Our system detected that your browser is blocking advertisements on our site. Please help support FoxesTalk by disabling any kind of ad blocker while browsing this site. Thank you.
Jump to content
 Share
Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

Recommended Posts

  • Popular Post
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

The wife texts me one cold, frosty, winters morning saying:

"WINDOWS FROZEN - WON'T OPEN!!!!

I texts back saying "Gently pour some luke warm water over the edges, then tap edges sharply with a hammer"

The wife texts back five minutes later saying:

"LAPTOP IS REALLY BUGGERED NOW"

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Aus Fox

Aus Fox

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Paddy. said:

I was reading in the paper today about a dwarf who had his wallet stolen.

 

I just don't know how people can stoop so low. 

I know what you mean mate, we had a dwarf at school, he was in all the bottom groups and really struggled with every aspect of schooling, lovely kid though.

Anyway, one day I turned up and he was being bullied by a bunch of older kids.

So I walked over and said 'what do you think your doing?'

they told me they were just having fun.

'Get out of here' I replied, 'think about what you are doing'.

'it's not big and it's not clever'

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Mayofox

Mayofox

Posted
Posted

A man spots a sign outside a house "Talking Dog for Sale". Intrigued, he walks in. "So, tell me about yourself" he asks the dog.   "I've led a very full life" says the dog. "I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. Now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home."     The man is amazed, and asks the dog's owner, "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?".  The owner says, "Because he's such a liar! He never did any of that!"

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Parafox

Parafox

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted (edited)

A doctor was examining a patient in A&E recently.

 

"And how did you manage to injure your testicles, sir"? asked the doctor.

 

"I was trying to shove them up my arse" the patient explained,

 

"Rectum" said the doctor

 

"Oh God, I haven't, have I"? The man exclaimed.

Edited by Parafox
Better version of my original post
  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

I met a Chinese girl in a club and asked her for her number. 

She said Sex! Sex! Sex! Free Sex Tonight!!!

I said WOW! happy days!

Then her friend said no, she means 666 - 3629

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

I went into a fancy dress shop to get a costume for a Halloween party. The shopkeeper goes out the back and returns with a Spurs kit. I said "sorry love you must have misunderstood. I said I want to look like a COUNT" 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Countryfox

Countryfox

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, Buce said:

 

:dunno:

 

Maybe you should address that question to whoever repped it?

 

7 hours ago, Beliall said:

I cant be held responsible for my actions. Diplomatic Immunity

 

I getya ...    It's the you rep me I'll rep you club !!!    ....      Outrageous.    lol

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
GeorgeTheFox

GeorgeTheFox

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

A Horse is sitting at home, watching MTV. He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success. They go on a worldwide tour and make tons of money. Right before the last show of the tour, which is supposed to be in Vegas, Horse gets a call. His mother is in hospital.

Horse goes to visit her before the show while the rest of the band goes to Vegas to set up. It turns out that she's all good, it's just a cold. As horse is leaving the hospital, he gets another call. The private jet that was carrying the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and there were no survivors.

Horse is devastated. All of his best friends are dead, he's out of a job and he's stuck with nowhere to go. He breaks down in tears and decides he'll drink himself to death.

So the horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "why the long face?"

 

Yes, this is stolen from Reddit

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...