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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Blarmy

Blarmy

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Facecloth said:

I went to the DVD rental shop and asked if I could rent Batman Forever.

 

The bloke said no, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow.

So shit and childish it’s hilarious. Proper joke 🤣

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Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
On 02/10/2020 at 19:02, Milo said:

Just got back from my local Tesco.

 

I saw a bloke buying 4 crates of San Miguel, 5 paellas and 3 sombrero's.

 

I though to myself....

 

Hispanic buying.  

You need to send that one to Tim Vine, or is that where you got it from? :thumbup:

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Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Facecloth said:

I went to the DVD rental shop and asked if I could rent Batman Forever.

 

The bloke said no, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow.

 

3 hours ago, Blarmy said:

So shit and childish it’s hilarious. Proper joke 🤣

And you'll find it numerous time on this topic if you search back but really, I wouldn't bother.

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Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted (edited)
48 minutes ago, Facecloth said:

Oh will you now :D

72685754_Screenshot_20201006-193433_SamsungInternet.thumb.jpg.2f4b475d42d0cd89b50c48cd64bcc10a.jpg

Fair enough but I'm damn sure I've heard it several times before her on FT. I mean it's corny enough, surely?

Just the sort of joke Izzy would post;

Edited by Parafox
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Facecloth

Facecloth

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Parafox said:

Fair enough but I'm damn sure I've heard it several times before her on FT. I mean it's corny enough, surely?

Just the sort of joke Izzy would post;

I've stolen Izzy's joke book.

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Stoopid

Stoopid

Posted
Posted

 

8 hours ago, Facecloth said:

I went to the DVD rental shop and asked if I could rent Batman Forever.

 

The bloke said no, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow.

I went to the DVD rental shop and found out it had shut down about 18 months ago.

Bit of a wasted journey really...

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Red Squirrel

Red Squirrel

Posted
Posted
On 07/10/2020 at 00:53, UpTheLeagueFox said:

Bit concerned about my mental state as I find myself singing Nothing Compares 2 U by Sinead O'Connor several times a day.

So I went to the doctor, guess what he told me, guess what he told me.

I'm guessing the Doctor told you "I'm prescribing Taxol as nothing compares to Yew"

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UpTheLeagueFox

UpTheLeagueFox

Posted
Posted
On 07/10/2020 at 00:53, UpTheLeagueFox said:

Bit concerned about my mental state as I find myself singing Nothing Compares 2 U by Sinead O'Connor several times a day.

So I went to the doctor, guess what he told me, guess what he told me.

 

1 hour ago, Red Squirrel said:

I'm guessing the Doctor told you "I'm prescribing Taxol as nothing compares to Yew"

Did the doctor ask how long this had been going on for?

Yes, it's been seven hours and fifteen days.

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boots60

boots60

Posted
Posted

The Rugged Outdoor Woman

During her physical examination, a doctor asked a retired woman about her physical activity level. The woman said she spent 3 days a week, every week in the outdoors.

"Well, yesterday afternoon was typical; I took a five hour walk about 7
miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through 2 miles of brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I barely avoided stepping on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I went to the toilet behind some big trees and then ran away from one angry bull. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank a scotch and three glasses of wine.

Amazed by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoor woman!"

"No," the woman replied, "I'm just a really, really crap golfer".

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
14 minutes ago, Facecloth said:

I went to see the doctor and told him people keep talking to me like I'm a cricket ball.

 

He said "How's that?"

 

I said "Don't you ****ing start!"

Whats hit more balls than Ben Stokes bat?

 

Elton Johns chin :ph34r:

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