Depression

[HighPeakFox]

37 minutes ago, Izzy said:

No worries mate 

 

You've already gone 3 days without a drink, so well done for that and be proud of your progress. One day at a time and it'll be a week before you know it. 

 

If you're determined then you'll crack it. When you get the urge (which you will) just realise it's only temporary and it's your body withdrawing from the alcohol. If you can hang on until the urge has passed (distract yourself and do something to take your mind off it) then it does become easier over time. After a few months sober, the urges had gone for me and I felt 'cleansed' again (and with more energy and more cash in my pocket!)

 

If you have a wobble please send me a DM - happy to talk anytime.

 

Keep going. You can do this...

 

 

Just don't tell the poor fellow any of your jokes...

[HybridFox]

Went to visit family over the bank holiday weekend. Pretty nice to get away and take mind off things for a few days. That being until I was leaving this afternoon.

 

I was putting the dishes away after lunch. We had Sky Sports News on in the background and the headline came up about Naomi Osaka pulling out the tournament due to depression.

 

Then overheard my dad having a conversation with my uncle about the younger generation being spoilt these days. And questioning how it was possible for someone to be depressed after winning a title and having all that money. "You can only get depressed when you lose".

 

This made really angry on this inside and I honestly could have flipped at that point but I took myself away from the room. What is the point?

 

I have never truly been open with my family about my mental health issues because I don't feel they get it. And this just reiterates that. And not just them, but society in general. Some of the reaction on social media is absolutely toxic.

 

I just feel tired of having to "prove" our illness. Why can't people just live and let live

Edited 1 June 2021 by TK95

[HighPeakFox]

8 hours ago, TK95 said:

Went to visit family over the bank holiday weekend. Pretty nice to get away and take mind off things for a few days. That being until I was leaving this afternoon.

 

I was putting the dishes away after lunch. We had Sky Sports News on in the background and the headline came up about Naomi Osaka pulling out the tournament due to depression.

 

Then overheard my dad having a conversation with my uncle about the younger generation being spoilt these days. And questioning how it was possible for someone to be depressed after winning a title and having all that money. "You can only get depressed when you lose".

 

This made really angry on this inside and I honestly could have flipped at that point but I took myself away from the room. What is the point?

 

I have never truly been open with my family about my mental health issues because I don't feel they get it. And this just reiterates that. And not just them, but society in general. Some of the reaction on social media is absolutely toxic.

 

I just feel tired of having to "prove" our illness. Why can't people just live and let live

I'm afraid pig-ignorance is very fashionable these days. Whenever people criticise younger people (and bear in mind I'm 50), I always want to come back with 'it's not as bad as the older generation, who've had time to acquire wisdom but have wilfully refused to do so.'

[Alf Bentley]

On 31/05/2021 at 20:26, Fosse93 said:

I'm really wanting to give up alcohol as I know that's one of the main reasons I feel so low, I don't drink in the week mostly but hit it hard at the weekend. 

 

You know something isn't right when all you do when drunk, is read online about how to stay sober. 

 

I want to live a sober life, which sounds ridiculous as anyone who knows me, knows I'm the first person to a party and the last to leave, I'd drink most people under the table.

 

It just seems like booze is the answer to everything, when I know it's not. Shit day/week at work? Hit the bottle. Bored? Hit the bottle. Celebrating something? Yep, you guessed it. 

 

I've always had anxiety and depression related to work, in every job I've had. I'm now starting to think maybe, just maybe it's the drink that is actually the problem. Or at least a hugely contributing factor to my state of mind. 

 

Every plan I make revolves around alcohol, and its exhausting. I didn't want to be like this. 

 

I'd underline the importance of 3 little words that @Izzyused: Find your reason.

 

That might not be as simple as it seems. I'd accepted that I had a drink problem by my mid-20s but it took until my early 50s before I got proper control of it (I've been off the booze for 6 years now).

For 25+ years, I intermittently tried multiple methods of controlling or stopping it (weekly units, weekend-only drinking, periods off, AA, counselling, medication...) but always found my way back to boozing in a way I was unhappy with overall.

