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James.

Amusing News Stories

By James., in General Chat

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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted (edited)

Simpsons' co-creator saves gay bull from the slaughterhouse....

 

To judge from the eyelashes and the face jewelry, the farmer really should have anticipated this problem  :ph34r: :

 

https://metro.co.uk/2014/11/18/benjy-the-gay-bull-saved-from-slaughter-by-simpsons-co-creator-4952994/

Edited by Alf Bentley
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Mike Oxlong

Mike Oxlong

Posted
Posted (edited)

I bet this has caught a few people with their pants down.

http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/nov/20/webcam-hackers-watching-you-watchdog-warns

The article says an office in Leicester has featured. That must be riveting viewing - watching a load of people doing fvck all.

Edited by Mike Oxlong
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Rincewind

Rincewind

Posted
Posted

Masturbate to keep warm this winter, says Osborne

George-Osborne-EU-surcharge-small.jpg

George Osborne has suggested that those concerned about fuel bills this winter should masturbate to keep warm.

“It’s time for innovative solutions,” said the Chancellor.

“Masturbation is something that everyone can do; I do it, the Prime Minister does it, the Deputy Prime Minister does it constantly.”

There are calls each year for Government to help vulnerable people with fuel bills.

“Government handouts for this issue are not the solution, if you’ll pardon the pun,” continued the Chancellor.

“There are many innovative ways to approach the situation, if you’ve an old person next door, why not do it for them and help keep you both warm?”

“If you’re on benefits, perhaps charge a pound to do it for other people? But remember to declare any income, obviously.”

Osborne on winter fuel crisis

The opposition was sceptical of the idea.

“I don’t see how fifteen seconds of frantic waggling can really help,” said Ed Miliband.

But the initiative has been broadly welcomed by the public

“Yeah, I mean, I always try to crack one out before I get out of bed,” said fervent masturbator Simon Williams.

“And, I’ve got to be honest, it does warm me up in the morning.”

The mood was best summed up by Kerry Greene of East Sussex.

“At least the Government’s finally come out and admitted that it’s full of wankers.”

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sphericalfox

sphericalfox

Posted
Posted

Pornhub has drawn a world map showing who comes quickest

 

There are thousands of questionable stereotypes surrounding sex and how certain countries do it: Englishmen are lousy lovers, French make passionate ones and Italians are horny to the point of hysteria. But who shoots their load fastest? To answer that question, Pornhub has just released data that lends a user insight into which countries contain the most eager beavers.

Pornhub looked at engagement statistics to create the infographic map, theorising that you wouldn't stay on the one-stop porn site for long once you'd finished yourself off. Using all the data accumulated during autumn of this year, it found out which countries stick around for the longest. The quickest off the mark? Iraqis clock in with an average of 5min 30secs, the lowest time recorded anywhere in the world. 

However, the mighty Togolese spend an average of 15min 3secs on the site. In fact, African countries appear to have the greatest staying power, all racking up average "scores" of in and around 12 or 13 minutes. Porn lovers in Western Sahara, a disputed territory in North Africa, spend an average of 16 minutes on the site. China also sits near the top of the table too.

UK readers, you won't be surprised to find out that we are painfully average, sat more or less right in the middle - we spend around 9mins 28secs on Pornhub before logging off to continue complaining about cereal cafes or something...

 

read on...

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Captain...

Captain...

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Posted

I question the scientific nature of this study. There are many other factors to consider, such as I would imagine the British to be the sort that switch the porn off immediately, before even cleaning up, whereas the French would probably swan around still watching it, whereas the yanks will be so worn out from the exertion they probably need a nap first before they can muster the energy to get off their fat asses and switch off the smut.

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Mike Oxlong

Mike Oxlong

Posted
Posted (edited)

Pornhub has drawn a world map showing who comes quickest

There are thousands of questionable stereotypes surrounding sex and how certain countries do it: Englishmen are lousy lovers, French make passionate ones and Italians are horny to the point of hysteria. But who shoots their load fastest? To answer that question, Pornhub has just released data that lends a user insight into which countries contain the most eager beavers.

Pornhub looked at engagement statistics to create the infographic map, theorising that you wouldn't stay on the one-stop porn site for long once you'd finished yourself off. Using all the data accumulated during autumn of this year, it found out which countries stick around for the longest. The quickest off the mark? Iraqis clock in with an average of 5min 30secs, the lowest time recorded anywhere in the world.

However, the mighty Togolese spend an average of 15min 3secs on the site. In fact, African countries appear to have the greatest staying power, all racking up average "scores" of in and around 12 or 13 minutes. Porn lovers in Western Sahara, a disputed territory in North Africa, spend an average of 16 minutes on the site. China also sits near the top of the table too.

UK readers, you won't be surprised to find out that we are painfully average, sat more or less right in the middle - we spend around 9mins 28secs on Pornhub before logging off to continue complaining about cereal cafes or something...

read on...

And for us Brits nine of those minutes are spent trying to locate a preferred vid. Edited by Mike Oxlong
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