The joke thread

[RoboFox]

6 hours ago, Izzy said:

Adapted from the original 

 

 

Every time I think I’ve copy / pasted a new dad joke, Iz has been in here with it already. 

[MPH]

I threw a ball for my dog. 
 

 

 

I know it’s a bit extravagant buts he’s worth it and looks good  in a dinner jacket.

[Free Falling Foxes]

On 08/06/2022 at 16:51, RoboFox said:

An Afghan, an Albanian, and Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Botswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirati, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerian, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all walk into a bar... 

 

The doorman stops them and says “Sorry I can’t let you in without a Thai.”

I sent that to a mate via WhatsApp. I saw him today and he said, in all seriousness, that joke must have taken you bloody ages to type.

[Parafox]

I was in northern France recently and we went to see the Bayeux Tapestry. Amazing thing to see.

 

Turns out there's something similar in a museum in Wales. It's called the Boyo Tapestry.

 

@Izzy This is free for you to use in the future 

[The Bear]

I've just invented a telepathic air freshener.

 

Makes scents when you think about it... 

[HighPeakFox]

22 minutes ago, The Bear said:

I've just invented a telepathic air freshener.

 

Makes scents when you think about it... 

Mods 

[Kinowe Soorie]

First off, THANK YOU EVERYONE for your concern.
I'm ok, just a bit shaken up, but l'll be ok. For those of you who don't know what happened, I was robbed yesterday morning at the petrol station filling up the car. I gathered myself together, my hands were still shaking, I was dizzy and I honestly think I was in shock. My money was gone. I called the police, they were fantastic and called for medical assistance as my blood pressure was through the roof.
The police asked me if I knew who did it, and I told them "Yes, it was pump number 4 ”

[Webbo]

I didn't do too bad in the national house building championship last week.

 

I made the semis.

[TiffToff88]

15 minutes ago, Webbo said:

I didn't do too bad in the national house building championship last week.

 

I made the semis.

 

Sounds like we both had a good week then. I competed in the  national porn fluffer championships and also made the semis

Edited 13 June 2022 by TiffToff88

[TiffToff88]

18 hours ago, TiffToff88 said:

 

Sounds like we both had a good week then. I competed in the  national porn fluffer championships and also made the semis

Looking back on it, I'm disappointed I was only able to make the semis, but I had some stiff competition!

[dsr-burnley]

4 hours ago, pmcla26 said:

I tried to follow the event but felt pretty detached from the whole spectacle. 

But it was great to be back watching from the terraces.

Edited 14 June 2022 by dsr-burnley

[Free Falling Foxes]

40 minutes ago, dsr-burnley said:

But it was great to be back watching from the terraces.

I heard the winner was streets ahead of the rest.

[Izzy]

FFS, surprised no ones come out with...

 

Why do some houses only have one storey?

 

Because when the builders run out of materials they just bungalow roof on

 

[tom27111]

25 minutes ago, Izzy said:

FFS, surprised no ones come out with...

 

Why do some houses only have one storey?

 

Because when the builders run out of materials they just bungalow roof on

 

You've been sitting on that one for about 3 years, waiting for a perfect situation to say it.

 

This still wasn't it 

[Trav Le Bleu]

There should be a threads description act that prevents this kind of thing happening.

[MPH]

 

Just joined a dating agency for Arsonists.

 

 

 

Been getting lots of matches.

[Parafox]

1 hour ago, MPH said:

 

Just joined a dating agency for Arsonists.

 

 

 

Been getting lots of matches.

Do you keep them in a tiny book?

[Webbo]

I didn't do so well in the British sun tanning championships. 

 

I was out in the first heat. 

[Bert]

Gareth Southgate 

[TiffToff88]

I used to love building Sandcastles with my grandma.

 

 

But my parents thought it was creepy so they glued the urn shut

[Izzy]

I've been working with a cannibal tribe in Papua New Guinea for a while, and I've recently persuaded them to go vegan.

 

They love 'em.

[MPH]

Just finished reading a book about Stockholm Syndrome..

 

 

It was pretty bad at first, but in the end I quite liked it,,

[Tinman]

My wife was bitten by a radioactive owl last week and now she's making all my decisions for me. She's been given power of a tawny.

[davieG]

5 minutes ago, Tinman said:

My wife was bitten by a radioactive owl last week and now she's making all my decisions for me. She's been given power of a tawny.

Wow! That’s a hoot.

[Parafox]

26 minutes ago, Tinman said:

My wife was bitten by a radioactive owl last week and now she's making all my decisions for me. She's been given power of a tawny.

No wonder you only come out at night.