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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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isaidno

isaidno

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Ole Gunnar Solskjaer walks into a Bank to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ms could you please cash this cheque for me?" Cashier:"It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?" Solskjaer:"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Manager of Manchester United”. Cashier: "Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID." Solskjaer: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am." Cashier: "I am sorry, Mr Solskjaer but these are the bank rules and I must follow them." Solskjaer,"Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque." Cashier: "Look sir, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque." "Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?" Solskjaer stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I don't have a clue." Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes , Mr Solskjaer?” 

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Webbo

Webbo

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, String fellow said:

Why do mathematicians confuse Hallowe'en with Christmas?

Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec!

(Number base joke.)

Probably wasted on us but I'm sure Stephen Hawkins would have wet himself. 

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Dunge

Dunge

Posted
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4 hours ago, String fellow said:

Why do mathematicians confuse Hallowe'en with Christmas?

Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec!

(Number base joke.)

As a mathematician, I can confirm that this is both technically correct and hilarious.

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Jattdogg

Jattdogg

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30 minutes ago, spacemunky said:

Maybe he meant Sally.

Harry?

2 hours ago, Dunge said:

As a mathematician, I can confirm that this is both technically correct and hilarious.

More of an IT/Statistician man myself but had a slight chuckle at that one.

 

What do you call two friends who love math?

 

 

Algebros.

 

:ph34r:

 

 

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LiberalFox

LiberalFox

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f(x) walks into a chip shop and asks for a cod and chips, he's told he can't have that. So he tries to order a pie but he can't have that either. Then he notices other customers are being served so he asks what is going on. The owner comes over and says "'l'm terribly sorry sir but we don't cater for functions". 

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Carl the Llama

Carl the Llama

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Posted
Just now, LiberalFox said:

f(x) walks into a chip shop and asks for a cod and chips, he's told he can't have that. So he tries to order a pie but he can't have that either. Then he notices other customers are being served so he asks what is going on. The owner comes over and says "'l'm terribly sorry sir but we don't cater for functions". 

Booooo

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Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted
On 31/10/2021 at 17:44, Jattdogg said:

Harry?

More of an IT/Statistician man myself but had a slight chuckle at that one.

 

What do you call two friends who love math?

 

 

Algebros.

 

:ph34r:

 

 

Was going to correct you, then noticed who posted and where you're from and decided... going to correct you anyway.

 

Maths.

 

:P

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Jattdogg

Jattdogg

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Was going to correct you, then noticed who posted and where you're from and decided... going to correct you anyway.

 

Maths.

 

:P

 

Lol. I'm technically from Leicester so you can correct me. Grew up with my dad always saying maths but well you use the canadian lingo so.

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Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

My neighbour told me his wife had bought one of those 'you know, Indian dresses'.

 

"Sari?", I said.

 

"No", he replied, "she's delighted with it".

 

He said she'd bought it for her holidays in the Caribbean.

 

"Jamaica?", I asked.

 

"No", he said, "it was her choice entirely".

 

 

Edited by Buce
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blabyboy

blabyboy

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Posted
1 hour ago, Buce said:

 

My neighbour told me his wife had bought one of those 'you know, Indian dresses'.

 

"Sari?", I said.

 

"No", he replied, "she's delighted with it".

 

He said she'd bought it for her holidays in the Caribbean.

 

"Jamaica?", I asked.

 

"No", he said, "it was her choice entirely".

 

 

Mate, those died with the fuching dodo, Yellow card issued 😁

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Blarmy

Blarmy

Posted
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4 hours ago, Buce said:

 

My neighbour told me his wife had bought one of those 'you know, Indian dresses'.

 

"Sari?", I said.

 

"No", he replied, "she's delighted with it".

 

He said she'd bought it for her holidays in the Caribbean.

 

"Jamaica?", I asked.

 

"No", he said, "it was her choice entirely".

 

 

I asked my mate where his mum went on holiday. “Alaska”, he replied.
 

I said “It’s ok, I’ll ask her myself”.

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