The joke thread

[Parafox]

3 hours ago, spacemunky said:

I forgot for a second that this was the joke thread and I felt bad for a second 

It's the "joke" thread. Feel bad about that contribution.

[Wolfox]

Have you heard of Murphy's Law?"

"Yeah."

"What is it?"

"If something can go wrong, it will. The greater the inconvenience the higher the probability"

"Right, have you heard of Cole's Law?"

"No, what is it?"

"Thinly sliced cabbage with carrot and mayonnaise."

[Aus Fox]

Apparently, at Buckingham Palace it’s tradition that if the queen farts no one is allowed to mention it, and must carry on as if nothing has happened.

When quizzed on this The Chief Royal Scientist simply explained: Noble gasses should have no reaction.

[Aus Fox]

On 29/08/2020 at 01:17, spacemunky said:

I forgot for a second that this was the joke thread and I felt bad for a second 

You know it’s a bad joke when one you get sympathy for it, and 2 said sympathy Received more laughs than the original joke. 😂

[cambridgefox]

I keep having this dream that I’m a horse.

Thats five nights on the trot.

 

 

 

 I’m really sorry

[Ian Nacho]

I lost my hair years ago but I still carry a comb with me. I just can’t part with it. 

[boots60]

15 hours ago, cambridgefox said:

I keep having this dream that I’m a horse.

Thats five nights on the trot.

 

 

 

 I’m really sorry

Are you in a stable condition?

[stretch1965]

On 31/08/2020 at 20:59, cambridgefox said:

I keep having this dream that I’m a horse.

Thats five nights on the trot.

 

 

 

 I’m really sorry

Ride it out, you won't have them furlong.....

[Trav Le Bleu]

20 minutes ago, stretch1965 said:

Ride it out, you won't have them furlong.....

I canter bide awful puns

[MPH]

Can’t believe it! Just got thrown out of my local park! all I did was collect all the squirrels together and arrange them in height shortest to tallest. 

 

 

 

They didnt like my critter sizing

[Parafox]

On 01/09/2020 at 12:16, boots60 said:

Are you in a stable condition?

I hope you are because that's the mane thing, but there are those who are blinkered to that.

 

Sorry to saddle you with another pun.

Edited 2 September 2020 by Parafox

[Parafox]

10 minutes ago, MPH said:

Can’t believe it! Just got thrown out of my local park! all I did was collect all the squirrels together and arrange them in height shortest to tallest. 

 

 

 

They didnt like my critter sizing

That's just nuts. 

[MPH]

3 minutes ago, Parafox said:

That's just nuts. 

 

it’s a cracker!

[Trav Le Bleu]

I can't decide which is worse...

 

Racy sexism or sexy racism.

 

[The Syrup]

My mate went train spotting earlier and got hit by a steam train.

 

He was chuffed to bits.

[FerrisBueller]

My bouncy Irish friend, Rick O’ Shea...

[MPH]

I wanted to name my son Lance, but my wife said it was too uncommon,  well i told her that’s not true... in the medieval times people were named Lance a lot.

[Aus Fox]

I had a $10 double on both Greenwood and Foden to score on the debut in Iceland. Can’t believe the bookies aren’t paying out.

[Webbo]

I've got this idea for a business, recycling old chewing gum. I just need some help getting it off the ground. 

Edited 9 September 2020 by Webbo

[Carl the Llama]

23 hours ago, Webbo said:

I've got this idea for a business, recycling old chewing gum. I just need some help getting it off the ground. 

You'll need to turn some tables if you want to make it work.

[Izzy]

13 minutes ago, Carl the Llama said:

You'll need to turn some tables if you want to make it work.

On second thoughts, can you ban yourself again please? 

[Carl the Llama]

2 minutes ago, Izzy said:

On second thoughts, can you ban yourself again please? 

Oh dear things have got bad in my absence if you're the new joke police. 

[RoboFox]

I was on holiday in Spain when magician came up to me. "Watch me disappear on the count of three...", he says.

 

"Uno, dos..." poof, he was gone.

He vanished without a tres.

[Izzy]

I used to get told off in assembly for miming during hymns.

 

Everyone else was singing 'Morning Has Broken' and I was pretending to be trapped in a glass box.

[jonthefox]

23 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I used to get told off in assembly for miming during hymns.

 

Everyone else was singing 'Morning Has Broken' and I was pretending to be trapped in a glass box.