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Rob1742

What's the worst fart you have ever done

By Rob1742, in General Chat

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RonnieTodger

RonnieTodger

Posted
Posted

 Had a right good night, the night before. Worked in the children's intensive care unit at the Leicester Royal Infirmary at the time.

 

 

Was a mad morning at work. could feel it brewing. I was holding it in with everything i had.  I mean, these parents had enough on their plate without some rank smell lingering about, Excused myself out of the department and made my way to the toilet just to be beaten to it. Almost panicked and low and behold right before me a lift opened up. Felt like the gates of heaven. Angels singing and everything.  Stepped in, pressed the ground floor doors started to close and i LET RIP, i tell you. .  Such relief.  Saw a hand just managed to stop the door from closing. Sheer horror. In stepped a nurse. She was so disgusted. My " oops. didnt think anyone else needed the lift" and a little smile and chuckle  Did not change the disgusted look on her face.  It was a very awkward ride down to the ground floor.

 

 

 

What was i thjinking? anyone who has ever been to the Royal infirmary knows you never get a lift to yourself for long anyway....

lol lol lol

 

I always used to go up and down the lifts when I worked at Next to fart. Always got away with it, but I wouldn't dream of doing it in a hospital!

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ramboacdc

ramboacdc

Posted
Posted

I was in Asda one morning hungover desperately needed to fart. I thought I could silently squeeze it out but I felt a warm dribbling down my leg. I rushed down the meat aisle like John Wayne to the toilets but someone was in there. I waited for what seemed like eternity for this big fat scruffy bloke to come out & say "I'd give it five minutes if I were you mate" I obviously didn't have five minutes so barged past him into the cubicle.

It absolutely stank in there but I didn't care. My boxers were unsalvageable so I took them off & cleaned myself up, leaving me with the dilemma of where to stash my soiled under crackers. I poked my head out of the cubicle & not only nobody in there but there was a bin conveniently placed nearby. Jackpot I thought. Just as I was dropping my cack covered boxers in the bin the toilet attendant came in & looked horrified.

this has made my wednesday

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ramboacdc

ramboacdc

Posted
Posted

Few years back now but a work colleague picked me up from my house. Heard the pip so went outside, I had had a chicken jalfrezi the night before and was at the point whether I was in two minds whether to go for a poo or wait until I'd had a coffee..so I chanced it and penciled in a 10/11am job at the clients.

 

Felt a bit of gas coming when I closed the front door so I let it out.

 

My back was to the car as SHE pulled up, thought I was safe. There was no wind that day, it was probably the most still summers day you can ever imagine.

 

I had a suit on. She pulled up and jestured for me to hurry up so I obliged, still pushing out the last of the gas. Didn't smell a thing. Jumped in the car and the smell followed me in, it was like I had dragged a corpse in with me. It had got trapped under my suit jacket I reckon.

 

It was awful, imagine it - my more senior work colleague in shock as to what I had brought in with me about 7.45am. She was hoping for some aftershave but got a Jalfrezi and what smelt like 12 rotten scotch eggs. The window was wound down immediately. It was the most awkward moment of my life.  

it took every ounce of my being not to burst out laughing reading this at work. 

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Guest MattP

Guest MattP

Posted
Posted (edited)

Did a corker on Monday night.

Really struggling to sleep at the minute and just let one go in the middle of the night, lasted about ten seconds and sounded something like the American 'shock and awe' attack on Baghdad.

Was absolutely vile but after a sniff I remember nothing, convinced it knocked me out. Might have found a very unorthodox cure for insomnia.

Edited by MattP
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z-layrex

z-layrex

Posted
Posted

Quite hungover again today after my birthday dinner last night. I followed through today whilst putting together a set of Ikea drawers, I'm glad my gf was at work. I threw my boxers in the big recycling skip outside instead of the rubbish bin by accident, it should be ok though I put them in a carrier bag.

 

Need to sort myself out really this doesn't happen to everyone surely.

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Ashley

Ashley

Posted
Posted

Had a right good night, the night before. Worked in the children's intensive care unit at the Leicester Royal Infirmary at the time.

