Depression

[Parafox]

On 17/06/2021 at 07:16, Bert Fill said:

By the way, I think this book should be prescribed on the NHS. I think it’s brilliant; highly recommended to anyone who’s ever felt any need to be on this thread.

 

https://uk.bookshop.org/books/i-had-a-black-dog/9781845295899

 

I read this book as my daughter, now 28, has suffered Bi-Polar disorder and bouts of bad depression for all her adult life and the way it describes the episodes of depression is brilliant. Giving that feeling an  identity makes it easier to talk about. 

[ajthefox]

5 hours ago, Parafox said:

I read this book as my daughter, now 28, has suffered Bi-Polar disorder and bouts of bad depression for all her adult life and the way it describes the episodes of depression is brilliant. Giving that feeling an  identity makes it easier to talk about. 

For me it's a dark cloud. It can feel cliché using metaphors but I've found it very helpful, particularly when explaining what it felt like.

[DANGEROUS TIGER]

I am still tempted to self harm, but so far resisted going back to the bad old days. 

[urban.spaceman]

On 17/06/2021 at 06:37, Crinklyfox said:

One of the terrible consequences of depression is that voice in the head that tells you that things are hopeless, that you'll never feel better, that life isn't worth living, that death is preferable to life.  But it's not you.  It's a symptom of your depression and that evil little voice is promoting a distorted view of the world as fact.  You may not think that now but when you recover you'll be able to see it for what it is.

 

Giving up on life can seem attractive as a way to end pain.  But in reality life is the most wonderful gift we've been given and most pain is temporary.  The chances of you actually existing are so remote that it makes winning the National Lottery look like a breeze.  Of all the people in the world your mother and father got together and the result is you.  You've already won the most important lottery in the universe by just being here.  Please don't let that evil little voice make you throw your winnings away.  For almost all of us there are better times ahead after the pain. 

Been thinking about this post the last few days. It’s amazing how vile our own brains can be to ourselves. When it’s not busy telling me that my circumstances (which are pretty grim at the minute) are insurmountable and unfixable, and that it’s be easier to end it all, it’s then working overtime telling me there’s a perfectly good level crossing just 5 minutes away from my house. 
 

Breaking that cycle of doomthinking is really ****ing hard and seriously mentally and physically exhausting.
 

Solidarity with anyone suffering at the minute. 

[stripeyfox]

7 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Been thinking about this post the last few days. It’s amazing how vile our own brains can be to ourselves. When it’s not busy telling me that my circumstances (which are pretty grim at the minute) are insurmountable and unfixable, and that it’s be easier to end it all, it’s then working overtime telling me there’s a perfectly good level crossing just 5 minutes away from my house. 
 

Breaking that cycle of doomthinking is really ****ing hard and seriously mentally and physically exhausting.
 

Solidarity with anyone suffering at the minute. 

Sorry to hear this mate. I know that you don't need me to tell you that "ending it all" is not the solution. 

 

I'm sorry to hear you're having a bad time. I just wanted to acknowledge your post and say "I heard you". Thinking of you pal. You can always send me a message if you want to vent and you know there are plenty of others on here who would be happy to listen.

 

Take care mate

 

[HighPeakFox]

7 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Been thinking about this post the last few days. It’s amazing how vile our own brains can be to ourselves. When it’s not busy telling me that my circumstances (which are pretty grim at the minute) are insurmountable and unfixable, and that it’s be easier to end it all, it’s then working overtime telling me there’s a perfectly good level crossing just 5 minutes away from my house. 
 

Breaking that cycle of doomthinking is really ****ing hard and seriously mentally and physically exhausting.
 

Solidarity with anyone suffering at the minute. 

I hear you. If it helps, detaching from too much social media helps me. One might argue that I'm avoiding reality by doing so, but I know it's out there. To use a slightly different analogy, just because the TV is there, it doesn't mean I have to watch it. 

[chrisfox]

I've just come off my medication after 10 years of it and a long period of feeling good again, but now and I'm wondering if I've made the right decision in stopping.

 

The meds never made me feel 100% and I still had my ups and downs but now I'm finding myself at the lower end of my spectrum a lot and overthinking everything way too much.

 

For example something happened today where I cant get it out of my head and I can guarantee the other person involved has moved on, I now probably wont sleep so I'll feel worse tomorrow continuing the cycle.

