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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, Aus Fox said:

Apparently as his first act in the White House Joe Biden will convert America from using pounds to kilos.

 

Expect mass confusion 

Took me a while of thinking WTF. Then I got it :thumbup:

  • Thanks 1
isaidno

isaidno

Posted
Posted

I once bought a spicy dvd from a dodgy guy in a pub. It was entitled "Bald and barely legal" Imagine my surprise when I settled down to watch it only to find it was a tyre safety film....!

Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
14 minutes ago, Bob Weasel Fox said:

The psychiatrist that discovered Paranoia sadly passed away peacefully today,  surrounded by everyone.

 

Sadly, the man who invented predictive text also died today.

 

His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

  • Haha 2
UpTheLeagueFox

UpTheLeagueFox

Posted
Posted

The creator of the hokey cokey died this week.
It was tough for his friends and family. It was especially tough when laying his body in the coffin.

They put his left arm in...

 

 

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Cokey...
Then I turned myself around.

  • Haha 1
Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, UpTheLeagueFox said:

The creator of the hokey cokey died this week.
It was tough for his friends and family. It was especially tough when laying his body in the coffin.

They put his left arm in...

 

 

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Cokey...
Then I turned myself around.

And that's what it's all about really.

  • Like 1
Benguin

Benguin

Posted
Posted

The man who created the Leicester tractor fan club on Facebook died after he deleted the page.

 

As he was cremated, the smoke seemed to billow into the coffin. Witnesses described him as an ex tractor fan.

Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

I was in hospital recently and was chatting with the bloke next to me.
“What are you in for?” I asked.

"I'm in for an endoscopy, they're going to see whats going on down my throat, "What are you in for?" he asked.

"Oh, camera up the arse" I replied.
The bloke says "colonoscopy its called".
"No mate camera up the arse, the mrs caught me taking pictures of my neighbour's tits."

  • Haha 4
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FoxesDeb

FoxesDeb

Posted
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Posted

A woman was taking a tour round a hospital, and passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously. 'Oh goodness, that's disgraceful' she said. 'Why is he doing that'? The doctor leading the tour calmly explained that the man had a serious condition where his testicles rapidly filled with semen, and that if it wasn't released several times a day, his testicles would burst. The woman says 'oh, I suppose that's OK then'. 

 

As they passed the next room, another man could be seen having a nurse perform oral sex on him. The woman screams at the doctor 'how can THAT possibly be justified in a hospital?'

 

The doctor replies 'oh he has the same condition as the other man, but this man is with BUPA'

  • Haha 7
Aus Fox

Aus Fox

Posted
Posted

Bloody panic buying has started up in Germany again, in anticipation of another Covid lockdown. Apparently supermarket shelves have been cleared of cheese and sausages.

It appears Germans are planning for a wurst-kase scenario.

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Mike Oxlong

Mike Oxlong

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, UpTheLeagueFox said:

Is it acceptable to dip bread into a curry?

 

Asking for my naan.

When your eyesight isn’t as good as it used to be two r’s next to each other can look two n’s

 

Thank goodness I found my glasses 

  • Haha 1
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Webbo

Webbo

Posted
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Posted

I went to a christening and the vicar was wearing a false moustache. 

 

I thought "that's a blessing in disguise." 

  • Like 2
  • Haha 4
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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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Posted

Looks like some on here have been opening their Xmas crackers early :rolleyes:

 

Anyway...

 

My boy came home from school earlier and tells me he had sex with his French teacher.

 

I said "Good lad, that's my boy, a chip off the old block! You know that bicycle you want for Xmas? Let's go to Halfords and get it early for you!"

 

When we got home, my lad was riding his bike out the back yard but permanently standing up on the pedals.

 

I said "You don't have to do that son, you can sit on the seat you know!

 

He said "I know that Dad, but my arse is still sore".

  • Haha 6
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
13 minutes ago, Countryfox said:


Pot kettle ...  :whistle:

I’d be surprised if Xmas crackers have jokes inside them about school teachers having anal sex with kids tbh

  • Haha 4

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