The joke thread

[Durnerz]

On 10/06/2021 at 14:37, Aus Fox said:

You’ll never valen see ‘er again!

Sounds a bit Sevilla…

[MPH]

.

Edited 19 June 2021 by MPH

[MPH]

8 hours ago, Durnerz said:

Sounds a bit Sevilla…

[Buce]

 

Somebody has glued my pack of cards together.

 

I can't deal with it.

[The Bear]

1 hour ago, Buce said:

 

Somebody has glued my pack of cards together.

 

I can't deal with it.

I saw that dad joke contest story earlier too. 

[MPH]

So my friend can’t tell the difference between black eye peas and chick peas. That’s crazy, I told him. The difference is obvious.

 

black eyed peas can sing us a song chick peas can only hum us one.

[Trav Le Bleu]

4 hours ago, MPH said:

So my friend can’t tell the difference between black eye peas and chick peas. That’s crazy, I told him. The difference is obvious.

 

black eyed peas can sing us a song chick peas can only hum us one.

Not sure they can

[MPH]

3 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Not sure they can

 

on come on, where is the love?

[Alf Bentley]

7 hours ago, Buce said:

 

Somebody has glued my pack of cards together.

 

What joker would stoop to such a knavish trick? They can't be playing with a full deck.

 

7 hours ago, Buce said:

 

I can't deal with it.

 

Extreme violence is the solution: beat them with a club or poker. Or retaliatory flatulence: trump them until they flush and run.

[One Arm Babba]

Arrrr yes, the thread of endless shit puns.

[Aus Fox]

Went to see a marriage guidance councillor today. She opened up by asking “What brought you guys here today?” 
My wife answered first went off on this rant, about how I take things to literally.

She turned as asked me the same question, I said “My truck.”

[suffolk fox]

Whats Brown and Green got four legs and if it fell out  of a tree it could kill you?

 

A snooker table.

 

 

[SouthStandUpperTier]

I just accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

 

My next trip to the toilet could spell disaster.

[MPH]

14 hours ago, One Arm Babba said:

Arrrr yes, the thread of endless shit puns.

 

that would be pretty much every thread on the forum.

[Free Falling Foxes]

On 21/06/2021 at 08:48, suffolk fox said:

Whats Brown and Green got four legs and if it fell out  of a tree it could kill you?

 

A snooker table.

 

 

[Pedant mode on]

Snooker table has 8 legs.

[Pedant mode off]

[Beliall]

Just now, Free Falling Foxes said:

[Pedant mode on]

Snooker table has 8 legs.

[Pedant mode off]

you're confusing snooker tables with spiders again

[Captain...]

4 hours ago, Free Falling Foxes said:

[Pedant mode on]

Snooker table has 8 legs.

[Pedant mode off]

Because that is what is wrong with that "joke".

 

 

[Parafox]

On 20/06/2021 at 18:20, The Bear said:

I saw that dad joke contest story earlier too. 

Another Dad joke:

How much does a chimney cost?

 

Nothing. It's on the house.

 

Hilarious isn't it?

[Parafox]

20 hours ago, SouthStandUpperTier said:

I just accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

 

My next trip to the toilet could spell disaster.

Or "prolapse" for 12 points

Edited 22 June 2021 by Parafox

[Facecloth]

My wife and kids are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing.

 

And they're off!

[Facecloth]

My missus said, "Why do we need walkie talkies? Our relationship is over."

 

I said "Our relationship is what? Over.

[Facecloth]

I hate my job. All I do is crush cans of coke all day.

 

It's soda pressing.

[Carl the Llama]

Where were you when @Facecloth was revealed to be an @Izzy alt account?

[Facecloth]

1 minute ago, Carl the Llama said:

Where were you when @Facecloth was revealed to be an @Izzy alt account?

I'm not sure who should be more insulted. Him because I can be a pain in the arse or me because he's ginger.

[Beliall]

reading this thread after watching england makes it seem funny. take your rep points until the last 16