 

I have self-esteem issues too and had just got to a place where I was making some positive steps again with my body image especially, getting back to running which always helped in the past but I've now gone and torn my calf so I'm now unable to even do that

 

I'm wondering what peoples experiences of counselling is, I had some brief NHS sessions early on in my depression but never really got much out of them. Are private sessions any better.

 

I'm reluctant to speak to my GP as he'll put me back on the meds which I really dont want to do.

 

To be honest reading some people's situations I feel a bit of a self-indulgant **** for even bringing it up (and there i go again), Meh I reckon I just need an outlet to get al lot of this off my chest and this seemed a good a place as any.

 

 

[egg_fried_rice]

7 hours ago, chrisfox said:

I've just come off my medication after 10 years of it and a long period of feeling good again, but now and I'm wondering if I've made the right decision in stopping.

 

The meds never made me feel 100% and I still had my ups and downs but now I'm finding myself at the lower end of my spectrum a lot and overthinking everything way too much.

 

For example something happened today where I cant get it out of my head and I can guarantee the other person involved has moved on, I now probably wont sleep so I'll feel worse tomorrow continuing the cycle.

 

I have self-esteem issues too and had just got to a place where I was making some positive steps again with my body image especially, getting back to running which always helped in the past but I've now gone and torn my calf so I'm now unable to even do that

 

I'm wondering what peoples experiences of counselling is, I had some brief NHS sessions early on in my depression but never really got much out of them. Are private sessions any better.

 

I'm reluctant to speak to my GP as he'll put me back on the meds which I really dont want to do.

 

To be honest reading some people's situations I feel a bit of a self-indulgant **** for even bringing it up (and there i go again), Meh I reckon I just need an outlet to get al lot of this off my chest and this seemed a good a place as any.

 

 

My experience of counselling has been great. So much so, I'm re-training to become one. A place to talk, feel heard, and come to understand your thinking patterns can be invaluable. On top of that, the therapeutic relationship itself can really help - a good counsellor should offer empathy, congruence, and unconditional positive regard. This can help with self esteem before you even get to addressing it head on, although I would recommend trying that too - as painful as it can be to go through, there is a catharsis in doing so and you can come to understand, challenge, and even re-route your thinking patterns over time. It's not a quick fix though.

 

I've also had the best counselling experiences when seeking private care. NHS care has limited funding meaning you can't 'shop around' and tend to have a limited number of sessions available to you. They also tend to focus around CBT (as outcomes are more measurable with this) which could actually be really helpful for the issues you mention, but might not necessarily be what you are after. If you can afford it, I would say go private and don't be afraid to try a few different therapists until you find one that feels like a good fit. It's not cheap, but I can't think of anything more important I could spend my money on.

 

Personally speaking, I've also found that a semi regular meditation practice has helped me to ruminate less - this is free and unless you've suffered forms of psychosis or severe PTSD, is considered safe for more or less everyone.

 

Coming of meds can be really tricky. Try and be patient and compassionate with yourself if you can - there are literally changes to your brain chemistry happening right now!

 

 

[chrisfox]

2 hours ago, egg_fried_rice said:

My experience of counselling has been great. So much so, I'm re-training to become one. A place to talk, feel heard, and come to understand your thinking patterns can be invaluable. On top of that, the therapeutic relationship itself can really help - a good counsellor should offer empathy, congruence, and unconditional positive regard. This can help with self esteem before you even get to addressing it head on, although I would recommend trying that too - as painful as it can be to go through, there is a catharsis in doing so and you can come to understand, challenge, and even re-route your thinking patterns over time. It's not a quick fix though.

 

I've also had the best counselling experiences when seeking private care. NHS care has limited funding meaning you can't 'shop around' and tend to have a limited number of sessions available to you. They also tend to focus around CBT (as outcomes are more measurable with this) which could actually be really helpful for the issues you mention, but might not necessarily be what you are after. If you can afford it, I would say go private and don't be afraid to try a few different therapists until you find one that feels like a good fit. It's not cheap, but I can't think of anything more important I could spend my money on.

 

Personally speaking, I've also found that a semi regular meditation practice has helped me to ruminate less - this is free and unless you've suffered forms of psychosis or severe PTSD, is considered safe for more or less everyone.

 

Coming of meds can be really tricky. Try and be patient and compassionate with yourself if you can - there are literally changes to your brain chemistry happening right now!

 

 

Really appreciate this mate, just felt last night I needed to share so it’s a great feeling when you realise someone is listening. 
 

good luck with your training as well

[Ian Nacho]

Been a tough past few days and weeks for me. Finished university, gone from being very busy everyday to having absolutely nothing to do every day until my new job starts in a few weeks. On top of that, I virtually have no pals anymore so it’s tough to actually plan anything social. The odd trip to bradgate on my own is fine and kills a few hours but it doesn’t really cut it long term. 

