Amusing News Stories

[Rincewind]

So true.

[Steven]

Ainsley Maitland-Niles exiled at Ipswich Town... after Arsenal loanee's mum left Mick McCarthy an X-rated voicemail

• Ainsley Maitland-Niles not been in Ipswich match squad since March 12 
• His mum understood to have sent X-rated voicemail to boss Mick McCarthy
• Highly-rated Maitland-Niles has not played for the Championship side since
• Sportsmail understands that he will be in squad to play against Brentford
• Source close to Ipswich tells her to 'keep her mouth shut and let him play' 
• Ipswich will keep the England U19 star on loan until the end of this season

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-3530362/Arsenal-loanee-Ainsley-Maitland-Niles-exiled-Ipswich-Town-mum-left-nasty-expletive-ridden-voicemail-Mick-McCarthy-s-phone.html

[DJ Barry Hammond]

http://www.theguardian.com/business/2016/apr/10/burger-king-staff-tricked-into-smashing-outlets-windows-to-release-pressure

Stupid American's!

[RonnieTodger]

http://schoolsweek.co.uk/government-scraps-this-years-ks1-spag-test-following-paper-leak/ 

SPAG tests are scrapped. Who would've thought it. 

[Webbo]

An irate farmer today sprayed raw sewage at Oscar winning star Emma Thompson and her sister Sophie after they flouted a court injunction protecting a fracking site.

The stars were filming a Great British Bake Off parody for Greenpeace when the owner of the field they trespassed on drove his muck spreader in circles around the demonstrators. 

A group of protesters were hit by the manure but the actresses remained dry in their tent, complete with Bake Off-inspired bunting.

 

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3561417/Police-confront-Oscar-winner-Emma-Thompson-sister-Sophie-break-court-injunction-film-Great-British-Bake-parody-against-fracking.html#ixzz4739eFSfQ 

 

Serves the tw@t right.

[tom27111]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-36150328

There really are some stupid people in this world.

[DJ Barry Hammond]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-36150328

There really are some stupid people in this world.

A little unfair... It's far too easy to select the correct option on those drop down boxes and then accidentally hit an arrow down key, or twizzle the mouse wheel and end up with not what you thought you had. The price of a flight from Birmingham Alabama to Dallas is quite considerable too, so the error might not have been that obvious either so I wouldn't judge them that harshly.

I'm glad they were able to get away at least - given that coverage, I wouldn't be suprised if they ended up getting to Vegas in the end.

[Alf Bentley]

The polar research ship put up for public naming will be called the "Sir David Attenborough".

The public had preferred the name "Boaty McBoatface". However, this name will be used for a subsea vehicle used on board the vessel.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/boaty-mcboatface-rejected-as-name-of-new-200m-polar-research-ship-a7016136.html

 

Seems a reasonable compromise between seriousness and humour.

 

Quite extraordinary that so many people were going online wanting the vessel named "Boaty McBoatface" that the web site crashed! 

[DJ Barry Hammond]

Should have been Subby McSubface

Shortsighted really - should have gone with the public choice and have it live on in the memory for years to come.

[separator]

BA plane lands at Heathrow with a square tyre

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/travel_news/article-3580640/Aviation-experts-baffled-British-Airways-A380-lands-Heathrow-SQUARE-tyre.html#comments

 

[Rincewind]

I had a little smile at this story. (ignoring the biased write up)  Well done to the police for taking the common sense route.

 

http://www.thecanary.co/2016/05/19/tory-phoned-police-woman-bashing-cameron-happens-next-brilliant/

[Wymsey]

A perfect match made in heaven?

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-36366705

[Steven]

Swedish footballer sent off for farting during match

• Defender Adam Lindin Ljungkvist sent off for breaking wind

• Referee called it ‘unsportsmanlike’ and ‘deliberate provocation’

 

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2016/jun/22/swedish-footballer-sent-off-for-farting-during-match

[The Doctor]

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/jun/29/belarusian-president-accidentally-sparks-international-striptease?CMP=fb_gu

 

"The president said this was necessary". 

[Webbo]

Abracadabr-OW! Painful moment Polish magician tries to show off a trick on live TV... but leaves chat-show host in agony after impaling her hand

 

 

Skip to 2.45.

[Jordan]

If you think you've had a bad day, chances are you're still better off than this Ohio man that's going to sober up tomorrow only to learn he was arrested after being found naked, acting like a gorilla, and masturbating in public.

 

http://wkbn.com/2016/08/22/police-man-found-acting-like-gorilla-touching-self-inappropriately/

[Webbo]

We've all been there.

[ScouseFox]

basically 

 

 

[Alf Bentley]

Worker "stole £100,000 in gold by shoving it up his arse": 

http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/21/mint-worker-stole-100000-in-gold-by-shoving-it-up-his-backside-6143826/

[Steven]

25 minutes ago, Alf Bentley said:

Worker "stole £100,000 in gold by shoving it up his arse": 

http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/21/mint-worker-stole-100000-in-gold-by-shoving-it-up-his-backside-6143826/

Quote

They also pointed out that no gold had been reported stolen, Vancouver Sun reported.

How can he be guilty of theft if nothing was stolen?  

[Alf Bentley]

3 minutes ago, Steven said:

How can he be guilty of theft in nothing was stolen?  

 

Interesting question. Nothing was "reported stolen", but does that mean nothing was stolen?

 

If you were rich and careless enough to keep piles of unmarked £50 notes on your carpet with your window open, and I was seen descending from your window with a sack full of unmarked £50 notes, might I still be guilty of theft even if you hadn't reported any cash missing? I might have just found the banknotes in a bush and then decided to remove a spider from your window, after all...

[Wymsey]

Spiders that can cause painful erections found in a bunch of bananas in Leicester..

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-37472013

[Beliall]

http://nextshark.com/strange-chinese-mystic-fondling-breasts/

 

Genius chinese man claims to predict future by fondling women's  breasts

[notnow john]

On 26 September 2016 at 16:46, Wymeswold fox said:

Spiders that can cause painful erections found in a bunch of bananas in Leicester..

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-37472013

"Blown out of all proportion", good to see the Carry On writers are still in work.

[Beliall]

WARNING: COARSE LANGUAGE

THE Northern Territory’s government is considering legal action over controversial travel merchandise spruiking the Top End as a tourist destination.

A group called NT Official — which has no connection to the government’s actual tourism arm, Tourism NT — is selling shirts and souvenirs emblazoned with the words “CU in the NT”.

We don’t need to tell you what’s wrong with this picture.

The logo is very similar to the official Tourism NT design.

Apparently the issue is not the lewd slogan itself, but the use of official Tourism NT photos for commercial purposes without proper attribution. The the design is very similar to the Territory’s official “Brolga” logo, but it’s different enough to avoid infringing trademark laws.

The identities of the people behind the campaign are yet to be revealed, however, in a statement they described NT Official as a “guerilla group of people with the aim of promoting travel awareness to the NT region, specifically targeting younger markets”.

Its Facebook and Instagram pages are filled with wanderlust-inducing images.

 

 

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/travel/australia/northern-territory/love-it-or-hate-it-this-controversial-campaign-has-shone-a-spotlight-on-the-top-end/news-story/42bdb7aeaef8114628192b337fe8772e?utm_content=SocialFlow&utm_campaign=EditorialSF&utm_source=DailyTelegraph&utm_medium=Facebook