The joke thread

[Tinman]

What do you call a night time cleaner with two birds of prey on his shoulders?
Hawk Kestrel man hoovers in the dark

[Izzy]

51 minutes ago, Tinman said:

What do you call a night time cleaner with two birds of prey on his shoulders?
Hawk Kestrel man hoovers in the dark

I was walking past a pet shop today when I saw a sign on a cage in the window that read: Pedigree Netherlands Cat For Sale.

 

I didn't believe it could be from Holland so I went in and asked the assistant: "How Dutch is that moggy in the window?"

[Beliall]

12 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I was walking past a pet shop today when I saw a sign on a cage in the window that read: Pedigree Netherlands Cat For Sale.

 

I didn't believe it could be from Holland so I went in and asked the assistant: "How Dutch is that moggy in the window?"

He's BACK!!!!



















Fvck

Edited 9 May 2020 by Beliall

[goody2028]

2 hours ago, Tinman said:

What do you call a night time cleaner with two birds of prey on his shoulders?
Hawk Kestrel man hoovers in the dark

Aha!

[Mike Oxlong]

A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday. Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head

[davieG]

Nostalgia is a wonderful thing.

[Izzy]

43 minutes ago, davieG said:

Nostalgia is a wonderful thing.

It sure ain’t what it used to be...

[Wortho]

On 09/05/2020 at 19:32, Parafox said:

Where have you been? wherever it was, please go back. 

You say the nicest things 👄

[Wortho]

Monday - stayed at home

Tuesday - stayed at home

Wednesday - stayed at home

Thursday - stayed at home

Friday - stayed at home

Saturday - stayed at home

Sunday - stayed at home

I’m here all week

[Carl the Llama]

13 hours ago, Wortho said:

Monday - stayed at home

Tuesday - stayed at home

Wednesday - stayed at home

Thursday - stayed at home

Friday - stayed at home

Saturday - stayed at home

Sunday - stayed at home

I’m here all week

Reminded me of this

 

[FerrisBueller]

Act your age not your shoe size.

(Unless it's your European shoe size)

[Wortho]

So, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland to stay home. Sounds like the World Cup to me.

[StanSP]

 

 

[Izzy]

2 minutes ago, StanSP said:

 

 

Did you know the Spanish translation of Chesney Hawkes is Juan Anoli

[StanSP]

1 minute ago, Izzy said:

Did you know the Spanish translation of Chesney Hawkes is Juan Anoli

Get out. 

[Izzy]

On 10/05/2020 at 07:43, Mike Oxlong said:

A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday. Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head

[Webbo]

Would anyone think less of me if I admitted I actually laughed at @Izzy 's last joke?

[Beliall]

1 minute ago, Webbo said:

Would anyone think less of me if I admitted I actually laughed at @Izzy 's last joke?

Happens to the best of us. just chalk it up to luck and move on

[Webbo]

1 minute ago, Beliall said:

Happens to the best of us. just chalk it up to luck and move on

Thanks brother 

[worthosoriginals]

On 09/05/2020 at 21:45, Tinman said:

What do you call a night time cleaner with two birds of prey on his shoulders?
Hawk Kestrel man hoovers in the dark

OMG

[Izzy]

Just now, worthosoriginals said:

OMG

I think you mean OMD 

[worthosoriginals]

24 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I think you mean OMD 

Whooosh

[Alf Bentley]

8 hours ago, Izzy said:

I think you mean OMD 

 

I think you mean MOD. As in: call one right now to remove you from the premises! 

[Wortho]

I'd like to congratulate my niece on passing her mouth organ exam.

 

Well done our Monica.

[Jattdogg]

3 hours ago, Wortho said:

I'd like to congratulate my niece on passing her mouth organ exam.

 

Well done our Monica.