Bizarre things your neighbors are up to

[Fox1970]

35 minutes ago, somebum said:

"Love thy neighbor" is a romantic notion but I have struggled to adopt it's practicalities over the years. 

 

I'm currently living next to real filth. Standard stuff; loud mouth bitch with god knows how many kids, all of whom are retarded, leaves the dog alone to bark in the garden all day, never maintains her house, police always knocking on her door, slams the door as loud as she can when she leaves the house. I'd seriously rather live next to a house full of chimps

I can tell, subconsciously,  you really rather fancy her,  now don't you? 

[Izzy]

Years ago we lived in a shithole flat off Aylestone Road. There was an old Scottish fella who lived alone next door to us who clearly had a drink problem.

 

Every night at 10pm regular as clockwork he'd start shouting and swearing, then it stopped about 15 minutes later. We first thought he was shouting at his partner but he didn't have one or maybe a pet, but he didn't have a pet either. Then we wondered if he was shouting at someone down the phone at the same time every night.

 

It was only after a few weeks of listening hard that we realised he was actually yelling and arguing with his TV every time the 10'o clock news came on.

[don_danbury]

the dude next door peels his bananas the wrong way

[urban.spaceman]

I used to live below someone who practiced twice a week from karaoke nights at the Student Union.

 

Practice does not make perfect for some.

[Kopic]

When I was young we lived next to a couple who were miserable as shit. Every so often when playing in the garden and occasionally a ball would go into their garden. From day one, they would not give them back. One Christmas I got a premiership replica ball and that ended up going over. A week later I walked past their house and saw their dog ripping it to shit. The bloke was out the front so I said "excuse me i think that's my ball." His reply was **** off its ours we've had it for years (it was that years ball). About an hour later he threw a manky old basketball over the fence that wasn't ours. Whenever they went away my brother would climb into their garden and retrieve all the balls.

 

They have since moved out but the new neighbours are odd too. We used to accept parcels for them but not once did they come round to get them themselves. The first time, I took it round to theirs. The woman answered, didnt say a word, took it and closed the door. They'd then just send one of their kids round to get stuff. Once they had something extremely heavy delivered which we took as they were out. They sent their young lad round to get it. Was amusing watching him struggle off with it. We dont accept parcels for them anymore.

 

They run some sort of business from a shipping container in their front garden. They recently applied for planning permission to build something to replace it. Was very tempted to appose it for the hell of it. I checked out their company recently and it's made consistent losses for years. They have a ride on lawnmower for some reason and a couple years ago bought their kids a proper quad bike that they ride in the garden all the time, fun times. **** knows how they afford their house etc.

[urban.spaceman]

In my first year of Uni we had a mature student living in our halls, in the room next to me in fact. He was in his 60s. He claimed he had some sort of allergy which meant he could only (and I mean only) eat fish. So the whole flat stunk of fish for a full ****ing year.

 

And now I can't eat fish.

[Stoopid]

Another memory springs to mind...

as a kid in the early 60s living in Highfields we had a pretty volatile Irish family next door ( we were Irish too - a lot of us were in the Fields in those days).

One day I was playing football in the street when the cops turned up mob-handed to try and take one of the Faheys in.

What followed was a mixture of the Keystone Cops and the Sweeney as the altercation spilled out into the street with the mother prominent among the combatants.

Pretty entertaining and in the end they got the eldest son in the back of the Black Maria and disappeared off round the corner.

We got on with our game, including the youngest Fahey, who seemed totally unconcerned by the whole incident...

Didn't seem anything that out of the ordinary, though these days it'd probably make the front of The Mercury.

[CollinsLCFC]

My next door neighbour is partially deaf..  I hear her alarm clock go off in the mornings for a good 30/40 mins before she wakes up and turns it off.

 

Edited 7 October 2019 by CollinsLCFC

[urban.spaceman]

So about 8 years ago, I decided to do the whole 'gap yah' thing and move to New Zealand for a year on a working holiday visa. 

 

The only problem with that was, that I flew in to Auckland literally on the eve of the Rugby World Cup.

 

The tourists had rented out all the best flats. So I spent 4 weeks going from hostel to hostel, even having to sleep on a park bench a couple of times or on a mate's floor.

 

Eventually I found one place, near the city centre, with about a 10 minute walk to work. Perfect location. Shithole of a flat. Grin and bear it I said to myself.

 

The first night the flat next door (which was a bit like a converted warehouse) started playing music so ****ing loud I thought it was some sort of night club at first.

 

Now I'm not the sort of person to complain so I kept telling myself to grin and bear it.

 

Next night - same again. So went out and bought some earplugs the next day.

 

They didn't work.

 

Months go by of this - practically every night until gone 4am or usually later.

 

Quite often you'd hear him smashing up his room and screaming out of the window. Usually off his tits.