 

Too often, I tried to use the wrong reasons to motivate myself (the wrong reasons for me, that is): guilt over drunken bad behaviour towards others or shame about making an arse of myself (these simply didn't motivate me long-term), the positives of what I could do with extra time and money if I stopped (helpful, but only as a secondary basis). When I finally stopped 6 years ago, "my reason" - successful so far - was simply that I'd been diagnosed with a hereditary heart condition and was told that heavy boozing would exacerbate it. On the unselfish side I felt a duty to stay alive and well for my daughter. On the selfish side, I felt that there was still plenty that I could achieve or enjoy in life - and that was at risk.

 

One thing I've realised over the years is that alcohol abuse is very much an individual thing. My reasons for problem drinking (boredom + habit + enjoying getting high + the release of self-restraint) would differ from the reasons of other people: e.g. I drank less or nothing during times of stress, depression or anxiety....though booze often caused all 3 of those, once I sobered up. Likewise, the "reason" (core motivation) that works for you might well be different from what works for Izzy, me or whoever. Similarly with the methods that help keep you on the straight and narrow. It's important to try to honestly understand yourself and not just follow advice, however helpful, and not try to "do it for other people" if that won't motivate....what works will benefit them anyway.

 

Having stopped and started countless times over the years, I noticed certain relapse risk points (might be the same for you, might not):

- Feeling fit, positive and energised (after 1 week to 1 month for me)....relapsed several times due to that

- Complacency, as bad memories became more distant (after 2-6 months for me).....relapsed several times after that, too

 

I did once stop for 14 months and then stupidly tried a drink as "an experiment"....back into the old cycle within a fortnight. This time, 6 years in, I've found it very easy once I'd resisted the odd urge during the first 6-12 months. During lockdown, for the first time in 5 years, I did occasionally start imagining myself having a good time in a pub, but was not at risk of relapsing (I suspect it was the social isolation playing on my mind, not a desire for booze). Starting boozing now would seem almost as odd as starting to take cocaine or something. If I ever do drink again, I think it would now be a deliberate decision, not in response to an urge.

 

Another bit of gratuitous advice ()....be aware of your thoughts and challenge them, if need be. Multiple times, my relapses were preceded by positive memories of great drinking experiences. I wouldn't go and drink in response to such thoughts, but they'd undermine my resolve - and I'd be drinking a week or fortnight later. During the 1st year of this spell off, I successfully challenged such addictive self-manipulation, reminding myself that while it was true that I'd had some great fun pissed, I also had to remember the bad stuff: constant hangovers, unsatisfying sleep, upsetting people (or fearing having done so), post-booze feelings of stress & insecurity, failure to get on with work/interests/relationships etc......not so great a balance overall!

 

I'd also suggest that you ensure you get some real positives out of stopping, too - and without booze you'll have a lot more time and money, whatever you want to do with it. Seeing the benefits in your life is a motivator.

 

A lot of this goes on in the mind. Indeed, unless you're drinking heavily almost every day, then you probably don't have a physical dependency (if you do, it's dangerous to go cold turkey without support). I think the liver processes about 1 unit of alcohol per hour, so if you're not drinking several days per week (my pattern - and yours, it seems) you're not likely to have a physical dependency. Urges when you stop will mainly be psychological addiction, I think....similar to when smokers quit - their physical addiction is gone within a week (?), all the rest is psychological.

 

There might be a few less brief artificial highs in my life these days (there are losses in quitting even if it's beneficial overall) and life can still bring bad days, but overall I'm much more relaxed, contented, happier and more productive without the booze. Anyway, that's quite long enough a post. Good luck and feel free to PM me, too, if anything I've said is of interest. 

 

[urban.spaceman]

Does anyone have any experience with Amitriptyline? Been on them for a few days and they’re just making me even more drowsy and zoned out - I was prescribed them for extreme fatigue in the first place. Also on fluoxetine.

[BecGriff9]

6 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Does anyone have any experience with Amitriptyline? Been on them for a few days and they’re just making me even more drowsy and zoned out - I was prescribed them for extreme fatigue in the first place. Also on fluoxetine.

Yes I was on amitriptyline for 2 years, only come off beginning of this year after my mastectomy. What strength have they put you on? 

