The joke thread

[Izzy]

It's a little known fact that famous Winnie-the-Pooh author AA Milne had a smaller brother called AAA Milne

[Thefox81]

1 hour ago, davieG said:

On my first day as an apprentice I was sent to the stores for a 'long weight'. Sussed it out  before I got there and went and chatted to some fellow apprentices instead. 

We always do the long weight one with every apprentice we have.

[Captain...]

49 minutes ago, Thefox81 said:

We always do the long weight one with every apprentice we have.

Why?

[Free Falling Foxes]

2 hours ago, davieG said:

On my first day as an apprentice I was sent to the stores for a 'long weight'. Sussed it out  before I got there and went and chatted to some fellow apprentices instead. 

When I worked in engineering, one of my colleagues went to the store to get a file.

'Give me a big bastard'. He said

The women in the stores reported him for swearing.

[Thefox81]

1 hour ago, Captain... said:

Why?

Bit of fun get them used to the banter of a busy kitchen.

[FoxesDeb]

You can't run through a campsite, you can only ran, because it's past tents.

[Izzy]

14 minutes ago, FoxesDeb said:

You can't run through a campsite, you can only ran, because it's past tents.

[FoxesDeb]

Just now, Izzy said:

You have absolutely no right to post that in this thread 

 

Although it is better than your jokes 

 

[Facecloth]

What did Mike Tyson say after working out with Chris Hemsworth?

 

You're gonna be Thor in the morning.

[SkidsFox]

In modern Britain it's a scientific fact, that wherever you are, you are no more than 50 metres away from a Forest signing.

[Parafox]

Mods. Can we lock this thread please, just to avoid further disappointment.

Edited 4 September 2022 by Parafox

[MPH]

I've just been to the Drs to see if they can do anything about my addiction to Sudoku.
 
First they said they had no appointments, but then they said they could fit me in between 3 and 6…

[Tinman]

Why can't you use "Beef stew" as a password? Because it's not stroganoff.

[Alf Bentley]

My mate just stood and watched with morbid interest, while a Hungarian farmer slaughtered his cow and cooked up a beef and vegetable stew flavoured with paprika. I thought that was a bit goulash.

[Jon the Hat]

I’ve got a great trickle down economics joke, but 99% of you won’t get it.

[Wolfox]

My misses left me because I'm too insecure.

No wait, she's back! She just went to make a cup of tea.

[Tinman]

[adam1]

Apparently all schools in Scotland are closed until further notice

 

Nothing to do with the Queen,  it’s because Prince Andrew has arrived

[The Bear]

5 minutes ago, adam1 said:

Apparently all schools in Scotland are closed until further notice

 

Nothing to do with the Queen,  it’s because Prince Andrew has arrived

Congratulations. First one of the evening. Only took 3 hours as a mark of respect 

 

Edit - I've forwarded it on to my friends to pass on that respect too. 

Edited 8 September 2022 by The Bear

[adam1]

15 minutes ago, The Bear said:

Congratulations. First one of the evening. Only took 3 hours as a mark of respect 

 

Edit - I've forwarded it on to my friends to pass on that respect too. 

I've got more. I daren't post them though 🤣

[adam1]

16 hours ago, adam1 said:

Apparently all schools in Scotland are closed until further notice

 

Nothing to do with the Queen,  it’s because Prince Andrew has arrived

Now being reported that Scottish Authorities are putting up warning signs near schools.

 

[FoxesWalk]

[The Bear]

Surely he means the Queen-deen-deen-de-de-de-de-de-deeeeen. 

[adam1]

...

 

Edited 9 September 2022 by adam1
...

[TheLittleBigMan]

21 hours ago, adam1 said:

I've got more. I daren't post them though 🤣

You will never get a more inappropriate time than now. Do it.