 

A few weeks go by with this happening every night and there's a knock at my door.

 

There's a council guy - Maori, 20st of muscle, ****ing intense fella you wouldn't want to mess with.

 

He asked if it was my music. I said it was the guy next door, and explained about the behaviour. He went a bit sheepish and said "Thanks bro. Never mind ay" then walked off.

 

Then one morning, at 6am, I'm awoken by the sound of the police smashing down every ****ing door in that place with a battering ram - the bangs were so ****ing loud I woke up convinced there was a gunfight going on. I went outside to see what was going on, and there was a cop waiting just outside my house watching the guy's windows in case he tried to escape. I asked him what was going on, and he told me to stay inside for my own safety.

 

Everyone in that place got arrested - the police were looking for exploitation of underage girls. They didn't find any. Instead they found an actual ****ing meth lab and a cache of big **** off firearms. 

 

It turns out I was living next door to one of New Zealand's biggest ****ing drug lords, who had once been a property tycoon but got addicted to P (local slang for crystal meth), lost his fortune and went ****ing nuts. He got arrested and went through the court system as his scumbag lawyer kept getting him off certain charges.

 

They hadn't arrested his son, who had been playing the music in the first place.

 

Two nights of silence later and I realised the cops had impounded his hifi. 

 

I found this out because he was smashing his flat up again, this time taking a baseball bat to the ****ing windows from inside, shards of which hit mine. 

 

He started screaming out windows mostly incomprehensible bollocks - though now more accustomed to strong Kiwi accents I could make out things like"

 

"****IN STEAL MY ****IN HIFI YOU CVNTS **** YOU!"

 

and

 

"I'LL RUP YOUR HID OFF UND SHUT DOWN YOUR NUCKS YOU CVNTS"

 

I handed in my notice, booked a flight and I flew back to England about 6 weeks later.

[urban.spaceman]

Here's the local news report for clarity:

 

https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10785892

 

From what I can gather he's currently behind bars for 15 years:

 

https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11401703

 

* to be clear I was staying in a completely different property!!!

Edited 7 October 2019 by urban.spaceman

[somebum]

2 hours ago, Stoopid said:

Another memory springs to mind...

as a kid in the early 60s living in Highfields we had a pretty volatile Irish family next door ( we were Irish too - a lot of us were in the Fields in those days).

One day I was playing football in the street when the cops turned up mob-handed to try and take one of the Faheys in.

What followed was a mixture of the Keystone Cops and the Sweeney as the altercation spilled out into the street with the mother prominent among the combatants.

Pretty entertaining and in the end they got the eldest son in the back of the Black Maria and disappeared off round the corner.

We got on with our game, including the youngest Fahey, who seemed totally unconcerned by the whole incident...

Didn't seem anything that out of the ordinary, though these days it'd probably make the front of The Mercury.

Often shake my head at the crap written on here mate but stories like this are the backbone of leicester

[Jattdogg]

Got this random lad next door that comes over to my front porch, sits down eats his take away food before fuking off.

 

Been trying to figure out for weeks what he was up to but cant figure it out so i rubbed some dog shit on his front door handle.

Edited 7 October 2019 by Jattdogg

[somebum]

Nicknames for neighbors?

 

Over the years we have had:

 

HappyJack

Jailbird

Fat Slags Christmas party

Nosey Nev

Leaner on the gater

Swing low sweet chariot

Only maths

Pedo

Gangsta boy

Mad Mandy and mighty mouse

And basically anyone else is a cnut

 

To make a few

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Milo]

2 minutes ago, somebum said:

Nicknames for neighbors?

 

Over the years we have had:

 

HappyJack

Jailbird

Fat Slags Christmas party

Nosey Nev

Leaner on the gater

Swing low sweet chariot

Only maths

Pedo

Gangsta boy

Mad Mandy and mighty mouse

And basically anyone else is a cnut

 

To make a few

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ooh, good shout!

 

We've had: 

 

Fag Ash

Staple Stomach

Barry the Paedo

Camel Toe Jo

Pikey 1 and Pikey 2

[VLC86]

I used to live a 5 minute walk from Forests ground and our next door neighbour was a fan. How do I know you ask? Well he would get off his tits, probably on meth, and sing football songs to himself until about 3 in the morning at least once a month.

 

I went round a couple of times but once I just rang the police.... bad decision. All I could then hear was this meth head shout abuse at me for the next few hours.

 

My old neighbours here used to have that good rows that people about 10 doors down would send me recordings. They were about 50 and my favourite was when they got back from Ibiza and she accused him of shagging someone while they were there  

 

My least favourite was where she was shouting “just fukin kill meh” and I thought nothing of it until my other neighbours messaged me to say I had a helicopter hovering about my house... luckily he didn’t kill her.

[Paninistickers]

I'm amazed at the stoicism here. A bad/noisy/anti social neighbour is my worst nightmare.