[foxile5]

11 minutes ago, Ian Nacho said:

Been a tough past few days and weeks for me. Finished university, gone from being very busy everyday to having absolutely nothing to do every day until my new job starts in a few weeks. On top of that, I virtually have no pals anymore so it’s tough to actually plan anything social. The odd trip to bradgate on my own is fine and kills a few hours but it doesn’t really cut it long term. 

Whereabouts you based? 

[HighPeakFox]

28 minutes ago, Ian Nacho said:

Been a tough past few days and weeks for me. Finished university, gone from being very busy everyday to having absolutely nothing to do every day until my new job starts in a few weeks. On top of that, I virtually have no pals anymore so it’s tough to actually plan anything social. The odd trip to bradgate on my own is fine and kills a few hours but it doesn’t really cut it long term. 

I remember that feeling - but congratulations on starting a new job, that's massive.

[bfox]

I've been on this forum for a while but never really ventured out of the LCFC board, I thought I'd leave a little word here, in the hopes that it makes anyone feel even remotely more positive. I was always pretty level headed, never really had any issues with mental health or really even considered it would be part of my life until I was about 30.

 

A nasty breakup with a gf, an incredibly stressful job, amongst other external stressors triggered off what could only be described as a depressive episode with bad anxiety. Scariest time of my life as I never thought I could succumb to such lows, but I did and it was terrifying. Wasn't sleeping for a week, dragging myself into work, thinking that my whole life was out of control. I eventually managed to swallow my pride (my thinking back then that I can defeat anything) and goto the doctor, got put on sertraline and it helped. Pulls you out of those dark cycles of rumination, overthinking and just general crap.

 

These days, I'm still on them, always managing well, I have good weeks and bad weeks - which is still unusual for me as I considered myself quite a stable person prior to my experience. I've thought about it and it may be that I was more susceptible to mental illness as my mother suffers with bipolar and anxiety, it may of been there just waiting to rear it's ugly head.

But yes, I've been there, the thoughts of it never getting better and that you'll only feel one way - shit. It's utter crap and no matter how bad it seems, it does get better

 

Drop me a message if you need to!

Edited 28 June 2021 by bfox

[DoveValleyFox]

13 hours ago, bfox said:

I've been on this forum for a while but never really ventured out of the LCFC board, I thought I'd leave a little word here, in the hopes that it makes anyone feel even remotely more positive. I was always pretty level headed, never really had any issues with mental health or really even considered it would be part of my life until I was about 30.

 

A nasty breakup with a gf, an incredibly stressful job, amongst other external stressors triggered off what could only be described as a depressive episode with bad anxiety. Scariest time of my life as I never thought I could succumb to such lows, but I did and it was terrifying. Wasn't sleeping for a week, dragging myself into work, thinking that my whole life was out of control. I eventually managed to swallow my pride (my thinking back then that I can defeat anything) and goto the doctor, got put on sertraline and it helped. Pulls you out of those dark cycles of rumination, overthinking and just general crap.

 

These days, I'm still on them, always managing well, I have good weeks and bad weeks - which is still unusual for me as I considered myself quite a stable person prior to my experience. I've thought about it and it may be that I was more susceptible to mental illness as my mother suffers with bipolar and anxiety, it may of been there just waiting to rear it's ugly head.

But yes, I've been there, the thoughts of it never getting better and that you'll only feel one way - shit. It's utter crap and no matter how bad it seems, it does get better

 

Drop me a message if you need to!

It is a very good point you make about the first episode of depression.  We generally believe that it cannot possibly get so hard to overcome and this denial is compounded by pride. 

 

It is so important that we let go of this and allow ourselves to have a little peek at what it feels like to be vulnerable and to need a bit of help.

[DoveValleyFox]

8 minutes ago, pmcla26 said:

I hate myself. I just don’t wanna be here anymore.

 

Life’s so shit, I ruin everything good that I have in my life. Just can’t bare being me anymore. I’d rather be anyone else. 

Whoa there buddy! 

 

Are you able to ask someone you trust if this is the case?

 

It can be so hard to do this but at least try.

[DoveValleyFox]

I won't need to tell you that alcohol is your worst friend when you feel this way.

 

Your opening statement was very bleak so I'd say that you need to talk to someone, probably your GP. They can offer a neutral perspective. 

