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Pinkman

Depression

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3 minutes ago, lifted*fox said:

 

Sometimes mate helping others recharges my own batteries enough to push on. I think I mentioned, helping a stranger recently led to me getting some PT help down the gym and it's been something to focus on and keep me going. Through pure luck the universe put me in the right place, right time.

 

Hopefully I can help someone in the same way. Sometimes when you can't find your own answers, helping someone else find theirs is the next best thing. :)

You know yourself best - advice is there to be cherry-picked, none of it is a demand :)

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On 23/04/2019 at 08:02, Crinklyfox said:

No waffle that I can see.  I'm an old codger now so ignore me if you wish but I was young once and went to college.  Those who haven't been to college mostly don't realise how hard it can be and the stresses that it can bring.  I was lucky enough to have some good friends, we helped each other through the difficult times.  Reading your post I can't help thinking if your mates are really your mates because it doesn't look like they're providing that support to you.  You may need to branch out a bit but that means effort on your part which is difficult if you're feeling low, however the rewards are worth it.  I'm guessing that you will have some interests, things you like to do, and colleges are usually fairly decent at having groups that support interests - if not there's the wider local community.

 

You'll be approaching exam time this term so there may not be a lot of free time this academic year, but you could resolve to use your free time after exams to look around and see what's available.

 

Finally the dark thoughts.  You're not alone in getting them, there's an evil little voice that loves to tell you that you're inferior to everyone else, that you're no good at anything, that people don't like you, etc., etc.  I know that voice and it thrives when you're alone and unsupported and goes up in volume every time something you don't like, such as not being invited to a party, happens to you.  I attacked it from within.  I found Cognitive Behavioural Therapy of use, I didn't have any counselling but picked up a book after I was diagnosed as suffering from depression and read about it.  It's basically a way of putting your thoughts into the right perspective, not the biased view that the evil voice gives you.  Anyway it worked for me and even though I've never got rid of the voice now I can put it in its place.  It can't hurt to give it a try.

@LcfcOk, @Crinklyfoxtalks a lot of sense but i have a different take on the friends thing.

Some people just dont get depression and try as they might, they'll never be able to help or understand.

They dont know how to act around us and human nature makes people avoid the uncomfortable.

The best thing is, its not even their fault and they might not realise it. Doesn't necessarily mean they think any less of you. (But dwelling on it could make it worse and keeping trying to talk to the wrong people. I piss myself off when im at my worst so just avoid those who are of no help to me. Self preservation)

Unfortunately, to get out of this requires "acting" your most confident when you feel the most opposite youve ever felt.

Firstly, you will learn who to talk to and who not to. I talk to my mum about it. I dont talk to my wife about it.

Re friends. Invite yourself. "Act" your best. They might have just decided for you that its not your scene, or you wouldnt enjoy it. They might be right, in which case, follow crinklys advice.

They might be wrong, and by doing that, if they are wrong, your mood will lift as a direct result.

Do a bit of planning (but not overly worrying). If they make it clear that you really are not invited, follow crinklys advice, and get the **** out of that group as quick as you can. 

Whats the worst that can happen?Acknowledge it and plan for it(but not over worrying) then you are ready.

Long term its win win. You either love it and feel better, or find out for certain if your mates are *****, and that will help as you will put more effort into finding new mates.

Good luck mate, chin up, and keep us informed.

 

 

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On 23/04/2019 at 17:30, Paninistickers said:

As an occasional contributor to this thread (it's both fascinating and cathartic) could I share - really to see if any other posters have similar - the odd feeling of suffering depression (lowish level, in my case) when things are going well?

 

When my work life or personal life is on a downer, I tend to react well and come out all guns blazing and to an extent, enjoy the battle

 

When things are all Tickety boo, that's when - for me and I guess others - the dark clouds gather. 

 

Funny world, innit?

Bingo, but accept it and roll with it.

My theory is that we run on adrenaline when things are shit, and when they are better our body and mind go into swlf repair/feeling sorry for themselves.

It passes, it always does.