Was a mad morning at work. could feel it brewing. I was holding it in with everything i had. I mean, these parents had enough on their plate without some rank smell lingering about, Excused myself out of the department and made my way to the toilet just to be beaten to it. Almost panicked and low and behold right before me a lift opened up. Felt like the gates of heaven. Angels singing and everything. Stepped in, pressed the ground floor doors started to close and i LET RIP, i tell you. . Such relief. Saw a hand just managed to stop the door from closing. Sheer horror. In stepped a nurse. She was so disgusted. My " oops. didnt think anyone else needed the lift" and a little smile and chuckle Did not change the disgusted look on her face. It was a very awkward ride down to the ground floor.

What was i thjinking? anyone who has ever been to the Royal infirmary knows you never get a lift to yourself for long anyway....

lol lol lol lol

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Gary Eatfood

Gary Eatfood

Posted
Posted

About a year ago I moved into a new place and I was putting the finishes touches to my daughters room. She was obviously delighted with the results and very happy with her new room.

 

When I put her to bed that night I read her a story as usual. Just as we were coming to the end of the book I felt a rumbling in the gut and without a second thought let out a ripper of a fart.

 

The stench was so bad that that it was making me gag but I didn't realise just how bad it was until saw that my daughters bottom lip was quivering and she started to cry!!

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adam1

adam1

Posted
Posted

A lad in primary school did a fart in a silent assembly and because he was sat on a loose floor tile it sounded like an ak47 going off. Majestic

Further to this ; posted without reading and I see MattP has used a war analogy! Haha

 

Wooden seats. Uni of Manchester Library. It was very quiet. Until my 'silent' fart erupted into the above quoted sound. There was a lot of muffled talking and wtf...

 

Luckily due to my seating location (central aisle with galleries to the right and left), I was out of view of most people. I waited specifically 10 minutes then left. Logic being within 10 minutes people would be too engrossed in their work to not notice me exiting from the section where the fart came from. If I had stayed and people left before me, they would have realised it was me as they walked past.

 

I had believed that my fart would have been silent, however I failed to calculate the reverberation of wood.

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chrishlcfc

chrishlcfc

Posted
Posted

I was quite young at the time about 12, In the middle of a restaurant having dinner my dad told me a joke and I started laughing and unfortunately farted at the same time, but It wasn't just a fart it was like a machine gun I couldn't stop laughing but at the same time I was farting all the time, it was like the whole world stopped and everybody in there just started staring at me, I went bright red it was so embarrassing at the time.

 

Also a couple of times last year at the KP my dad literally managed to clear about half of the east stand, the stench was honestly as bad as I have ever smelt in my entire life.

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lcfc1994

lcfc1994

Posted
Posted

Thanks for sharing everyone, I think this one deserves an honourable mention.

About a month a go i was in a lift at uni and let out a little message. Felt smug as fvck for a second or two until my stomach began to ache and the most violent oder began to fill the box. When this thing made contact, the air became poisoned by a thick, heavy, warm and absolutely disgusting stench. If the smell wasn't enough, the pain and the moistness I was feeling told me to head straight for the nearest bog.

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MPH

MPH

Posted
Posted

Wooden seats. Uni of Manchester Library. It was very quiet. Until my 'silent' fart erupted into the above quoted sound. There was a lot of muffled talking and wtf...

 

Luckily due to my seating location (central aisle with galleries to the right and left), I was out of view of most people. I waited specifically 10 minutes then left. Logic being within 10 minutes people would be too engrossed in their work to not notice me exiting from the section where the fart came from. If I had stayed and people left before me, they would have realised it was me as they walked past.

 

I had believed that my fart would have been silent, however I failed to calculate the reverberation of wood.

Sneezed in a library once which of course caused me to fart. If i may say so myself, probably the oddest sound I have ever heard in my life...

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crazylegs1984

crazylegs1984

Posted
Posted

Ok soo I'll set the scene it was a exciting time for me was going on the London eye with an ex I had butterflies in my stomach so I thought , I get in my big glass egg my stomach starts growling just as it sets off , now your on this for a good while when it happens I try and hold what I thought was a fart in but this thing moves so slow so I moved towards the vent and tried to release it slowly but it just let rip there was me my ex and about 6 others trapped in this egg watching over London and I had just followed through needless to say I went home single and ashamed

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