The joke thread

[Jimothy]

I keep hearing Norwich are "doomed" because they're six points adrift, but to be fair that's still a gap their supporters can count on the fingers of one hand

[Wolfox]

Fact of the Day

50% of Roger Federer's name is 'er'

[Captain...]

20 hours ago, Wolfox said:

Fact of the Day

50% of Roger Federer's name is 'er'

Also 1 third "R"s, 1 third "E"s and 1 third "ogfd"

Edited 26 June 2020 by Captain...

[Aus Fox]

9 hours ago, Wolfox said:

Fact of the Day

50% of Roger Federer's name is 'er'

He’s also 1/4 God - explains a lot and not really fair on the rest - Djokovic is also only 50% dick surprisingly low.

[Webbo]

My Mate's reading all the words beginning with 'S' in the dictionary.
I think he's up to something.

[Bob Weasel Fox]

It was take your kids to work today, my kids hated it as I work at a sewage plant.

You should've seen their little faeces.

[Tinman]

I’ve just tried some of Elvis Costello’s Mediterranean sausage range from Waitrose. I must say it was lovely, I think Olive salami is here to stay.

[Alf Bentley]

15 minutes ago, Tinman said:

I’ve just tried some of Elvis Costello’s Mediterranean sausage range from Waitrose. I must say it was lovely, I think Olive salami is here to stay.

 

Given the rise of the prawn sandwich brigade, football now represents an obvious market opportunity for his product range.

Yet, to my bafflement, I hear that he's turned down a lucrative contract to supply the corporate boxes at Stamford Bridge.

In an exclusive interview, he revealed that.....

[FOXYTALK]

Jokes about Poo are not my favourite, but they are a strong number 2.

[Izzy]

56 minutes ago, FOXYTALK said:

Jokes about Poo are not my favourite, but they are a strong number 2.

Why did the baker have brown hands?

 

Because he kneaded a poo

 

(courtesy of my 9 year old boy)

[Jimothy]

8 minutes ago, Izzy said:

Why did the baker have brown hands?

 

Because he kneaded a poo

 

(courtesy of my 9 year old boy)

Taking after his Dad, just funnier 

[Parafox]

On 27/06/2020 at 15:01, Bob Weasel Fox said:

It was take your kids to work today, my kids hated it as I work at a sewage plant.

You should've seen their little faeces.

So shit, it's actually quite good.

[cambridgefox]

Went to a party the other night and this girl said” Do you want to go outside and I will show you a good time?”

100mtrs in 9.87 seconds 

[Webbo]

People always ask where I had my incredibly intricate tattoo done but they don't believe me when I say Madrid.

 

Nobody expects The Spanish Ink Precision.

[Trav Le Bleu]

On 28/06/2020 at 23:53, Alf Bentley said:

 

Given the rise of the prawn sandwich brigade, football now represents an obvious market opportunity for his product range.

Yet, to my bafflement, I hear that he's turned down a lucrative contract to supply the corporate boxes at Stamford Bridge.

In an exclusive interview, he revealed that.....

He doesn't want to go to Chelsea?

[Parafox]

55 minutes ago, Webbo said:

People always ask where I had my incredibly intricate tattoo done but they don't believe me when I say Madrid.

 

Nobody expects The Spanish Ink Precision.

Clever, for those of us that know Monty Python 

[Parafox]

12 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

He doesn't want to go to Chelsea?

Neither did Danny Drinkwater until he got greedy.

[Free Falling Foxes]

13 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

He doesn't want to go to Chelsea?

What have Elvis Costello and Ben Chillwell not got in common?

[Izzy]

8 minutes ago, Free Falling Foxes said:

What have Elvis Costello and Ben Chillwell not got in common?

One for the teenagers on here 

[Ian Nacho]

[Ian Nacho]

[Bob Weasel Fox]

I found a snake on my car windscreen. 
I think it was a windscreen viper 🐍

[The Syrup]

Clubbers in Yorkshire have reportedly started injecting drugs into their mouth.

 

E by gum.

[The Bear]

Best mate just told me he failed his aboriginal music exam a few months ago.

 

I asked him, "did you re-do it?"

[Izzy]

46 minutes ago, The Bear said:

Best mate just told me he failed his aboriginal music exam a few months ago.

 

I asked him, "did you re-do it?"

My best mate is a Brummie chef.

 

I asked him what his favorite rice was and he said "The Tour de France"