Are People Awful?

[MrsJohnMurphy]

I work as a delivery driver for DPD, those ring doorbells show are the pits....It really isn't like the advert

 

"Hi mate can you leave the parcel behind the gate?"

 

 I say "no sorry, you need to be in to receive the parcel"

 

And then get a load of abuse because I'm trying to do my job properly

 

"I need that f******g parcel today you ****"

 

Now I just knock or ring the regular doorbell

 

Most people are really nice though

 

 

[Samilktray]

I work in retail and can confirm that people are dickheads. I’d say customers weren’t great before the pandemic but I could at least tolerate them. Since the pandemic though they’ve been grim

[Izzy]

Maslow had it right back in the 40's. People behave they way they do because their human needs and motivations aren't being met. 

 

I prefer to use a more recent model - David Rock's SCARF model to explain it. Rock says we have 5 fundamental needs and if they're not being met, we'll behave in ways where people may think we're being 'awful'

 

Status - the need to be different, stand out from the crowd, be recognized. I wonder how many people aren't getting this need met? Maybe kicking off, being rude, winning an argument, gives them status?

Certainty - the need for control. Maybe awful people have no certainty in their life, therefore they're scared and lash out through fear.

Autonomy - the need to be masters of our own destiny. Maybe awful people have no autonomy and feel 'trapped' in jobs or relationships.

Relatedness - the need for love and close relationships. Maybe awful people don't feel loved. Maybe they're lonely. Maybe they've got no close friendships.

Fairness - the need to be treated fairly. Notice how many comments on this thread are where people have felt they've been unfairly treated.

 

Maybe we should try to understand why people are behaving the way they are and then maybe we can do something to help them.

 

[LiberalFox]

13 minutes ago, Izzy said:

Maslow had it right back in the 40's. People behave they way they do because their human needs and motivations aren't being met. 

 

I prefer to use a more recent model - David Rock's SCARF model to explain it. Rock says we have 5 fundamental needs and if they're not being met, we'll behave in ways where people may think we're being 'awful'

 

Status - the need to be different, stand out from the crowd, be recognized. I wonder how many people aren't getting this need met? Maybe kicking off, being rude, winning an argument, gives them status?

Certainty - the need for control. Maybe awful people have no certainty in their life, therefore they're scared and lash out through fear.

Autonomy - the need to be masters of our own destiny. Maybe awful people have no autonomy and feel 'trapped' in jobs or relationships.

Relatedness - the need for love and close relationships. Maybe awful people don't feel loved. Maybe they're lonely. Maybe they've got no close friendships.

Fairness - the need to be treated fairly. Notice how many comments on this thread are where people have felt they've been unfairly treated.

 

Maybe we should try to understand why people are behaving the way they are and then maybe we can do something to help them.

 

I think people should take responsibility for their own actions. Maybe people should look at themselves a little bit more. 

[Bellend Sebastian]

I thought what she said about it being worse since the pandemic started was interesting.

 

My missus (a psychologist) reckons that the pandemic has had the effect of making everyone's issues that bit worse and brought them closer to the surface, and I think I can see that.

 

Depressed folk are more depressed, crazy people are crazier, short tempered folk are losing their rag even quicker, etc etc

 

 

[Izzy]

2 minutes ago, LiberalFox said:

I think people should take responsibility for their own actions. Maybe people should look at themselves a little bit more. 

I agree but like I said earlier, not everyone has the same level of emotional intelligence, self awareness, self regulation, empathy, and understanding as others do.

 

I'm sure some people do look at themselves and aren't happy with what they see. I imagine some 'awful' people probably don't really like themselves or suffer from low self esteem.

 

Maybe they need some help and some strategies to become a better person. 

[FoxyPV]

Yes. 

 

A person can be amazing but people are twats

[Parafox]

Beware the full moon. It really is a thing, I've experienced the increase in weird behaviour among those that already behave weirdly.