[String fellow]

35 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Does anyone have any experience with Amitriptyline? Been on them for a few days and they’re just making me even more drowsy and zoned out - I was prescribed them for extreme fatigue in the first place. Also on fluoxetine.

According to NICE, amitriptyline + fluoxetine can cause hyponatremia (low sodium levels in the blood). This can cause low blood pressure, amongst other things.  

https://bnf.nice.org.uk/interaction/amitriptyline.html

[urban.spaceman]

50 minutes ago, BecGriff9 said:

Yes I was on amitriptyline for 2 years, only come off beginning of this year after my mastectomy. What strength have they put you on? 

Only 10mg

 

[chrishlcfc]

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I know I’m in the early stages of counselling only had 4 sessions, I’ve had about 4 months on my tablets.

 

But the last few days after my counselling session it’s like I’ve just completely given up on life, I can’t take it much longer would rather die than feel like this. I’ve tried all my usual things that help me and none of them have worked, I’ve even spoke to Samaritans for 40 minutes earlier and that hasn’t helped me.

 

I just can’t see a way out anymore

[HighPeakFox]

11 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I know I’m in the early stages of counselling only had 4 sessions, I’ve had about 4 months on my tablets.

 

But the last few days after my counselling session it’s like I’ve just completely given up on life, I can’t take it much longer would rather die than feel like this. I’ve tried all my usual things that help me and none of them have worked, I’ve even spoke to Samaritans for 40 minutes earlier and that hasn’t helped me.

 

I just can’t see a way out anymore

Sometimes things can appear to get worse before they get better, as often we discover or uncover things that make us feel like we've gone backwards. Well done for speaking up here - lots of people will have helpful things to add.

Edited 16 June 2021 by HighPeakFox

[whoareyaaa]

16 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I know I’m in the early stages of counselling only had 4 sessions, I’ve had about 4 months on my tablets.

 

But the last few days after my counselling session it’s like I’ve just completely given up on life, I can’t take it much longer would rather die than feel like this. I’ve tried all my usual things that help me and none of them have worked, I’ve even spoke to Samaritans for 40 minutes earlier and that hasn’t helped me.

 

I just can’t see a way out anymore

Try meditation mate, you need to keep yourself busy and make your body tired as it will help your mental state of mind.. getting together with a mate or two may help.

 

Keep your head up pal!

[oakman]

15 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I know I’m in the early stages of counselling only had 4 sessions, I’ve had about 4 months on my tablets.

 

But the last few days after my counselling session it’s like I’ve just completely given up on life, I can’t take it much longer would rather die than feel like this. I’ve tried all my usual things that help me and none of them have worked, I’ve even spoke to Samaritans for 40 minutes earlier and that hasn’t helped me.

 

I just can’t see a way out anymore

Thank you for not bottling this up, takes a lot of courage to say how you’re feeling. There are many insightful people who post in this thread and I’m sure they can advise you far better than me. I just happened to be on the thread when you posted and I just wanted to say I’m rooting for you mate.

[Paninistickers]

28 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I know I’m in the early stages of counselling only had 4 sessions, I’ve had about 4 months on my tablets.

 

But the last few days after my counselling session it’s like I’ve just completely given up on life, I can’t take it much longer would rather die than feel like this. I’ve tried all my usual things that help me and none of them have worked, I’ve even spoke to Samaritans for 40 minutes earlier and that hasn’t helped me.

 

I just can’t see a way out anymore

Hang on in there! The darkest hour is just before dawn and all that. 

 

 

[when_you're_smiling]

2 hours ago, chrishlcfc said:

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I know I’m in the early stages of counselling only had 4 sessions, I’ve had about 4 months on my tablets.

 

But the last few days after my counselling session it’s like I’ve just completely given up on life, I can’t take it much longer would rather die than feel like this. I’ve tried all my usual things that help me and none of them have worked, I’ve even spoke to Samaritans for 40 minutes earlier and that hasn’t helped me.

 

I just can’t see a way out anymore

Counselling isn’t for everyone. I fecking hated it. Felt there was a weird self-pitying aspect I couldn’t get on board with, even though that’s probably absolutely bollocks.

