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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Flamey

Flamey

Posted
Posted
On 10/10/2019 at 14:08, MPH said:

 

 

If only there was something on the internet that could help us to search for information like this...

Obvious! You could Google what time the libraries open and look them up!

  • Haha 1
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

It’s only a five minute walk to my local pub, yet it takes me over half an hour to walk home from the same pub.

 

The difference is staggering.

  • Haha 3
Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
On 05/11/2019 at 18:06, Izzy said:

I've been having trouble sewing recently.

 

Whoops, wrong thread.

 

You're a knit.

 

I bet you can spin a yarn, though.

 

 

  • Like 1
Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, Izzy said:

It’s only a five minute walk to my local pub, yet it takes me over half an hour to walk home from the same pub.

 

The difference is staggering.

13 years of this topic and we're finally getting near rock bottom.

Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
Just now, Parafox said:

13 years of this topic and we're finally getting near rock bottom.

Not yet...

 

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. 

 

She looked surprised.

  • Haha 1
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Tielemans63

Tielemans63

Posted
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Posted

A couple of guys are in the pub. First guy says to his mate, "My wife just admitted to me that she's having an affair with Bob the postman."

 

"What?" says his mate. "That fat ugly ****er I see every morning outside your house?"

 

"That's right," says the first guy. "

 

Jesus," says his mate. "Why would Bob the postman want to **** that?"

  • Like 1
  • Haha 10
Tinman

Tinman

Posted
Posted

 

ME, CALLING INTO BABESTATION: Hey babe, what you wearing? BABE: just a thong baby. ME: Just a thong? BABE: yeah baby. ME: Where’s your fcuking poppy ?

  • Like 1
  • Haha 2
Aus Fox

Aus Fox

Posted
Posted

Ahead of the trip to Kosovo this week, Ben Chilwell was heard asking Joe Gomez if he had any Euros for a coffee at the airport.

Joe said no, apparently he only has Sterling in his pocket.

Jimothy

Jimothy

Posted
Posted
Just now, ozleicester said:

Do you guys remember when I told you about my spine issue?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


It was about a week back.

:nigel:

  • Haha 1
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Milo

Milo

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

My wife and I have decided we don't want kids...

 

 

 

 

 

...we're going to tell them tonight

  • Like 1
  • Haha 5
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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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Posted

The wife has stopped talking to me because I keep going on about my fantasy football team, but in my defense.....I've got Alexander-Arnold, Stones, Van Dijk and Chilwell

  • Like 5
  • Haha 2
  • 2 weeks later...
fuchsntf

fuchsntf

Posted
Posted

A group of men,sitting in the same Carriage on a train,start discussing their Jobs and stress at work...

Its soon clear ,they are all doctors...Then they start to Open up,how they can Releases alot of the Stress that builds up over the monotone periods.

If turns out,to a man they have Sex with at least One of their willing patients...

 

One was rather coy about it,and didnt Really want to go too Deep into the Details like the others,bragging about their own Great technics....

 

On One of the stations a Beautiful young girl,gets in the train,and pleasantly Greets this seemingly  shy doctor,the others winking at each other,knowingly!!

One of the other Doctors wanting to probe further,asks how comfortable she find this coy doctors couch....

Before he could react....this Beauty in Leaving the carriage, turns around and blurts....I wouldnt know,but he his patients come out rather satisfied but somewhat confused ,especially just before ( The rest drowned out by the Station speakers)

Then she turned back smiling  luringly into the carriage..

 

hes the best Vet,in the district!!! 

fuchsntf

fuchsntf

Posted
Posted

A guy comes home from Work early,and finds his Wife Naked in bed,

he asks Innocently... why ?

She answers purtley ,"I have nothing to wear. "..

he laughs saying " he cant believe that" and opens their wardrobe...

and smiles lovingly...

"look you have all you need..Red-dress, that Smart blue suit with ribbons,

Yellow-dress,Green Pants with Burgundy blouse, oh Hello steve..,cream-dress,this Two Toned Orange dress"..

 

  • 2 weeks later...
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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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Posted

I went for a nice meal out with the wife last night to a posh restaurant.

 

The Waitress came up to me and said: "Are you ready to order sir?"

 

I said: "Can you come back in a bit, my wife is in the ladies room at the moment" .

 

The waitress says: "Do you know what she's having?" 

 

I replied: "Well she's been gone for a good 10 minutes, so probably a shit"

  • Like 1
  • Haha 5

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