[1972 Fox]

1 hour ago, Izzy said:

 

People are not 'born' awful.

Even the likes of Fred West or Jimmy Savile? 

[Izzy]

2 minutes ago, Blue Fox 72 said:

Even the likes of Fred West or Jimmy Savile? 

Well without getting into the whole nature/nurture debate, I've yet to meet a new born baby who needs therapy, medication, or locking up 

[Mike Oxlong]

10 minutes ago, Izzy said:

Well without getting into the whole nature/nurture debate, I've yet to meet a new born baby who needs therapy, medication, or locking up 

Pissing and shitting all over the place is pretty anti social though 

[Nalis]

For me, it's not neccessarily a case that a certain percentage of people are awful.

 

I think its a case that the vast majority of people do awful things but the frequency and degree of awfulness massively varies.

 

You will probably make the jugement on how awful people are depending on what levels of the above you are exposed to.

[Vlad the Fox]

1 hour ago, MrsJohnMurphy said:

I work as a delivery driver for DPD, those ring doorbells show are the pits....It really isn't like the advert

 

"Hi mate can you leave the parcel behind the gate?"

 

 I say "no sorry, you need to be in to receive the parcel"

 

And then get a load of abuse because I'm trying to do my job properly

 

"I need that f******g parcel today you ****"

 

Now I just knock or ring the regular doorbell

 

Most people are really nice though

 

 

I hate those ring doorbells and have stated knocking doors to avoid them. If your not in, fair enough, I’m not interested in speaking to someone through the microphone, who’ll only tell me “I’m not in”. I’ll go back. 
 

As a rule though I find most people pleasant, not sure if that’s just my way though as I seem to get on with people others don’t. 
 

Or maybe I’m just a twat as well and don’t realise it  

[Captain...]

Interesting how many examples are in retail. I do wonder how technology has messed people up. If you think of how much we can do online without having to deal with people and during the pandemic that was increased. If you think about how easy it is to get what you want online, then the frustration at trawling round the shops ends up being taken out on the people working there. Our interactions online seem to be affecting how we interact in the real world and the difference between swearing at your computer and at a real life person is getting lost.

 

Edit: I'm very tired not sure it makes sense.

Edited 9 November 2021 by Captain...

[Bellend Sebastian]

1 hour ago, MrsJohnMurphy said:

I work as a delivery driver for DPD, those ring doorbells show are the pits....It really isn't like the advert

 

"Hi mate can you leave the parcel behind the gate?"

 

 I say "no sorry, you need to be in to receive the parcel"

 

And then get a load of abuse because I'm trying to do my job properly

 

"I need that f******g parcel today you ****"

 

Now I just knock or ring the regular doorbell

 

Most people are really nice though

 

 

You didn't have some bloke screaming at you for blocking the road for about 30 seconds in Western Park on Saturday, did you?

 

I didn't see it (I was taking a dump at the time) but I could hear it kicking off. My wife saw it and said it was mental, both the driver who's path was blocked and the DPD driver going wild at each other

[pazzerfox]

3 hours ago, Bellend Sebastian said:

Thread prompted by a conversation I had when getting my eyes tested this morning.

 

To cut a long story short, the young lady that helped me pick frames was telling me how someone blamed her, as someone that happened to work in the shopping centre, for there being a drill where everyone had to leave, and you couldn't drive into the car park for about 10 minutes, and gave her a hard time about it.

 

In jest and sympathy I said "people are awful", to which she replied, very seriously, "between 50 and 60 per cent of people that come into this shop ARE awful". And it made me sad to think that half the population now don't seem to be able to even go to an optician without acting like a twat. 

 

She then wondered if she should go and work in a clothes shop and I said that would probably be worse. She also added that it's been particularly bad since the pandemic started.

 

It's many years since I worked in retail, and I would say that less than 10% of customers were massive w***kers back then.  What's going on?