Like getting a cold on the first day of your holiday. Your stresses have worn you down and your defences are low.

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22 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

I'd like to let you all know of a big step forward for me.

 

You may know I'm a concert-trained classical musician. For years I left it alone, only returning to it 10 years ago in order to teach, having exhausted other avenues of employment. In that time I've had a break-up, which forced me to really deal with self-esteem and self-care issues, and had to learn to stand on my own 2 feet, financially and in life.

 

I have been telling students for years that I would put a concert recital on one day, as they always asked to hear me perform, and time passed and nothing happened. However, a series of positive events led to me committing to it, the concert is in early May, and it has sold out. 

 

I'm blown away, and really looking forward to it - 25 years after my last public recital (and 12 years since I last performed 'solo'), I've found the strength and belief to get up there and perform in my right. 

 

There have been many contributory factors in getting myself to this point, but this thread is without doubt one of them - thank you to every one of you for being here.

that's brilliant mate. I only wish i had a talent like that! 

 

Would love to see it. What do you play?

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Just now, stripeyfox said:

that's brilliant mate. I only wish i had a talent like that! 

 

Would love to see it. What do you play?

Cello. There will be tickets on the door, but we had to keep 'official' tickets down for insurance reasons. The recital will be in Buxton, and I'm fortunate that the Man City fixture has been moved, otherwise I might have had a distraction earlier on that day!

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22 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

Cello. There will be tickets on the door, but we had to keep 'official' tickets down for insurance reasons. The recital will be in Buxton, and I'm fortunate that the Man City fixture has been moved, otherwise I might have had a distraction earlier on that day!

Have a few in the tap house for me after.

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1 hour ago, HighPeakFox said:

I'd like to let you all know of a big step forward for me.

 

You may know I'm a concert-trained classical musician. For years I left it alone, only returning to it 10 years ago in order to teach, having exhausted other avenues of employment. In that time I've had a break-up, which forced me to really deal with self-esteem and self-care issues, and had to learn to stand on my own 2 feet, financially and in life.

 

I have been telling students for years that I would put a concert recital on one day, as they always asked to hear me perform, and time passed and nothing happened. However, a series of positive events led to me committing to it, the concert is in early May, and it has sold out. 

 

I'm blown away, and really looking forward to it - 25 years after my last public recital (and 12 years since I last performed 'solo'), I've found the strength and belief to get up there and perform again in my own right. 

 

There have been many contributory factors in getting myself to this point, but this thread is without doubt one of them - thank you to every one of you for being here.

Brilliant stuff HPF, it's great to see the thread continuing to have such a positive effect.


Well done on plucking up the courage to do this and fingers crossed all goes well!! 

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6 hours ago, Izzy said:

If you can afford it, I'd look at private counselling mate.

 

I paid about £40 per hour session and it was the best money I ever spent.

 

My therapist was certified in the 'Gestalt' approach and here's a link to Gestalt practitioners in Leicester.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling/gestalt/eng/leicester

 

They usually do an assessment first to make sure the client/therapist is the right 'fit' and then go from there.

 

Best of luck mate :thumbup: 

 

About to book a therapist, what’s the Gestalt method like?

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3 hours ago, HighPeakFox said:

I'd like to let you all know of a big step forward for me.

 

You may know I'm a concert-trained classical musician. For years I left it alone, only returning to it 10 years ago in order to teach, having exhausted other avenues of employment. In that time I've had a break-up, which forced me to really deal with self-esteem and self-care issues, and had to learn to stand on my own 2 feet, financially and in life.

 

I have been telling students for years that I would put a concert recital on one day, as they always asked to hear me perform, and time passed and nothing happened. However, a series of positive events led to me committing to it, the concert is in early May, and it has sold out. 

 

I'm blown away, and really looking forward to it - 25 years after my last public recital (and 12 years since I last performed 'solo'), I've found the strength and belief to get up there and perform again in my own right. 

 

There have been many contributory factors in getting myself to this point, but this thread is without doubt one of them - thank you to every one of you for being here.

