The joke thread

[Domsdad]

Had a painter and decorator round. He’s a currently furloughed Virgin Atlantic Pilot.

 

made a lovely job of the landing.....

[Suzie the Fox]

2 minutes ago, Domsdad said:

Had a painter and decorator round. He’s a currently furloughed Virgin Atlantic Pilot.

 

made a lovely job of the landing.....

That’s for sure one of our dads jokes   

[davieG]

3 hours ago, Domsdad said:

Had a painter and decorator round. He’s a currently furloughed Virgin Atlantic Pilot.

 

made a lovely job of the landing.....

You must have had the landing light on.  I'm a dad so I can say this. 

[Parafox]

3 hours ago, Domsdad said:

Had a painter and decorator round. He’s a currently furloughed Virgin Atlantic Pilot.

 

made a lovely job of the landing.....

How good was his approach?

[lestajigs]

Apparently there taking the statue, of rocky balboa down, as he beat 3 black men!!

[Tinman]

Zoos finally given go-ahead to reopen, after thousands of furloughed flamingos put their foot down.

[jonthefox]

2 minutes ago, Tinman said:

Zoos finally given go-ahead to reopen, after thousands of furloughed flamingos put their foot down.

 

[Trav Le Bleu]

The way things are going, you won't be able to make jokes about anyone.

 

Except us fat people.

 

I suppose we'll just have to take it on the chins.

[jonthefox]

My grandparents were called Pearl and Dean. 

But we used to call them Grandma and Grand papapapapapapapapa

[Bob Weasel Fox]

My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown. 

He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.

[Aus Fox]

I went to see a mystic yesterday, as she looked into her crystal ball, she started smiling, then laughing becoming more and more hysterical and the more she looked into it.

I thought to myself, I’ve finally found a happy medium.

[Trav Le Bleu]

7 hours ago, Aus Fox said:

I went to see a mystic yesterday, as she looked into her crystal ball, she started smiling, then laughing becoming more and more hysterical and the more she looked into it.

I thought to myself, I’ve finally found a happy medium.

I'd have punched her. It's always good to strike a happy medium.

[Wolfox]

My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

[Webbo]

My dad used to say to me "the first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more".

 

Great bloke, terrible anaesthetist.

[Wolfox]

My girlfriend used to smoke after sex, so we started using lube

[Bob Weasel Fox]

I've just bought my pet duck a face mask so I can take him for a walk during corona-virus.

Its nothing flashy but it fits the bill.

[Izzy]

Just been asked by a group of teenagers outside the Co-op if I would get them 20 Richmonds.

 

Reluctantly I agreed and got them a packet. I handed them over and you should have heard the aggressive abuse I got!

 

So I told them next time, get your own fvckin sausages...

[Facecloth]

1 minute ago, Izzy said:

Just been asked by a group of teenagers outside the Co-op if I would get them 20 Richmonds.

 

Reluctantly I agreed and got them a packet. I handed them over and you should have heard the aggressive abuse I got!

 

So I told them next time, get your own fvckin sausages...

[Izzy]

24 minutes ago, Facecloth said:

[Facecloth]

Just now, Izzy said:

I got the joke , I was just ing at it.

[FOXYTALK]

Son:  'Dad ,I'm cold!'

Dad: ' Go and stand in the corner it's 90 degrees there'

[StanSP]

Just now, FOXYTALK said:

Son:  'Dad ,I'm cold!'

Dad: ' Go and stand in the corner it's 90 degrees there'

@Izzy is this another account of yours? 

[FOXYTALK]

Just now, StanSP said:

@Izzy is this another account of yours? 

Nope.

[Izzy]

9 minutes ago, StanSP said:

@Izzy is this another account of yours? 

Yep.

[adam1]

Can we sign Joelinton?