 

I'm going to try and be extra nice from now on to try and make up for it.

 

Your thoughts and insight, please

 

 

 

I honestly think the media and social media have a part to play in people being horrible to each other.  It does not matter to me if you're black, white, red, blue, trans, gay, straight etc.  As long as you are nice to me, then i will be nice to you.  It's all about love and respect for each other.  The world would be a lot better place for it.

[Izzy]

Just now, Captain... said:

Interesting how many examples are in retail. I do wonder how technology has messed people up. If you think of how much we can do online without having to deal with people and during the pandemic that was increased. If you think about how easy it is to get what you want online, then the frustration at trawling round the shops ends up being taken out on the people working there. Our interactions online seem to be affecting how we interact in the real world and the difference between swearing at your computer and at a real life person.

Good post. 

I look at my teenage kids and their friends and compare their behavior to when I was their age. It fascinates me how these devices seem central to their lives and how they constantly interact with technology. My daughter often texts me from her room above my office rather than come down for a chat - I guess it's just more 'convenient' for her...

I'm convinced our dependency on technology is gradually changing peoples behaviours and mainly for the worse. I think we're losing the ability to listen, to be present, to be in the moment, to pay attention, to ask questions, to understand.

We're becoming more impatient, more judgmental, more frustrated, more distracted.

The 'art of conversation' seems to be disappearing and it concerns me. 

 

 

 

[LiberalFox]

10 minutes ago, Izzy said:

Good post. 

I look at my teenage kids and their friends and compare their behavior to when I was their age. It fascinates me how these devices seem central to their lives and how they constantly interact with technology. My daughter often texts me from her room above my office rather than come down for a chat - I guess it's just more 'convenient' for her...

I'm convinced our dependency on technology is gradually changing peoples behaviours and mainly for the worse. I think we're losing the ability to listen, to be present, to be in the moment, to pay attention, to ask questions, to understand.

We're becoming more impatient, more judgmental, more frustrated, more distracted.

The 'art of conversation' seems to be disappearing and it concerns me. 

 

 

 

Okay boomer 

 

I think tech can be both a good or a bad thing depending on usage. I do know that I am glad it wasn't quite as persistent when I was a teenager as it is now. I'd imagine social cliques and bullying are much worse now that everyone is always online. 

[Izzy]

3 minutes ago, LiberalFox said:

Okay boomer 

 

I think tech can be both a good or a bad thing depending on usage. I do know that I am glad it wasn't quite as persistent when I was a teenager as it is now. I'd imagine social cliques and bullying are much worse now that everyone is always online. 

I'm Gen X but thanks 

 

No doubt tech can be a good thing too and I agree on your point about usage. I think the fact we can order something online and it turns up later that day or the next means peoples expectations have changed. We want it all now and we're not prepared to wait, therefore we've forgotten how to be patient. A culture of instant gratification means we've become addicted to dopamine. 

 

Your point about online bullying probably deserves it's own thread. My daughter has suffered hugely from this over recent years and all this 'blocking' people or being kicked out of on-line 'groups' can be crushing for some kids.

[Carl the Llama]

20 minutes ago, Captain... said:

Interesting how many examples are in retail. I do wonder how technology has messed people up. If you think of how much we can do online without having to deal with people and during the pandemic that was increased. If you think about how easy it is to get what you want online, then the frustration at trawling round the shops ends up being taken out on the people working there. Our interactions online seem to be affecting how we interact in the real world and the difference between swearing at your computer and at a real life person is getting lost.

 

Edit: I'm very tired not sure it makes sense.

6 minutes ago, Izzy said:

Good post. 

I look at my teenage kids and their friends and compare their behavior to when I was their age. It fascinates me how these devices seem central to their lives and how they constantly interact with technology. My daughter often texts me from her room above my office rather than come down for a chat - I guess it's just more 'convenient' for her...

