The joke thread

[kingcarr21]

Chris Eubank Snr has just written a new book about Ethics. If it sells well, he'll then write a book about Kent.

How many people read this with a lisp in order to understand it?  Good joke

Edited 23 March 2016 by kingcarr21

[The Bear]

I turned into a cat earlier.

Don't ask meow.

[Great Boos Up]

Police: You were going fast Sir!

Me: I was trying to keep up with the traffic officer!

Police: There isn't any?

Me: I know, that's how far behind I am!

[The Bear]

My dog only seems to respond to commands in Spanish.

I think he must be Espanyol.

[Renart]

I bought my friend an elephant for her room. She said 'thank you'. I said 'don't mention it'

[Rincewind]

https://hurstaka.wordpress.com/2016/03/25/the-disability-benefit-lightbulb-joke/

[Webbo]

https://hurstaka.wordpress.com/2016/03/25/the-disability-benefit-lightbulb-joke/

It's the joke thread, spare us the political crap.

[Parafox]

Chris Eubank Snr has just written a new book about Ethics. If it sells well, he'll then write a book about Kent.

 

Surely he would pronounce it "Ethicth"

[Beliall]

Surely he would pronounce it "Ethicth"

 

 

This is the joke thread, not the factually correct statement thread.

[Countryfox]

The Police arrested two kids yesterday ...    one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.

 

They charged one and let the other off.           

[Carl the Llama]

The Police arrested two kids yesterday ...    one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.

 

They charged one and let the other off.           

Typical corrupt policing.  Neither's committing a crime so instead of being harassed by police they should be being rushed to a hospital for stomach pumps.  Hope the kids are alright now.

[Countryfox]

So ...   apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.   There's 5 in my family so 1 must be Chinese.     Its either me, mum, dad, my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Chin-Fat ....     personally I think its Colin.

[Izzy]

So ...   apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.   There's 5 in my family so 1 must be Chinese.     Its either me, mum, dad, my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Chin-Fat ....     personally I think its Colin.

Adam Johnsons favourite Chinese food is Po Kum Yung

[Rincewind]

Christian I have this crucifix of you nailed to a cross as a gift for your return jesus

jesus Ok you bastard no need to rub it in.

[AyewJoking]

Typical corrupt policing.  Neither's committing a crime so instead of being harassed by police they should be being rushed to a hospital for stomach pumps.  Hope the kids are alright now.

 

it didnt say they were arrested for drinking battery acid and eating fireworks.

[Carl the Llama]

it didnt say they were arrested for drinking battery acid and eating fireworks.

Gah there I go again with my liberal prejudices.

[Tielemans63]

How can you tell if someone is ticklish?

Give them a testicle.

[Countryfox]

Yet another one off the bog wall of the Fox in Lutterworth ...

 

[Sharpe's Fox]

A man who wrote articles for Buzzfeed was given the death penalty by electric chair. What happened next shocked him.

[Tielemans63]

I once had a summer job circumcising elephants.

The pay was rubbish but the tips were huge.

[Izzy]

I once had a summer job circumcising elephants.

The pay was rubbish but the tips were huge.

How do you circumcise a whale?

Send down four skin divers...

[Wakeyfox]

What's the biggest drawback in the jungle?

An elephant's foreskin.

[Trav Le Bleu]

I went to the pub last night and it was full of people called Michael who were being very honest and forthcoming about their feelings.

Turns out it was an open Mike night.

Edited 6 April 2016 by Trav Le Bleu

[MPH]

I know this is technically a video, but its also a joke/ prank

 

 

 

[separator]

Just heard that Little Mix are playing Newcastle next week.

 

They are expected to win 3-0