The joke thread

[MPH]

[fuchsntf]

7 hours ago, MPH said:

I cant explain it...But it Actually Made me laugh...

[fuchsntf]

On 20/06/2021 at 18:06, Buce said:

 

Somebody has glued my pack of cards together.

 

I can't deal with it.

You walk all those 1000 miles.....Then Snap..!!  you Play this joker,because you get trumped with a Jack of naves Wild Card Style humour..

I mean have a heart..give it a Twist ,be a Diamond Dont be so rummy&  join The club, take a Spade & bury  the thought,

But  then again I bet your the ace in the hole,with another up your sleeve...

Just One more like it,then you will surely have the Full house..

 

 

[Bob Weasel Fox]

Just watched a 3 minute movie about caravans. Actually It was just a trailer.

[Bob Weasel Fox]

It’s been a strange day today. First I found a hatful of money. Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar

[Parafox]

On 24/06/2021 at 00:35, MPH said:

Nah. You can only explain everything until somebody changes your explanation

[Buce]

 

The job-hunting isn't going well.

 

I thought about becoming a gardener but I couldn't see much fuchsia in it.

 

 

[davieG]

2 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

The job-hunting isn't going well.

 

I thought about becoming a gardener but I couldn't see much fuchsia in it.

 

 

What in carnation?

 

You'll have to get clover it

[MPH]

STOP

[Mike Oxlong]

I met my wife at the zoo. The moment I saw her there, dressed head to toe in khaki and covered in animal shit, I knew she was a keeper.

[Bob Weasel Fox]

[Bob Weasel Fox]

I told my cat I was going to teach her English, she replied “Me ? How ?”

Edited 28 June 2021 by Bob Weasel Fox

[MPH]

7 minutes ago, Bob Weasel Fox said:

I told my cat I was doing to teach her English, she replied “Me ? How ?”

 

haha

[Bob Weasel Fox]

5 minutes ago, MPH said:

 

haha

Doh 🙄 😂

[Bob Weasel Fox]

I’ve got two tickets for the euro 2020 final .

I just realised the final is on the same day as my wedding and I can’t go unfortunately. 

If you want to go instead of me , it’ll be at St Andrews church , her name is Charlotte , she’s 5’6 and the one in white.

[shen]

1 minute ago, Bob Weasel Fox said:

I’ve got two tickets for the euro 2020 final .

I just realised the final is on the same day as my wedding and I can’t go unfortunately. 

If you want to go instead of me , it’ll be at St Andrews church , her name is Charlotte , she’s 5’6 and the one in white.

I think that's the 43rd version of this joke in this thread 

[Facecloth]

A resident who lives just outside Chernobyl said he watched the series that Sky made and he counted 7 factual inaccuracies on 1 hand.

[Ian Nacho]

I had an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having my spine and testicles removed…

Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic!

[adam1]

[Carl the Llama]

18 hours ago, adam1 said:

This is like the 5th time someone's posted that image in the last few days.

[Buce]

1 hour ago, Carl the Llama said:

This is like the 5th time someone's posted that image in the last few days.

 

And it's as unfunny now as it was the first time.

[Alf Bentley]

1 hour ago, Carl the Llama said:

This is like the 5th time someone's posted that image in the last few days.

 

40 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

And it's as unfunny now as it was the first time.

 

Here's a song to cheer you up, you pair of grumpy curmudgeons! 

 

 

[Aus Fox]

I’ve joined a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery.

 

It’s great to see so many new faces every week.

[Bob Weasel Fox]

I can't believe it, fifty five years I've waited and it's finally happened. They did it, they actually ****ing did it, I still can't believe it.

The council have filled the pothole in outside my house.

[Wasyls Pec Deck]

On 04/07/2021 at 20:23, adam1 said:

Someone’s edited Junior Lewis’ wiki page…