 

It's my weakest point. I've spoiled holidays (!) of mine with stress by me getting worked up about (what I consider to be) bad room neighbours

[SystonFox]

I believe we are the noisy neighbours around here. My next door neighbours just don’t seem to like us as a family. I don’t believe we’ve done anything particularly wrong but most people make an effort to say hello where my next door neighbours just pure blank and stare anyway but toward us when we happen to be at the front door at the same time. Awkward.

 

i once heard a woman down the road getting nailed during the summer. She was loud!

 

i heard a woman across the road conversation she had on the phone as her flat is above my garage her windows were open whilst I was tidying it one evening. It was quite in depth about how she was being bullied at work. Feel sad for her.

 

years ago when we first moved in a woman from up the road knocked on my door and ask “are you such and such” I replied “no I don’t know who that is” “are you sure you’re not such and such? Is he in?” “No I don’t know that name never heard of him” “you sure?” “Yes sure”. Very odd behaviour.

 

also a woman a few doors down had a cat go missing and she then came to our house trying to claim our old cat as hers saying “but it looks just like ours it must be ours let us have it” etc. Crazy cat lady!

 

 

[cambridgefox]

3 hours ago, somebum said:

Nicknames for neighbors?

 

Over the years we have had:

 

HappyJack

Jailbird

Fat Slags Christmas party

Nosey Nev

Leaner on the gater

Swing low sweet chariot

Only maths

Pedo

Gangsta boy

Mad Mandy and mighty mouse

And basically anyone else is a cnut

 

To make a few

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brilliant 

 

Colin the perv

Old Man  Withers( Scooby doo)

Car Wash Gary

God Botherer's

Leo Sayer( curly hair)

 

my favourite 

Scotch Bonnet ( He was Scottish and was always tinkering with his car)

[somebum]

47 minutes ago, Paninistickers said:

I'm amazed at the stoicism here. A bad/noisy/anti social neighbour is my worst nightmare.

 

It's my weakest point. I've spoiled holidays (!) of mine with stress by me getting worked up about (what I consider to be) bad room neighbours

Glad I'm not alone on this 

[RoboFox]

I’m struggling to think of a time when I’ve had bad experiences with neighbours. They’ve all been pretty anonymous.

 

Then it dawned on me, I probably am the noisy neighbour. 

Some of our weekends can get a bit wild.

 

[The Blur]

I was living in a street just off Tudor Road for a short while when I was a kid.   Someone stole my mum's clothes from the washing line (we shared a washing line in an interconnected alleyway between each houses).  

 

There was another incident where a chav on a bike  (not a neighbour but someone who lived on the same street)  came up to my mum and started chatting to her.   As I am deaf,  I did not understood most of it so I just looked at my phone or something.    At the end,  I looked up and happened to caught the chav looking at me in a horrifed manner before whizzing off on his bike sharpish.   My mum later explained that the chav was chatting her up so she waited for him to finish before introducing me as her son and added that I was the same age as the chav.    The chav's face was a picture!   

[Parafox]

Our neighbours...

She has OCD, He's a pretentious cnut.

Asking price for their house? £400,000 in an area where the average is £290,000.

Full width extension with bi-fold doors and a music system enough to fill the KP.

Twat of a family. Drives a BMW which he's had Mtech modified.

Full on security cameras with direct links to the police (or so he says).

Thinks his son is the next Harry Kane, which tells you all you need to know.

Edited 7 October 2019 by Parafox

[Innovindil]

1 hour ago, Paninistickers said:

I'm amazed at the stoicism here. A bad/noisy/anti social neighbour is my worst nightmare.

 

It's my weakest point. I've spoiled holidays (!) of mine with stress by me getting worked up about (what I consider to be) bad room neighbours

It's my worst fear I think. We moved into our house 2 years ago, heard the next door neighbour yell "that ****ing dog" once, then 2 weeks later he's gone, house has been empty until about 3 weeks ago, the new neighbour came round to introduce himself to my missus, I've not had the pleasure yet, but I'm praying to every god going that he (and whoever will be living with him) aren't cvnts. I can't take moving again. 

[Stadt]

5 hours ago, somebum said:

Nicknames for neighbors?

 

Over the years we have had:

 

HappyJack

Jailbird

Fat Slags Christmas party

Nosey Nev

Leaner on the gater

Swing low sweet chariot

Only maths

Pedo

Gangsta boy

Mad Mandy and mighty mouse

And basically anyone else is a cnut

 

To make a few

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jetwash man

ShirleyBob

Gordon Wanks 

[VLC86]

I really shouldn’t find this funny but my neighbours van was getting robbed in the middle of the night when another neighbour notices and shouts out of her window “I hope you aren’t robbing that van” to which the pleasant gentleman replied “That’s exactly what I’m doing you ****ing whore”