 

Hope you’re feeling a bit better.

[ajthefox]

2 hours ago, chrishlcfc said:

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I know I’m in the early stages of counselling only had 4 sessions, I’ve had about 4 months on my tablets.

 

But the last few days after my counselling session it’s like I’ve just completely given up on life, I can’t take it much longer would rather die than feel like this. I’ve tried all my usual things that help me and none of them have worked, I’ve even spoke to Samaritans for 40 minutes earlier and that hasn’t helped me.

 

I just can’t see a way out anymore

It's sounds like a really painful place to be Chris, of that much I'm sure. I'm sorry to hear you are having such a tough time and are struggling to see a way out.

 

Please just don't give up hope. Take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. However small the chunks are, just keep moving, one foot in front of the other.

 

You are already taking positive steps in trying to use your usual things as you put them and having spoken to Samaritans. It sounds to me like you are doing the right things, but this is a particularly bad time for you.

 

Is there anyone who you know who you can talk to in person? Can you message your therapist and get another session perhaps? 

 

Keep us posted mate, we are thinking of you.

[Buce]

2 hours ago, chrishlcfc said:

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I know I’m in the early stages of counselling only had 4 sessions, I’ve had about 4 months on my tablets.

 

But the last few days after my counselling session it’s like I’ve just completely given up on life, I can’t take it much longer would rather die than feel like this. I’ve tried all my usual things that help me and none of them have worked, I’ve even spoke to Samaritans for 40 minutes earlier and that hasn’t helped me.

 

I just can’t see a way out anymore

 

Sorry to hear that, mate.

 

The thing is with counselling is that it brings things into your conscious mind that you've possibly repressed, and thinking about them is painful. But just because you don't ordinarily think about these things, they still reside in your subconscious mind causing problems for you. But when these things are out in the open, then your counsellor can help you deal with them. Until then, it hurts. And I know that really sucks but trust me, it's a pretty normal response to feel how you do. Hang in there, bud, it does get better.

[Crinklyfox]

9 hours ago, chrishlcfc said:

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I know I’m in the early stages of counselling only had 4 sessions, I’ve had about 4 months on my tablets.

 

But the last few days after my counselling session it’s like I’ve just completely given up on life, I can’t take it much longer would rather die than feel like this. I’ve tried all my usual things that help me and none of them have worked, I’ve even spoke to Samaritans for 40 minutes earlier and that hasn’t helped me.

 

I just can’t see a way out anymore

One of the terrible consequences of depression is that voice in the head that tells you that things are hopeless, that you'll never feel better, that life isn't worth living, that death is preferable to life.  But it's not you.  It's a symptom of your depression and that evil little voice is promoting a distorted view of the world as fact.  You may not think that now but when you recover you'll be able to see it for what it is.

 

Giving up on life can seem attractive as a way to end pain.  But in reality life is the most wonderful gift we've been given and most pain is temporary.  The chances of you actually existing are so remote that it makes winning the National Lottery look like a breeze.  Of all the people in the world your mother and father got together and the result is you.  You've already won the most important lottery in the universe by just being here.  Please don't let that evil little voice make you throw your winnings away.  For almost all of us there are better times ahead after the pain. 

[Guest Bert Fill]

10 hours ago, chrishlcfc said:

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I know I’m in the early stages of counselling only had 4 sessions, I’ve had about 4 months on my tablets.

 

But the last few days after my counselling session it’s like I’ve just completely given up on life, I can’t take it much longer would rather die than feel like this. I’ve tried all my usual things that help me and none of them have worked, I’ve even spoke to Samaritans for 40 minutes earlier and that hasn’t helped me.

 

I just can’t see a way out anymore

Don’t give up on the counselling yet - it’s early days, and these things do take time.

 

But not everything‘s for everyone, and if it turns out in the end this counselling doesn’t help, there’s something out there that will. You just need to find it. And you will.

[Guest Bert Fill]

By the way, I think this book should be prescribed on the NHS. I think it’s brilliant; highly recommended to anyone who’s ever felt any need to be on this thread.

 

https://uk.bookshop.org/books/i-had-a-black-dog/9781845295899

 

[Wymsey]

It may not be necessarily relevant to thc topic in itself, but felt quite sombre reading about this family's ordeal. 