I'm convinced our dependency on technology is gradually changing peoples behaviours and mainly for the worse. I think we're losing the ability to listen, to be present, to be in the moment, to pay attention, to ask questions, to understand.

We're becoming more impatient, more judgmental, more frustrated, more distracted.

The 'art of conversation' seems to be disappearing and it concerns me. 

 

 

 

One thing that I find really noticeable is the way people pay absolutely no attention to the world around them, they've become universal centres and lost the sense of interdependency.  If I'm helping out on tills and I've just finished serving a customer, it's a vanishingly rare occurrence that I can call out "next customer please" just once and it be enough for the next person in line to make their way over.  They'll either be glued to their phone or too busy talking to the people they're with to be aware that they're being waited for.  To make matters worse about half of them will use the moment I finally get their attention as their cue to start deciding what they want as though they haven't just had 5 minutes or so to think about it. 

 

Perhaps it's just me but whenever I'm in a queue it's because I want to get to whatever's at the front of it and I don't want to be in it any longer than necessary, nor do I want to be the one holding up the people behind me.  It's like these people expect to be carried through the shop-going experience on a conveyor belt and have their needs deduced by state of the art AI without ever needing to utter anything. 

[SystonFox]

3 hours ago, pmcla26 said:

Working at a doctors surgery has really opened my eyes up to how many dickheads there are about. The amount of abuse my colleagues in reception have to deal with on a day to day basis is awful - things are said that I wouldn’t ever dare say to anyone for just doing their job. 

And that’s just the doctors 👀👀👀

[SystonFox]

3 minutes ago, SystonFox said:

And that’s just the doctors 👀👀👀

In all seriousness I am joking about doctors surgery here. But having worked in a hospital environment most of the doctors on site, as good as they are, the type with a stethoscope constantly around their neck act as if they wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire. If I walked down an empty corridor at LRI and a doctor was walking toward me I may as well not be there. If a Porter or cleaner was walking towards me it’s all smiles and “ay up how r ya”. Doctors are generally rude and obnoxious.

 

sorry to have to get this off my chest but tell me I’m wrong. Tell me they would infact piss on me if I was on fire.

Slightly bizarre rant this

[Carl the Llama]

8 minutes ago, SystonFox said:

In all seriousness I am joking about doctors surgery here. But having worked in a hospital environment most of the doctors on site, as good as they are, the type with a stethoscope constantly around their neck act as if they wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire. If I walked down an empty corridor at LRI and a doctor was walking toward me I may as well not be there. If a Porter or cleaner was walking towards me it’s all smiles and “ay up how r ya”. Doctors are generally rude and obnoxious.

 

sorry to have to get this off my chest but tell me I’m wrong. Tell me they would infact piss on me if I was on fire.

Slightly bizarre rant this

Funny you mention that, just earlier today I had a (presumably) med student wandering around my shop with his stethoscope around his neck.  All I could think was "what a cvnt".  I mean who even does that outside of a medical setting?  Interesting to hear it comes across just as arrogant in one.

[FLAN]

4 hours ago, pmcla26 said:

Working at a doctors surgery has really opened my eyes up to how many dickheads there are about. The amount of abuse my colleagues in reception have to deal with on a day to day basis is awful - things are said that I wouldn’t ever dare say to anyone for just doing their job. 

In the interest of balance… every receptionist at the surgery I use seems hellbent on being as difficult as possible when you have the audacity to request some form of medical assistance. 

[SecretPro]

The human race is largely parasitic. Most parasites in nature are at least host specific and fill an ecological niche. We are none of that, we parasitise the land, the sea, other organisms, each other. We are disgusting. 

 

Also, this could probably go in the unpopular opinions thread, but I find when people have children, they just become utterly self centered, bubbled boring bastards that lose all sense of reality or worse, all care for anything but themselves and their precious children. No wonder planets fooked. 

 

Anyway, in answer to OP question. Erm, yes. I spose so.