blackpool for a drink and a bit of down time.  Next to him was a donkey from the local beach, who was on his lunch break.  The pair got talking, as you do, and the racehorse invites the donkey back to his pad for something to eat.  Whilst the racehorse is preparing the food, the donkey has a bit of a nose round and sees photos on the wall of the racehorse's victories.  There he was in his full glory, winning races such as The Oaks, 1000 Guineas Stakes, 2000 Guineas Stakes, The Derby, St Leger etc.  The donkey begins to feel very much inferior to the racehorse and so hatches a plan to impress the racehorse, when he returns the favour and invites the racehorse for lunch the next day.

 

That afternoon, the donkey nips over to the local zoo, looking for inspiration.  After looking around for a while, he finally takes a picture of a Zebra.  He rushes back home and after much photo shopping, enlarging and printing, he produces a picture himself as a Zebra and hangs it on the wall, ready for the next day.

 

The next lunchtime, the racehorse arrives at the donkey's tiny shed and immediately notices the photo on the wall.  "What's this all about?" asks the racehorse.  "Oh that" says the donkey.  "That was when I used to play for Juventus!".......       

Reminds me of this classic in The Sport256D2563-6E16-4BDC-9B37-E733EF548DD8.thumb.jpeg.f2853f1a4a16442af2e4486c59c25ebe.jpeg

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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, TheLittleBigMan said:

This just in.... A soldier has survived mustard gas and pepper spray. Apparently he's a seasoned vet.

 

He suffered PTSD that affected his behaviour, though. He's been charged with a salt.

Aus Fox

Aus Fox

Posted
Posted

My wife always puts her foot down when deciding how the house should look. I finally thought I had won an argument about the lay out of the dining room, but when I got home the tables had turned.

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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19 hours ago, Facecloth said:

I'm surprised. If she hadn't left you after all your terrible jokes, I thought she never would. :P

Actually my wife divorced me because of my love for football.

 

She’s been gone seven seasons now :D

Facecloth

Facecloth

Posted
Posted
11 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Actually my wife divorced me because of my love for football.

 

She’s been gone seven seasons now :D

Mine left because she said it was annoying how I related everything to Batman.

 

What a Joker.

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TiffToff88

TiffToff88

Posted
Posted
50 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Actually my wife divorced me because of my love for football.

 

She’s been gone seven seasons now :D

 

32 minutes ago, Facecloth said:

Mine left because she said it was annoying how I related everything to Batman.

 

What a Joker.

My wife left me because I was obsessed with health and safety.

 

I said "Don't let the door hit you on the way out"

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Izzy

Izzy

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21 minutes ago, TiffToff88 said:

 

My wife left me because I was obsessed with health and safety.

 

I said "Don't let the door hit you on the way out"

I’ve started calling my ex wife ‘DFS’

 

Everytime she starts talking, there’s zero percent interest.

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TiffToff88

TiffToff88

Posted
Posted
41 minutes ago, Suzie the Fox said:

Wanted a laugh, came into this thread... last 3 posts, and i leave NOT dissapointed..

 

lol keep it up guys (the jokes that is) 

You came to the Foxestalk joke thread looking for a laugh? 

 

I'm guessing that was a mistake and you were actually looking for the Puel Out thread?

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separator

separator

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Doctor - "You have a disease, but we can treat it"

 

Patient - "Whats the cure?"

 

Doctor - "It's an 80's rock band fronted by Robert Smith, but lets try and stay focused"

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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What did Spartacus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife? 

 

Nothing, he's gladiator.

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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20 hours ago, Aus Fox said:

My wife always puts her foot down when deciding how the house should look. I finally thought I had won an argument about the lay out of the dining room, but when I got home the tables had turned.

My wife says I've only got two faults.

 

I dont pay enough attention to her, and something else....

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Ronish Baxter

Ronish Baxter

Posted
Posted

Teacher: "OK class, who will give me the chemical formula for water?"

Pupil: "HIJKLMNO."

Teacher: "What on earth are you on about?"

Pupil: "Well you said yourself yesterday it was H to O!"

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Beliall

Beliall

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8 minutes ago, Ronish Baxter said:

Teacher: "OK class, who will give me the chemical formula for water?"

Pupil: "HIJKLMNO."

Teacher: "What on earth are you on about?"

Pupil: "Well you said yourself yesterday it was H to O!"

mods. @Izzy Muzzett has a second account

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Izzy

Izzy

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It's one of my mates birthday today, he’s named George after St. George’s Day.

 

One of my Scottish mates is called Andrew. He was born on St.Andrews Day.

 

A Welsh mate is called David, he was born on St.Davids Day.

 

Then there’s my Irish mate....Pancake 

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Izzy

Izzy

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I saw a guy stacking shelves at Tesco today complaining because the top shelf was broken and he couldn't keep it up.

 

I think he was suffering from a wrecked aisle dysfunction.

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