Stan

[jayfox26]

This thread has absolutely killed me off. I've  been nearly crying I'm laughing so much and I showed my wife and she really didnt see the funny side. Farts are a taboo subject in our house as we actually split up for a while, way before we were married, because I thought it would be funny to fart in her face with my bare arse while she was sat on the toilet. I found it hilarious until she broke up with me a few weeks later. She never said it was because of the fart incident but we both knew it was. But a few years later and she still married me. I don't fart in her face anymore but I have on several occasions made her and my little boy physically sick with some of the rancid smells that have come from my arse. 

[old koppite]

Very funny thread, and the dog has just done one in support- so bad he had to move from the spot where he was sleeping 

[Md9]

The best thread I have read for ages 😂. 

 

Did a bad one in on my old flat when not long after my little one was born. The Mrs went straight over to him to smell him as she thought he had filled his nappy while sleeping. Was really hard to not laugh while watch the little lad get  the blame. 

[KrefelderFox666]

To be fair I have been reading this thread all day and it's had me in stitches including in my office

[KrefelderFox666]

5 hours ago, Tuna said:

Some belters in here:

 

 

I read the first 3/4 and I can't carry on, in pain

[Pliskin]

I think this sounds like a case of Colonavirus....

[Hollyfox]

1993 Tranmere away. 

Just won 3-2 I think. 

Very happy and driving on some motorway, after the game, and very proudly had my Leicester scarf out of the window in celebration. 

 

Dropped a bad one, my girlfriend (now wife) undone the window in disgust and the scarf vanished in my rear view mirror onto the tarmac behind. 

 

Actually had an argument about it as I loved that scarf but found it in my heart to forgive her 💙

 

 

Also did one next to Simon Cowell at a urinal, in a hotel in Leeds, but I don't think it was THAT bad. 

 

He wasn't impressed though

[foxile5]

I did one the other night that smelt so bad it woke up the other half. 

 

She went mad and I kept on sleeping. 

[Pliskin]

You’ve not truly conquered life until you’ve cleared a double decker bus. 

[foxes_rule1978]

Sometimes you have just got to let the beaut out

[Gamble92]

99% of men in this thread voted brexit

[VLC86]

25 minutes ago, Gamble92 said:

99% of men in this thread voted brexit

Brexshit

[FOXYTALK]

15 hours ago, jayfox26 said:

This thread has absolutely killed me off. I've  been nearly crying I'm laughing so much and I showed my wife and she really didnt see the funny side. Farts are a taboo subject in our house as we actually split up for a while, way before we were married, because I thought it would be funny to fart in her face with my bare arse while she was sat on the toilet. I found it hilarious until she broke up with me a few weeks later. She never said it was because of the fart incident but we both knew it was. But a few years later and she still married me. I don't fart in her face anymore but I have on several occasions made her and my little boy physically sick with some of the rancid smells that have come from my arse. 

i hope you closed the door on her when you commenced that air biscuit in the toiler so that she could inhale all of the flavors.

[SheppyFox]

All I know is because of your anus outbreak I’m buying everything from every shop on every shelf that I can. I’ve instructed my team to take steps to ensure I never run out of cotton buds, vaseline & pasta.

[Stan]

23 hours ago, StanSP said:

@Stan

How dare you!

 

Stan - nom de plume.

[jayfox26]

20 minutes ago, FOXYTALK said:

i hope you closed the door on her when you commenced that air biscuit in the toiler so that she could inhale all of the flavors.

I actually did come to think of it. At the time, my thinking was I'll close the door quick so she cant jump off the toilet and batter me, but in hindsight, leaving her chewing away on my bare arse fart was a great move! She was also caught in a catch 22 situation as she would have wanted to leave the toilet because of the horrendous stench but couldn't leave the toilet as she was being sick. I'm still not sure whether to be proud of myself or disgusted with myself about the event to be fair. 

[StanSP]

18 minutes ago, Stan said:

How dare you!

 

Stan - nom de plume.

I agree. 

 

[Guest Cujek]

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321556

[Guest Manini]

Haha as if rob started the best fart you’ve ever done thread as well. 

[Guest Lako42]

22 hours ago, AKCJ said:

We do have a lot of smelly bastards that follow City to be fair.

 

 

And scruffy

[Salieri]

The worst fart I can ever remember was executed by a mate of mine in Wolverhampton student union, circa 1996. We were standing in a long queue, trying to get in to see a band, who’s name eludes me. There was a limit on capacity and our chances of getting in weren’t looking good. My mate calmly said ‘I’ll sort this’ and moments later a smell developed, so indescribably toxic, it was eye wateringly horrendous. Within moments, the majority of the queue had dispersed, literally retching, and we proceeded towards the entrance, comfortably gaining access to the gig. The only other thing I remember from this incident is that my mate signed in anonymously as ‘Matt Blades’ (he was a Sheff U fan), and I’ve still no idea why?! Also, I do remember watching some guy in a nightclub in Wolverhampton, who made a living entertaining people with his farts, think he was called Mr.Methane 🤔

[Trav Le Bleu]

I don't know about Stan, but Nicky Platnauer can snap an air biscuit that will kill at 50 paces.

[murphy]

There is a serious side to all this.  The average person guffs about a litre of methane per day.  (Yes, I googled it).  In a lifetime that's over 27,000 litres.  Extrapolated across the world's population, that means that we will have all squeezed out 205,312,500,000 cubic metres of stink before we pop our clogs.

 

No wonder we have climate change, no wonder Yorkshire's under water. 

 

I wonder if that's the reason Greta Thunberg always looks so stern?   Probably doing her best to hold hers in.

[Tuna]

1 hour ago, Salieri said:

The worst fart I can ever remember was executed by a mate of mine in Wolverhampton student union, circa 1996. We were standing in a long queue, trying to get in to see a band, who’s name eludes me. There was a limit on capacity and our chances of getting in weren’t looking good. My mate calmly said ‘I’ll sort this’ and moments later a smell developed, so indescribably toxic, it was eye wateringly horrendous. Within moments, the majority of the queue had dispersed, literally retching, and we proceeded towards the entrance, comfortably gaining access to the gig. The only other thing I remember from this incident is that my mate signed in anonymously as ‘Matt Blades’ (he was a Sheff U fan), and I’ve still no idea why?! Also, I do remember watching some guy in a nightclub in Wolverhampton, who made a living entertaining people with his farts, think he was called Mr.Methane 🤔

This guy?

 

 

In his autobiography, English comic Frank Skinner talks about the time that Phil Spector, while receiving a lifetime music award, went into a rant live on Australian TV about a duet of "Da Doo Ron Ron" that Skinner had sung with Mr Methane on his BBC1 chat chow. Spector said that Methane and Skinner had taken his work of art and desecrated it.

 

[mozartfox]

That David Niven (the actor) fart story still makes me chuckle.

 

He arrived home one day at his Hollywood Mansion and it was his Birthday. He was greeted at the door by his loving Wife who promptly blind folded him, explaining she had a surprise for him.  She then led him to the huge dining room and said 'wait one minute' darling.  During this 'minute' he let a toxic smelling and very loud rip-snorter go. When she returned, she removed the blind fold to the roar of 'Surprise'.  Yes - the room where the said fart was unleashed was rammed with his closest family and friends.