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-57088395

[DoveValleyFox]

On 07/06/2021 at 19:54, urban.spaceman said:

Only 10mg

 

That is a starting dose, usually for the relaxant effects as opposed to it's use as a tricyclic antidepressant. Having an ssri and a tricyclic can be useful to allow the former to fully kick in but I'd be very cautious longer term. Amitriptiyline can be a nightmare to wean off once you are on higher doses, especially if you become reliant on the sedating properties in them. 

The right balance will depend on the reason why they are being prescribed together. The amitriptyline in a low dose can act as the relaxant to help you to get the proper rest required to help you through the fatigue. 

 

[ajthefox]

On 17/06/2021 at 06:37, Crinklyfox said:

One of the terrible consequences of depression is that voice in the head that tells you that things are hopeless, that you'll never feel better, that life isn't worth living, that death is preferable to life.  But it's not you.  It's a symptom of your depression and that evil little voice is promoting a distorted view of the world as fact.  You may not think that now but when you recover you'll be able to see it for what it is.

 

Giving up on life can seem attractive as a way to end pain.  But in reality life is the most wonderful gift we've been given and most pain is temporary.  The chances of you actually existing are so remote that it makes winning the National Lottery look like a breeze.  Of all the people in the world your mother and father got together and the result is you.  You've already won the most important lottery in the universe by just being here.  Please don't let that evil little voice make you throw your winnings away.  For almost all of us there are better times ahead after the pain. 

So spot on Crinkly, well said.

[HighPeakFox]

1 hour ago, pmcla26 said:

Not had a dry day in 2 years without at least a beer and a joint a day, mostly a coping mechanism that's turned into an addiction as some **** won't move out of the family home after physically and mentally abusing myself and the rest of the family. 

 

****ing tired of going home to a warzone every day, being kept up through the night before work, getting property broken and having someone physically and verbally attack people, all because of their own alcohol dependence and guilt. 

 

All the rest of the families fault though (including me) - if it was a bloke doing it he'd have been locked up by now, but she can't see no wrong in her actions. 

 

Seeing one of the two people you look up to growing up (i.e mum and dad) turn into a violent, alcohol dependent, whore cuts deeper than she'll ever know. 

 

Life is just shit. 

I cannot begin to imagine how awful this must be for you. I'm so sorry. 

[rachhere]

3 hours ago, pmcla26 said:

Not had a dry day in 2 years without at least a beer and a joint a day, mostly a coping mechanism that's turned into an addiction as some **** won't move out of the family home after physically and mentally abusing myself and the rest of the family. 

 

****ing tired of going home to a warzone every day, being kept up through the night before work, getting property broken and having someone physically and verbally attack people, all because of their own alcohol dependence and guilt. 

 

All the rest of the families fault though (including me) - if it was a bloke doing it he'd have been locked up by now, but she can't see no wrong in her actions. 

 

Seeing one of the two people you look up to growing up (i.e mum and dad) turn into a violent, alcohol dependent, whore cuts deeper than she'll ever know. 

 

Life is just shit. 

So sorry to read this. My friends mum after years of struggling has recently gone a year without a drop of alcohol. There's hope. Sometimes you just have to put yourself first though - is there anywhere else you could move to?

[urban.spaceman]

On 17/06/2021 at 06:37, Crinklyfox said:

One of the terrible consequences of depression is that voice in the head that tells you that things are hopeless, that you'll never feel better, that life isn't worth living, that death is preferable to life.  But it's not you.  It's a symptom of your depression and that evil little voice is promoting a distorted view of the world as fact.  You may not think that now but when you recover you'll be able to see it for what it is.

 

Giving up on life can seem attractive as a way to end pain.  But in reality life is the most wonderful gift we've been given and most pain is temporary.  The chances of you actually existing are so remote that it makes winning the National Lottery look like a breeze.  Of all the people in the world your mother and father got together and the result is you.  You've already won the most important lottery in the universe by just being here.  Please don't let that evil little voice make you throw your winnings away.  For almost all of us there are better times ahead after the pain. 

Absolutely brilliant post.