[Crinklyfox]

3 hours ago, pmcla26 said:

I hate myself. I just don’t wanna be here anymore.

 

Life’s so shit, I ruin everything good that I have in my life. Just can’t bare being me anymore. I’d rather be anyone else. 

If everything's bad then it's understandable that you feel very down.  Your self esteem is probably on the floor right now so you'll be in the mood to discount any positive messages but please bear this in mind - we all have the capacity to change.  If you want to be someone else badly enough then at least give it a go.  Why not try doing something that will make you feel good about yourself.  There are plenty of people in this world who need help through no fault of their own and helping them could give you a sense of purpose and raise your self esteem.  I was a Trustee for a charity supporting children with special needs for a number of years, it didn't earn me any money and took up some of my time but the satisfaction I got from knowing that I had helped them helped me as well.  Taking that first step can feel like climbing a mountain but if you're at the bottom, there's nothing to lose by the attempt.

 

[ajthefox]

I'm in reasonable spirits, but oh boy does my head feel like mush.

[urban.spaceman]

Some people are really driving me up the ****ing wall today.

[The Fox Covert]

I don't think this is strictly speaking depression but it is likely a pointer to issues that I am not consciously aware of.

Earlier this year my mother said that I had been sleep walking, and talking about my ex.

I live on my own and only go to stay with my mother in Leics every now and again, with a very long drawn out again during the pandemic.

I had a very nasty break up and a long drawn out and expensive divorce.

I left her nearly seven years ago so it is very likely that this has been going on for years and I have just been unaware that this has been happening.

My first thoughts were not about any mental condition but my personal safety.

So I now have a physical barrier at night to stop me from trying to walk down the very narrow, steep and winding stairs at my home.

But as to any permanent resolution - I think that may never happen unless I meet somebody else.

[The People's Hero]

How's everyone currently getting on? Anyone need a friendly chat?

[urban.spaceman]

I honestly feel like I don't just want to be here any more like 90% of the time these days. 

[Crinklyfox]

3 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

I honestly feel like I don't just want to be here any more like 90% of the time these days. 

That's a really horrible place to be.  Has there been something specific that's brought you down so badly, or perhaps a series of unhappy events?  And how long has it been that bad - I ask because for most of your life you won't have felt that bad and you won't have felt like you don't want to be here during that time?

 

 

[urban.spaceman]

7 hours ago, Crinklyfox said:

That's a really horrible place to be.  Has there been something specific that's brought you down so badly, or perhaps a series of unhappy events?  And how long has it been that bad - I ask because for most of your life you won't have felt that bad and you won't have felt like you don't want to be here during that time?

I had a bit of a setback in my fitness quest today - not too bad on reflection but I really put everything into the last week and got very little back for it. This added to the general feeling of a complete inability to progress in my life in any aspect. I can cope with it usually but the more things pile on top of me the harder it gets. It's been this way for a very, very long time and I worry that the less progress I make the more likely this is going to defeat me. 

[Crinklyfox]

7 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

I had a bit of a setback in my fitness quest today - not too bad on reflection but I really put everything into the last week and got very little back for it. This added to the general feeling of a complete inability to progress in my life in any aspect. I can cope with it usually but the more things pile on top of me the harder it gets. It's been this way for a very, very long time and I worry that the less progress I make the more likely this is going to defeat me. 

I'm glad that you can still put your fitness quest setback into context.  One of the problems with depression is a tendency to focus only on the negative aspects of life and ignore the positives, for example any progress you may have made in your fitness quest prior to the setback,

 

In good times we have a natural ability to bounce back from negative events, but I liken this ability to the shock absorbers on a car.  When they're in good condition you can ride out a rough road but when they get worn down from impact after impact after impact any little bump can feel like a chasm.  So when there are many things that negatively affect your life they can feel overwhelming, and it's easy to believe that things won't get better.

 

It's harder if you don't have anyone that you can talk to about your situation, good friends and family can help.  One technique I tried when I was down and away from home (I used to travel internationally in my work) was to imagine that a friend of mine had come to me and described all the feelings that I had about himself.  I asked myself, what would I say to him?  I certainly wouldn't be critical and I'd try to do what I could to help him get through it, knowing that for most of us there are good and bad times in our lives.  Then I'd tell myself the same and try to shut up the negative thoughts in my head that told me that I wasn't good enough and that there was no hope for the future.  That helped me carry on and the future was worth it.  I hope that it will be for you as well.