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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Countryfox

Countryfox

Posted
Posted
46 minutes ago, Izzy said:

Here's one just for you CF...

 

Two burglars are robbing an off license.

 

One turns to the other and asks, “Is this whiskey?”

 

The other replies, “Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank.”

 

43 minutes ago, Izzy said:

My wife left me because of my insecurities.

 

No wait, she's back. She just went to make a cup of tea.


That’s more like it ! .. a couple of belters  !! ...     the ‘other joke’ however was  very subtle and I just didn’t get it ..  hence my complaint about it’s lack of humour. 
 

Webbos was just crap !! ..   :D

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winteriscoming

winteriscoming

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

I was in a bar the other night and overheard 3 very hefty women talking. Their accent appeared to be Scottish. So I approached and asked ‘hello ladies are you 3 lassies from Scotland?’ 
1 of them angrily replied ‘it’s Wales you bloody idiot, Wales’

So I apologised and said ‘I am so sorry. Are you 3 whales from Scotland?’

And that’s the last thing I remember. 

  • Haha 6
Tielemans63

Tielemans63

Posted
Posted

Patient: "Doctor my bottom hurts"

 

Doc: "Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?"

 

Patient: "Right around the entrance."

 

Doc: "As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt."

  • Haha 3
Aus Fox

Aus Fox

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, Bob Weasel Fox said:

Does anyone remember the joke I made about the Chiropractor?

It was about a weak back...

I never thought a Chiropractor could solve my problems, but here I am two weeks later and I stand corrected 

  • Like 4
Mister Singh

Mister Singh

Posted
Posted
On 28/10/2020 at 08:18, Aus Fox said:

I never thought a Chiropractor could solve my problems, but here I am two weeks later and I stand corrected 

Just checked my bank account and I didn't realise I've been paying magazine subscriptions to titles like "Chiropractor Weekly" and "Slipped Discs Monthly".

I've got a lot of back issues.

  • Like 1
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Tinman said:

Elf32SbWMAEP5-_?format=png&name=900x900

old man smile GIF by F*CK, THAT'S DELICIOUS

 

Just remembering the first time he heard that joke...

  • Like 2
  • Haha 1
adam1

adam1

Posted
Posted

The name's Balmed. En Balmed

2 minutes ago, adam1 said:

Did you hear the joke about Sean Connerys brothers daughter?

 

Its a little niche

The name's Balmed. En Balmed

Aus Fox

Aus Fox

Posted
Posted

Just got a letter through from QANTAS officially letting me know after the incident last time I flew I am now banned from flying with them.

It wasn’t even my fault, the air hostesses said to me “would you like headphones?“

I said yes please, but how did you know my name was phones?

 

Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
11 minutes ago, Aus Fox said:

The janitor at work keeps asking me to come and smoke weed with him, I keep telling him I can’t, I don’t really like high maintenance people.

 

11 minutes ago, Aus Fox said:

I went to the optometrist today and asked if I could see my results.

He said probably not.

 

8 minutes ago, Aus Fox said:

I was going to tell you guys a joke about sodium, but then I though Na, you wouldn’t get it.

 

4 minutes ago, Aus Fox said:

Just got a letter through from QANTAS officially letting me know after the incident last time I flew I am now banned from flying with them.

It wasn’t even my fault, the air hostesses said to me “would you like headphones?“

I said yes please, but how did you know my name was phones?

 

spacer.png

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