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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Wycombe Fox

Wycombe Fox

Posted
Posted

I found a blue plaque the other day showing where Karl Marx lived on the Isle of Wight.

 

He gets so much recognition, not like his sister, Onya, inventor of the starting pistol.

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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Posted

I was cooking tea tonight. The recipe said to ensure the oven was set at 180 degrees.  

 

I did that. 

 

But now its facing the wall, I can't open the door. 

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  • Haha 4
Guest Electric Yetis

Guest Electric Yetis

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Izzy said:

Which Spice Girl can hold the most petrol?

 

Geri can.

She did have the biggest jugs to be fair.

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Bob Weasel Fox

Bob Weasel Fox

Posted
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Posted

My friends broken up with her boyfriend after seeing him stacking washing powder in Tesco.
She said to him "I thought you said you're a stunt pilot?"
He replied "No, I said I was part of the Ariel display team!" 

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Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
On 19/08/2020 at 16:51, Izzy said:

I was cooking tea tonight. The recipe said to ensure the oven was set at 180 degrees.  

 

I did that. 

 

But now its facing the wall, I can't open the door. 

I did something similar when the recipe said the oven should be at 180 degrees. Whenever I opened the oven door, the food fell out.

Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted

I've been having long conversations over the phone with this woman, who I've really taken to, so I arranged lots of balloons outside her house saying, "will you marry me?"

 

When she came out, I finally saw what she looked like, so I popped the question.

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The Bear

The Bear

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Parafox said:

I did something similar when the recipe said the oven should be at 180 degrees. Whenever I opened the oven door, the food fell out.

Doesn't even make sense. 

 

 

source.gif

  • Haha 2
Fatty Arbuckle

Fatty Arbuckle

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

I've been having long conversations over the phone with this woman, who I've really taken to, so I arranged lots of balloons outside her house saying, "will you marry me?"

 

When she came out, I finally saw what she looked like, so I popped the question.

I like that one. If you got it from the same place I heard it yesterday, this was my favourite:

 

It was so cold in Chester that when I got a taxi I ended up in Chichester.

 

Probably works best when not written down to be fair.

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Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Fatty Arbuckle said:

I like that one. If you got it from the same place I heard it yesterday, this was my favourite:

 

It was so cold in Chester that when I got a taxi I ended up in Chichester.

 

Probably works best when not written down to be fair.

You got it. Bought the CD in a charity shop for 50p.

Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted
30 minutes ago, Wolfox said:

Today's useful hint.

If you find yourself attacked by a mob of circus performers, go for the juggler. 

I was attacked by mime artists.

 

They did unspeakable things to me.

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ajthefox

ajthefox

Posted
Posted
On 19/08/2020 at 16:43, Isle of Wight Fox said:

I found a blue plaque the other day showing where Karl Marx lived on the Isle of Wight.

 

He gets so much recognition, not like his sister, Onya, inventor of the starting pistol.

On 27/07/2020 at 12:16, Bob Weasel Fox said:

We all know who Karl Marx was.

No one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol...

Only two pages ago.....

 

And just to prevent more repetition....

 

On 28/07/2020 at 23:10, ajthefox said:

Or his brother Skid. Infamously dirty.

 

On 29/07/2020 at 08:49, Wolfox said:

Or his little Thai brother Top (Who always did well at school!)

 

 

Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted (edited)
21 hours ago, ajthefox said:

Only two pages ago.....

 

And just to prevent more repetition....

 

 

 

 

Or his sister who was covered in moles... Bertha

Edited by Trav Le Bleu
Aus Fox

Aus Fox

Posted
Posted

A terrible day for me today, got fired from my job in front of all of my clients. I’ll admit I lost it a little the mouse wasn’t working so I threw it against the wall.

Anyway, if anyone hears of anyone looking for a vet, please let me know.

spacemunky

spacemunky

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Aus Fox said:

A terrible day for me today, got fired from my job in front of all of my clients. I’ll admit I lost it a little the mouse wasn’t working so I threw it against the wall.

Anyway, if anyone hears of anyone looking for a vet, please let me know.

I forgot for a second that this was the joke thread and I felt bad for a second lol

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Milo

Milo

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, spacemunky said:

I forgot for a second that this was the joke thread and I felt bad for a second lol

 

You wouldn't be the first, mate...

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