Whats the first thing you do every morning?

[Mike Oxlong]

Tell Mrs Singh to get back home before her husband wakes up.

[jonthefox]

Fart . Much to the annoyance of Mrs thefox.

[Trav Le Bleu]

Open my eyes.

[Jattdogg]

Make a cup of tea.

[SystonFox]

30 mins HIIT on turbo trainer with two fresh beetroot. 

 

Then I go to costa and starbucks and Pret A Manger and Neros to queue up for the coffee I so badly crave 

[Great Boos Up]

s , s and s.

[Stadt]

have a really yellow piss 

[VLC86]

Storage wars, walnut whip, wank into a flannel.

[Parafox]

6 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I get up when I want, except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awakened by the dustmen
I put my trousers on, have a cup of tea and I think about leaving the house

I feed the pigeons, I sometimes feed the sparrows too
It gives me a sense of enormous well-being

And then I'm happy for the rest of the day, safe in the knowledge there will always be a bit of my heart devoted to it

 

 

Smart ass mutherfugger

[Parafox]

1 hour ago, Great Boos Up said:

s , s and s.

Yep me too, in any order

[bovril]

Take 30 seconds to work out where I am and how I got there.

[Parafox]

 Give the wife a titslap and tell her to get my ****ing eggs benedict up here pretty damn sharpish if she wants that BJ she so badly needs to give me.

 

I don't care that I'm 61, I've earned it.

[fazzyfox]

I count the empty cider bottles on the floor and think, "If I drank all of those last night I should feel more hungover than this." Then I realise I'm seeing double.

[VLC86]

6 minutes ago, Parafox said:

 Give the wife a titslap and tell her to get my ****ing eggs benedict up here pretty damn sharpish if she wants that BJ she so badly needs to give me.

 

I don't care that I'm 61, I've earned it.

You missed your first wake up call where you popped a small blue pill 30 minutes before .

[separator]

1 hour ago, Great Boos Up said:

s , s and s.

Shit, Shave and (5 knuckle) Shuffle?

[Parafox]

4 minutes ago, separator said:

Shit, Shave and (5 knuckle) Shuffle?

 

Say my prayers.

 

2 out of 3 ain't bad though

[Rob1742]

Fart. Everyone must fart when they wake up. If they don't, then they ain't a proper bloke.

 

Then a cup of tea and as soon as the first mouthful hits my stomach I need to go for a clear out 

[Tuna]

Knock one out.

[Raj]

Clear out the system whilst checking my phone....like I am now!!!!

[MC Prussian]

Disabling the alarm clock on my smartphone.

[Carl the Llama]

Throw some rags on and get out the door before I make myself late. If I'm lucky I'll have enough time to brush my teeth and slap some water on my face too.

[Merging Cultures]

Scratch and sniff

[Russell sprout]

Have a fag then take a dump

[Rincewind]

wake up

[StanSP]

13 hours ago, Parafox said:

Yep me too, in any order

surely it's best to shit before you shower