Congrats and good luck HPF!!!:appl:

 

 

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7 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

About to book a therapist, what’s the Gestalt method like?

I wasn't really 'aware' of the method/process I was being taken through until after I'd finished my year of therapy tbh. Most sessions it was me doing 90% of the talking and getting stuff off my chest that I'd been bottling up for many years. I didn't really do any research beforehand and chose my therapist on the recommendation of a trusted friend.

 

It was only when we'd finished my final session that I asked my therapist what method she'd used and she explained Gestalt to me. I suppose in simple terms it's about breaking life down into it's individual parts to help identify where the problems and issues come from. For me there was a lot of guilt on my part around certain events and relationships and the process helped me realise that I wasn't to blame.  

 

It helped me to see things from a different perspective while remaining grounded and in the present, although we spent a lot of time looking back on why things happened and the impact they had on me.

 

I've no idea if Gestalt is better/worse than other methods and approaches but all I know is that it worked for me. The main thing is that I felt safe and trusted and could open up about my inner most secrets without fear of judgement. 

 

Whoever you book and whatever method they use, I hope it will be beneficial for you mate :thumbup:

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10 hours ago, HighPeakFox said:

They would - who be thee?

I hope you didn't mind me sussing out your name from the clues you gave. Btw, two of my favourite cello works are Schubert's Arpeggione Sonata and Brahms's E minor.

My interest in classical music is basically a lifelong passion/obsession, and is one of the best therapies for fighting depression imo. I learned the piano when young and have a houseful of sheet music. Quite a bit of it has been scanned and uploaded to IMSLP and Pianophilia under the name Timtin. There are about two dozen of my own piano arrangements/transcriptions of chamber and orchestral works by Mozart published on IMSLP and free to download.

https://imslp.org/wiki/Category:Martin%2C_Timothy_Nicholas

 

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Adding my recommendations for private therapy too. Coupled with meditation, it has helped me gain some distance from my thoughts - I no longer am my thoughts and feelings, they are just something that happen to me. That's a profound difference from a few years ago. It's not the be all and end all and you'll still face difficult times, but it really can be life changing. 

 

@Izzy covers most of the bases above - gaining a different perspective and identifying a possible route for certain unhelpful ways of thinking can generate a real feeling of unburdening and expansiveness. @urban.spaceman I think it will be great for you buddy :thumbup: 

 

Also, don't be afraid to 'shop around'. It is so important you find a therapist and environment you can trust and feel safe in, as this will enable you to be honest with yourself and them. It can be frustrating, especially when you commit time and money for a few weeks before realising it isn't the best fit, but don't be put off if it doesn't click at first.

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I've been going to positive thinking courses at the Brahma Kumaris centre, they also do yoga and meditation which are all good things to fight depression. they teach you that when you wake up and before you go to sleep to say positive mantras to yourself and throughout the day if you want. it is all about changing and training your mind to be positive and peaceful in all situations. I have found it tough mentally but have enjoyed doing it.

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41 minutes ago, egg_fried_rice said:

Coupled with meditation, it has helped me gain some distance from my thoughts - I no longer am my thoughts and feelings, they are just something that happen to me. That's a profound difference from a few years ago. It's not the be all and end all and you'll still face difficult times, but it really can be life changing. 

 

One of the most important and true statement of this whole thread for me.

 

If I could rep it a million times I would :wub:

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This thread just shows that coming out about this sort of sensitive topic can open doors for guidance/help/support for a high-potential more positive mindset for a better future (happiness etc).

 

Seriously - this thread needs to be recognised by some of the local agencies and services and media outlets; as it's certainly telling readers that it's ok to open up about this type of thing (that happens to millions of people) and that there are people out there that are sympathetic and want to advise as much as they can about a 'taboo' of society..

 

Hope someone from the Leicester Mercury try reads this thread (as some on here suggest they do, to create their own 'click-bait stories..) and creates an article about this topic and mentions this website, to try and urge more local people struggling underneath to talk about their feelings/problems more.

Edited by Wymeswold fox
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